Intro- Recent Loss

doctorcrime

I just found out on Thursday at the first scan (thought I was 12 weeks 5 days at the time) that the baby stopped growing between 6-7 weeks. I just started cramping recently and bleeding. I'm a bit concerned that my doc doesn't have me coming back in until a week from Monday. He also didn't mention doing a scan to make sure everything comes up-- which seems to be common based on other posts I've read. He wouldn't let me come in for my initial appointment until nearly 11 weeks then not schedule my ultrasound until 12-14 weeks. I'm pretty angry that at my first appointment when he couldn't find the heartbeat that he didn't do an immediate ultrasound. I told family after our first appointment since the doctor wasn't concerned I assumed everything was okay. He could have known at 10 weeks instead of me waiting until 13 weeks and us telling our families and jobs. *sigh* 

The doctor also said that for the next pregnancy he wouldn't recommend doing appointments or scans earlier. That doesn't seem like the norm around here and I fin that frustrating. I like him otherwise but not sure if it is worth shopping around. He also stated that he would suggest three months before trying to conceive again-- whereas I have read differing opinions here. He said that would give things time to heal. Do we really need to wait that long?

kaeineurope

Hi @doctorcrime - I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this without being on the same page as your doctor.

From what you are saying here, I would recommend looking for a new doctor. 12 weeks sounds late for a first ultrasound, especially now with a previous loss and for your peace of mind for a future pregnancy. Also, waiting 3 months to pick up TTC might be a little long, especially since the loss was early MMC (6-7 weeks) your body MIGHT not need that long to bounce back -- but only a doctor who is performing ultrasounds and keeping track of things can tell you when the miscarriage is complete - and that doesn't sound like your doctors plan. 3 months was the typical recommended time period to wait for a long time but new research shows that waiting that long might cause you to miss a window of opportunity where you are more fertile. Here is the study: https://journals.lww.com/greenjournal/Fulltext/2016/02000/Trying_to_Conceive_After_an_Early_Pregnancy_Loss_.4.aspx

I read quote recently that really resonated with me -- if you trust the internet more than your own doctor, it is time to get a new doctor. Do what is best for you and your well being and concerns.

I hope your stay here is short, but in the meantime you are in the right place -- everyone here is really great and supportive.

char245

Welcome and I’m so sorry for your loss! I also had doubts about my doctor when I felt like he was being sort of cavalier about our loss. Therefore, I found a new doctor and she agreed to do the ultrasound much earlier. You are your best advocate so you should do what makes you feel the most comfortable. 

splashmountain

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with the others, it is time to start shopping for a new doctor. Is he planning on doing labs to track your levels down to zero? And 3 months seems like a really long time if you feel like you're ready to ttc again. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Mack2342

I’m sorry for your loss. I agree with others.  Hopefully you can find a new one that you like and that you aren’t here long 

dpchickens

doctorcrime Your baby may have only developed to 7 weeks, but your body didn't recognize it to start MC-ing until 13 weeks!  That is a LONG time.  If you'd found out at 7 weeks, I may have said to possibly go against what your doctor says, but later MCs like that I would definitely take his advice. I know being benched for 3 cycles seems like an eternity, but it's better to be cautious for a few months then to barge into something and regret it in the long run. If your body isn't ready, you could end up having complications or serious issues and possibly sitting out a year or more following a second MC or other problems.  Please don't be hasty!

Find things to do, plan a trip, plan things you can't do when PG (I personally went to a theme park once and rode all the d*mned roller coasters multiple times).  Plan a winery or brewery trip. Etc. ENJOY your life... don't make TTC or being benched your life... I know it can feel like a long time, but 3 cycles is really nothing...

doctorcrime

Thanks everyone. @dpchickens, this is my first ever pregnancy and obviously first ever miscarriage. It did seem like a really long time for my body to have any reaction to having a miscarriage and I'm not really sure how to take that/what to think about that. It was weird timing because the day before my ultrasound (12 weeks 4 days) is the first time I had any indication something was wrong. The day before the ultrasound I had a tiny bit of brown spotting and was starting to cramp. It seems weird that if it stopped at 6-7 weeks that it took until 12 for me to know anything was going on. My pregnancy symptoms didn't even really ease up until around 10-11 weeks which I didn't think much of since what I have read is that is normal toward the end of the first trimester. 

dpchickens

doctorcrime  You basically had a missed miscarriage, that is what my first one was. I was 7+ weeks along at my first MC, but the baby had only developed to a little over 5 weeks. With some of my other MCs my first indication was when I started spotting/bleeding.  So it all can depend. Definitely treat your body as though it were 13 weeks along for healing purposes (and TTCAL purposes), not 7, because your body thought it was almost 13 weeks along when it finally realized something was wrong.  You will need that time to heal emotionally and physically, even if it seems an eternity to you right now...

40momma

@doctorcrime I had a missed mc as well with my last one. This was my fourth loss so I was able to get u/s much earlier. I was measuring about 6 weeks at my first u/s at 7w. So we had another u/s at 9w and I was still measuring behind but growing. So another u/s at 10w where there wasn't much change so another u/s at 11w where they finally decided it wasn't viable. All this time I still had pg symptoms. I had had a very small bit of brown spotting earlier on but then nothing up until after 11w when the spotting came back. I tried to pass it naturally as I passed my first 3 losses naturally but this one wouldn't budge. I still had symptoms right up until my d&c at 15w. This loss was by far the worst one mentally for a number of different reasons. Dr told me I could start TTC again but emotionally I'm just not there. I know the panic and the fear that a BFP brings me now and I know that every single day after that I make myself sick with worry. The thing I've learned through all of this is that time does help. Like @dpchickens said, enjoy a few months of not being pg, because once that next BFP comes, you will be a nervous wreck and the emotions will be all over the place. TTCAL sucks and PGAL is a whole new roller coaster as well. Make sure you're ready for it.