Hi, I was a member of the June Board. I found out my baby didn't have a HB last Wednesday at 15 weeks. I went in because I started cramping on Tuesday and I hadn't felt movement in about a week. I hadn't thought much about the lack of movement bc it was still early and I had an anterior placenta. Early on they discovered I had a huge SCH that was 5cm big. I was put on bedrest and it healed. My OB said she thinks there was a chromosomal abnormality that caused heart failure because the baby had swelling. They took DNA to run genetic testing so we can have some answers.
I opted to be induced and I delivered my baby this past Friday. I had to wait until Friday because my husband wasn't able to get his night shifts covered. In the end I had to have a D&C to remove the placenta.
My OB told me she usually tells patients to wait a few cycles but she told me after 1 cycle I can try again since your more fertile after pregnancy. So I'm waiting for 1 cycle and then we are going to NTNP and see how it goes. I don't think I'm ready to go full force into TTC right now so this approach seems like a good middle ground.
Honestly, I don't even know how I will feel when/if I see a positive test. I'm usually always so excited but now, I'm not sure that will be my first feeling. Then, how will I ever feel excited and relaxed during the pregnancy? I feel like I will be scared to death the entire time and will likely have extreme PPA.
Any tips you ladies have on facing people after a loss like this would be great. I don't want to break down crying everytime I hear someone tell me they are sorry for my loss.
The women on this board are wonderful and so supportive. Welcome. And I hope your stay is short.
ETA: If you need someone to talk to, you're welcome to PM me.
I did, however, reach out to close friends and some family right away and essentially "circled the wagons" around us. When possible, I did it in many spheres of life including work, so that when I needed someone I could ask for help (like going for a walk, or finding an empty conference room to cry in, or whatever) and that helped a lot. I was really forward and honest when I needed to talk about it or when I really needed to NOT talk about it. Like @ruby696, finding someone else who has had a loss is incredibly helpful. I found other women who had experienced a loss were just less awkward talking about it, didn't say cliche or accidentally hurtful things as often, and understood the depth of the grief better than anyone else. I switched to an OB who had experienced loss herself for the same reason.
I, too, have similar anxieties about what it will be like to get pregnant again. I think a lot of us do. I see a therapist, and that is really helpful, and because my OB and therapist are in the same health system they can see each others notes in my chart and that has also been really helpful. My OB can see when I am struggling and with what and my therapist knows when I am going through a medical procedure and how it went. This approach has worked super well for me in terms of managing anxiety.
I was sorta fearful to bring up TTC again with my husband. I wasn't sure what his reaction would be. I'm glad I did though because he wants whatever I want and I just needed to know that he was okay with trying again.
DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018
Unfortunately, having a loss can really take all the joy out of PG. You'll never get to be that naive happy-go-lucky PG person again, and it really sucks a lot. However, know that MC is more common than we're told and there are a lot of people in this boat. Many of us have told people of our losses and/or posted on social media and reached out to support groups. Talking about it and knowing you're not alone can help. However, if you don't want to talk about it to EVERYONE that's ok too. Just know that it's ok to do what YOU need to do at this time. There are no right or wrong ways to grieve your baby and figure out how to move on in your life and TTCAL plan.
I guess it is hopefully thinking that I will be more fertile and implantation won't be affected by the D&C. I appreciate the reminder that there likely isn't any truth in it. It is better for me to have realistic expectations.
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle