Intro - *TW* Making Difficult Decisions

mackorori

We are about 3 weeks from our D&E and I’ve been lurking until I felt like I was ready to be a more active participant. While we will not TTC until after body back on track and some testing with RE, I’ve seen so much love and support from this community that I feel like I wanted to participate and be part of that support system for others.

Short version is that we have been trying to start a family for about three years and find ourselves back here after a third loss (and two rounds of IVF retrievals). I put additional background on this most recent loss in a spoiler being a more difficult and controversial subject to talk about. I share because I’m wanting to be open about our journey in case it is helpful for others that may ever have to go through something like this, it’s not discussed much on these boards. Anyway, I hope my sharing this story is met with openness and not judgment. I look forward to being part of the board and hope that each of our journies here are short lived.

This most recent PG was a “surprise” in that we were supposed to FET our one PGS normal embie in Nov and had a natural PG instead. We knew chromosomal issues plague us but hoped for the best. An early NT scan at 11 weeks showed somewhat thick nuchal fold, but then just one week later we had NIPT positive for T21 and a second NT showing a much thicker nuchal fold and swelling and fluid all around the baby and chest cavity. Given the physical indications, it is unlikely the baby would have made it past the second tri or would be stillborn. We did CVS to confirm NIPT results and in the end made the decision to terminate the PG, I was 13 weeks. Given this child had T21 made our decision so hard because I know highly functional, fantastic children with Downs, but we just didn’t see that being the outcome for our little boy and made a choice we believe puts all of us at peace.

40momma

@mackorori absolutely no judgement here from me. I cannot imagine the decision you had to make and unless we are in your shoes, we really never know what we would have done. Of course all of us on here wish for a healthy PG, and unfortunately for so many of us, it's not the case. I'm sorry you are here with us. RPL is so incredibly unfair. 

Mack2342

I’m so sorry you find yourself here and had to make such a difficult decision.  I agree with @40momma its so hard to know what one would do until faced with a situation.  Take care of yourself while you wait on testing and decide next steps 

SpongeWorthy

Oh @mackorori, I am so so sorry.  I would never judge someone for terminating for medical reasons.  Having been in that position, I know how impossible it is.  You made the best decision for your family with the information you had at the time.  Ugh, this just breaks my heart.  I hope you find some healing here and can move on with next steps 

char245

I’m so sorry for your losses! I hope your stay here is short and that you get the support you need during this difficult journey. 

emeraldcity603

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry you have had such a difficult journey so far. I really hope you aren't here long. 

prpl11butterfly

@mackorori lots of hugs for you. I'm glad that you are choosing to share this. I agree that it's not openly discussed and, as we saw in the J19 board, people can be very judgemental. You made a decision that was best for you and no one should judge you for that. I'm glad to see you posting and hope you don't have to be around too long.

ruby696

@mackorori Thank you for sharing your story and you'll get no judgment from me. So much love to you and your family. 

obsessedwithoranges

@mackorori thinking of you. 

zuuls_mom

@mackorori sending love your way. 

mackorori

Thank you all for the kind words ❤️❤️

These circumstances are exactly as you noted...one cannot possibly fathom how they will react until faced with a given situation. As I hear various stories, they each have gone through their own circumstances and choose the paths to take. I just feel blessed I’ve had a very supportive system at all steps along the way. That is not the case for many and it’s so heartbreaking.

denma2015

I’m so sorry to hear this.  In July we lost a pregnancy due to T22.  It ended and I had a subsequent D&C.  Take care of yourself and know you likely made the best decision for you and your family.  

keikilove

@mackorori I am so sorry for the losses you've experienced and the incredibly hard choice you had to make with the most recent pregnancy.  I'm glad you shared your story so that others who are faced with similar hard choices know that they are not alone.  Praying for your healing.