Body Image Issues

julybaybay

Any other mamas experiencing body image issues? Feeling down on yourself, unattractive, or like you lost yourself in this process? How are you handling it? Thought this could be a supportive thread for those of us who are. 

quinniebear

Yes but more during 1st tri. I feel better now that it's obvious I'm pregnant, if that makes sense. It was definitely not a fun feeling and my heart goes out to anyone struggling with this.

frenchbaby18

@julybaybay Definitely there with you After not gaining in the first trimester I won’t even admit to myself how much weight I put on in the 2nd...and now I start thinking about how long it took me to lose the first time (2.5 years to get to my pre-pregnancy weight, highly influenced by struggles with PPD)...

It definitely doesn’t help that everyone in the world feels it’s ok to comment on the bump size (aka weight gain) and I’m personally not one of those fortunate enough to have an increase in sex drive during pregnancy so less intimacy with DH also makes it worse!!

In any case, you are definitely not alone ♥️

jasonsgirl92

With my first pregnancy I didn't really care I was gaining weight because I really thought since I never had to do anything to maintain my weight ever that all the pounds would just drop off. I was 30 lbs over my regular weight (according to BMI "overweight" and I've always been average) when I got pregnant with this baby and I just feel miserable and I look huge already at 26 weeks... I feel so ugly. I know it will be even harder to get down to my pre-pre-pregnancy weight (if that makes sense) and my husband keeps saying he wants more kids and I don't because I don't want to be pregnant again and it makes it all the more frustrating. I don't want to be a huge fat lady 😭

indulgentgypsy

yup huge daily issues. Doesn't help that I had the issues before pregnancy and was starting to get into a good place and now feel awful 24/7. 

bartonolivia

Yes. Especially after finally getting down to my goal weight & being super confident before pregnancy I know I’m just going to have to start over. I’m hoping I just don’t gain excessive amount of weight towards the end 😭

mom2b77373

all of you ladies look amazing!!! Some days I do and some days I dont.  I agree, that the first trimester was the hardest b/c you were at the weird stage where "is she fat or pregnant" phase was.  I also gained 20 lbs in my first trimester b/c i was on estrogen and progesterone.  I've always felt self aware of my weight even before pregnancy but I know that this will be my only pregnancy and as long as I dont give into the cravings after I have baby then I should be good! The gym is one of my favorite places and the one i go to has a good daycare, plus my husband will be picking the baby up most of the time from the sitter so that helps out a lot.  Don't stress to much ya'll! Just remember.... its all for the greater good

mom2b77373

P.S. Someone just asked me how far along I was and when I told them 30 weeks they let me know that I was going to be "really big" by the time I give birth lol

msimi

I've been struggling with this which has been hard/weird because I really had pretty much no body images prior. Mine has been pretty situational (i.e. any time I need to get dressed up and struggle with finding an outfit/how I then look in said outfit), but I wasn't really expecting to feel this way. I partially blame hormones and the fact that maternity clothes have been tricky for me to navigate as a FTM. I don't really have a ton of wisdom to share but I've been trying to give myself permission to do the things that make me feel good about myself (buying more maternity clothes, getting a spray tan, etc.) and just overall trying to be gentle with myself.

indulgentgypsy

@mom2b77373 I am not disagreeing with anything you say but body image feeds into my larger mental health issues, and that has been a hard 30+ year struggle for me. Before pregnancy I was just getting to a point where I started to feel good about myself, and now I feel all hips and belly and bloat and cankles. I am trying not to focus on those things, but those body image issues feed my spiral of darkness. 

nopegoat

Yes and no. I'm not happy with the number on the scale so that's been a hard pill to swallow but I'm usually more confident with my body while pregnant because I'm not worried about trying to hide a muffin top. I've also had been pregnant and/or BFing for nearly 8 out of the last 9yrs so I  feel like my body has every right to be kind of whatever right now.

