Baby showers — The Bump
July 2019 Moms

Baby showers

A little early to be thinking about baby showers. But is anyone NOT having one? I'm talking first pregnancy no baby shower .The thought of one makes me sick. Lol . I don't have a lot of close girlfriend's and I'm not in touch with my mom at all.  Would feel bad for my dad not being there and would rather opt out. Did anyone else do this or plan to do this?
hoodevil0611

Re: Baby showers

  • tsa208tsa208 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 4
    We didn't want a traditional one - I don't have a lot of close girlfriends and I really don't like a lot of attention on me. But my MIL and stepMIL really wanted to shower us and invite their friends. They are just traditional and when someone has a baby, you shower them. So we "compromised" and did a family picnic at a local park. Men, women, children invited, beer and barbecue and backyard games. My MIL wasn't really happy with it, but I enjoyed it. The controversial part is that we hosted it ourselves - my MIL and stepMIL do not get along, and I was not about to have two different parties or listen to them squabble over who does what. Technically, the invite said hosted by them, but I put the whole thing together. My MIL really didn't like that part, but again, the compromise was that I did anything at all. And really, it was nice getting all of the gifts. I look around her room and see a lot of love for her from different places, and it is different than just buying it myself.

    Ultimately, it's up to you! This is what worked for us, and I'm glad that we did it that way. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I had one with my first.... okay 3. Not my choice, my MIL did one, my mom did one, and my step mom did one. Honestly it was so worth it. We got so much that we needed and more. We didn’t have one with my second boy. We already had everything and they’re they same gender. 

    Im going to get a lot of hate for this but with this one I think I want another one. Boy or girl. We got rid of EVERYTHING! We have nothing.. so a baby shower would be extremely nice. Hoping it’s a girl so I don’t feel as guilty about it. 
    indulgentgypsy
  • @bartonolivia I love buying my friends gifts for their babies. I'm just so excited for them. As long as you don't go overboard on the invites (I was recently invited to a shower with *300* guests, an obvious gift grab!), I'd bet those who care about you would be happy to shower you.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • rgn12rgn12 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    We already have people talking about planning one for us and we haven’t even made it to second trimester! 🤦🏻‍♀️ It’s our first though, and we’ve been married for 6 years so everyone’s been waiting. I don’t have a lot of girlfriends either, so I think we’ll end up having a friend one with men and women and then a more family oriented one.
  • @jaymiss I definitely did NOT want one with my first. The only shower I had was a small surprise one thrown at work by my grade 12 students...which was super sweet and I loved...but I did not have a shower with family and friends. When DD was 4 or 5 months old my parents threw a family party and everyone got to meet DD, but they were told no gifts and that it was just a chance for everyone to get together. It was great. No pressure and everyone had a great time. We won't be doing a shower this time either:)
  • @tsa208 oh heck no. Lol I would only have my mom invite my immediate family (I have a 10 siblings though 😂) my in laws, and I have 3 really close friends since pre school that already said they want to throw or attend a baby shower for me. Not many people at all. I have a big family though. Haha 
  • @tsa208 oh heck no. Lol I would only have my mom invite my immediate family (I have a 10 siblings though 😂) my in laws, and I have 3 really close friends since pre school that already said they want to throw or attend a baby shower for me. Not many people at all. I have a big family though. Haha 
    10 siblings???????? I bet that was fun for yall growing up but a ton of work for your mom, bless her soul!
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @tsa208 I didn't have a baby shower for my first pregnancy and am not planning on having one this time around. All of my family lives up north and I live in Texas. My sister was planning it last time, but canceled it because "it was too close to her wedding (6+ months away)."
  • For my first I did not want one and planned on not having one. But my best friend was pregnant at the same time with a close due date. Once her family started planning hers she asked me to join in with hers so that I would at least have something small. I added a handful of people to the invite list. I do regret not enjoying my first pregnancy more and having my own shower and just enjoying it.

    Now with a third I won’t be having one obviously, but I’m enjoying planning a baby shower I’m throwing for a girlfriend who is due in March. 
  • @tsa208 it’s complicated. My mom has 5 girls of her own. My dad has me, my twin, & little sister from my mom. Then another set of twins from his previous marriage, then the rest from his current marriage. My youngest brother is 4. Its a whole mess 😂 my oldest sister is 33. so weren’t always together at the same time. Lol 
  • @bartonolivia My mom's family is huge as well - her parents each had nine brothers and sisters, so there are cousins coming out of the woodwork. It makes for interesting holidays. Does your DH have a big fam, or was there an adjustment period? 

