To circumcise or not...

knarlytaurus

I was going to put this in symptoms, but thought I'd start a separate thread. It seems like there are many of us who are having boys and may be considering whether or not to circumcise their son. We keep going back and forth on this issue. I'm curious what others thoughts or experiences may be. My midwife said that if it's not 50/50 on whether it is done, then it's really darn close. 

brie_and_almonds

I think we're going to go with not. This was one reason why I was glad my previous two kiddos were girls... it seems like such a big decision to make. I deferred to DH a bit on this, and if he had felt passionately that the baby should be circumcised, we would be going with that, but from what I have read, it doesn't really seem necessary and is more of a cultural choice.

fatmonica

I had my DH make that call.  Where we live circumcision is more commonly done than not.  DH is and wanted our boys to be also.  I was fine with that and the procedure and aftercare was no big deal.  (DH went to watch).  No one can make that call but you and your spouse.

knarlytaurus

That's sounds like us, @brie_and_almonds. I told DH it was his choice since I didn't have a penis, and we've read the same things. I had been leaning towards circumcision mainly bc I thought almost all boys still were, but when my midwife said it was almost 50/50 now, I started leaning towards not. I think my DH is leaning towards having it done, mostly because of the potential to decrease STIs later on. My thought, though, was that he shouldn't be having unprotected sex! Is that naive of me? 

poshspice

I am having another girl, but if we were having a boy it would be up to DH. I don’t have a penis so I don’t feel like it’s my decision. (Just like these a-hole law makers with penises should stay out of decisions when it comes to uteri and their contents!!) 

@knarlytaurus some STIs are silent in carriers so if a girl says she’s on the pill, I’m certain there will be unprotected sex. Although, I feel like there’s been an upswing in STI transmission lately (?), maybe in 17-18 years kids will be back on the condom wagon. I’ve never heard that being circumcised reduces the likelihood of catching an STI. Have there been clinical studies? 

mrskoz428

DH is pretty insistent on a boy being circumcised. I’m not set on it being one way or another, so we probably will.

lappymom2019

We are having a girl, but I had told my husband it was his decision. He was leaning towards circumcision.

eatinwatermelonseeds

Last time this was a HUGE fight between me and DH. I remember bawling I was so upset he wanted to circumsize. I had done so much research and it was just going against every fiber of my being. Then DS was born with what's called hypospadias. His urethra was on the underside of his penis, and he had significant chordee (bending). He was not circumsized because they needed the foreskin to repair his urethra, but ended up undergoing a 3+ hour surgery to repair both and looks like he's circumsized. Now, it just doesn't seem as HUGE as it did before. I will just see if this baby has the same (as they believe it's genetic) and if he doesn't, we will circumsize. But actually H is way less passionate about it now, too, as DS had his foreskin for 8 months before his surgery. So, it's just whatever now. 

chloe97

DH is Jewish so it’s not a question for us. Though I’m not super favorable about the idea. We also will have a bris, but DH has agreed that the actual circumcision will take place in the hospital and the bris will be ceremonial. We had 2 friends who had boys in 2018 and both had full on true bris(es) with a moyle who circumcised the babies right in front of the partygoers. I’m not trying to put down Judiasm, but “Hell no!”. Both moms were so completely traumatized by it, but their husbands were insistent. Ive already told MIL that I need her to handle the logistics and play hostess that day bc I’m going be recovering from a csection still and have no urge to play hostess.

jkduer

We have chosen not to circumcise. 

beccaneu

I originally, like many of you, was leaving this up to my husband to decide since he is the one with experience having a penis. Of course when the topic got brought up by our doctor at our last appointment, he took the position of ‘Don’t look at me I don’t want to have to decide that’. So I have a feeling it might be up to me.

