The idea of breastfeeding really freaks me out. I know it's supposed to be best and that's what I plan on doing but I'm really hoping that after birth hormones will kick in and make it not feel weird or I'll just go into mom mode or something. Currently though, the idea just doesn't sit well. My breasts have always been a very sexual part of my body to me and it's hard to imagine having a baby attached to it, even though I know it's totally natural.
@peppyj9 That really hit home with me. With my daughter, I wanted to breastfeed, but was really freaked out about it, because my breasts were such a sexual part of my body. I couldn't fathom disconnecting them from sexual thoughts/feelings. In reality, the feeling was completely different for me. I didn't feel the stimulation from DD nursing the same way I felt DH playing.
However, and I really want to be fully open here, it's changed how I feel sexually about my breasts. I don't like the same kind of stimulation that I did. I don't know if it's because I'm out of practice or if it's a mental thing. It's just different.
@peppyj9 - That was fear of mine too before my DD. Breastfeeding isn't sexual, but you do feel a sense of relief from the milk releasing and a bonding love with your child. A weird, but not totally uncommon feeling, I had during a letdown was a sense of depression, but this only happened when I was pumping, not actually nursing.
While I was nursing, I didn't find my breasts sexual, but after weaning, I've gotten back to the place where I like them to be touched, especially since becoming pregnant.
@persnickity thanks. I feel like lately there's been such a movement about breastfeeding, which I condone! But it makes me feel bad that I feel so weird about it for my own body. I'm glad it worked out for you. I definitely want to do what's best for baby. Though, I'd certainly be sad to lose the sexuality feeling of them, especially since DH is definitely a breast man 😅 I guess I'll just have to see how things play out.
O man my husband has been loving on my breasts recently too. LOL. I kinda worry about breastfeeding too and still owning my sexuality with them. But I think it'll all just come with time. Or that's what I'm telling myself at least. That it's future me's probably and that's ok.
@marebear15 thanks for that! I hope I have a similar experience. I want to experience that bond with my baby, but also don't want to lose that enjoyment of my breasts in the bedroom, not forever anyway. How long did you breastfeed? I've heard moms doing it for 2 years! But, um, teeth 😖
I have to say I was the opposite. My breasts have never been a sexual thing for me so I didn’t have that mental block to get over. That said I had to deal with both sides of the family thinking it was weird but whatever 🤷🏻♀️
My FFFC: I am obsessed with the new Harry Potter game. I never got on the Pokémon Go bandwagon but this is love
@persnickity I had a very similar experience. Was freaked out, ended up enjoying breastfeeding, but now I can't go back to seeing them as sexual, much to H's chagrin. @peppyj9 I hope you'll have a similar experience with it being easier than you expect! And if not, formula is really a great option too (we used some of each).
My FFFC: I realized late last week that I had been drinking only about half the amount of coffee I am "allowed." Instead of keeping it at that level, I increased my coffee to maximize each and every one of those 200 mg.
I am almost more excited to tell my mom that we are pregnant so she can stop complaining that she's "not a grandma yet" to everyone who will listen. LOL. It's been going on for about a year and a half now that i've heard this and we just started trying when I conceived. So I will have a bit of extra joy when it comes to telling her next week when they come up to visit.
@peppyj9 - I breastfed for 13 months. Teething actually wasn't bad, but the nursing antics were. Like when she would try to stand on my lap and was just constantly climbing all over me. The last month we only did nights, and I liked that. But I was TTC, so I weaned her.
@MrsJessS - I hate that you had to deal with your family thinking it was weird. I was out with my ILs having dinner, and I pulled out my cover and nursed DD right there while we were waiting for food. My MIL expressed how glad she was that they had "come up" with ways to nurse in public. In her time, she had to go out to the car and hide.
@Xstatic3333 omg my husband is still all weirded out by caffeine and doesn't want me drinking any. Even though my u/s tech was like good god woman get your cup of tea. Soooo imma just do it one of these days cuz I keep falling asleep in the afternoons and I can't keep doing that at work.
@peppyj9 My DD is 20 months old and not fully weaned yet. We are down to once or twice a day, though. Teething wasn’t really an issue but I agree with @marebear15 that the antics get really tiresome! My daughter flops everywhere while nursing, and with pregnancy my nipples have gotten a lot more tender, so it’s been rough.