What bothers me more is my body not functioning like it should. I hate getting out of breath just walking back to check on my animals, having to stop halfway up the stairs to take a quick breather, or it taking twice the time to do morning and night chores. It makes me feel weak when I know I'm far from it. 

mamahmh2

Yes. I’ve had a harder time this pregnancy than last. I’ve gained about 30+ lbs in the last 4 months or so and I’ve really noticed the extra weight in my face and the “cottage cheese effect” in my thighs. I had gotten pretty thin in between my DS and this pregnancy and had gotten used to it, so it’s been hard to pack on the pounds so quickly. I worry about my lack of discipline with exercise and how that’ll effect losing the weight afterwards. Normally I just watch my calorie intake slightly and that’s enough, but I have a feeling it’ll just be different with the second. I have myself feeling vain... but the extra weight does just get me down because
I feel like people are noticing it. 

cindler

+1 to just being a good weight and then getting pregnant. Granted, i attribute my healthier lifestyle to helping to make this miracle baby the real deal,  but I was really in a good place right before I got KU.

Also +1 to not caring so much about the number on the scale, but my lack of ability to do anything. I get so winded and worn out through just life things. I just vacuumed out downstairs and when I sat down DH asked if it took it out of me. Sadly, it did and that's NEVER been me. That's my big struggle with the changes I've undergone. 

tova24

Yup. With my first pregnancy, I was all alone. I didn’t have anyone to see my body. This time around I feel so self conscious. My husband tells me that I’m beautiful but I don’t feel it. I feel like I have a mama pouch from my first pregnancy and a bump stacked on top of it. 

hestia-is-wearie

I'm with @nopegoat in that for me, it's less about body image and more about body function. Once upon a time I was a kickboxing queen, and now I get winded packing a wallet.
The one comment I've gotten a lot (mostly from DH, who truly means well) is that I'll "bounce back" with no problem. A lot of people know me as being really fit, but I've barely worked out this pregnancy because of sciatica, fatigue, and I frankly don't see it as a priority. (Exerting myself doesn't sound like a good idea when I'm so short of breath.) I think people are trying to make me feel better about my changing body (not like I brought it up...), but I feel like I'm expected to "bounce back" to the way I was, which I don't expect to happen. I'm not just gaining weight--my body is changing. 

mrscammack

I’m also with @nopegoat on the body functioning issues, I’m so frustrated not being able to keep up with my usual routine. I’m a clean freak and I haven’t physically been able to do what I’m used to doing without taking a break because I’ll either be out of breath or my sciatic nerve starts acting up and I just basically have to stop - and keeping up with my 3 year old on top of that is tough. Thats been the most frustrating part for me!

But I’m also dealing with the body image stuff, it’s been tough all around because prior to getting pregnant I lost a bunch of weight and reached my ideal weight, plus my body was actually feeling good and functioning well for me - I had tons of energy and worked out regularly and just felt good. So the extra weight gain, feeling big and gross and not being able to do my usual activities is all making me feel sort of blah

vanillalatte89

I’m most insecure about the million new spider veins on my thighs 😭

key33

I'm annoyed about all the ”You look so good with extra weight ” and ”You should keep that weight on after the baby” comments. It's my third kid, and each pregnancy its the same after my other two it eventually turned into ”You should of kept that pregnancy weight on”. 

I get frustrated with function too and not being able to do as much as usual without getting exhausted or out of breath. I'm thankful for a supportive husband who does more when In pregnant without complaining.

gingermama46

Yes, I had lost a decent amount of weight prior to getting pregnant so now I see the scale and get worried because I see the number going up the my highest weight. Every appointment my doctor tells me my weight gain is good, so I just try to keep that in mind and that helps that she is telling me that. But I'm most annoyed by the functioning issues too. I was getting into pretty good shape and training for a 5k, but now walking up from the basement to the 2nd floor I feel like I've ran a mile which is annoying.

