July 2019 Moms

35+ Mamas check in

Can we do another AMA check in because I'm feeling so old and tired and big and nothing will make me feel better like some commiseration. :-)

How old are you?

Other kids? Ages?

How are you feeling? What are you most looking forward to?

What are your parents/in laws ages and are they helpful with childcare (or do they plan to be)?

Re: 35+ Mamas check in

  • 38

    Three girls - 6, 4, and about to turn 2.

    I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I caught some cold/virus and on top of being pregnant it's been awful. Hubs is basically overwhelmed caring for 3 kids solo. I can barely get out of bed. Ugh. And I'm just feeling way more "pregnant" than I should feel at 18 weeks. Got a long way to go... Unfortunately I'm afraid to have a 4th baby since we're already overwhelmed with the chaos of 3. So I'm not even looking forward to the birth that much. Just in a negative mental place right now.

    My mom's in her 70s but really active. She lives out of state, about 9 hour drive away. We lost my dad before my third was born. My in laws are in town but their health prevents them from helping us with care. Hence us being so overwhelmed. We don't have any babysitter either. I'm afraid for this 4th baby because a lot of sitters aren't comfortable with 4 kids at once. 

    So, yeah, this is a pretty negative post but it's where I am right now.
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  • I just turned 39; no other children.

    Now that the first trimester is over, I’ve been feeling much better physically. I cycle through feelings of real excitement + that “wtf was I thinking” feeling... Am also experiencing a ton of nervous anticipation as we get closer to fetal viability time. 

    My parents are both 63 and are super active. They’re really excited about having a second granddaughter and have been talking about having baby sleepovers and taking care of the baby if we want to go on vacation. So yeah, they’re pumped. They are really involved in my niece’s life and spend a lot of time with her, taking care of her when my sister is in town, so I know they’re good for it!
    My MIL is 73 and is unfortunately not doing too well. She’s developed some mental health issues over the last year and just really has a hard time even taking care of herself. My husband spends a lot of time parenting her and making sure she remembers to do basic self-care tasks. I’m not sure what kind of relationship she will want or be able to maintain with our child, sadly. 

  • @mamanbebe My mom has offered to stay home for the summer to help. She is great with DD but I feel guilty saying yes since I don't know how many good summers she and my dad have left. I might give in and say yes to a month or two though...just until I'm recovered from surgery etc. I'm sorry you don't have any help from parents. I'm hoping since DD will be 5.5 when this baby arrives that it might be a little easier to manage without help. Hopefully you will find the same with DS.
  • Happyin14Happyin14 member
    edited February 2019
    @mamanbebe, he died in a fire at my in-laws. That’s also how I lost my MIL. My FIL died 2 months later. 

    I don’t mind talking about it. So don’t feel bad about asking!! 

    ETA: your in-laws sound like my dad and his wife. Love being around but then just sit and read books when here. It’s sort of....incredible!
  • @Happyin14 Oh my goodness, what heartbreaking loss for you and your husband. I'm so sorry that happened to your son and your in-laws <3  
  • @Happyin14 thanks for sharing that with us. For some reason I was guessing you had lost your son to cancer. Sounds like a more sudden tragedy for you to go through. So sorry for your loss.
  • @Cbeanz, yeah. Most people assume he was sick. It was super sudden...my husband lost so much. His childhood home (and all their stuff), his parents, his son and our dog. Just insane.  
  • @mamanbebe for me it’s when I’m in the shower. I feel like I hear a lot about new moms not having enough time to themselves to even take a shower, so I stand there on the nice hot water and enjoy it while I can. 

    @Happyin14 wow. Going through all that and coming out the other side speaks a lot about your strength and resilience. Thank you for trusting us all with this knowledge. 💗
  • How old are you? 37

    Other kids? Ages? All boys, ages 8, 6, and 2

    How are you feeling? What are you most looking forward to? Physically my sciatica is killing me lately! I have no idea why since I didn't have this with the boys but I feel so old! Emotionally I'm so much better now that I feel her kicking! It's such a relief to have that extra confirmation that she's doing ok in there.

    What are your parents/in laws ages and are they helpful with childcare (or do they plan to be)? My parents are the best! They came after all my other kids were born and cleaned and stocked my fridge/freezer, went shopping for me/us... they're just perfect! They live about 2 hours away so will be here to visit for a week or so to help but aren't normally around on a daily basis. My FIL and stepMIL are great but live overseas. They are great with the older boys but aren't super helpful when they're here and aren't really into newborn babies. My MIL is a waste of space and wouldn't let any of my kids around her unsupervised. She isn't around much thankfully.  She doesn't help at all and is more in the way than anything else.
  • So many thoughts for you all. 

    @Happyin14, I can't begin to imagine, I'm so sorry. 

    To you who struggle with parents and in-laws, you're stronger parents than I! I hope you've got a nice network of friends and such near by. 

    How old are you? 37

    Other kids? Ages? Margaret turned 4 in December 

    How are you feeling? What are you most looking forward to? Physically much better than first trimester, but still fairly overwhelmed and easily exhausted.  These next couple of months are going to be stressful with moving and such, but trying to keep my eye on being settled by the summer. 

