TTCAL w/o 3/4

maserrano714

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location?

maserrano714

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: 2 losses, MMC @ 8wks 8/2018 & MMC/D&C @ 9wks 2/2019

Status: benched 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Had a good week. Took a break this rainy weekend, no homework, no work, just pajamas & Netflix. Really needed that. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Still waiting on my blood tests results. Will call doc today.

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location? I can get lost at Home Goods for hours. I love it because I don't have to try anything on (then feel bad because it didn't fit right) and there is so much to see. 

kbrown2385

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 6 losses; 12/13, 1/17, 11/17, 4/18, 9/18, 2/19

Status: wto/ntnp for this cycle 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Looking forward to my upcoming RE appt. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? appt on the 13th. 

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location? Target for sure! 

Spartanrd4

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC 3/2016, CP 1/2019 

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? More the same- I have spotting and temp drop so just waiting for AF to come. Everyone around me is pregnant 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Has anyone tried taking any supplements for you or DH to help with sperm and egg quality? DH bought some fertilaid without even asking me because he wanted to "help"...not sure if it will be worth it to try. Made me think if there is anything for me to do- I know I have seen other bumpers mention taking Ovaboost or just Co-q 10 and DHEA. I am a dietitian and I am even overwhelmed with all the different recommendations! Feeling like throwing everything but the kitchen sink this cycle and see what happens. 

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location? Probably Ann Taylor Loft- I love their clothes...I could spend so much money there! 

_khaleesi

@maserrano714 weekends of nothing are the best!

@kbrown2385 solid choice in Target. There’s one around the corner from my office so I def spend a lot of time there. 

@Spartanrd4 *hugs* no advice on supplements as we haven’t tried any, just lots of hugs. 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

I am in a million times better place than I was last week! So thankful for the much needed weekend and finally some time with H. Finally got to truly pour my heart out and be hugged and just felt instant relief. And I have now officially posted in the intro thread!

H is out of town teaching. I will be headed to join him after work today. He’s there all week but I’m just there for two nights. We’ll be going to a college baseball game and hanging out with my college girlfriend.  Really looking forward to it!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? 

Officially back to temping as of this morning and it was normal. Hoping and praying everything else returns to normal right away.  My cycle is very, very regular so the uncertainty is completely foreign and has me so nervous! Should be O’ing a week from now. 

GTKY: AMAZON!!! Everything you need in one place. Oh and Facebook marketplace. I’m an online shopper clearly. 🙂 We are rural so it’s just easiest and most efficient!

shamrocandroll

@maserrano714 Your weekend of nothing sounds glorious!  I'd love one of those right about now.

@kbrown2385 I hope you get answers from your RE!

@spartanrd4 That's sweet of YH to want to help.  I know there are some books out there that have specific recommendations.  I haven't gotten to that point yet because I don't seem to have trouble getting pregnant... just staying pregnant.  :-/

@_khaleesi I'm so glad you're doing much better!  I feel like that breakdown is needed sometimes.  I had that moment with MH as well and felt a lot better after.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC in Nov.  CP in early Feb.

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?  I'm doing okay.  Had a nice weekend of visiting family, but I always feel like I didn't get a real weekend those weekends.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? No

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location?  Amazon.  I don't love physically going shopping, but can do some real damage online.  

dolewhipper

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Ectopic-methotrexate fail surgery with tubal removal 2/19

Status: benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I really overdid it this weekend at Disney for my moms bday. Spent over 13 hours at Magic Kingdom but it was an amazing day for her. My incision and left side is achy, but it was great for distraction. This weekend I'm doing a Relay for Life in honor of my father (shameless plug) if anyone wants to donate to my team I'll add a link. Also, if you'd like to dedicate a Luminaria let me know, I'll take a photo for you (they're $10).

Any testing coming up/any recent results? None but I'm still concerned I haven't really bled anything after surgery. (I was thinking I'd at least shed lining).

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location? Disney etsy shops. I try to buy Disney stuff from small shops instead of actually Disney. Especially for shirts. 

@maserrano714 HomeGoods is a dangerous place for me. I'm glad you had a good weekend.

@Spartanrd4 I was taking Vitex the last 2 months before my loss. You want to really read about how it can change your hormones though. 

@_khaleesi have fun at the game! I hope you're back to regular too. I was very regular as well and I hate that I'm just waiting around. 

