A time and place — The Bump
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A time and place

  Hi there, my name is Nichelle. I've been wanting to be a mother since I can remember really...I'm 23 (birthday Jan 6th) now and have been married for two years my husband is 37.
  Our current living and financial situation isn't ideal in my own opinion. I don't know when we will be in the right place to have a child (or four), I just know it's something that has been driving my existence for a long time.
  I'm just really need someone to talk to...and am really desperate for comuity...for like minded people.

_Nichelle
Me: 24 H:37

Re: A time and place

  •   Hi there, my name is Nichelle. I've been wanting to be a mother since I can remember really...I'm 23 (birthday Jan 6th) now and have been married for two years my husband is 37.
      Our current living and financial situation isn't ideal in my own opinion. I don't know when we will be in the right place to have a child (or four), I just know it's something that has been driving my existence for a long time.
      I'm just really need someone to talk to...and am really desperate for comuity...for like minded people.

    _Nichelle
    Have you discussed this with your H at all? That's what you need to do and get on the same page about when you will have children. 

    Personally, I'm of the opinion there's never really a "right" time. You could always have more money or a bigger house or a better neighborhood or whatever. 
  •   Thank you for responding.
      I fully agree about discussing everything with my H, I really do want to be on the same page with him...I just sometimes feel like when children are brought up he kind of shuts down, he knows it's an important life goal for me but I also know he isn't ready yet. Sometimes he might let slip..."when we have kids..." but he gets very shy about it.
      I have mixed emotions and opinions when it comes to 'right time' I know older woman whom have told me that you never have enough money before deciding or are surprised into parenthood. I have also been told that at least I'm married to the man of potential procreation.
      My currant train of thought on the matter is: I would like my H to want children, I really don't want to be alone in this...in anyway or form. I would like to have our own place. (currently living with my mother.) I really wish my husband could find a steady job, so that the lacking financial burden isn't completely on me. Upon these things happening, I would like to feel comfortable not working (at least for a little while) and spending as much time with our baby as possible.
    -N
    Me: 24 H:37
  • I don't mean to sound like a pessimist,  but your husband's age could play into things too. Generally we only think of a woman's age. But there could be risk of down syndrome or other issues with the man's age too. Just something to consider.
  • @chinadoll2522 There is a board specifically for people in your situation, who are waiting until the right time to start trying for a family.  You can find it here: https://forums.thebump.com/categories/babies-on-the-brain
    It may seem like it's not very busy, but there are a couple people who post somewhat regularly.
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  • When you talk to him about it I would focus less on what you want him to want and more on conveying what you want. a) financial stability b) a suitable place of your own c) x number of kids. Make sure those line up and decide together what steps you can take to get there. He might have his own goals or things he wants to accomplish before having kids and knowing what those are you can work toward them together. And knocking a few of them off the list might help him feel more prepared for having kids.
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