Another thing that is helping me is thinking that baby is born during the summer which means being able to take walks and such outside as opposed to being cooped up during winter months where we live.

julybaybay

Right there with you ladies. @indulgentgypsy I too had prior struggles with self acceptance that I had done a lot of work on over the years and was finally in a good place about my adult woman body. But as soon as I started to show (very early) and got to my lifetime highest weight by around the 8th week of pregnancy, all of that came crashing down. And it has only gotten worse. I feel totally ugly and unattractive and have never felt more invisible in my entire life, it is like people on the street look right through me instead of at me, and I haven't gotten a complement from a stranger (my barometer for being attractive) in months. I feel like I lost my sense of self. And same with the functionality @nopegoat. Not being strong anymore or able to be productive around the house has been a huge threat to my identity. I also REALLY fear the permanent changes such as stretch marks, extra pounds or a sagging stomach. I really don't trust myself to ever be able to accept those things and worry about my ability to get any confidence back if I feel I have been permanently altered in any outwardly physical way.  

erynpdx

I feel like shit basically. I know I'm just going to end up right back where I landed last time and then struggled to get back down over almost 4 yrs. All of that work undone. 

Frankly I'm trying to not dwell on it, but it's awfully hard not to. 

indulgentgypsy

@erynpdx that's me, except it took me 9 years.

jenniferjoy37

I’m incredibly sensitive about my body. Even before pregnancy. Now I’ve got growing stretch marks on my belly and sides, and a horrible varicose vein just behind my knee that is causing me incredible amounts of pain. I don’t tend to lose weight after pregnancy either, so I’m not happy with the changes right now. I am just trying to focus on the little life I’m bringing into the world, and that helps. 

onaed

For fun (ha) I decided to look at my weekly photos from my first and second pregnancy. At almost 30 weeks I look the equivalent of 36 weeks with my second. Makes me feel horrible 

jenniferjoy37

@onaed

Happyin14

Yep! Especially on the not functioning part. And a super supportive husband earlier has turned into one that’s a tad over it all.... and that makes me feel worse.

Also, my son has started calling me his “squishy toy”.... which REALLY makes me feel great. 🙄 

hoodevil0611

Yeah.  I had gained a noticeable amount of post-wedding weight in the year before I got pregnant, so I was already feeling not great about my body.  Even though I haven’t gained much for 30 weeks, what I have gained is adding to the insecurity, and it doesn’t help that the scale is now officially the highest it’s ever been, even higher than it was before I lost a significant amount of weight in grad school.  Logically, I know there’s a reason, but just feel really large.  And it doesn’t help that in a lot of clothes, I’m still in the “is that a beer belly or.... ???” stage.  At some point, my weight gain will need to ramp up even more, and my biggest worry is that at I’ll never be able lose it.

julybaybay

I feel you all 100%. Things I have been doing to try to help myself feel better: I went and got fake nails on for the first time since like college, and this helps me feel feminine and like I take care of myself even on days I don't look it otherwise (also helps elongate stubby pregnancy fingers). I have also tried hard to stay away from frumpy maternity clothes that hang loose and make me look gigantic. Instead I've been getting stretchy dresses 2 sizes up from my normal size and trying to wear more fitted but still comfortable clothing that helps me feel like still myself and something the old me would have worn (just better, lol). I also try to do my make up and add jewelry when going out of the house which is something I had gone lax on pre-pregnancy. To improve functionality I have been taking more walks now that the weather is nice and trying to push myself to stay limber and active. I was able to clean the house today for the first time in months and that felt like a small win. None of this is curing the overall sense of "who is this oversize girl in the mirror that only I can see because she is now invisible to the rest of the world?" but it helps me cling to some fragments of my old self and make me feel like all is not lost, yet. 

annewheeler2

Struggling really bad. I loved my pregnancy body with my girls and felt like I was still me. I’m so exhausted and have gained so much weight this one. I keep getting asked if I’m sure it’s just one and if I’m sure about my due date. I think I struggle too because I was at my most fit before I got pregnant and feel like I have lost all my muscle.

indulgentgypsy

got on the scale last night after cleaning my floor and again at my yoga studio... I thought I had not gained anymore weight in the last week, but I was wrong. Up 10 more pounds practically overnight. I'm pretty much at a fuck it stage. If eating healthy and working out 5 days a week isn't going to stop the weight gain or even slow it down a little then I am going to eat the freaking chocolate and jelly beans I want. 