@shamrocandroll I totally understand in the visiting family is not a real weekend. I'll be doing that this weekend, too. 

emeraldduchess

Hi ladies.  I am sorry I was MIA from the thread last week.  It was a tough AL week and I felt like I didn't have the right words to talk about it or be as supportive as I want to be for all of you.  

@_khaleesi I'm sorry that you find yourself here.  It sounds like you have a nice few days planned with your H and your friend.  Have fun!

@Spartanrd4 sorry about the temp drop and spotting.  I totally hear you on being surrounded by pregnant women. I am trying so hard not to be jealous.  One was complaining on social media the other day and it took a LOT for me not to respond with "I know many, many ladies who wish they had that problem."

@kbrown2385 I hope the time before your RE appointment goes by fast.  

@maserrano714 that pj's and Netflix weekend sounds heavenly. I will be settling down with some old movies later today. I think a little Gene Kelly and/or Judy Garland should brighten up this gloomy snow day.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 1 loss in December'18 at 5 weeks, 1 day

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Last week was a tough one when I started spotting and had to face those BFNs.  I was angry at life, angry at myself for being upset, etc.  I am feeling better now and while I want to be optimistic about this cycle, I can't let my hopes get as high as I did last time. I've been keeping up with going to the gym and doing other activities that make me happy.  I want to plan some little getaway for the summer, I'm not sure where yet. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope.  I am on the fence about calling a fertility specialist and DH is insisting we wait a few more cycles (but I know him, he will keep pushing it off).  He is in denial that our age us working against us, not matter how healthy we are. 

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location? I love TJMaxx/Marshall's/Home Goods (I count them as one since it's the same company and they're usually all located together).  I love getting cute tops for $12.99 amd workout gear for less than $20!  Plus they always have adorable seasonal decor.  

hanshotfirst77

Sorry I was MIA last week, it was a tough week emotionally for me. I didn't handle it well.

@spartanrd4 I feel you on pregnancy all around me. Today at the RE a like 8 month PG woman came in asking reception in her neighboring OB practice was open today or not (due to the snow) and I dont mean to be so bitter but seriously, you walked in a room full of women suffering from IF and loss with your huge pregnant belly in our faces. 

@kbrown2385 I hope the RE appt brings you some answers 

@emeraldduchess I'm sorry you had such a tough week. I hope this week is better!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. - MMC 2/19

Status: Benched WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? - I am struggling with not getting my post loss AF yet. My temps have been doing nothing but screwing with me. Saw the RE today and waiting on bloodwork to confirm if I ovulated and if Provera is necessary or not. I am frustrated with this taking so long. I just want to move forward and I feel the longer it takes to get AF back the more I am just sitting here doing nothing!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just waiting on some bloodwork.

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location?

Probably Amazon. Having prime I end up doing a lot of orders.

omg1108

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.  MMC w/D&C 9/18, MMC w/cytotec 2/19

Status: Waiting for AF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

~I have been thinking a lot about IVF as an option. The more I stew in this waiting for AF and getting back on the wagon, I get nervous about another MMC with no real answers. Good news is, my RE has been awesome and I already feel like there are answers coming (see below). I had a nice weekend. I caught up on some Netflix, a ton of laundry, and grading papers. I sent my BF out with his buddies to blow off some steam. We went to the mall yesterday! We had no idea that the mall was still a thing! Near us, everything is outside shopping complexes. We were so shocked as to how nice the one mall is; updated and crowded!!! We said, we might become weekend mall people. LOL. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results?  

~Had more bloodwork done on Friday; my prolactin levels came back abnormal (high) so doctor messaged me to repeat them. I am going right after work today. I am trying to be on the ball so we don't lose a whole cycle. Anyone have this same problem? If it is as "simple" (not really) as a hormone or hypothyroidism that can be managed with medication I would be relieved to have some answers. However, my problem with Dr. Google & Web MD is telling me....

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location? 

~Kohls and Target!

Be back shortly for some personal tags. Going to get the kiddos from recess

emeraldcity1214

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 

MC at 15 weeks 12/18

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? 

I'm super emotional this week. Someone even said to me, "oh, you're still sensitive about that?" Ugh, yes I'm still sensitive about the fact I lost my baby. People are so insensitive. That is the second insensitive comment from that person. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

I got my results back for the baby. No chromosomal abnormalities and she was a girl. Her name is Abigail Louise. I feel so much relief with having some closure.  

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location? 

I like Old Navy and Gap. 