According to my doctor there’s no definitive evidence that there is any medical benefit to circumcision and that it’s really only done for cosmetic and cultural reasons.  I guess my main hang up on it if that I just feel weird authorizing a cosmetic medical procedure on my son when he’s way to young to have any say in the matter what so ever, especially when I know nothing about having a penis.  That said if DH felt it was important to circumcise I wouldn’t really put up a fight about it?  Anyways, I’m holding out some hope that DH doesn’t chicken out and actually makes a decision on this one.

eatinwatermelonseeds

@beccaneu the fact that he doesn't have a big pull personally in either direction will allow you both to make an informed decision together. I'd have a sincere talk with him about it and tell him it's not all on him, but you want to know his stance to better help you both to make the decision. Our problem was that we were SO torn about it, but he wouldn't let me show him ANYTHING about circumcision at the time and refused to educate himself. This time I imagine he's more open to educating himself about it, but we haven't discussed it as it might be a moot point. 

beccaneu

@eatinwatermelonseeds. True.  I guess I’m just afraid it will turn into another one of those things where he just isn’t willing to even express an opinion one way or the other and just keeps saying it’s all up to me, which is pretty par for the course whenever we have to decide something and neither of us has a strong opinion to start off with.  

chloe97

@beccaneu the AAPs policy statement says there is a small amount of evidence that it reduces HIV transmission, but that’s really not enough for me. There are a lot of anti circumcision folks who protest against the AAP bc of their position, saying that it’s babrbaric and a human rights violation bc it reduces the number of nerve endings and leads to sexual problems later on. But there’s no evidence there either. 

misskimsue

This is our third boy, so it's come up a lot for us, although never caused too much discussion because my H is French and I was generally against the idea anyway. Outside the US circumcision is not very common except for religious reasons (well, I'm not sure about Canada). Within the US, my feeling is it's almost entirely a cultural thing at this point, although it was originally believed to have health benefits. It seems like things are evening out in terms of the percentage that are circumcised in the States, although in some areas (like the Midwest) it's still much more prevalent than others (like the West where I live). I think some people worry that their son will think he looks "weird" if he's not circumcised, but with the changing statistics that seems less of a concern. I'm not personally worried about that because my kids are half French and we'll have four men in the house, none circumcised. Also, IMHO there's nothing at all "weird" about a penis looking the way it does naturally.

brie_and_almonds

@misskimsue In my area (Michigan), it seems like circumcision is the default, and only fairly recently have people around here come around to question it. I feel pretty strongly that I don't need to put my son through an unnecessary procedure and permanently remove part of his body, especially since we aren't religious at all. However, my DH is circumcised, so if he felt strongly that it should be done, I wouldn't have fought him on it.

I wish this was a clicky-poll so we could see what the trend seems to be.

eatinwatermelonseeds

@brie_and_almonds there's a poll on another app I follow. 82 people answered. 72% chose "circumcise" and 18% chose don't. 4% chose "Match dad" and 6% were nosey and chose "poll" because you can only see it if you vote lol. 

jusgigi

I think this is one of the really hard decisions where you kind feel damned if you do and damned if you dont as you dont know how your kid would feel about it. DH was very insistent from the get-go that the baby would be circumcised. As i am from the mid-west (and not circumcising is almost unheard of and boys are picked on if they aint) and we plan on moving back asap i am okay with it too. I dont want my little getting picked on in the locker room and as ive heard its really painful to do later on i would rather err on the side of caution. 

knarlytaurus

@eatinwatermelonseeds I was wondering if that was what you DS had since you've mentioned an abnormality, but one that can be easily fixed. 

Stormiewinter

Dh is Jewish so we had a bris for both boys. Which means they were literally circumcised on our kitchen table. Fortunately our moyle is actually a urologist so I felt like the boys were in good hands. Lol I would not be sad to have a girl to avoid another one though. 

knarlytaurus

I like the poll option - didn't think of it. I thought I could add it on this thread but it started a new one and posted twice for some reason. 

merrylea

We are having girls this time around, but we chose not to circumcise DS. The thought of electively cutting off a part of my little boy’s body is just horrendous to me personally, but each parent of course has the right to make their own choice. 

