July 2019 Moms

Unpopular Opinions 2/21

Re: Unpopular Opinions 2/21

  • @ameliabedelia-2 I was just thinking about that the other day, like WTF is a birthplan for? Like isn't the plan to have a baby, what more do you need to plan LOL? Seems like a way to control the situation and then get mad when it doesn't happen the way you wanted it to. FTM so I have no expectations of how anything should go, figure I'd wing it. I'm not the first person to have a baby nor will I be the last lol. 

    ameliabedelia-2pizzaplzerynpdx
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  • @ameliabedelia-2 I'm glad to hear this!  I have been wondering for a while what a birth plan was for.  While I'm all about planning and being prepared, it seems like overkill.  The same goes for wedding days that are planned out to the minute.  When you restrict things so much, you're destined for things going wrong or "not according to plan."  I'm a very easy going, laid back person and plan to do pretty much what you said you did.  I'll tolerate the contractions without meds as long as I can.  If I ask for an epidural and it's too late, well, that sucks.  If something goes wrong and I need a CS, so be it.  As long as the process ends with me and the baby alive and well, I don't care what happens.

    That being said, I am afraid of tearing and will be learning how to prevent that and ensuring those things are done.
    indulgentgypsyameliabedelia-2erynpdx
  • The OBs I had with my boys actually had expectant moms sign a form that basically said "we care about getting the baby out safely and keeping you healthy and will ignore your birth plan". I was good with that as my plan was happy healthy baby. I was also ok with the ECS and then RCS I ended up with because it meant my babies were our and safe as swiftly as possible - my after care left a bit to be desired the 2nd time around, but I think I will be good this time. 
    cindlergreeneyedgirl12erynpdx
  • @indulgentgypsy What about your after care do you feel you was lacking?  I'm curious because, although I'm easy going, I have no problem raising hell to ensure I'm cared for properly.
  • @cindler, I tore with both of mine. I had a third degree tear with #1 and a first degree tear with #2 (even though he was over a pound heavier), but I couldn't really feel the difference between the two. They healed quickly with no lasting damage or pain, and DH said he can't tell either:)
    Momma to Amelia Marie (7/14) and Austin Samuel (11/17). Adding baby (girl) #3 on 7/21  <3
  • My 2nd OB did not listen to me when I said I was a bleeder, so I nearly bled out with my repeat C-section. Just barely not enough blood to warrant a transfusion, but close. Then the staples they placed, I don't know, they weren't set properly or something... they caused additional scarring and the office wouldn't let me make a follow up appointment to get them out for 3 or 4 weeks - my DH ended up cutting them out I think, I have limited memories of that time due to PPD. I still have issues with the scar tissue getting infected 10 years later. I am actually hopeful that with this next one being cut open a 3rd time will mean that new scarring is created that fixes some of the issues from the first time. 
    cindler
  • nopegoatnopegoat member
    edited February 2019
    Agree 100% with birth plans. You can have a preference of how you wish things would go, do your research to make that preference favorable, but also do research and be prepared for anything. Healthy baby and momma should always trump preferences.

    I've seen way too many birth plans go wrong and then they hold resentment on a day that should be happy.

    Obviously this doesn't include scary emergency situations that would traumatize or upset anyone. 
    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
    indulgentgypsyerynpdxjenniferjoy37
  • Agree with @nopegoat - when I hear birth plan, I tend to think more of what your preferences are, which I think is fine. If your birth plan is so exact and detailed that you have to type it up and hand it out to the nurses (which I've heard of)...well, you're in for a surprise!
    Pregnancy Ticker
    nopegoaterynpdx
  • @ameliabedelia-2 I never bothered with a birth plan, I didn't see the point in something that can be so unpredictableble. I just wanted a healthy, happy baby and to be as comfortable as possible. With my second my  plan was to ”make it to the hospital. That will be my plan again as my labors escalate incredibly quickly once my water breaks.


    @cindler - I was lucky to not tear with my first and only had a small tear with my second (no stitches required). My son was a pound bigger and had a big head. I didn't do anything special to prevent it.
    cindlererynpdx
  • @cindler I tore badly up and down with #1. We had to use the kiwi vacuum to get him out quickly because of decreasing heartrate. He had his hand up by his head so as soon as his head came out his arm broke through. Not a whole lot that I could have done to prevent it. 