**be back for tags**

shamrocandroll

@emeraldcity1214 I'm so sorry people are so insensitive.  That makes me so angry for you.  I'm really happy to hear you got some answers about your angel baby.  Beautiful name.  One of the hardest things for me with my first loss is it was at 10w, but development had stopped around 7, so I never got to know the baby's identity.  It definitely feels like closure I'll never get, which is really hard.  

hanshotfirst77

@emeraldcity1214 I'm sorry they said that to you. That is so hurtful. That is great about getting answers though. I love the name Abigail. I'm glad it gave you closure.

emeraldcity1214

@maserrano714 enjoy your down time!

@kbrown2385 I completely forgot about Target. How is that even possible? lol, I can do some therapy shopping in there for sure.

@Spartanrd4 I know how you feel with all the pregnant people around you. There is a lady at church who found out she was pregnant right after me and it is so hard for me to be around her. She is right where I should be. 

@_khaleesi I'm so glad you had some time with your DH. Sometimes you just need to sit and just talk and be held. It feels so good. 

@shamrocandroll When I'm with family I feel like I run more. We are out seeing stuff and going places and by the time it's all over I'm exhausted. I'm glad you enjoyed your visit.

@dolewhipper I'm so jealous of your Disney trip. I looove Disney!

@emeraldduchess I feel the same way about this cycle. I'm not getting my hopes up because I was crushed last cycle. I can't do that to myself again. If you feel you need the testing don't wait!

@hanshotfirst77 The waiting game is very frustrating. I'm sorry it is taking so long.

@omg1108 I'm glad you are getting some answers. 

kagesstarshroom

@emeraldcity1214 Wow, what a garbage way to react to someone's extremely valid emotions. More importantly, I'm glad you are feeling like you had some closure. That's so important and hard to come by sometimes, and the name is lovely. 

@omg1108 Ah, good ol' Dr. Google. I was trying to explain to my (male) friend who was visiting how there are more questions then answers with loss/women's bodies in general, and how one of the best ways to feel like you know something is to see what other ladies on boards like this have asked and said in the past, and he was having trouble understanding why I would choose such an unscientific research method. I was like "because sometimes there aren't any answers, so at least seeing how other people's single experiences have panned out gives me some sort of information that you can't really find anywhere else" or something. He kind of got it, but then spiraled on a tangent about sciences that aren't really sciences. WebMD is just the worst, but I also cannot help myself sometimes. I don't have any similar experiences-- my ob hasn't recommended any testing yet-- but I hope that you get some answers here from someone who knows more than me and that you find some relief that you are going in right away today. Like, you are doing everything you can right now, and you should have faith in that at the very least. 

@shamrocandroll When I have super planned weekends, I also feel like they drain me rather than do what weekends are meant to do. I'm glad you had a good time though!

@_khaleesi Once I got back to temping, even though I'm benched, it helped me feel like I was doing *something* rather than just waiting. For my first cycle AL/post d+c, I O'd like... 6 days later than usual if you count the day of my d&c as CD1. I know I've said this on this thread before, and I'm not sure where you are in your cycles, but looking on FF at other people's charts post-loss and post-d&c for me specifically was really helpful to me. They have a good search engine to filter the charts--not sure if it's only available for VIP. Anyway, I hope your cycle is what you're used to!

@maserrano714 Your weekend sounds like what I need for this Mardi Gras break I am on right now! About to curl up on the couch with some Netflix myself... and hopefully some tea once my new RLT arrives in the mail! I hope your call w/ the doc goes well. I really like the gourmet foods section of Home Goods? Is that weird? I bought a huge box or organic jasmine green tea last time I was there and a bag of organic maca powder. I feel like I can always find stuff there I can't find elsewhere. 

@hanshotfirst77 So sorry you had a rough week emotionally last week. I am always hoping when ppl aren't around it's for better reasons than that, but I'm glad you are feeling better enough this week to reach out to us and share. Do you want to share your chart with us? I've been posting in WTO and now TWW with mine & including it in a spoiler as a "POST-LOSS" chart because I've found so much solace looking at others (as I was just saying above.) They're all so different, but at the same time, there are detectable consistencies. I hope you did O bc one of those consistencies was that, for the most part, ppl had normal luteal phases (if not normal FOR THEM then at least within the standard ~11-17 days) after O. 

@emeraldduchess I feel like the first cycle we tried after my cp, I felt just like you did! Super mad and everything, and then for the second, I had a bit more solace. I hope you can find some for this next cycle-- though I also hope you get to celebrate instead next time. I am always rooting for everyone here!

