PGAL w/o 6/5

kbrown2385

This thread is a safe place for those who are pregnant after a loss. (PGAL). If you have suffered a loss please feel free to answer the questions below and keep things going throughout the week as a continuing conversation.  

If you haven’t suffered a loss, please refrain from answering the questions, but know we welcome anyone who wants to come in and support the PGAL ladies and their milestones with encouragement or love tits! Thank you!  

1. How many weeks are you? 

2. Previous loss(es)? 

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? 

4. Any appointment updates? 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved?

kbrown2385

1. How many weeks are you? 7 weeks

2. Previous loss(es)? 12/13, 1/17, 11/17, 4/18, 9/18, 2/19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally better than a couple of days ago. Physically my symptoms have huge swings. Yesterday I was so tired, had nausea and cramping. The few days before, barely anything. That is not helping at all mentally.

4. Any appointment updates? June 12th f/u viability scan

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Really just over feeling like a crazy person. I’m sure my
husband is over it too. 

6. Any milestones coming up? Made it past 6 weeks and still feeling symptoms. Next milestone is seeing a heartbeat at my scan.

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved? Cilantro. 

hanshotfirst77

@kbrown2385 I'm glad you have some more symptoms, I know they help ease my mind too. Only one more week til the next scan Fx!

1. How many weeks are you? 7w4d

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC 2/19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I have been such a mess. Last few days I have been crying a lot. For what seems like no reason. Physically symptoms are still there but do tend to come and go. I've finding myself very anxious for the next scan. 

4. Any appointment updates? June 12th next scan

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I couldn't believe I let myself do it, but I bought a big brother shirt on amazon the other day. I really hope I will get to use it. And I am so close to breaking down and buying maternity clothes cause nothing fits ugh!

6. Any milestones coming up? Passed the 6 week scan one, next up is Friday is the day I lost the last baby and next week's 8w scan I never made it to last time. Fx!

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved?
Avocado. I've tried so many times, and ugh it's just gross to me. 

carrieandr

1. 7 weeks

2. Previous losses: 3 MMC’s + 4 CP’s (2015-2018)

3. PGAL brain has taken over. It’s more comfortable to sleep on my stomach now and the bad taste in my mouth doesn’t happen as often. And last night I had a dream that other women had visible bumps at 7 weeks and I didn’t. I feel like things are starting to head south. 

4. June 12th f/u

5. Rant: having 5 first trimesters full of nausea and only one child is effed up. If it’s going to be a MMC, I should at least have a nausea-free pregnancy.

6. My last pregnancy had a successful u/s at 7w2d (so around now) but I got bad news at 10.5 weeks. So I guess if my u/s at 8 weeks is good, it will be a milestone. I have a feeling it’s not going to be good news, though.

7. GTKY: I wish I liked being in the sun.

kbrown2385

@carrieandr I’m so sorry PGAL brain is affecting you now. I wish this part was easier for all of us. 

@hanshotfirst77 I have found myself to be very emotional lately as well. The feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop and anxiety doesn’t help. Keep taking deep breaths. I hope we all get great news next week! 

marebear15

@kbrown2385 - The nausea should mean good things. I'm hoping for you even when you don't feel like you have a lot of hope.

@hanshotfirst77 - My symptoms have been coming and going too. Apparently that's normal 🤷FX for you that you will make it through Friday and have all good things on your scan next week. Just one week from today!

@carrieandr - I'm sorry you feel like you don't have any hope. Hope is such a tricky thing. We want to have it to feel better now, but we don't want to have it because it might feel so much worse in the future. 

1. How many weeks are you? 7 weeks 4 days

2. Previous loss(es)? in Jan at 4w+6d

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically I'm pretty bad. Tired, nauseated, cranky, moody. Emotionally I'm doing pretty good. I'm not freaking out every time I see spotting, and I'm pretty hopeful.

4. Any appointment updates? next scan is on Monday

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Not much, I'm just here to support.

6. Any milestones coming up? The scan I guess.

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved? Red velvet cake. It's so pretty and everyone loves it, but I can't stand the taste.