    No tearing with any of my others. 
    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
  • I'll add that I do think genetics play a role in how likely you are to tear and how severe it could be. A lot has to do with your skins elasticity. But there is really no way to know and things happen that could make it more likely that are out of control. 
    nopegoat
  • @cindler ...  I have to add to the tearing convo... I did all the right things to prevent tearing and I still "tore". Baby was 8'10, got stuck on my pelvis, pushed for 5.5 hours which finally resulted in a forceps' delivery and required episiotomy. It was that or a C-Section.
  • Bear14+Bear14+ member
    edited February 2019
    Totally agree on the birth plan! Although, my birth plan is to get an epidural as soon as they will let me :D From there, it's go with the flow. We have an incredible baby hospital and I'm lucky to be 10 minutes away from. I 100% trust the staff and my OB and so far two births have gone to plan.

    With my first I had a few stitches and my second I didn't have any (she was a pound heavier too). I think you just don't know if you will tear or not, but really, the recovery between stitches vs no stitches, pretty much felt the same for me (it all sucks). Peri bottle and that dermoplast!!! 
  • My uo is that I don’t think Trigger warnings should be necessary. People cannot possibly put TW for everyone’s situations because they do not know what they are. I feel putting a TW takes away from the person who is sharing story/ situation. 
    cindlerindulgentgypsyantony17
  • Wow, I guess my UO is that I think birth plans are important for anyone who cares about autonomy over their own body.  Some FTMs might be surprised how fast the cascade of medical intervention can propagate during labor.  The negative feedback cycle of epidural and pitocin, for example, can slow labor and increase incidence of CS.  Artificial rupture of membranes can start a ticking clock on the onset of infection which, again, can lead to increased need for CS.  The list goes on and on.

    A good birth plan lists medical intervention that you would agree to, or would refuse, for both yourself and your baby. That's it.  Whoever is referencing mood lighting and music is talking about something that is not a standard birth plan.

    I am not a neurotic control freak by any means, but I'll be damned if someone break my water without my permission or insert an internal transducer into my baby's scalp without my permission.  That's what a birth plan is about.

    Some people are not trying to avoid a CS, and some people are genuinely OK with any medical procedure their providers deem necessary.  I am not one of those people.
    mamanbebecindlerfromcatstokids
  • I have a birth plan written down to the second and if they divert at all, I will sue.  I thought about scheduling down to the millesecond, but did not want to be seen as high maintenance. 
    cindlertsa208
  • @indulgentgypsy may I ask how long ago your last CS was? I had one a year ago and I didn’t get staples at all, they glued the incision site and put a bandage over it. About 2 weeks later, the glue came off. No re-opening, no large scar (besides having a breech baby via CS)... I hope this go around treats your body well. Be kind to yourself mama, you’re bringing a wonderful life into this world! You’re a rock star! 

    I’m of the mindset that healthy baby, healthy mama no matter what.  It may be traumatic (emergency c-section, 24+ hr labor) but whatever way baby and mama survive is the best option, IMO. 
    ameliabedelia-2cindler
  • I’m with @Cbeanz. I think birth plans are great! Doesn’t mean someone can’t accept that things will change. I had a birth plan for my first and it ended with a c/s. I wasn’t upset. The opposite! Because I had thought through scenarios and how I thought I would feel, I was confident in the choices I made at the time. 

    But I also was pressured into getting IV’s when I didn’t need them. When I pushed back, it meant I had the freedom to walk around in labor and I was insanely grateful for that. And.... other things. I was glad that mh and I were clear on hopes. 