My FFFC - I could careless about breastfeeding. I had a terrible time bf ds to the point that I was literally starving him. He was on the verge of being hospitalized and no amount of stressing over “breast is best” is worth it to me. After working through all of my guilt over not being able to bf, I realized breast isn’t necessarily best for everyone and thats ok. What’s good for one isn’t necessarily good for all and your child won’t be less than if formula fed. Fed is best. -steps down off my soapbox-
@mrsjesss I can’t wait to be back home so I can download it and play!
@kbrown2385 preach 🙌 I continued pumping at work long after I should have just called it quits. We were “lucky” and able to make it work but the pressure I put on myself was not good at all for my mental or emotional health. PS share your friend code once you get the Harry Potter game if you want! I haven’t added any friends yet lol
@kbrown2385 im with you on the fed is best train. I had a complete nightmare with dd (short version - due to gd & traumatic birth my milk didnt come in at all) & was pressured from so many angles when there was physically nothing else I could to make it happen! Dd was eff & due to it being twins this time, I will be going the same route again, with a hell of a lot less guilt!
@leprachaunlady I barely made any milk despite using all the techniques and meds etc. I also have igt (which I learned about after the fact) so I’d never be able to fully bf anyway. The first week of his life was miserable for all of us and I refuse to go through that again.
@persnickity . I feel the same as you! I am kind of meh when my husband touches my breasts now.
I actually developed DMER while breastfeeding which was terrible... Every session was a struggle. We are vegan so formula was not an option for us. That helped me stick it out and I worked full time and pumped. I managed to feed my daughter until 13 months. I wish I could have gone longer but the pregnancy nausea was unbearable.
fffc- I feel fine right now but I let my husband believe that I am still very nauseous so that he would deal with our toddler that doesn't want to go to sleep.
@kbrown2385@leprechaunlady ultimately agree that FED is best. But this is my first baby, so I have no idea how it will go for me, good or bad. I'm at least going to try. It is free afterall! But if it doesn't work for whatever reason, I have no problem going the formula route.
@MrsJessS oooh, what harry potter game? I want to play!
@peppyj9 it’s called Harry Potter: Wizards Unite. It’s made by the same people that did Pokémon Go and follows the same basic concept of walking around finding things
@MrsJessS I've downloaded it but haven't figured out all the pieces to it yet. It might take a bit. I'm hoping I feel awake enough to get out to play lol.
@peppyj9 definitely try! I was of the mindset that I wanted to try to breastfeed too but also was ok if it didnt work out. My issue was more with the pressure & judgement I got from others who quite frankly it was none of their business & thats what made me upset & angry & feel guilty initially 😕
@peppyj9 I breast fed my DD for 18 months and stopped when I was TTC. It was the right choice for us. Honestly since having her I noticed I get so over physical contact sometimes. Like I would be good to tolerant of her crazy breastfeeding antics but once she went to bed the last thing I wanted was my DH feet on my lap lounging on the couch (which was just part of our routine relaxing) - I just needed a break where nothing touched me. Boobs are going back to being a sexual thing (after about 2 months of stopping) but for 18 months they were pretty off limits.
My FFCF is I am not and don't really get being an ultra fan of anything... Or having to be involved in EVERY part of something in order to be a "fan". For ex. I loved reading Harry Potter, have read the books several times, the movies are decent, someday it'd be cool to go to the theme park. But I've never owned any memorabilia and will likely not join the new game 😅
I am also on the fed is best train. I went into BFing DS with the hope that it would work for us but being okay if I ended up having to use formula. Once I started BFing I really wanted to keep going but my supply was low. I did everything under the sun to get it up. I would power pump and eat the special cookies and chug Gatorade. All of the things that were supposed to help didnt. When I went back to work when he was 3 months old I just couldnt manage anymore. He was only getting 3oz of formula a day and the rest was BM. I was able to do that until 6 months and then my supply dropped even further. At that point he was about 50/50 on formula and breastmilk until around 8.5 months when we stopped altogether because my supply was all but gone.
I cried a lot of tears and had a lot of anxiety over the entire thing. I do plan on trying to BF this next baby and my fingers are crossed that my supply is better (formula is expensive 😬😆). I was actually listening to The Birth Hour the other day and one of the ladies said that there is evidence that if you lose a lot of blood during birth it can affect your supply. I did lose a lot of blood during birth. I'm not sure if it's related but 🤷♀️.
