Bring Okay With Everything

[Deleted User]

I am 6 weeks pregnant with my first baby. It was completely unexpected. And I am having a really hard time being happy or excited.
Every time I find out something new about what I will have to go through or do or something that will happen to me/my body I have horrible anxiety over it.. for like days on end. 
I feel like a stranger in my own body right now, I cry every day, I don’t want to lose my body or my “sex appeal” and most of all my dignity.
I feel like I am going to look so pathetic... what with all the procedures and tests I’ll have done, plus with how horrid my body will look when I’m huge, and then all the damage that will be done to me. I feel like everyone including my husband is going to be embarrassed of me and lose respect for me. 
I want this baby, and I know it’s a blessing. But I’m not enjoying pregnancy like I always thought I would... and I’m not happy or excited at all.. and I want to be but no matter what I do I can’t stop feeling so low and disgusting. 
What do I do? Will it get better? Please help. 

harpseal135

kabright said:

I am 6 weeks pregnant with my first baby. It was completely unexpected. And I am having a really hard time being happy or excited.
Every time I find out something new about what I will have to go through or do or something that will happen to me/my body I have horrible anxiety over it.. for like days on end. 
I feel like a stranger in my own body right now, I cry every day, I don’t want to lose my body or my “sex appeal” and most of all my dignity.
I feel like I am going to look so pathetic... what with all the procedures and tests I’ll have done, plus with how horrid my body will look when I’m huge, and then all the damage that will be done to me. I feel like everyone including my husband is going to be embarrassed of me and lose respect for me. 
I want this baby, and I know it’s a blessing. But I’m not enjoying pregnancy like I always thought I would... and I’m not happy or excited at all.. and I want to be but no matter what I do I can’t stop feeling so low and disgusting. 
What do I do? Will it get better? Please help. 

Ok, so your first post was about doctor and early ultrasound but not wanting a transvaginal and only abdominal and that waiting to 12 weeks seemed too far for you.

Now, anxiety over what happens naturally during pregnancy.  You really need to talk to a doctor about these fears, as it is somewhat normal to worry about things, but this seems extreme.

Yes, you are pregnant, yes your body will change, there is nothing to be embarrassed about when pregnant- you are carrying a child! What damage are you afraid of? Stretch marks? Your hips becoming wider (possibly)? That you might tear? May never loose all the baby weight? Or possible C-section scar - its all beautiful and it's what you bring your child into the world with.  Honestly you need to talk to your doctor about these fears and these feelings.  

I have six scars on my stomach from multiple laparoscopic surgery for my endometriosis and I have a scar from an emergency laparotomy from my endometriosis.   I used to feel the same: gross, disgusting, etc. over time, I came to terms that this is my body, I have battled life and I am beautiful despite battle scars, pregnancy stretch Mark's and the extra weight. 

Please do talk to your doctor and they will get you to someone you can talk to about your anxieties.  

meggyme

Also, not everyone gets the stretch marks, wider hips, scars... there’s no use worrying about it right now because it may not be an issue you even have to deal with.

I agree that these are things all mothers struggle with, but you’ve likely only known about your pregnancy for a couple weeks and you shouldn’t have to deal with this level of anxiety for the next 9 months. Please find a doctor you are comfortable talking to.

[Deleted User]

Honestly what does it matter what my last post was about? This is supposed to be a safe place to ask questions and not feel judged. 

harpseal135

kabright said:

Honestly what does it matter what my last post was about? This is supposed to be a safe place to ask questions and not feel judged. 

It's not being judged.  
The two posts seems to be connected and that you have anxiety over a transvaginal ultrasound for an early scan, and now you are talking about all these anxieties you have over pregnancy and what may or may not happen.  This really is more than what any of us can help you with, as it is something that needs to be addressed with your doctor. 

stillcozy

@kabright    You need to get counseling. If you are crying every day and worrying for days on end seek help please. That isn't a judgement it is honest advice.  I think you definitely need it for some body image help, since you appear to be hyperfocused on what could happen to your body.