@kbrown2385 I was thinking about NTNP for my next cycle. OB said to wait for at least one "normal" cycle before trying again. I feel like waiting one cycle (this one), even if it was longer than usual, is fine it just lessens my chances at getting our timing right if we don't wait to see what a normal cycle looks like. Anyway, I am wondering how you came to your decision to NTNP, if that's what was recommended, etc. if you're willing to share!

@dolewhipper As a poor grad student, I can't donate anything right now to your cause, but I am super proud of you for going through with it despite all that you've been going through right now. I'm also glad you and your Mom had such a baller weekend. What did she have the most fun doing at the park? I mean, besides getting to spend time with you.

@Spartanrd4 I'm not taking any additional supplements, but we have decided to go organic/bpa-free starting lent (so Wed.) I am still gonna eat what we have in the house now, but everything we buy from now on will follow those rules. I have been considering getting the book IT STARTS WITH THE EGG that advises on what to do for better egg health, but the book I'm reading NOT BROKEN, while it recommends eating as organic/healthy as you can and

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. CP 10/1208; mmc w/ d&c 1-2/2019

Status: benched/wto

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I was really feeling the milestone of "we'd be announcing now!" last week, even though the actual milestone days are this week, but we had a friend in town and that was super distracting. Wound up not going to NOLA for a million reasons (if you're interested, I posted about this in my rant in WTO today) but it's still Mardi Gras, I still have some time off, and honestly, the alone time I was scared of having is a huge relief to me right now. I have some grading to do, some catching up on TV to do (I missed last night's ep of World of Dance!) and some dogs to love on and hug while DH is away. So I'm doing alright. Or I was until the mail just came in the middle of my typing this and I got my d&c bill and it's 3x more than they predicted it would be when we were making our decision. ::insert many vulgar/angry curse words:: DH is on the text (he's in PA for a funeral) calming me down though. What a man.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I ovulated (according to FF/OPKs/temping) and that's a big relief. But other than OPKs, my ob hasn't recommended and I haven't requested any testing.

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location? Our local Good Will! And Target. If I knew of a baller bookstore near me, I'd add that too as it has been in the past, but rural Louisiana = no such thing. 

p.s. Do I get some sort of award for longest post ever? 😭 I remember when I firsstttt first intro'd (pre-2nd loss) I was like "I am long-winded." ::Regina George voice:: STILL TRUE.

kbrown2385

@kagesstarshroom I decided myself this cycle. We are actually kind of avoiding. I have my follow up appt with my RE and I want to be able to jump into testing and not play the wait and see game again. I realize that sounds weird, but it is what it is. 

ruby696

@Spartanrd4 I take Ubiquinol and Maca, although Maca is more to regulate hormones. 

@emeraldcity1214 I'm glad you have some closure. And Abigail Louise is a beautiful name.

@emeraldduchess I hope you're feeling better this week. Sometimes I think we just need a break.

@omg1108 If I could justify the cost of IVF with PGS, I would do it in a heartbeat. If you can swing it, I say go for it.

Sorry for everyone I missed. I'm on mobile and it's so much harder.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 5 losses - 2 CP's and 3 MMC's.

Status: Benched. 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm doing okay. As I'm nearing the end of my time being benched, I'm starting to think about the chances of another loss. I just can't keep going through this. I think if I have another loss, we'll have to be done. I've found some peace in making that decision.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I'm still waiting for confirmation that my hcg is zero. And this is my last TWW, so I'll have more testing in 10ish days and then I'M OFF THE BENCH!

GTKY: What is your favorite retail therapy location? Hmmm... probably Nordstrom. I can get most of what I like to buy there.

emeraldcity1214

@ruby696 hugs. Going through that many losses has to take a toll on you. I pray that you get your rainbow. ❤

emeraldduchess

@hanshotfirst77 I get the frustration waiting for AF to arrive.  I never felt more betrayed by my own body than after my loss.  I hope AF shows up soon and your body heals.
@emeraldcity1214 that's horrible that person made that comment to you. I'm glad you got your results back and feel some closure.  I love your angel's name, its' absolutely beautiful.  
@omg1108 I'm glad your RE is so supportive and you feel like you're on your way to getting more answers. 
@kagesstarshroom I'm glad that even though you didn't get to go to NOLA, you're making the best out of things. Sometimes alone time is needed.
@ruby696 so many hugs to you.  It's so unfair to have to make a decision like that.  So many wishes for you that you get your rainbow soon!

kagesstarshroom

@kbrown2385 I don't think that sounds weird, but totally fair. I am all about women ttc being able to make our own, informed decisions based on medical advice but also what we think is best for us, and I am guessing your RE is good for that. 