Also, one of the best things I bought was a baby scale off of Amazon. I think it was $30-50. I bought it when DS was around 8 weeks. I think it saved my sanity. Highly recommend.
My stepson is only a few years younger than I am and it gets so awkward. He's also bigger than I am. I feel like I can't tell him to do anything but at the same time he's living here with my daughters and he needs to act right around them, y'know?
I'm on the same fed is best soapbox. I breastfeed exclusively, I was really lucky and had a great supply and enjoyed it. Pumping was rough for me, but I just didn't enjoy being hooked up to a machine, I still got great amounts. But I was really annoyed by how much others commented on everything. It's not your child, so it's not your choice. Love it, hate it, don't produce enough, produce too much, at the end of the day it doesn't matter. All that matters is the family is happy and healthy. And that's not just baby - that's very much mom too.
@justsuzie I don't mind spanking as long as that's as far as it goes 🤷♀️. I don't spank DS or anything. He's only 1.5 and not old enough to understand. But I was spanked as a kid and I only had to be spanked 2-3 times before the threat was enough to make me stop misbehaving. I know a lot of people argue that your kids shouldnt be afraid of you but I wholeheartedly disagree with that. I think kids should have a healthy fear of their parents.
I've seen kids acting very terribly in public and have seen parents threaten a spanking. I would rather see that then see a parent who just let's their kid act like a maniac with no consequences.
Omg I can’t stand the parents that let their kid get away with crap in public. I was at a bridal shower early in May and the parents of the children that were their absolutely had no control over them. Everything that came out of the parents mouth was just like “please stop. Please go to the basement” etc. like I get that for the first couple times but when the kids aren’t listening, then mrs nice mom gets dropped and timeouts need to start happening.
Idk. This will be my first kid so maybe I’m being harsh but I feel like certain events, like bridal showers, are for adult girl time.
I'm probably in the minority. I think it takes more effort to parent with words than violence. And I definitely think spanking is violent. I don't want my daughter to fear me. I feared my dad because he spanked out of anger. I don't think parents should let their children run wild at all but we are doing gentle/attachment parenting and get side-eyed all the time for it.
@stashattack It all depends on what the bride wanted. If she didn't want kids there, she should have mentioned that because I'm sure she's met the kids before and knows the behavior/parenting style. Some parents pick their battles. A lot of kid behavior bothered me before I had kids. Now my tolerance level is higher. I think what used to bug me before doesn't seem like a big deal anymore....I was much more sensitive to noise and rowdiness before kids.
@justsuzie she’s a weird bride and doesn’t give a crap about any of her wedding. Lol. Her mom has planned half of it for her so that there will be a wedding to go to 🤣
@justsuzie I’m with you. We will never spank, but that doesn’t mean we don’t draw plenty of limits, etc. I want my kids to respect me but not to fear me. I want them to know they can come to me when the ish hits the fan someday. I don’t judge parents who spank because I know it’s just normal in a lot of families, but I do judge it over minor infractions, done too young, or in public. I’d like to think it should be reserved for safety issues, (running into traffic) not minor things that could be addressed with a time out or losing a privilege, when it’s used at all.
@justsuzie I’m with you. We will never spank, but that doesn’t mean we don’t draw plenty of limits, etc. I want my kids to respect me but not to fear me. I want them to know they can come to me when the ish hits the fan someday. I don’t judge parents who spank because I know it’s just normal in a lot of families, but I do judge it over minor infractions, done too young, or in public. I’d like to think it should be reserved for safety issues, (running into traffic) not minor things that could be addressed with a time out or losing a privilege, when it’s used at all.
I think the fact that I feared my father made me do A LOT of things secretively. And they weren't even very bad, but I was afraid he wouldn't like them. (I dated in secret). And then those things kind of escalated. Don't get me wrong though, we do use positive discipline and don't let Parker run wild. But we don't use the word "No" or yell at her. It's extremely difficult to stay calm when she is doing an unwanted behavior but it is something we agreed on as parents before we had her.
