#NIAW April 21-27, 2019

kagesstarshroom

Hello! This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. This is a thread for all of us to share resources, posts we've made to social, or any additional ideas to help to spread awareness.

To open it up, Resolve.org has a variety of resources, including images specific to this year's #NIAW and ideas for how to help spread awareness. Over on the IF board, in 2016, a number of the members there made their own memes, and I thought would be worth linking to ---> https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12672526/memes-for-national-infertility-awareness-week-april-24-30

Feel free to share any additional resources, examples of posts that you have made, or anything else that might help anyone wanting to encourage awareness be able to do so, including creating your own meme!

*NOTE* Please abide by the board rules & TB's rules when posting to this thread.

b_1029

This was my post yesterday. Also, resolve.org is awesome! 

ETA @kagesstarshroom I can't get that link to open, it tries to get me to start a new discussion instead!

kbrown2385

National Infertility Awareness Week. Using today to share some of my story and hopefully help someone dealing with infertility in silence. 

“Is he your only child?” “When are you going to give him a brother or a sister?” “He should really have a sibling by now.” “Be grateful you at least have one child.” “Just relax, it will happen.” “It wasn’t meant to be.” “It’s gods will.” “Just take my kids, they drive me crazy.” “Just adopt.” “Just do IVF.”

1 in 8 couples struggles to get or stay pregnant. We are that 1 in 8. For 2.5 years we’ve been trying to have that second child, to give him that sibling. Out of 7 pregnancies we’ve only had one success. Over the past 2.5 years, while trying for a second baby, we’ve lost 5 in a row. Every month, every new cycle, every pregnancy test, every loss takes a piece of us. 

We’ve done many rounds of testing from bloodwork to biopsies and more, everything has come back clear. Medically there is no reason we haven’t been able to have another child. 

I’ve heard all of those phrases posted above. All of them have hurt me to the core. From what I’ve found, it usually comes from a lack of understanding, of not knowing what to say because they are uncomfortable with the situation or they are trying to make light of it. It’s time to change that. It’s National Infertility Awareness Week. If you know someone who is struggling with infertility, don’t hesitate to reach out to them and just listen to their story. Really listen instead of trying to fix it.

#niaw #breakthesilence #infertilitysucks

This is what I posted on my Facebook page. I’m pretty open about our struggles and losses so when this week comes or October comes around, I usually post about it. So far Ibe had 2 other women respond sharing their struggles as well. 

Edit for words

b_1029

wow @kbrown2385, that is really good and I definitely teared up seeing everything you guys have been through laid out.

I've had a few women reach out as well so I'm glad it's encouraging them to share!

chichiphin

I considered it... but then I realized it would feel like half of my post is missing without mentioning **tw** my loss **tw** and I'm not sure if I'm ready to let the world know about that yet....

ruby696

@kbrown2385 That just made me tear up in my office.

kagesstarshroom

@b_1029 I put the link there as a link. I really love that image with the hearts! It's really effective. I might find that one and share it on twitter.

@kbrown2385Your post's opening quotes are so good, so attention capturing because of how REAL they are.

@chichiphin I get that! I felt the same way--I really want to be open/more open about my losses-- but I don't want to on facebook. [ETA: When you are ready, you will be ready. For now, you can just post to spread awareness, or I respect your choice not to if you decide not to entirely.] I still wanted to post though, so I did. I geared my post more towards general awareness, and chose some details that were relevant to me, but didn't explicitly share about my loss. (I am also "on the market," and I hope this post gets a lot of love--but I kept it vague/more about awareness bc potential employers could (illegally, but there's little protection from this) choose not to hire me if they knew we were trying.)