@emeraldduchess Thanks! it's hard not to feel like it is a missed opportunity to have stayed home, but i've been catching up on some tv and vegging out and it's been important for sure. 

@ruby696 Rooting for you over here. I am glad you are happy to be off the bench, but I feel you as I have been having those scares already about another possible loss too. 

kbrown2385

@kagesstarshroom well I’d like to say my RE is providing her best advice, however we are currently disagreeing on the best course of action after my loss last month. 

kagesstarshroom

@kbrown2385 ugh yeahhh now i remember you're on base right and you've kinda just got the one re unless you go offsite aka more $/out of network etc? you sounded confident in your decision and i was hoping it was mutual, but your wording does reveal it might be more difficult than that. i hope you get what you want. you deserve it. 

dolewhipper

@kagesstarshroom she had a stroke in 2012 and it left her really disabled. She's wheelchair bound and has aphasia, to say the least (there a lot more but doesn't matter). She only spent the first 3 hours and last 4 hours with us but that was a lot for her. We did the magic carpet ride (like Dumbo just different theme) during fireworks and she absolutely LOVED IT! She was screaming with delight like a toddler. I was so glad she was able to ride some of the rides even with her wheelchair; we had a great time. And thank you so much for your kind words for my fundraising, I do it every year. One of my sisters said we could cancel it if I wanted to and I definitely didn't. 

@hanshotfirst77 AF needs to f-ing come. I feel you.

@omg1108 I hope your blood work and drs give you some answers 

@emeraldcity1214 people are dicks. My supervisor is acting that way to me. If it's the second time this person has said something though I would totally write them off. She has a beautiful name and I'm glad you got a little closure. I think you should come on down to disney, its great therapy, of course. 

@ruby696 sending so much love and light towards you

bakerstreetboys

 Too blah and too busy to post properly right now, but wanted to say:

@emeraldcity1214 I'm so glad that you finally got closure.  to you and Abigail.  I had a long cry about our lost little boy last night, and kind of wish that we had chosen a name for him.

@ruby696 Hugs to you.  Having so many losses is just unbelievably tough.

Spartanrd4

@dolewhipper Disney sounds so fun, now you can take it easy again. Relay for Life is a great cause! 

@kagesstarshroom I am glad you were able to enjoy some time off even though you couldn't go to Mardi Gras. 

@kbrown2385 I hope your next RE appointment goes well and you two can be on more of the same page with the plan going forward. 

@emeraldduchess I am sorry you had a difficult week- I know how it feels to be angry but I am glad you can still focus on the things in life you enjoy like going to the gym, it really helps to do self care. 

@emeraldcity1214 Ugh I cannot stand insensitive people. I had a similar issue with a pregnant coworker who said something like that after my MMC and I basically cut her completely from my life and have barely talked to her in 3 years. I don't need to surround myself with crappy people like that. I never found out the sex of the baby we lost- sometimes I feel like its easier on my heart to not know but I am glad it gave closure to you and you could give a beautiful name to your baby. 

@omg1108 I had a MMC too and it really messes with you I know. I am glad your RE has been awesome and you can get some answers with your recent labwork. 

@hanshotfirst77 I hope AF comes soon! 

@maserrano714 I am jealous of your chill weekend with Netflix! 

@shamrocandroll Yes weekends with family go by so fast! 

@_khaleesi I am glad you are feeling better and spent some quality time with YH

@ruby696 Yay for getting off the bench....and yes its a hard decision on how many losses and how much heartbreak can you go through in this journey before you decide to just end it. I hope you don't need to go down that road. 

emeraldcity1214

Thanks everyone. My eyes are all puffy from all the crying I did yesterday. 
@bakerstreetboys you can still give him a name. For some reason I had an intense desire to give our baby a name. It feels good. It's never too late if that's something you want to do. 
It also feels good to know that my intuition about her was right. I kept saying it was going to be a girl. It makes me feel like I knew her, had some kind of bond already with her. My heart just aches in a way that I don't think will ever stop. 

shamrocandroll

@emeraldcity1214 My heart aches for you.  So many hugs.   

ruby696

Yes, @bakerstreetboys - it's not too late to give him a name.