Spanking should be a last resort. I won't spank unless I've tried everything else and am still not being listened to. I think it also depends on the kid. Attachment/gentle parenting is definitely not my thing. I want my kids to respect me and I dont think I would get the type of respect I'm expecting through an approach where the child is seen as on the same level as me. I brought them into this world and will teach them how to navigate the world. There are many instances where superiors are going to tell you what to do and they arent going to gently hold your hand if you get upset about it. 🤷♀️
Now if I have a kid who has some serious issues with listening and spanking doesnt work then I'll have to look into further options/intervention. If the threat of a spanking doesnt stick after a handful of times then I wont do it anymore because at that point it's not effective with the child.
I think the problem with spanking is that some parents (your dad maybe @justsuzie ) take it too far.
I wanted to add that while attachment type parenting might not be for me I respect the shit out of parents who choose that route. It takes a ridiculous amount of patience that I just dont think I have.
I reread my comment and didnt want it to come across as snarky or anything lol.
marebear15
member
Re: FFFC - 6/21
However, and I really want to be fully open here, it's changed how I feel sexually about my breasts. I don't like the same kind of stimulation that I did. I don't know if it's because I'm out of practice or if it's a mental thing. It's just different.
While I was nursing, I didn't find my breasts sexual, but after weaning, I've gotten back to the place where I like them to be touched, especially since becoming pregnant.
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
My FFFC: I am obsessed with the new Harry Potter game. I never got on the Pokémon Go bandwagon but this is love
My FFFC: I realized late last week that I had been drinking only about half the amount of coffee I am "allowed." Instead of keeping it at that level, I increased my coffee to maximize each and every one of those 200 mg.
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
@MrsJessS - I hate that you had to deal with your family thinking it was weird. I was out with my ILs having dinner, and I pulled out my cover and nursed DD right there while we were waiting for food. My MIL expressed how glad she was that they had "come up" with ways to nurse in public. In her time, she had to go out to the car and hide.
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
@mrsjesss I can’t wait to be back home so I can download it and play!
Edit words
I actually developed DMER while breastfeeding which was terrible... Every session was a struggle. We are vegan so formula was not an option for us. That helped me stick it out and I worked full time and pumped. I managed to feed my daughter until 13 months. I wish I could have gone longer but the pregnancy nausea was unbearable.
fffc- I feel fine right now but I let my husband believe that I am still very nauseous so that he would deal with our toddler that doesn't want to go to sleep.
@MrsJessS oooh, what harry potter game? I want to play!
My FFCF is I am not and don't really get being an ultra fan of anything... Or having to be involved in EVERY part of something in order to be a "fan". For ex. I loved reading Harry Potter, have read the books several times, the movies are decent, someday it'd be cool to go to the theme park. But I've never owned any memorabilia and will likely not join the new game 😅
I cried a lot of tears and had a lot of anxiety over the entire thing. I do plan on trying to BF this next baby and my fingers are crossed that my supply is better (formula is expensive 😬😆). I was actually listening to The Birth Hour the other day and one of the ladies said that there is evidence that if you lose a lot of blood during birth it can affect your supply. I did lose a lot of blood during birth. I'm not sure if it's related but 🤷♀️.
Also, one of the best things I bought was a baby scale off of Amazon. I think it was $30-50. I bought it when DS was around 8 weeks. I think it saved my sanity. Highly recommend.
I've seen kids acting very terribly in public and have seen parents threaten a spanking. I would rather see that then see a parent who just let's their kid act like a maniac with no consequences.
Idk. This will be my first kid so maybe I’m being harsh but I feel like certain events,
like bridal showers, are for adult girl time.
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
I think the fact that I feared my father made me do A LOT of things secretively. And they weren't even very bad, but I was afraid he wouldn't like them. (I dated in secret). And then those things kind of escalated. Don't get me wrong though, we do use positive discipline and don't let Parker run wild. But we don't use the word "No" or yell at her. It's extremely difficult to stay calm when she is doing an unwanted behavior but it is something we agreed on as parents before we had her.
Now if I have a kid who has some serious issues with listening and spanking doesnt work then I'll have to look into further options/intervention. If the threat of a spanking doesnt stick after a handful of times then I wont do it anymore because at that point it's not effective with the child.
I think the problem with spanking is that some parents (your dad maybe @justsuzie ) take it too far.
I reread my comment and didnt want it to come across as snarky or anything lol.