Here's what I posted to fb & I used the NIAW image from resolve.org above (in a spoiler bc it's hhhuuggggeee). My opening line may seem a bit weird bc I mention people who don't want to have kids alongside those who have trouble, but I think it works for a number of reasons I don't really feel are worth getting into here. *My post is in a spoiler/gets aTW bc it mentions loss.*

Not everyone wants to OR can easily have kids. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week (#NIAW).
I want to share a good resource of dos & donts for friends & family of those who may be suffering with infertility issues, which includes a list of (busted) myths about fertility & infertility --> https://resolve.org/support/for-friends-and-family/
As health classes in America woefully under-educate us on the many things the female body could possibly go through, I encourage everyone to take a minute to learn more about some of the issues NIAW is meant to bring attention to. We aren't trained to know the intricacies of what our bodies are capable of, so it makes sense that the general public isn't trained on how to react to the variety of things that could happen to us during our lifetimes, and especially when during when we are of child-bearing age.
1 in 8 couples encounter problems trying to conceive. Anywhere between 15-25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Know the facts, and don't say or do anything that could re-traumatize someone who might already be going through something difficult.
Bravo to those who are able to be open about the issues they have had in trying to conceive. Sharing those stories can be crucial to others who have gone through something similarly difficult. At the same time, my heart also is with those who may have trouble sharing because of how painful it is or that they don't want to be pitied or felt sorry for. Share what you can, when you want to with whom you feel comfortable sharing if this is something you have gone through. Awareness is the most important part of NIAW, and I hope more of you feel better aware of some of these issues or at least how/why to learn more about them because of this post.

kels0091

@chichiphin I feel the same way. Not many people know about my losses. Not because I’m ashamed because I know I didn’t do a damn thing wrong. But because the unsolicited advice I got from the handful of people I did tell is smothering. 

I shared this on Facebook with a simple 💜 and it’s been ‘liked’ and reshared quite a few times. 

Its a general TW of course. 

https://www.todaysparent.com/getting-pregnant/when-your-friend-cant-get-pregnant/

mercury94

No matter where I am in life, infertility will always be part of my journey. I am 1 in 8. Infertility effects millions of people every day. Remember that the simplest questions can harm someone who is struggling to have a child or even another child. 

Here is what I plan to post today. 

inthewoods23

@mercury94 I'm stealing that pic! I haven't been able to find one I like but I like the simplicity of yours!

shamrocandroll

Here's my post.  I have not widely shared about my losses, nor do I wish to use this platform to do so, but I wanted to still help spread awareness.

b_1029

@kagesstarshroom I found that by searching "national infertility awareness week" on Google images!

lulu1180

"Coming out" on social media when you're struggling with IF is a very personal decision and can be very difficult to do.  For those that aren't quite ready to make a post about their own struggles, Resolve has many different images that you can use to show that you support those who do struggle.  All of their social media images can be found here for those interested.

FWIW, when I finally did post about our struggles during NIAW last year, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I had been very open about our IF with friends and family before that, but it felt so amazing to get it out there; and I got so much incredible support from so many people.  Some commented that they went through something similar and others sent me a PM.  

I haven't decided exactly what I'm going to post this year, but I am definitely going to put something together.

celticknotfire

These are all amazing. MH has been more open with other than I have on social media and I really feel the urge to post something this week.  There are a lot of people that know and I am surprised by how many have reached out to me and said they too have struggled with IF.  I have a lot to think about with regards to how I'm going to word things but I feel like reading these have helped steer me in the right direction.

inthewoods23

UGH I CAN'T DO IT! The thought of putting ourselves out there is causing me SO MUCH ANXIETY 😭😭

kels0091

@inthewoods23
i feel you. Tw in spoiler. LC mentioned. 

My friend posted about her struggles but she has a 9 month old, 2 year old and 11 year old. She’s been trying to conceive since she was 6 weeks postpartum and she’s being a tad bit roasted because that just seems so crazy to try that soon, she’s even been given fertility meds. I don’t know what her drs thinking doing it this fast. But none of my business. 

b_1029

@kels0091 what?!!! Wow. 

@inthewoods23 you have to do what’s comfortable for you guys! Don’t do it unless you’re totally ready ❤️

ETA several people came up to me at the gym this morning to say they saw my post and appreciated it. I wasn’t looking for attention when I posted by any means, more just to be like “hey some people actually struggle with this”.

dpchickens

Congrats to all of you spreading awareness!  I've also posted some things, but I post all the time, so nothing earth-shattering here...