@emeraldcity1214 I read somewhere that it was discovered that women retain some of their childrens' DNA and it stays with them. That thought has pulled me through each of my losses. They will always be a part of us

ETA: spelling

kbrown2385

@emeraldcity1214 What a beautiful name. I’m happy you have gotten some closure. My heart breaks that you had to deal with that person. 

shamrocandroll

@ruby696 That's a beautiful way to think about it and brought me some comfort just reading it.  Thank you!  

kagesstarshroom

@Spartanrd4 Don't worry! Mardi Gras is everywhere in this state. I just wanted to do it in New Orleans, since we have never done it there. I am on my way, with my cupcakes, to the nearest bigger local parade later this morning ^_~*

@dolewhipper Props to your mama! 3 hours in the beginning and 4 later does sound like a lot considering. That's cool to know, too, that parts of Disney are accessible like that.

emeraldcity1214

You guys are so wonderful. I don't know how I would have gotten through this without y'all. I'm sitting on my plane choking back tears. ❤

Edit: fix spelling

ruby696

@emeraldcity1214 Same, but I'm in my office. You guys. 

shamrocandroll

Hugs to all of you ladies having a tough time.  I'm currently struggling with the lack of closure with my 2 losses and it gets triggered in weird ways.  I recently found my pregnancy test from my CP in ealry Feb still tucked away in a pocket of my luggage (I was traveling for work when I got my BFP), and I found myself really conflicted about what to do with the test.  It almost feels like throwing it out would be throwing away the only evidence I have of it, but on the other side of it, it feels kind of insane to keep HPTs from my two losses.  I know there's no easy answer here and I still haven't decided what to do.  Would I be psychotic to plant something in memory of them and bury the tests under whatever I plant?  I also feel like that's probably a terrible idea because I have a black thumb and suck at keeping plants alive (even the "easy" ones).  I guess I just can't think of something to do with them that doesn't sound crazy when I think about it.

ruby696

@shamrocandroll Not crazy. I have a picture of each positive test saved on my computer. And I habe a bird ornament for each of my losses, which come out at Christmas. I didn't want to plant something because I knew I'd have a complex if we ever sold our house, but if it will bring you peace, do it.

kagesstarshroom

@shamrocandroll I really love the idea of planting them--maybe plant them with some seeds somewhere that isn't your house? OR plant them near something already growing? I never thought of composting them--are they wondfos/made of paper? If they're wondfos, it seems you can peel that plastic part off and they'd be fully compostable and good for whatever you planted it with/near. I threw mine out & just kept pictures of them and hesitate to delete the pictures when I scroll past them, so I understand this but differently. MH has the green thumb, so our gardens are nice when he maintains them, but even he sometimes fails at certain plants. Find something hardy and easy to grow for where you live--maybe mint? That grows wildly like a weed most places with little aftercare. And it's great in tea, etc.

shamrocandroll

@ruby696 That's a really good point.  I hadn't thought about the moving aspect.  We don't plan to anytime soon, but even decades from now I would probably be the type to have a really hard time with that.  Plus if the tree/plant ever died, I would be devastated.  So yeah, planting them is probably more of a bad idea than a good idea.  @kagesstarshroom They're also both plastic FRERs so probably not the best idea environmentally either.  

ruby696

@shamrocandroll The nice thing about the Christmas ornament is I feel like they are part of our Christmas - just hanging out on the tree. 

hanshotfirst77

@shamrocandroll I have been struggling with wanting to do something in memory too. I still have all my HPTs too hidden under my sink in the bathroom. And I have the first sonogram before it all went bad. I plan on keeping that. I didn't know the sex of the baby and didn't do any testing but I was thinking of picking a gender neutral name and naming the baby anyways. And I really like @ruby696 ornament idea. I think the plant is a great idea too, I hope whatever you choose it helps you. Hugs

kbrown2385

@shamrocandroll I found a necklace to honor my losses. It’s a forget me not seed. I couldn’t plant something as I didn’t want to kill it and we move all the time. I’ve also considered a tattoo but am to chicken to follow through with that currently. Maybe one day when we are done trying for our family I can do something more with that idea. For now, I love my necklace and wear it daily as a reminder. 

Eta: doing birthstones and angel wings felt weird to me and I couldn’t bring myself to name them. 

shamrocandroll

@hanshotfirst77 I don't have a sonogram even for my first loss, sadly.  I only got a sonogram after the MMC had already happened, and that didn't seem like something to ask for.  The image only exists in my memory, and it's painful.  I do like the idea of the ornament.  I guess I should probably keep the photo and toss the test and get some other memento for them.  Thanks for helping me talk through this, ladies.  You're the only people I feel like "get it". 

*Edited for typo