    I had the best playlist! And other fun things. Birth plan isn’t a “schedule”. 
    mamanbebeCbeanz
  • The idea of a birth plan is that in the middle of labor and delivery, you may not be able to advocate for yourself. I agree that having a bunch of rules about candles and music and whatever else is frivolous and pointless to even bring to the hospital, and I'm sure people do, but verbalizing or writing down your stance on intervention procedures can in fact be a birth plan, since it is your plan on how to navigate those topics during.. birth. 
    Cbeanz
  • Before I was "too far gone" my nurse asked me "What is your plan for interventions, what are you ok with"... I had done my research and thought about it with my husband prior so we told her right then and there, she wrote it on the whiteboard and we proceeded on with labour. That was my birth plan.
    pizzaplz
  • I never understood written birth plans either. My doctor made me sign something saying that their practice doesn't even allow birth plans. Isn't almost everyone's birth plan to "avoid unnecessary, invasive procedures but do use them if absolutely necessary"? We all have different levels of how much we trust the doctor to make that call, but at the end of the day.. they are really just going to do what they want to do - with our without your consent and it is hard to even gauge that because it varies by scenario.
  • @strickland8052 I don't think everyone's plan is to avoid intervention, some women simply want baby out as quickly or painlessly as possible. Some women are uninformed and have no idea what the different intervention methods are -- which in all honesty, I see as pretty common since none of that was ever spelled out to me beyond the possibility of an induction, but absolutely no details about procedures or risks. I think having an idea of a birth plan encourages women to do their research. It's true that some hospital policies in childbirth will override your choices but not always. 
    Cbeanz
  • Wow, reading this discussion, I feel like I have a lot more research to do! We were at brunch with my BIL and SIL this past weekend and she was talking about her birthing experience; it sounded like she'd planned everything down to the minute and I was just like, 'but how do you know what you'll need?'
    I guess you would just say, if X happens, then Y and Z are acceptable interventions but Q is not?  Maybe? Anyway, glad for this discussion.
    My unpopular opinion, which I'm pretty sure someone has already used: I don't like beer. 
    Cbeanzmamanbebefromcatstokids
  • A UO for someone I know. She is currently 17 ish weeks pregnant and haven't seen much of a medical professional. Back in early December she had a blood clot due to some vit K she was taking according to a hematologist. She went to the er and found out she's having twins. She is very strict with her birth plan. No hospitals, no meds, no intervention of any sort. She's set on having a home birth but every midwife, OB (she had to see bc of the blood clot) and MFM practice she has talked to, told her that she's high risk and would not recommend a home birth. She keeps talking to me about and I just want to say suck it up and go to a OB that's highly praised. If over 10 people have told you, you are high risk, just listen to them. At least 6 midwives have told her no to assisting with a home birth bc of the blood cot, having twins, being a vbac, and maybe something else. 
    wabash15WinchesterGirl
  • @asupernovablizzardstorm, I don't know if that's really an UO....I would consider it extremely selfish and irresponsible. There's a reason why mortality rates for mothers and babies are down over 95% in the last century. Medical intervention is by no means perfect, and the US isn't the pinnacle of maternal care....but that's just reckless. 
    Momma to Amelia Marie (7/14) and Austin Samuel (11/17). Adding baby (girl) #3 on 7/21  <3
    acgxmamanbebeshawnacrestwabash15
  • I thought this was really helpful for a birth plan. 

    https://m.kp.org/content/dam/kporg/maternity/pdf/birth-plan-2.pdf 
    pizzaplzfromcatstokidsgembud
  • I’m surprised by this thread! When I was a FTM, I’m sure I didn’t know all the possible interventions or choices or things to wonder about. Creating a birth plan meant I just learned about the different processes. It’s how I knew I could just choose Cervidil for induction and not go straight to Pitocin. Which did allow me to (I believe) have a more natural start to labor. And for #2, I did want to start labor at my office and walk to the hospital. Walking up Broadway and through Central Park would have been amazing! But I also didn’t hesitate when that wasn’t the agenda. But bottom line is that I’m grateful I had a better understanding of all possibilities during labor and delivery. And made informed choices that made me feel empowered when my body was going a tad insane.
    mamanbebeCbeanz
  • I believe the whole point of this was that some of us don't have written out birth plans. That doesn't mean we aren't informed of different things that can happen in L&D and also be able to choose between different interventions. We can still advocate for ourselves and make informed decisions without having a piece of paper telling people what to do. 
    canuckmommacindlerindulgentgypsy
  • @Bear14+ exactly. While I didn’t hand my nurses a written out birth plan I went over scenarios in my head and with my doula. Maybe it’s better called birth prep. I was prepared for different options and could advocate for myself but allowed birth to happen as it did. 
    cindlerindulgentgypsy
  • @canuckmomma I like "birth prep". To me a "plan" means you expect L&D to go according to plan. That is so rarely the case. I will go into L&D prepared, but there will be no "plan" other than to take home a healthy baby when everything is said and done.
    indulgentgypsyameliabedelia-2canuckmomma
  • Oh! I didn’t have a typed out thing that I gave anyone. That’s just another part of you deciding if that’s your plan. Plan to me just means... you’ve thought about it and planned it out. Like I plan to go to open houses today and I know which ones, but don’t have a written piece of paper about it. 

    Maybe the only only difference is semantics and really everyone has a birth plan?
    mamanbebeindulgentgypsycanuckmommatsa208
  • My “birth plan” (not actually written out, but told to my doula, dr, and his assistant) was “drugs. All the drugs!” I ended up having an emergency c section, which definitely has given me a lot to think about for this repeat c section.
    indulgentgypsycanuckmomma
  • Thanks @hakele super helpful for this FTM!
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    hakele
  • @gbud630 right! Nice and concise and helped me with getting started asking questions down this line with my OB office as I continue to prepare. They had so many great resources on the KP site. 
    gembud
  • @hakele THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THAT! FTM here and literally feel like I have so much to 'prep' for :(
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    pizzaplzhakelegembud
  • @jenniferjoy37 - My C's were Nov '15 and May '17 and I had staples both times. I'll be thrown for a loop if they don't do it again, but you make it sound barbaric.  :D
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