Mental Health Check-in - m/o May

mrosek91

This thread hasn't been getting much traffic, but I feel it's helpful for it to be there if someone needs it, so I thought I'd switch it over to monthly. Any feedback is welcome.

Whether it’s grief, depression, anxiety, or some complex and overwhelming situation, this thread is for talking it out and getting some support. Use it whenever and however you need it. Answer the questions below, start your own conversation, let US support YOU! (Any and all feedback is appreciated.)

How are you feeling this week? 
Is anything bothering you? Any stressful things happening or coming up?
What are you doing to take care of YOU this week?
What are your goals for the next week?
Questions/comments/concerns?

thirdtimesacharm2019

I just wanted to pop in to say so far so good for May (I know it’s only the third...). We have lots of exciting things coming up this month and next so I’m hoping that will keep me in a positive place. My counselor missed our last session, but TBH I didn’t feel like talking that day and I maaaaayyyy be putting off calling to reschedule 🙄, which I realize isn’t healthy. 

mrosek91

@thirdtimesacharm2019 So glad things are going well for you, I hope it keeps up!
Also, I was trying to figure out where to put this, so thank you for reminding me I created this thread.
Just venting here...
DH is not taking care of his mental health, and so it's making life hard for me. I know it sounds super selfish to say that, and I feel really bad. I want him to be healthy for him, but also I'm running out of emotional energy to support him.
He is overworked and does not sleep well, those things combined are making life very difficult for him. He is the suffer in silence, I can do everything myself type, so no matter what I say I cannot convince him to learn to say no to people, or to go see a sleep specialist.

mommyatlas

Hello.. I'm very new to this so I apologize in advance. I'm a first time mom, 27 weeks currently with my rainbow baby...a little boy. I'm struggling so much and don't know where to turn. I sleep well at night but am constantly exhausted and my husband thinks I'm using this pregnancy as a crutch. We got married very young and very fast and things just haven't gone to plan. He lost his job so we have absolutely no money, no food in our house (he makes comments when I eat enough to be full..) and our dog broke his leg a few days ago and needed emergency surgery. I feel like I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to do anything anymore... He moved us cross country so I have no one to talk to or turn to for help... I don't think I can take much more. I try to talk to him but it always turns around to make me feel bad. Like somehow I said he's a bad person or a horrible husband or I'm not being supportive....but what about me....? 

horsesvirginia

@mommyatlas have you seen your doctor to run a cbc to see if you are anemic? I also highly recommend trying WIC and your states SNAP benefits as they can help you out with any food you may not have. Food pantries etc. Can also be very helpful in times of need. As far as your husband goes I am in no way trying to bash either of you but it sounds to me as though you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship and that is not good for you or the baby. What you decide is up to you but at the end of the day do you want your son to be raised around that sort of thing? That is for you to decide maybe marriage or couples counseling would be a good idea or maybe just some time apart to decide if you 2 are meant for each other. I know it is hard as I am in a similar situation and it is heart wrenching in our positions where our babies are so far along. But please know you are not alone and that if you need someone to talk to ever there are people here.

jl_825

I am 24 weeks and this past week I have been so emotional much much more then since I first found out. I am having a hard time and feel like my s/o is being distant and weird and don’t know if it’s just my emotional and if I’m being paranoid. I don’t know how to address anything because I’ve literallg just been crying for two days straight and haven’t even able to do anything but sit in dark. Anyone else experience this or have advice?

mia8263

My DS1 Dr thinks he’s anxious/depressed because his sleep has been terrible and he’s not a good eater it’s making him moody. He suffered with PTSD from his biological father 4 years ago, he saw a psychologist weekly for a year and half before his insurance was changed and I couldn’t find another one covered. By some grace I found one now and he’ll be seeing the person Tuesday but it’s just making me so sad. He’s 10 and the sweetest most generous boy ever. He loves my DH now and we spend a lot of time doing things with just him. He’s also so excited for this baby. I just want him to be ok but I feel like the worst mother ever. 

goldfishcraker

@thirdtimesacharm2019 I'm so glad things are going well! Yay!

@mrosek91 is is SO hard when someone we love is struggling. Especially if it feels like there is nothing we can do to help, or that they won't seek help themselves. I hope things get better for him. And that you are able to take care of your mental health, despite his struggles. I hate when people tell me not to worry about a loved ones problems, and that they have to deal with it themselves. That's not how I am. (DH's psychologist says that he and I are too Interdependant and are too affected by the others suffering. She says we need to back off. Fuck you, lady hahaha.) But I know it's important to take care of myself and try to deal with my issues that come up as a result of DHs issues. So we are are if you need to talk or vent!

@mommyatlas I agree with @horsesvirginia, that it sounds like an unhealthy relationship. Baby needs proper nutrition. Find local resources for food. I'm not sure how it works where you live, but look for personal/relationship counseling as well. I know here, we have lots of free prenatal resources, and they could really help you out if you have something similar in your area.

@jessica_82519 pregnancy is a rollercoaster of emotions. If you're going an extended time, having trouble functioning in daily life/your normal routine, I would talk to your OB/midwife. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and scared in pregnancy. But if it's preventing you from managing your normal life for so long, it's good to get seen by your provider. You do not want to let it slide. Depression can get dangerous, especially with an infant involved. Talking to someone can help too. I would start with your doctor though. Just in case 

@mia8263 I'm so sorry your son is struggling. You are NOT a horrible mother. You are doing everything you can to help him! And as you described him, he sounds like such a lovely child! YOU helped him become so amazing. Despite his past trauma and difficulties in life, he sounds like he is growing up to be a wonderful young man. You obviously love him, and it sounds like he knows he is loved. Keep up the great love and care mama! ❤️

goldfishcraker

I had a super busy Saturday, with more physical exertion than I've had this whole pregnancy. So I was totally exhausted and in physical pain. I let it slide yesterday, that I was a lazy bump on the couch most of the day. (Literally all I accomplished was showering and cooking dinner. Also did baby product research while sitting on my bum...)

But today, I'm also having trouble getting my butt in gear. I feel...anxious and overwhelmed. I keep trying to break tasks into small manageable parts so I can get things done. But I haven't managed to do anything except eat breakfast. 
Our house needs to get ready to list, but it feels impossible. I don't even know where to start.
And yet, another part of me wants to do 1000 things at once...
I'm also feeling...lonely the last few days. DH is stressed, between being sick and some big exams coming up, plus the house stress, we haven't been able to spend any quality time together. I saw a BUNCH of family on Saturday. Yet I still feel like I need more interaction.

This is the weirdest conundrum. Because I feel happy. Ecstatic really. Every time I feel baby move, I feel..literal warm and fuzzy happiness. And yet, I feel so overwhelmed with life obligations, that it's like I'm almost parayzed. Not active panic attack at this point. Just... Can't really breathe, and can't force myself to even shower.

Oh, also, work is up in the air. I don't know when I'll actually be starting on light duties, so I can't plan life. And that stresses me out. I like to plan.
It's our anniversary next week, and it's my year to plan. But my plans can't happen until I know what's happening with work.... So I feel like I've ruined our anniversary already. (Super logical, I know).

Anyway, no biggie. Just needed to vent a bit.

mrosek91

@chillycanadian Thank you, I know there's not much I can do, but it's nice to hear it acknowledged that what I'm feeling is valid.
As for you, I hope things get better soon. I know how frustrating it is to have your life in limbo. Know that it's not supposed to be easy, and you just have to keep doing the best you can, one moment at a time.