Honestly your post comes off as pretty judgemental to pregnant moms if you believe that pregnant people aren't attractive, sexy and have no dignity. God forbid what you may think of if you see an overweight in general..... 

coco2787

I don’t think anyone can tell you if it will get better because honestly, your fears right now are pretty irrational.  Lots of pregnant women have anxiety but usually it’s anxiety about having a healthy baby or their ability to be a good parent, not about how “horrid” their body will look.  I’ve lost 4 pregnancies, and let me tell you, everything I went through related to that was a much bigger blow to my dignity than pregnancy and birth ever could have been. 

Lots of women find it hard to enjoy being pregnant but if you’re this upset about your situation I agree with others that you should probably speak to a therapist. The level of anxiety you’re experiencing really isn’t normal. 

mermaidca

I agree with what everyone said.  A lot of women have that "Oh no, what have I done" feeling even when the baby is planned but that subsides.

I wanted to pipe in about the loss of dignity, losing your body and looking "horrid".  All I've ever wanted is to raise a family of my own.  Conceiving and growing my own children, and everything that comes with it, are the complete opposite of everything you described.  My husband loves seeing me pregnant and "huge" because that's our baby.  My stretch marks and c-section scar (which is so low no one but my husband will see it) show what I went through and the love I have for my kids.  If you truly think all those things are so terrible you definitely need to talk to someone about it.  Find a good doctor and let them know everything you're feeling.

stardustdreams

It is so hard to come to terms with how your body is going to be changing. I was very fit prior to my first pregnancy but how I was mentally caused me to overeat and I gained a lot of weight. I lost most of it during the 2 months after I stopped breastfeeding 4 months postpartum. I could fit in some of my prepregnancy clothes but at that point I really didn't care, I decided to donate the clothes and got stuff that fit me. That acceptance was not easy come and I felt like crap most of the time but like you I was so happy that I had my baby and loved her more than anything... we were so happy to have that bundle of joy in our lives that we tried again and conceived baby #2 when our first was 8 months old. I gained a little less weight than my first time but still a lot. It didn't bother me as much. 

After my second baby I had so much trouble losing weight. I was put on depression and anxiety medication and my issues were really severe. I also had thyroid issues which contributed to my inability to lose weight. When everything was sorted, I lost the weight. But you know what? Before losing weight I had reached this point of acceptance that was truly amazing. I was comfortable in my body. I felt beautiful. My husband always found me beautiful and while there are these aunts or w/e who will sometimes say so when will you lose the baby weight I just didn't care as I was happy being who I am. I never saw myself as beautiful and content with my body when my BMI 18... then at BMI 27 I learned to accept myself. It was really hard and being in therapy and having anti depressants and anti anxiety medication (it was only 1) helped. I weaned off the medication when I found out that I was expecting and soon we will re-evaluate if I need it or not but I will be going on the full dose the day I deliver my baby if I don't go back on it while pregnant. 

What I'm trying to say is I hear you. You can be happy that you're having a baby but at the same time dreading all the changes that your body will go through and dreading the birth. No one is judging you. This IS a safe place. But if you are really struggling there are options out there to make you feel better. I completely understand anxiety as I suffered all my life without knowing what it was. I was really young when I started experiencing anxiety so there was no way for me to know any better. 

kiki75

coco2787

You're wasting your energy responding @stardustdreams, she deleted her account since she didn't like the answer she got.

hope8119

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. I want to be sympathetic and nonjudgemental but I'm having a hard time. You are pregnant and you're worried about people thinking you will be "disgusting" because your body will change? You're not worried about your baby being born healthy- you're worried about your body and what people would supposedly think. What???? I have no words honestly. I will not say anything mean however and will simply tell you to get counseling. I wish you a healthy pregnancy.

harpseal135

hope8119 said:

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. I want to be sympathetic and nonjudgemental but I'm having a hard time. You are pregnant and you're worried about people thinking you will be "disgusting" because your body will change? You're not worried about your baby being born healthy- you're worried about your body and what people would supposedly think. What???? I have no words honestly. I will not say anything mean however and will simply tell you to get counseling. I wish you a healthy pregnancy.

@hope8119 you do realize OP is now a deleted user, she deleted as she didn't like the responses she got.