TTC After a Loss
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*INTRO* *TW*

Hey all. So i'm very very new here and just got flamed on the TTGP board so going to try again here. *TW* previous losses mentioned

Just a little about me/us: Been TTC baby #1 for 10 full cycles, justing using OPKs which have been pretty reliable for me. My partner and I are both 35. My cycles are super regular - 28-32 days with O always happening between days 12-16.

*TW*

Had a CP on cycle 2, 5 days of tests that never got darker, spotting then my cycle. Took us another 7 cycles to get a BFP again, this time I stopped testing a day or two after I got the positive because it was super stressed out it, and a week later, same story - AF reared her ugly head. At this point I went to my gyno who was NOT reassuring at all and said that CPs are not THAT common. Thank goodness I had done a lot of my own reading up on this and knew that they were in fact pretty darn common and not to be too concerned. She ordered up a bunch of genetic testing, they found nothing. I asked her for progesterone because I usually spot for up to 5 days before AF shows so I was concerned about a luteal phase defect. So been using the progesterone for a few cycles now, I usually wait a good 4 days to start it after my positive OPK so as not to block ovulation. I have also self-prescribed baby aspirin which I start taking a few days before AF is expected, just in case. 

We are now on cycle 11, and I am 4 DPO. All of my other positives came on 11 DPO so going to test next week. I've been a bit anxious because this is taking so long, I am never missing my fertile window (we BD practically every day - no chances lol) -- but I was wondering if there was anyone out there in a similar boat so we can share encouragement.
Me, 35, SO 35.
Personal assistant to one 10 year-old fur baby (cat, pictured).
Human baby #1 EDD Feb 11, 2020
BFP July 12, 2018 - CP
BFP December 7, 2018 - CP

Re: *INTRO* *TW*

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    I know it's frustrating and stressful when you've been TTC for a while, especially if you've had losses. If you're really concerned about RPL I'd suggest going straight to an RE. You don't really want your OB-GYN running a lot of the tests for you, as oftentimes RE's want to run their OWN tests and can/will make you run them again anyway, which can get very pricey.

    I wouldn't take progesterone if I were you, unless you actually have a need for it.  There are tests RE's run for that type of thing (I had an endometrial/progesterone biopsy, but others have taken blood tests I believe).  Same with the baby aspirin. I had a MFM specialists tell me to take it after my second loss, and despite the "there's really no bad reason to not take it" it turns out that there are a few very RARE reasons to not take it. So I'd see if it is something that would really help you or not.

    I know at this point you're probably trying everything that you can without going 'too far' into the testing and rigmarole of finding an RE and all that... but it really is better have concrete knowledge and testing and see if there's a reason for your losses or not. Even though 50% or so of us with RPL end up having no explanation for our losses, there's still a nice chunk of people who can get answers, fix the 'issue', and go on to have a healthy baby.

    You may want to read Taking Charge of Your Fertility as it can be a wealth of knowledge, and also start basal body temping... it helps, it really does. Especially if you've experienced miscarriage. You can find out if that 5 days of spotting before AF are because your temp dropped so your body is gearing up for AF, or if your temps remain high and it may be something else... I'd give it a go.

    As for success stories... they are out there.  But keep in mind that not everyone gets a take-home baby. I've done ALL the things... and I'm pretty much out of the race. 5 losses and I just had an IUD put in a few weeks ago.  Trying to convince DH about adoption, but I'm a psychopath right now, so I need some time for me first... 

    Also, on this board you don't really have to TW for losses, unless you're going to get super deep into the amount of blood or something like that. Sadly, we TW for living children instead, since we've all been through at least one loss, but so many of us have not had a take-home baby.
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    @dpchickens did a wonderful job with her post & next steps. I'm very sorry about your losses. 

    I will add - some of us participate regularly in TTGP as well, and the first few posters did give you some great advice about the TTCAL thread in that board. You're welcome in both. TTGP just likes to have you do the newbie intro thread as well. 
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

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    @dpchickens Thanks you so much for your advice. I live in Europe and we're on a social health care system, so it's slow and the path to an RE is a bit different if I don't want to go straight to private. All of the genetic testing I did was pretty standard and I did it through the system so I don't think an RE would ask me to repeat the same tests. I wouldn't anyway- i'm no doc but DNA is DNA... and yes, the tests were expensive, even through govt heath care. Uf. Plus, I pass out pretty much every time I get a blood test. Not fun!