MrsJessS

1. How many weeks are you? 6w6d

2. Previous loss(es)? CP/early MC April 19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically not good at all. Nausea is kicking my butt. Emotionally I’m doing ok. Mostly because my symptoms are so strong

4. Any appointment updates? Intake appointment is tomorrow so my US should be scheduled shortly after that. Hopefully 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? The constant nausea is draining. I don’t even want to function because I constantly feel miserable. 

6. Any milestones coming up? Just waiting on the first US

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved? Currently: food. I miss liking food

laurenmicheley

@kbrown2385 Glad you are feeling a little better emotionally. It's crazy how we can swing so high and low. It's sad that we cannot enjoy pregnancy.
@hanshotfirst77 I hope you get to use that t-shirt, too! FX for you!
@carrieandr I'm sorry you are feeling so hopeless. It's really difficult to be positive when you have been down this road so many times. You seem like such a strong woman and I really admire your resilience.
@marebear15 I love red velvet cake, but wish I didn't! I have a serious sweet tooth that I constantly have to keep in check! FX for your scan on Mon!
@MrsJessS Isn't it crazy that the more physically miserable we feel, the more emotionally at ease we are? Glad your symptoms are strong!

1. How many weeks are you? 6w6d

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC 2/19 10w

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically, fine. I have metal mouth and sore boobs. Sometimes very slight cramping, but really nothing alarming. Not sure if my symptoms are a result of progesterone so there's that. Emotionally, better than last week. I think I've accepted that I'm not going to get good news this trimester, even if we make it to the second. Looks like this pregnancy will be a constant stream of doctor's visits and living week-to-week. Side note: I'm an eternal optimist; I've been really making my best effort to channel my nervous energy into positive things like work, my husband, seeing friends, and working out. 

4. Any appointment updates? Today's scan. Worst case is there is no growth or heartbeat. Probable case is there is growth, but not necessarily on track and we'll need another scan next week. Best case is there is normal growth and a strong HB which will mean we'll need another scan next week. 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? This whole pregnancy has been a giant rant for me. But really, how does everybody else cope with rolling with the punches? I had some girls over this weekend to begin planning my BFFs baby shower. I felt totally fine the whole time. But when everybody left, I felt so empty. 

6. Any milestones coming up? Today's scan. Every damn day I am still pregnant is a milestone at this point.

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved? Celery

Jellybeanqueen13

1. How many weeks are you?
8w 5d

2. Previous loss(es)? 
One mmc

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? 
I am terrified. My first ultrasound is less than two hours away. I feel sick to my stomach and have been moping around all day. 

4. Any appointment updates? 
Ultrasound is today. I will update after my appointments. 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 
If all goes well with my ultrasound, I will be so happy. It’s all I can think about today. 

6. Any milestones coming up?
See above about the ultrasound, haha. 

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved?
Eggs. I am vegetarian aside from the occasional fish, so liking eggs would be an easy protein for me. I hate them though!!!

kbrown2385

@Jellybeanqueen13 good luck today! 

Jellybeanqueen13

Huge relief! Baby was measuring right on track and heart was fluttering away!!  

biolprof

@kbrown2385 I'm so glad you are feeling better emotionally and have some symptoms to help ease the anxiety

@carrieandr fx for you. I hope the PGAL brain eases a bit in the least. It is so unfair to feel bad for so long and not get the beautiful baby on the other side.

@laurenmicheley FX for your scan today. Hoping for the best case scenario.

@marebear15 red velvet cake always looks so good but I find it rarely tastes as good as it looks.

@hanshotfirst77 totally wearing dresses since they are stretchy and the only thing that fits. I feel ya!

. How many weeks are you? 8 based on LMP? Guess we'll know next Tuesday.

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC at 8.5 weeks 12/18 CP 4/19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically terrible but emotionally better since I feel so terrible physically. Either way we have to suffer I guess!

4. Any appointment updates? Ultrasound next Tuesday! Scared but hopeful. 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm glad it's warm enough to wear dresses so I don't have to wear pants!

6. Any milestones coming up? I'm not bleeding so I'm farther along with any of my pregnancies without outward signs of concern.

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved? Coffee. It smells good but I hate the taste even in things like tiramasu. 

EmilyE13

@laurenmicheley I really hope you got good news on your scan!
@Jellybeanqueen13 hooray for good news and heartbeat!
@kbrown2385 As lousy as symptoms can be, I’m sure glad yours came back and have FX for a great appointment next week. 