    What are your parents/in laws ages and are they helpful with childcare (or do they plan to be)?
    My parents are like 70 and 67? VERY helpful, they did 2 days a week for us for 3 years and they still do one day a week. I think they're going to be back to 2 days with the baby. My mom does laundry, my dad cleans the kitchen.  My MIL and FIL are a little younger, but live about 3hrs away and FIL still works. They're also very helpful and come down several times a year to cover when daycare is closed or my parents go out of town. They're not quite as easy at it as my parents, but I've really got nothing to complain about. 
    I'll admit that I'm a little nervous about all of them with an infant plus the preschooler. I might look at dividing up their time in some way. We'll see how it goes. 
  • @erynpdx Did you all find a house?? 
  • I've had a really long and exhausting day so literally too tired to answer any questions, but I am here and still kicking (for now). I realize now there is a reason why many people don't get pregnant at 41. I am just feeling old and gigantic. But it's really fun to feel LO kicking away. That is something that never gets old.
  • @xtinecatherine I feel you. I *thought* I was tired at 32 but geez it got harder. Plus caring for all these rugrats is draining all the life out of me! And I'm sick again with a cold from hell. I just need like a week off from everything.
  • It really is harder. My hips hurt. And I was always out of breath when walking up stairs but now it’s embarrassing. Like I need 5 minutes before I can maintain my current convo. 
  • @happyin14 For reals!!!!! I sound like Homer Simpson walking up the stairs! It's ridiculous.

  • @mamanbebe not yet! Ours sold in 3 days, so we're under contract. We were out bid on our offer yesterday, so my fingers are crossed for a solid release of new inventory this weekend or next!!! We have 3 weeks rent back on our house plus can crash with my parents after that if we're really in a pickle, but ugh. I'll feel much better once we have an idea of where we're headed. 😬
    I forget which part of town you're in... know of anything hitting the market soon? 😂
  • @erynpdx Agh, it really sucks being outbid but congrats on going under contract! I think we went through three bidding war losses before we got our current house. I'm sure a lot will hit the market over the next week though, good luck! We're in Richmond and I haven't seen anything great getting ready to pop-up in our little area of the neighborhood yet but I'll keep my ear to the ground, sometimes I get a heads up on stuff in Woodstock and Mt Tabor from friends who live in those areas. 
  • @mamanbebe those are the dream neighborhoods for us! We did hit a south Tabor house the other day that I'm 90% sure was haunted. There's a reason it dipped into our price range 😂

  • @erynpdx Hahaha omg. There were a few we looked at like that and neither one of us could get past the bad vibes. So now we live in a teeny tiny good vibe house :smiley: 
  • Posting in here to say hi! I'll be 35 next month so I hope you guys don't mind. 

    How old are you? 34 (less than a month until 35)

    Other kids? Ages? DD 6, DS 4

    How are you feeling? What are you most looking forward to? I'm  super sick again thanks to my tiny little humans who bring home everything from school. I've been sick with some sort of viral about 5 times now. It's been a very long flu season. Overall I've been exhausted by the time my kids go to bed. I'm also bigger and more easily out if breath much sooner with either of my other pregnancies.

    What are your parents/in laws ages and are they helpful with childcare (or do they plan to be)? My Mom will be 67 this year, she hasn't been too helpful but has been making a slight effort my MIL will be 65 this year but is super helpful despite the fact that she is still working. Sadly, no Grandpas for our kids as my husband and I each lost our dads when we were younger. 
  • Super late to post, but trying to keep up! Love reading about how you guys are doing, I feel better about my huffing and puffing up my stairs! Love this thread because I’m an FTM at 39 and feel like a unicorn sometimes!

    As my username also suggests- I live outside the US, and there’s no family on either side here! My parents had me late, too, so they are very excited but not physically able to travel here (just 3 hrs away by plane, but it’s still too much for them).

    DH’s family is younger, but we’re not planning to have them here in July. I’m not super close with my MIL, we’re fine, but I’d rather have my space and not deal with entertaining as well as recovering. She can be smothering and I don’t have the mental space! Want to bond with the baby and DH. 

    We do have a housekeeper and will likely increase her hours to cover my workday, which is a real blessing/luxury/benefit we wouldnt have if in the US, so I’m grateful for that. 

    I’ve been feeling better than first trimester for sure, but am starting all those big belly discomforts! I think the FTM experience is awkward- I sometimes feel like I’m having horrible extended PMS with a big stretching belly, too! I think all the marketing around pregnancy is too idyllic and I get a little disappointed I’m not just filled with good vibes! And everyone in the family is so gushy, which is so normal, but sometimes I don’t care about cute baby outfits and wish people didn’t just see me as the new baby bringer! I must sound cynical, I guess it’s that my mentality is probably still just a lady without kids! It’s all a little surreal and sometimes (lots of times) exhausting to make the transition. 
    But on the flip side, I’m really looking forward to stroller walks and bath time! Really want to see his face and not just imagine it! 🤗 
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