I feel like I had a very traumatic delivery. I'm so grateful that my little girl is happy &healthy but I can't help but replay it in my head, even 4 months later. I have dreams about what happened &don't know if I'm crazy. This is mostly a vent, but also wondering if anyone had experienced anything similar & how you overcame your experience. I was induced at 37 week's for preeclampsia. My induction was started on a Saturday with cervidil, pitocin started in Monday & my waters didn't break until Wednesday. I was very "pitocin dependent". Thursday morning I finally dilated to 10 & was ready to push. I had gotten an epidural that afternoon before. Before I was ready to push my epidural failed. I notified the nurse & was told to push my bolus button &that the anesthesiologist was in an emergency c section. It then became time for me to push & still didn't have a working epidural. I was informed "it's okay, you're pushing now, you'll be able to feel everything". I pushed one time. Baby's HR dropped to 40 &didn't come up. I was a red light c section. When I got to OR I told the anesthesiologist that my epidural wasn't working so he gave me a bolus. They started the c section & I felt everything on my left side. I was moaning & screaming &remember the doctor saying "she shouldn't be feeling this" . Shortly after I woke up, they had given me conscious sedation. The doctor was closing me up & informed me that she had trouble getting baby out & had to do both vertical & horizontal incision. I am overweight but not obese (gained 9lbs during pregnancy), nor do I have a small pelvis. I was told she never would have delivered vaginally. To this day I have been unable to find a picture or article of something similar, but basically I have an inverted T incision. I lost a lot of blood, had my incisions open up & developed a staph infection. I got records after I went home & am very grateful both baby& I are okay after reading words like 'ominous'. I have asked the doctor about why the multiple incisions & was told she had cord wrapped around her shoulders & reached her hands out with the first incision. It still doesn't make much sense to me. I am an ICU nurse , so fairly knowledgeable, but OB is not something I'm very familiar with. Has anyone else had a T Incision &how did you heal? Is it normal for me to be upset over my delivery? I'm not depressed, but think about it almost daily. I've told my story before & was told "be thankful your baby is okay" which doesn't help at all. I am so thankful she is okay &would do it a again in a heartbeat, but I can't help but be upset by the way things went &lack of answers.