DuchessOfCambridge

We did, for religious reasons. It was NBD. As stated above, there appears to be evidence that there are some benefits to it but not enough for Drs to actively recommend and all studies done on negative impact have found nothing. I'm just glad no one has compared to this to female circumcision because I heard that comparison today and omg EYEROLL. We would never do female circumcision. There is a huge huge huge difference. FGM is only harmful.

optbaby2017

We have girls, so haven't had to really decide. Like most of you, I mostly left the decision up to DH. He gave his opinion, but deferred it back to me.

For the good of the whole, DH is not circumsized and he grew up in Iowa. He said that he remembers one very minor locker room teasing about it and one girl express semi-disgust. Because it was less common, there were people who were curious about it in college and when he was drunk he had no qualms about showing it off. So to him the teasing wasn't really a factor. We live in the Twin Cities (Minnesota) now, and according to a pediatrician friend it is around 50/50 in her practice, with some cultural trends. 

kipper-2

Like @misskimsue I live outside the US, so it wasn’t a huge issue for us either. It’s pretty much unheard of to circumcise babies here. 

ashleaf2018

We chose not to for DS and will also keep Atticus intact. For anyone interested in hearing from both sides, I recommend American Circumcision which will be on Netflix tomorrow (Dec 16). Another good video but highly skewed against circumcision is the Georgetown University video “Elephant In the Hospital.” For anyone who likes to really dig in and research, those are both good jumping off points! 

eatinwatermelonseeds

@ashleaf2018 was "elephant in the hospital" super graphic? There was one last time that I watched that had me in tears. I can't remember what it was, though. 

jkduer

@eatinwatermelonseeds it has graphic components (photos and video of procedure) 

missmcgonnagal

Just want to echo what @DuchessOfCambridge said. My husband is Jewish and I'm in the (slow) process of converting so if we had a boy we always knew we would have him circumsized by a mohel.

But we have some friends who are very passionate about not circumsizing, to the point that they consider it to be the same as FGM and have pushed for the practice to be outlawed entirely as abusive, etc. So I'm always worried that there's going to be the same type of reception when I research the topic online (or join a board like this one). 

Whatever you decide is best for your child is best, and thank you all for being so mature and thoughtful on this topic.

MelissaMay82

We are having a girl, but before DH and I discussed if we would or not for a boy and we decided that we would. I am a nurse in the OR and we do many adult circumcisions due to medical reasons (not being able to retract foreskin, pain, recurrent infections). I also remember working as an LNA in nursing homes and many older gentlemen had recurrent infections due to not being able to retract the foreskin. Just another prespective on the topic.

DuchessOfCambridge

@MelissaMay82 wow that's not something I've ever thought about

MelissaMay82

@DuchessOfCambridge yeah, I've seen some pretty nasty infections under the foreskin. I was actually quite surprised at how many circumcisions we do on teens/adults (like on average 4-5/month). I have observed infant circumcision in nursing school and it was NBD, they are very quick and easy and the baby usually does not even cry. On adults, it is a more complex surgery. It was something that I never really thought about either before being an LNA in nursing homes and then an OR RN. 

knottie78948b84327543e9

With my first pregnancy me and my hhusband were going to circumcise our son until my husbands family told my husband not to do it and how painful and cruel it is to babys. So anyways we didnt get it done. Expecting second boy and we wont do it simply cuse we didnt do it with the first. I will say that my husband is not circumcised. My son has never had any infections or rash. His penis is clean. 

eatinwatermelonseeds

I just have to echo @missmcgonnagal that I appreciate the maturity with which this topic is being discussed. And @DuchessOfCambridge the FGM comparison came up almost immediately on my other app and in many groups I'm in. It's not even remotely comparable. I respect that people are passionate about it, that's fine, but I also believe it's important to know your place in someone else's decision making (on any topic) and give information, but basically back off and allow them to make the decision that they believe is best for their child and family. I'm glad that's being done here. 

