Should I Have A Baby Shower For My First Baby? — The Bump
Baby Showers

Should I Have A Baby Shower For My First Baby?

My husband's parents are divorced. His step-mom has offered to throw me a baby shower for JUST my husband's Dad's side of the family.
My husband and I were planning on throwing another shower for both sides of my family-plus his Mom's side. No one has offered to throw us a shower on either side (no one can really afford it) and we thought we could plan and throw it ourselves. This will be our first living baby (I suffered a miscarriage at 20 weeks) and we really want to celebrate our little guy. But our dilemma is-should we really throw this shower for 35+ people (just women in our family) and spend all that money, when it could just go towards the baby??


  • If someone decides to host a baby shower in your honor, you are free to accept or decline.  It does seem awkward in this situation because you were going to host a shower that would include both sides of the family, and now your step-mother is offering to host a shower for just her side, leaving your side without a shower. But throwing your own shower would be even more awkward.  Why?  Because the entire purpose of a shower is to "shower" the mother to be with gifts.  If the mother to be throws her own shower, it's awkward because it can be seen by guests as a gift grab, even if that's not what she intends.  It's clear your intentions are good ones here, but the answer is not to throw your own shower.  Let your step-MIL throw a shower for her side if you want, but if no one steps forward from your side of the family, just let it go.

    If you want to celebrate your pregnancy and the arrival of the new baby, there are two types of parties you can throw that won't be awkward and inappropriate.  You can throw a "last bash before the baby comes" party or you can throw a "meet the baby" party after the baby's birth, also sometimes referred to as a "sip'n'see."  Neither of these parties will obligate people to buy gifts for you, and will allow you to have all the celebration with none of the awkwardness!

    Congrats and have fun!

    P.S. -- Do people throw their own showers?  Yes.  They do it for different reasons (eagerness to celebrate, ignorance, not wanting to burden a friend or family member with the expense, desire for control, or even sheer greed!) but it is always inappropriate for the mother to be to host her own shower, no matter how many people are doing it.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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