1. How many weeks are you? 8w1d (moved “official” EDD back 1day based on last scan)

2. Previous loss(es)? DD’s twin at 7w4d in Feb17

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I’m very relieved following yesterday’s scan. Physically the constant nausea and periodic heartburn has been rough. I now keep a box of graham crackers by my bed. 

4. Any appointment updates? Ultrasound and OB education appt yesterday! Baby was measuring on track with a HR of 165, which was great since I couldn’t help but be anxious about the 109 HR from previous scan at 6w1d. 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I give up on pants. I just bought 2 cute maternity dresses, a T shirt, and maternity shorts from Target for my upcoming college reunion because I’m going to be comfortable, damn it. 

6. Any milestones coming up? First real OB appt is July 12, which feels like a decade away. 

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved? The superhero movies. I just have zero interest but have some friends who are obsessed and see every one. The only ones I liked (or even watched all the way through) were Guardians of the Galaxy and Deadpool, and that’s because I find Chris Pratt and Ryan Reynolds to be scrumptious....and hilarious. 

laurenmicheley

**TW**

Had my scan yesterday and got very unfortunate news. The fetus only was measuring 6w with a low heart rate. Being that it’s been 9 weeks since my LMP, my doctor feels negative about our pregnancy. I went for a second opinion and got more of the same info. MMC can not be confirmed as there is still a heartbeat, so the plan, for now is to wait until the heart stops and then move forward with a d&c since I don’t think I’m emotionally capable of passing this at home. It’s basically a slow-motion MMC. We all know it’s inevitable, but just a matter of when. I don’t feel comfortable with doing a d&c until it’s a confirmed loss, at this point. Just too emotional to do that. 

kbrown2385

@laurenmicheley I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. No one should have to go through this pain. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts ❤️

c1kc1kpol1cn1k

@laurenmicheley I am so sorry for this news. I will be thinking of you in the coming days 

biolprof

@laurenmicheley what an emotional rollercoaster. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you can take some time off and spend time with your partner and family. I know none of us is new to this but it is so terrible each and every time. ❤️ Thinking of you.

marebear15

@laurenmicheley - I am so so sorry. I can't imagine the emotional pain that you are going through. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

hanshotfirst77

@laurenmicheley I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will be thinking of you

carrieandr

@laurenmicheley I’m so sorry you’re facing another loss. My first MMC was the same way, measuring behind. Having this process drag out makes it harder. I hope you can put some of your responsibilities aside for a while and just watch movies and relax. Take care of yourself. xo

justsuzie

1. How many weeks are you? 
7-8ish
2. Previous loss(es)? 

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Nausea set in.  I can only eat carbs.  Great.  I haven't lost all the weight from my first pregnancy.

4. Any appointment updates? 
6/21- Intake and first doppler.  ( I am declining scans until the anatomy scan)

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 
Rave- I am a teacher and there are 3.5 days left.  And, we are going to disney in a week!

6. Any milestones coming up?
Whelp, I usually have multiple early scans and those would have all been milestones.  I am trying to be more zen this pregnancy so I think that in itself is a milestone.

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved?
Harry Potter

motherof3dragons

@laurenmicheley I am so so sorry for your loss.

1. How many weeks are you? 7w5d 

2. Previous loss(es)?  10 weeks 11/13

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?  My nausea is fading and it's really freaking me out. I hate that I want to be sick but damnit I need some reassurance!

4. Any appointment updates? Just had an appointment on Tuesday and saw the heartbeat. We told our boys about it but now I'm worried I made the wrong call. It's only 8 weeks along and I'm panicking about having a loss at 10 weeks again after telling everyone...

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?  My MIL is mad that I told my boys but she can't tell anyone... I don't even know how to reply!

6. Any milestones coming up? I'm anxiously awaiting 10 weeks going by and my 12 week appointment so I can take a breath!

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved? My in laws....

justsuzie

@kbrown2385 GSo happy you feel like shit girl...let the shittiness continue. (I totally get it though.) 
@hanshotfirst77 I've had all the feels lately. I cried that they were out of avocado spread at starbucks.  I'm so basic.
@carrieandr I wish I liked the sun too but the sweating...
@Jellybeanqueen13 So happy you had a great scan.  Greatest news.
@biolprof I hate pants....dresses 4eva

FyreFlyeRush

1. How many weeks are you? 6w4d by LMP

2. Previous loss(es)? Natural MC, Jan 2019 10w4d, my little Spawn only measured 6w3d at 9w6d. At least I only had to wait 4 days. 

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I'm an emotional wreck. At 42, I know the odds of a successful a pregnancy aren't great, even if it's better than 66%. Physically.  Meh. Who knows. I find myself comparing every symptom to last time. But, the other night I almost threw up dinner all over my partner because I suddenly detest bell peppers. So...yay???

4. Any appointment updates? First one scheduled Jun17. I'm declining all blood work and very early ultrasounds. I want to let nature take its course. I believe in my case, the testing made the Rollercoaster worse. Clearly something was wrong and my body knew it. I knew deep down, but had to hold on to that hope. 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I hate everyone and everything. Seriously. Grumpy gills here. 

6. Any milestones coming up? The next 4 weeks, really. 7w3d is where shitake went sour last time, but I started noticing my symptoms leveled off in week 6. I even commented how "mild" the pregnancy was. I know the girls are more sensitive. I know I'm more exhausted. I know I'm more emotional. Sick as hades SOMETIMES. Over active gag reflex. But....*sigh* I detest PGAL brain. 

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved? Eggs. Everyone is always eating them and it's always everywhere and I absolutely detest them. 

8. I feel like everything I do will jinx my pregnancy, including posting this. I know it's stupid. The determination as to whether or not this pregnancy is viable was likely made at conception. But, I'm still paranoid and superstitious...and will go back to lurking as soon as I post this. 

c1kc1kpol1cn1k

@FyreFlyeRush I get what you mean about being superstitions. Last two pregnancies soon as I would pull at maternity jeans I would start spotting. This time around I’m scared to pull them out. with my first I would be rubbing cream on from day one, now I’m nervous to start 

carrieandr

@FyreFlyeRush I’ll be 41 this month. It’s always comforting to see women in their 40’s on this board. I declined blood work and early u/s’s as well. I tried to tell myself I’m not officially pregnant unless I reach a good scan at 10+ weeks. But yet I started lurking on the Bump. I wasn’t going to post anything but then I wanted to comment on something and now I’ve gone down the rabbit hole. I also swore I wouldn’t read daily updates on the embryo, but I’ve failed miserably at that, too. I’m trying to protect myself and prepare myself, but I can’t seem to keep my mind off the pregnancy. Argh.

ruby0902

@laurenmicheley - Was so sorry to hear your news. It's just not fair! Take care of yourself and hope you find good support in family and friends ♡ very sorry for your loss. 

@kbrown2385 and @carrieandr - I know how much the symptom swings can mess with you! PGAL brain is a real thing. I've been fighting it all first trimester. I hope one of these days I can quiet my angst and just enjoy the ride. 

1. How many weeks are you? 10w 1d

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC in December 2018 around 8w that did not fully resolve, so I ended up needing a DC&E in February 2019.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically I have ok days and worse days with nausea and fatigue. If I'm going to feel well, it's usually in the morning. Always feeling crappier by the afternoon. Emotionally, I'm still struggling a bit although starting to feel more optimistic. 

4. Any appointment updates? Next ultrasound is June 20th! It cannot come fast enough. 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Popped in for a quick OB appt yesterday and got to hear the heartbeat with a fetal doppler machine! It was a great feeling and a big relief to know that things are still progressing.

6. Any milestones coming up? Evenings of June 20- June 21, finally telling my and DH's families! They don't know about the MMC, so this will be the first time we're sharing any kind of baby news. I'm the first in my family to have a baby, so my parents are going to lose their minds. 

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved? Leftovers! My DH can eat the same dish 5 days in a row or down something that's past its expiration date, but it grosses me out.  Once a restaurant meal or previously made salad, etc. have been sitting in the fridge for more than a day or two, I just can't do it :-/

FyreFlyeRush

@carrieandr and @c1kc1kpol1cn1k, thank you for understanding. It's nice not to feel alone. Right now, I'm still living life as though I were not pregnant. Oh, I take care of myself, but I don't really think past today in terms of baby. Last time, I turned down so many opportunities because I was pregnant, and in the end, for what? No baby. No better job. No trip to Korea. So, this time, I'm not doing it. For example there's a 5k obstacle race I want to participate in in November, and I'm absolutely signing up for it. I'm pretty sure I won't be disappointed if I'm out 39 bucks because I'm 28w pregnant. 

carrieandr

@ruby0902 I don’t know why they call it morning sickness. That’s the time I feel the least sick, too. 