When I was pregnant with my son, this topic came up in a Facebook group and I was bashed so hard for saying we were going to circumcise because my husband is/wanted to. I remember sitting on my birthing ball crying hysterically because I was being ganged up on and bullied completely on something that I already wasn't comfortable with. There was absolutely no point in it, especially since DS couldn't be. And I would take a short procedure over the surgery we went through any day. It put things into perspective completely. 

@knarlytaurus yes, he had hypospadias and then at 14 months he had a hydrocele repaired. His hypospadias repair has come undone slightly so he has a tiny little leak when he pees, unfortunately. The urologist said he could repair it again but there's no guarantee that it will work and it could be worse. This isn't causing him any issues, and shouldn't when he's older. I'm afraid another surgery there would be too traumatic now that he's older. He was a freaking champ about it as a baby, but now I'd rather be on the safe side, especially with no guarantee it'll work. And the leak right now is very minor. 

knarlytaurus

I appreciate everyone's thoughts on this, and we've been really back and forth on it. I think in the end it will be NBD whichever way we go, but really appreciate the different perspectives. I do know someone from my high school who is a pediatric nurse and he had a facebook post likening circumcision to fgm and I'm just not at that point. But I think circumcision is something that is actually decided now rather than a given at birth.

anonellis

We are doing it bc we did it with our others.  It is partly for religious reasons but we also of course did our own research etc and would not have done it if we were truly uncomfortable.  

I didn’t feel strongly about it except I didn’t want it done in the hospital because like @knarlytaurus where we live it is less common than I’d expected. So i was actually told the mohel (religious figure who does them, who is also a physician—a surprising number of them are urologists etc) was likely to have a lot more experience than whoever did it at the hospital.  If we weren’t Jewish, I probably would have insisted on having a urologist do it. 

My kids slept through it.  We as parents found it tough though!  I have also been to a bris many for other people’s kids and have been surprised at how most babies don’t seem to even notice that anything is happening. 

sleepy33

My son isn’t and this one won’t be, either. Didn’t see a point to doing it. My first husband wasn’t. He grew up in the Midwest playing sports and never had an issue with teasing. My attitude was always, leave it the way it comes from the factory, so to speak. 🤷🏼‍♀️

poshspice

I don’t have a dog in this fight, but wanted to share an anecdote. 

My my cousin was not circumcised as a newborn. He was and is very athletic and played sports all his life. He was teased mercilessly in the locker room and elected to get circumcised at 13 years old. I believe the surgery required full anesthesia (@melissamay82 can correct me if this is inaccurate) and the recovery process was painful and tough for him at that age. Just another perspective from a person who didn’t have an easy time with the teasing.

MelissaMay82

@poshspice yes full anesthesia is used (patient is fully asleep and intubated) when we do teen/adult circumcisions in the OR. 

missmcgonnagal

anonellis said:

My kids slept through it.  We as parents found it tough though!  I have also been to a bris many for other people’s kids and have been surprised at how most babies don’t seem to even notice that anything is happening. 

I don't have research to back me up on this right now as I'm on mobile, but my husband researched this a lot and he found some sources that said the wine mohels use as an antiseptic also works as a topical analgesiac on the baby's penis. He also said that medical topical analgestics can actually be detrimental to the process. That, combined with the fact that many mohels don't use any compression on the penis in the way a lot of medical facilities do, tends to make the whole thing pretty easy on the baby. 

When Hubs is back from work next week I can ask him for his sources if anyone is interested.

wishiwaspreggo

I circumcised my son because my pediatrician told me it greatly reduces his risk for STIs and UTIs. I saw my friend’s 3 year old (uncircumcised) go through a circumcision as a toddler and needed a catheter he complained a lot about the pain. My son slept through it too and I didn’t want him to remember going through it if he needed to do it later for some reason.