JLHeisler

Mostly when I'm not wearing a bra lol.  I realize what baby #1 did to them and I'm scared to death about what is going to happen after this one.......

hoodevil0611

I wonder if all of the extra fluids cause greater variability in weight?  I see the OB every 2 weeks now.  Last appointment I was up 6 lbs from the one before.  Today, I was down 5 lbs from there (which puts me at 2 lbs under where I was at 8 weeks - a weight that was scary high for me and the heaviest I’d ever been by far - but 13 over where I was after losing a bunch at 12 weeks).  I’ve basically kept my habits consistent throughout, and I haven’t had a single appointment in which there was less than a 5-pound difference from the last one.  WTAF?  I think I’m just going to try to be healthy, ignore the scale from now on, and let the doctor let me know if he thinks there’s an issue.  So far he seems unconcerned.

jennm0724

@indulgentgypsy I'm with you, I was watching what I was eating, walking at least 3 times a week and still gained 4lbs that week. I'd love to pretend its water and not being able to take a good poop, but who the fuck knows. I just want to eat chocolate and bread after I weigh myself each week, its depressing.

mamahmh2

@indulgentgypsy @jennm0724
I keep looking at this chart too and it’s helpful to remind myself that not all the weight is actual weight gain, and a lot of it is baby growing and fluid retention and such. At least it’s easing my mind a little 😅

Panaceia

I'm struggling this pregnancy. I didn't with DD#1 but I also didn't gain much. Due to losses etc I was about 20 lbs heavier than normal when I got  pregnant with this one so that plus the weight I have gained so far is way more than I wanted. I stopped weighing myself over a month ago so I have no idea what the scale says. It actually helps me not to know. I'm not planning on stepping on a scale again until at least September. I'm hoping to be closer to an acceptable number by then:/

cindler

As I said earlier, my biggest complaint is lack of body function.  I just can't do things in everyday life like I used to.  DH, on the other hand, is having body issues of his own. 

We were keto before I got KU.  Obviously, I had to start eating carbs again to ensure I get the energy, fiber, nutrients for me and baby.  Because of this, DH has been eating carbs too, which has caused weight gain for him and he's struggling with it.  I want to support him and the diet he chooses to follow, but there will have to be carbs in the house for the foreseeable future.  Any suggestions on how to support him without compromising what I need to eat for baby and me, both during pregnancy and after?  I fully plan to go back to a low carb/keto diet after birth and breastfeeding, but that's a long ways away still.

mom2b77373

@mamahmh2 OMG I love that chart!! Makes me feel so much better. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing!!

hestia-is-wearie

@indulgentgypsy You mentioned on the body love thread that you gain muscle really fast--do you think that could be why you're gaining more than you thought? When I did personal training, I ended at a slightly higher weight than what I started because I put on so much heavy muscle. 

indulgentgypsy

@hestia14 It could be - the Pound fitness class is a LOT of squats/lower body movement. I put on muscle easy, but it takes me 3x as long to lose fat when NOT pregnant. 

It could also be instances like last night when I ate a bag of jelly beans and 4 cookies...

mamahmh2

@mom2b77373 no prob! Helps me too! That’s 30 lbs of just Baby related stuff! Not all the weight that’s gone to my thighs lol 

julybaybay

@indulgentgypsy and @jennm0724 I can relate big time. Today started with leaving my building on the way to the doctor and another resident saying "ready to pop?" and me having to say, "nope, 2.5 more months." Then it got worse from there. Got on the scale at the doctor and couldn't believe the # I'm seeing. Its like I gain 8 lbs per month. Dr told me she is concerned about my weight, I said, ME TOO! I haven't been able to stop crying since this morning. She wants me on a diet. I am the only pregnant person I know that needs to be put on a diet. It's humiliating, scary and I am so full of self loathing right now. I have kept my eating roughly the same as my pre-pregnancy eating, 3 balanced meals per day and some healthy snacks such as fruit or cheese in between and the occasional indulgence. I do not understand where all this weight is coming from! and also where it is going, I still fit my arms into my pre-pregnancy sweaters, my face looks the same, as do my legs. It can't all be in the belly and boobs, I just don't understand. Feeling so miserable and defeated right now.