I'm a long time lurker, but I've never posted before.
I'm 32. I miscarried at 7 weeks back in January of 2013. The pregnancy wasn't planned, but I was completely heartbroken.
My then boyfriend, now fiancee, and I were not ttc after that, and I went back on birth control.
In August of 2015, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I was concerned about ttc and having t1d, but considering I was 29 when I was diagnosed and have it under really great control, I was told by my endocrinologist that it shouldn't really impact my ability to have healthy, diabetes-free children.
February of 2017, I stopped taking my birth control, and while we weren't ttc, we weren't trying to prevent pregnancy either.
I found out on 1/3/18 that I was pregnant again. We were super excited, but having miscarried already, I was paranoid. I started seeing my OBGYN. He saw me at 4 weeks to do an ultrasound, since I was high risk. He said the ultrasound was good. He said it looked a couple of days behind where I should be, but it most likely meant I ovulated a couple of days off, which wasn't a big deal.
I had an appt for a 6wk ultrasound and was supposed to see my OB the next day (they told me they didn't do ultrasounds at the office I usually went to...but that's a whole other story). When I had the ultrasound done, the OB who was in the office told me I was likely miscarrying because there was no heartbeat or fetal pole. BUT she said they were going to do some blood work, and I should go see my OB the next day as planned. Next day, my blood work was perfect. He said to have it redone in a few days, and see if it increases as it's supposed to.
It did not. I had a D&E on 2/7/18 at 8w5d.
I was devastated, so was my fiancee. But we were determined.
Found out I was pregnant again on 5/19/18, and because I was paranoid, I took the pregnancy tests often (AKA every day). The positive line went away. I miscarried on 5/28/18 at 6 weeks.
Found out I was pregnant again on 9/8/18. But the positives got darker, then, got lighter until I got a negative. Miscarried again on 9/23/2018 at 6w5d, which is my 4th mc overall, but 3rd this year. Clearly, 2018 has not been the best year for me.
I had a number of issues with my previous OBGYN, so I switched to a new doctor, who specialized in both fertility and high risk pregnancy. I told him my whole story, and he had a whole panel of blood work done on me, as well as an ultrasound to make sure my uterus was in good condition.
Blood work was good. The only discrepancy with with the Antithrombin III Activity and Antigen. Activity was at 134 and Antigen was 36, which both were a little high. So, while I didn't exactly know what that meant for me, I thought we'd found the answers.
But the new OB said that it was only a little off, and it didn't really give us any answers because everything came back normal. He said if any of the other tests had been off, as well, then, he'd be concerned about it. But the Lupus Anticoagulant Evaluation with Reflex, Cardiolipin AB, TSH W/Reflex to FT4, ANA Screen, IFA, w/ Refl Titer and Pattern, Factor II, Protein C, and Protein S Antigen were all normal.
Both my fiancee and I are waiting the results of our chromosomal karotyping blood work to come back, as he had us get that done to make sure there aren't any chromosomal issues.
In the meantime, he put me on 100mg of Clomid on days 5-9 of my cycle and 81mg of baby aspirin every day.
He also told me that the Diabetes typically isn't the cause of miscarriages, even though people seem to think it is. My A1C is a 6.5, and he said while it'd be best if I could get it down even more in preparation for being pregnant, it would not be the cause of my miscarriages.
I'm on day 11 of my cycle, first one with the Clomid and baby aspirin. I'm feeling so many different things, but for the most part, I'm just scared as hell right now.
I figured this was my best shot at an honest conversation about this. My mother is so supportive, and she had her own struggles when trying to have me (2mc, 1 ectopic pregnancy, I came along, my brother came along, and she had another ectopic pregnancy when I was 8 and had a hysterectomy, as a result), and she's really knowledgeable and tries to help me, but she also will get on me about not stressing or worrying (because that's possible...), and it makes it a difficult subject for us to talk about. My friends are so supportive and wonderful and know what my fiancee and I have gone through, but they don't really have much experience with this. I don't know who to talk to anymore. My fiancee is super supportive, but he admits he doesn't understand what it's like. He said to him, it's kind of an abstract thing, so it doesn't impact him the same way...not to mention he doesn't know much about any of this, even though he's willing to do whatever I need/ask/want.
I'm trying to stay positive, and there's the part of my brain that says "hey, you're trying some new things, so this time could be different!", but then, there's the other side that's like "....or maybe not, and maybe you'll never have babies." I just want to know who else has had similar experiences and can give me some guidance/advice.