For those of you who are hesitant, it is YOUR choice whether to share or not and/or how much to share.  I never shared about my first MC, and only started posting after my second.  I 'announced' my PG by announcing my second MC. I understand all the feels/anxiety because I was on pins and needles about posting. I wanted to tell my story and raise awareness, but I was terrified of all the "God's plan" "just try again" "just relax" "Well, at least you know you can get PG" comments. But honestly, like lulu1180 said, the weight that came off of my shoulders was amazing. The outpouring of support I received was awesome, and a lot of people even privately messaged me about it as well (most to privately share their stories and be able to reach out to someone).

After that I did NOT post about my 3rd MC, but I did post after the 4th, and have been posting regularly since that time. Sometimes I post about how holidays are hard, or I post about 'what to say/not to say for MC/IF' or just articles about including IVF on insurance plans.  Once in a while I get a hurtful statement, but I've also had some others jump in to comment back to them.  Overall, I feel good about advocating for myself, for my non-living babies, and for the struggles of myself and others with RPL and/or IF. 

In case it would help anyone struggling about how to post their MC on social media....This was my first ever FB post about MC/IF:

Not all pregnancy announcements are happy ones...

It is with a grieving heart that I announce that DH and I are saying goodbye to our second angel baby. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated, and we hope to one day have our rainbow baby.

My miscarriages have profoundly changed me. I never knew how quickly a mother could bond with her baby in just a few short weeks. Sometimes daily reminders trigger unexpected emotions. I just want everyone to know that I will be ok, and to not worry if I suddenly break out crying. But I wanted to announce this because miscarriages are life altering and I will not let stigma silence me and what I am feeling and going through.

chichiphin

damnit @dpchickens now I'm crying at work. 

your post from that time is beautiful. I'm so sorry friend. I think come October I'll be ready to share my journey.... 

inthewoods23

Yesterday I learned I am super not comfortable with being entirely open about this. Many tears were shed as I was working on what I wanted to say with DH.

And then I remembered today is my birthday so I'm probably going to be receiving some birthday wishes by phone and do not want to end up talking about it so I will post tomorrow morning. Plus then I won't have any awkward moments at work since I'm out of town starting tomorrow. This post is going to be so much smaller than I originally planned. But it felt like I would be walking around naked in public.

Funny how I can be so open and honest with complete strangers on the internet but so private with people I really know.

lulu1180

@inthewoods23 I completely understand not being entirely comfortable sharing your journey.  If you aren't comfortable doing it right now then please don't cause yourself undue anxiety.  In 2017 when NIAW was first "celebrated" here on TTGP, I was still in denial and not ready to open up to the world about it.  I just shared one of the Resolve images that said I support those struggling with IF.  No one here will judge you if you decide not to share your struggle, it really is a very personal decision and I will support you (and anyone else on here) no matter what you decide to do.  

ETA Oh and btw, happy birthday!!

dpchickens

chichiphin  Sorry I made you cry at work!  And yes, I post a lot more in October for PG and Infancy Loss awareness...  It also happens that my first loss was in October, so it's a hard month for me anyway, so easier to post all the feels then.

inthewoods23 I completely understand. It's hard to put something out there that is so personal and so emotional.  You post when (and if) you are ready to do so.  Until then, internet strangers that understand will be here for you!!!

whitealbum29

@inthewoods23 - Happy birthday!! That makes sense to share tomorrow but of course don't even think another minute about it if you end up feeling like sharing it will not serve you at this point! It's the kind of thing where whatever you say is the right thing to say and whatever you don't say is right too.

kbrown2385

@inthewoods23 happy birthday! I completely understand feeling anxious about sharing that part of yourself. Definitely don’t do it unless you’re ready. I think you would be surprised by the amount of support you’d get though. 