    As for the progesterone, it has eliminated the spotting issue and just based on my own research I feel like its worth a chance for me. My biggest concern was about blocking O if I took it too early, so I always wait a few days until i'm really sure since I am not confirming with temps. But if you can point me to research about risks I would very much appreciate that. My hope is to eventually have another BFP and see if the progesterone is any help in helping get past the first few weeks. I do eventually though plan to get my thyroid and hormone levels checked within the next 2-3 months so that will give me a better idea is the progesterone is even needed. I figure that with two CPs in a matter of 11 months, I'll have a chance to find that out if we keep going forward as we have and I can take it from there. 

    I'm so sorry for your losses and completely respect your decision to get an IUD, that can't have been easy for you. Adoption is a great path, it's something I think about even now whether or not we eventually have a successful pregnancy. Did all of the testing you did reveal anything useful to you that led you to this decision?

    Me, 35, SO 35.
    Personal assistant to one 10 year-old fur baby (cat, pictured).
    Human baby #1 EDD Feb 11, 2020
    BFP July 12, 2018 - CP
    BFP December 7, 2018 - CP
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    kaeineurope ahh, I should've figured from your SN that you're in Europe. Yeah, hopefully your system is better with the tests already being in the system and they won't make you repeat them. In the US they're notorious for wanting to repeat the tests because they want to do it themselves.  Ugh.  

    Have you tried laying down to get blood taken?  That's what I have to do. If I sit up, it's a nightmare, but if I lay down I have no issues. ? 

    Honestly, it's been a while since I looked at the research and my motivation level to research anything TTC related is pretty low right now... had my 5th MC 2 months ago...  Maybe someone else on this board can chime in on that?  Could also search the TTGP board as I think there was a huge convo about it on there like a year or more ago.

    Unfortunately for me, all of the testing I did came back unexplained. After 5 attempts and never seeing a heartbeat, I'm pretty much done. THis last one had betas that doubled beautifully and looked so promising and perfect, and a few days before my 7 week ultrasound to hear heartbeat, I was in ER and it was gone. I can't handle anymore.  Unfortunately in the states, it can be very difficult to get IVF coverage, which is about the only chance I'd have left and is hella expensive on it's own. But since they aren't even sure if that would help me, it's not worth the huge bill out of pocket.  

    However, I will say that I'm more of the exception than the rule. Many women come in here with a MC/CP or two and then they're gone within a year. There are so many SN's I don't even remember... But sometimes people do come back and have a harder path. Sometimes the testing reveals something 'fixable' and they are able to go on and have a kid. Sometimes they just keep trying and are one of the many 'lucky' ones to eventually get a take-home baby. But, there are a few of us where that's all just not the case... and we end up on the shit end of statistics every time. But we're around and if that ends up being you, we'll help you through it as we help each other...
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    ruby696ruby696 member
    edited March 2019
    @kaeineurope I'm sorry for your losses. I've had two CP's and 3 MMC's. Four losses in the last 18 months. Unfortunately for me, my eggs are just getting old and frankly,  it's unlikely that I'm going to have a healthy pregnancy. I hope you can get to an RE soon for the appropriate testing. If nothing else, you'll know what you're actually working with. I wish you the best of luck in this difficult process.

    ETA: words
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    @ruby696 Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm stressed, but cautiously optimistic. I hear optimism can work wonders in TTC, so that's the path i'm taking. I'm closing on 4DPO today, leaving tomorrow morning on flight to Geneva to visit a girlfriend and have a spa-hiking girl getaway and when I get back i'll test, probably on Tuesday or Wednesday -- if I don't get a BFP on a FRER by 12 DPO I stop taking the progesterone . I'm going to give myself another two cycles after this one before I start looking into other options and further testing. I'm just not good with doctors, I am so annoyed that the one gyno who's bedside manner I could deal with over these last years is having such a negative outlook about the 2 CPs. I need to look for someone new, and it took me forever the first time so i've been just putting it off to avoid more stress than I am currently going through. Agh.
    Me, 35, SO 35.
    Personal assistant to one 10 year-old fur baby (cat, pictured).
    Human baby #1 EDD Feb 11, 2020
    BFP July 12, 2018 - CP
    BFP December 7, 2018 - CP
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    @kaeineurope welcome, I’m so sorry for your losses! There isn’t much else to add other than I hope your stay on this board is short! 
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    @kaeineurope Welcome, and I’m sorry you have to join us.  I had a CP this month and it just sucks.  I hope this TWW goes quickly for you 🤞
    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
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