@FyreFlyeRush I almost said you could still do a 5k at 28 weeks—even if you had to walk—and then I saw it was an obstacle race. Yeah, that might be tricky. But that’s a good mindset to have. Keep making plans and living your life!

justsuzie

@carrieandr I feel great in the morning.  Around 10 am it hits hard until I go to bed.

kbrown2385

@carrieandr how are you doing? I hope PGAL brain isn’t getting too bad. Keeping my fx for you! 

carrieandr

@kbrown2385 I keep feeling my lower abdomen trying to figure out if the baby is still growing. But I can’t remember what it felt like in my successful pregnancy and I never paid attention to what it feels like when I’m not pregnant. Plus, you probably can’t feel anything at 7.5 weeks anyway. It feels sort of firm (unlike my crazy bloated stomach) but I don’t know if that means anything. That doesn’t stop me from touching it 400 times a day. ...How are you? 🙂

carrieandr

@kbrown2385 I’m probably just feeling my bladder. 😂

kbrown2385

@carrieandr the nausea has been increasing so I’m getting more hopeful, which makes me more nervous because I don’t want to get too attached and be disappointed at the scan. I also really need to stop wearing my Fitbit because I’m obsessively checking my heart rate and getting nervous because it’s not as high as it was. I have stopped testing though, so at least there’s that 🤷🏻‍♀️. Yes also keep trying to compare with my successful pregnancy. It was so long ago though, both dh and myself can’t really remember much. 

carrieandr

@kbrown2385 my nausea gets my hopes up, too. My first MMC had serious nausea like this, the second had more mild nausea and the third had medium nausea. So for me it’s a good sign, but definitely not a guarantee. I just hope my cynicism about my pregnancies is enough to balance the hope that I can’t seem to squash. Im hoping if it’s bad news, the cynic in me will step in to handle things sort of like a split personality. I’d like to just sigh and say “here we go again” rather than bursting into tears and rambling about how many pregnancies I’ve lost. (Like last time.) I always end up with a very strange kind of headache after the news, too, like my head is filled with cotton. I’d like to skip that, but I doubt I can avoid it.

DalexRN

1. How many weeks are you? 7w6d

2. Previous loss(es)? My son at 17 weeks 10/16

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Up and down. Trying not to stress and obsess since that doesn’t change the outcome but it’s nearly impossible 

4. Any appointment updates? Second scan this Friday and waiting to hear from MFM

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I was so happy to see a heartbeat and my first scan but that reassurance went away within a couple days. I wish there was a way to know everything is ok day to day. 

6. Any milestones coming up? Just praying for the heartbeat to still be there at my next scan. I have PTSD from discovering my son had passed at a routine check

7. GTKY: What is something you hate but you wished you loved? Sweet potatoes. I just can’t like them even as fries!

carrieandr

@DalexRN I’m so sorry you lost your son. That would definitely make pregnancy more scary. Were they able to determine what happened?

DalexRN

Sadly no, which makes this even scarier. He was an IVF baby and was genetically tested prior to implantation.  They have no idea why he passed. This pregnancy is a huge surprise as we were told we could never get pregnant naturally and I’m turning 40 in a few months! Never thought I would be in this boat of terror and hope ever again. 

somewhereinnyc

@DalexRN I’m so sorry you went through that. My aunt had a second trimester loss between her 2 daughters. I don’t think they knew why- she did go on to have a healthy child after. Just wanted to share that positive story with you 💗 I did IVF too and also conceived naturally.. during the natural cycle FET. I was very confused that we got pregnant after over a year of nothing too. In the meantime, congratulations on your pregnancy and good ultrasound!

carrieandr

@DalexRN oh man. My heart goes out to you for all of that. I really hope this one is a success. I’ve got all my fingers crossed for you.

justsuzie

@DalexRN I totally understand on the not worry because it doesn’t affect the outcome. I’ve had so many therapists tell me that. I’m like, you try going through this and not worrying.