@dpchickens thank you for sharing that ❤️


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mercury94

@inthewoods23 Happy Birthday. You shouldn’t feel bed about choosing not to share. It’s a personal journey and it’s so hard. I know there were times when I just didn’t want to talk to anyone about it at all. 

marebear15

I haven't posted about IF because I'm just beginning that journey, but this is what I posted after our miscarriage.
EDIT: *TW* Mention of LC

kels0091

@marebear15 I’m not religious, but what you posted is absolutely beautiful 💜💜

inthewoods23

I did it! I posted this morning! Way easier when you're just doing a copy/paste. Can't seem to get spoilers to work on mobile but whatevs, it's not too long.

---

It's National Infertility Awareness Week. 1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility. Please be considerate of those around you. You never know who may be struggling to get through the day.

I know there are others like us out there who are not ready to share their story, so know that you are not alone. We'll tell you when we're ready and we'll listen when you are. One day we will all have our happy outcome to our stories.

www.resolve.org
---

lulu1180

@inthewoods23 That's perfect!!  I hope you get the same kind of responses that some of us others have gotten in the past!

lulu1180

I have not done my post yet, but I did want to share this album that I found while lurking around another site.  I feel like these pictures capture the pain and heartbreak of IF so well...
https://www.facebook.com/pg/hollyspictures/photos/?tab=album&album_id=2097816036981005

inthewoods23

@lulu1180 so far just 2 family members with "I love you" type messages and a number of likes. I finally checked back in the afternoon and had to go search for DH because I was starting to feel emotional and within 10 seconds of finding him and talking I lost it and had to cry. Was able compose myself in about a minute - kinda had to since we were around a bunch of people.

Next month there is a birthday party for my grandpa and I'm really hoping nobody asks me too many questions! We'll tackle that when we get there.

brookert615

@lulu1180 So random but I knew I thought these were familiar! I know this photographer, she’s a mutual friend and we considered her for our wedding! Crazy what a small world this is!

dpchickens

lulu1180 Someone shared that to my FB board a few weeks ago!  It was pretty amazing in capturing the feels!

kbrown2385

@lulu1180 I shared those photos a couple of weeks ago. I think they are just so beautiful! 

@inthewoods23 I’m glad you were able to post 

I found this in my memories this morning. I posted it last year and thought I’d share. Heads up...it’s long. 

Day 5 National Infertility Awareness Week

This post is difficult for me. It’s not a pity post, nor am I looking for sympathy. I think this side of infertility needs to be shared the most. This is the hardest part for couples going through infertility. 

My first loss was incredibly hard for me. We found out about it 5 days before Christmas 2013. The drs wanted to schedule the d&c (surgery to remove the “tissue”) on my birthday. I opted to wait until after the holidays. The physical recovery was easy. The mental recovery took a lot longer, and even now I still feel the effects from it. For many months following the loss I hated pregnant women. I know this sounds petty and selfish, but I honestly couldn’t be around pregnant women, see small babies, positive pregnancy tests, pregnancy announcements, invites to baby showers, etc. They gutted me and made me feel like I was incapable of something that came so easy for everyone else. I remember being invited to a baby shower that happened 2 months after my first loss and having an argument with myself on whether or not I’d be able to go. I wanted to be there and supportive and celebrate her miracle, but I couldn’t help but be incredibly jealous. 

When we started trying to have another baby, about a year after Lucas was born, I began to experience issues with anxiety. Every month there was a negative pregnancy test, it was like a punch to the gut. This was always followed by a couple weeks of intense guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Then the endless questioning began. What is wrong with me? Why does she get a baby and I don’t? 

Then you start questioning if it’s time to give up. Is it worth going through the emotional pain month after month? What happens if there’s another miscarriage? Can you make it through another one? 

The way people treated me changed with every miscarriage I had. Friends would distance themselves a little bit, they wouldn’t tell me they were pregnant because they were nervous of how I would react. It just made me feel even more alone than I already was. 

This is a side effect of infertility, and unfortunately many people don’t get the help they need.