    No second shower here. We have most of what we need, the grandparents were pretty generous with M. If it's a girl, I may go get some clothing. Most of our stuff is gender neutral, but things like "handsome like daddy" I wouldn't want to use. We'll need a double stroller. 

    So I guess I'm saying I'll definitely register for a whole buncha stuff cause I want the discounts. But no party.
    BFP ♡ Jan 2016 - M born Oct 2016
    PPD for 1yr+ post-pregnancy
    BFP ♡ Sept 2018 - CP @ 5 weeks
    BFP ♡ Nov 2018 - Due Jul 2019


  • @foodislove he’s still adjusting after 6 years. He only has 1 brother. And very few aunts & uncles! 

    Which makes it easier bc my family will be most of everyone at the baby shower and his family won’t add too much lore. Lol 
  • I pray no one wants to throw me a baby shower this time. There was so much drama last time because my stepmom threw a shower for me and my mom had a fit. She wasn’t invited but she flew in from out of state and crashed it. My blood pressure goes up just thinking about the whole thing. I said no to all showers when I got married because I didn’t want a repeat of the baby shower fiasco.
  • Jews typically don't have baby showers, so I had no intention of having one last time.  At the last minute (a week before I was due) two of my mom's friends decided to hold me a shower.

    My office, out of respect for Jewish employees, holds showers after the baby is born.  I will probably have an office shower once I am back at work.  I assume this time, I won't have a sprinkle.
  • So I technically had a shower for my first, but literally no one showed. It was me, my mom, and my BFF. No one else came. I was heartbroken. I did not have a shower with my second, because my mom and BFF lived on the other side of the country and my MIL threw one for my SIL, (not her daughter) but not for me. We were having another boy, and they were fairly close, so I did not register, and did not need stuff, but wanted to know other people loved my baby. My second was born at the end of August so we had a welcome to the family BBQ for labor day that we held at our farm and invited the whole family too. Cookout, bonfire, beer and LOADS of attention for my little moose. Plus my mom flew out to be there. 

    I really really really want a baby shower for this little mouse. My youngest is 9, will be almost 10 when this mouse is born. We have NO baby stuff, but sadly we also have few friends and my close girlfriends are hundreds and thousands of miles away. For me it is more that I want the reassurance after all our struggles that other people love and want this baby in the world too. Sounds weird, but I feel like my youngest is the forgotten grandson  (on my husband's side) because of the baby shower thing plus a number of other factors. 
  • hemlheml member
    10 Comments Photogenic Name Dropper
    We'll be doing a baby shower, but it'll be joint. I'm not into all that silly "guess which candy bar is in the diaper" BS, so we'll just be doing a big party. We've talked about renting a big boat and doing a boat cruise on a lake nearby or renting out a room at a nearby beer hall. 
    indulgentgypsy
  • hinoteshinotes member
    10 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited December 5
    I don't want one either. I hate the idea of being showered with gifts at an event as well as being the center of attention, and I'm sure anyone who really wants to get something for the baby will still do that at some point. I think we'll probably have a "no gifts" party as an excuse to hang out with all our friends before the baby comes (this is our first).
  • hinotes said:
    I don't want one either. I hate the idea of being showered with gifts at an event as well as being the center of attention, and I'm sure anyone who really wants to get something for the baby will still do that at some point. I think we'll probably have a "no gifts" party as an excuse to hang out with all our friends before the baby comes (this is our first).
    We did do that, a get together with friends. Almost none of our friends have kids, so we knew this would be the last time we really hung out like that for a while. It was a blast! A few friends did bring gifts but it was basically just a backyard party.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @indulgentgypsy If I lived near you I'd come and shower you with gifts! I'm very annoyed with your MIL and everyone who did not show for your shower.
    indulgentgypsy
  • @Panaceia ; <3 thank you :) I am mostly over it, but thinking on this new (rainbow) baby I want to make sure it knows how badly its brothers and mom and dad and grandparents wanted it to be a part of this world and family. I can buy my own stuff. I have a decent job, and when summer comes around DH will be able to find work again if he wants (very seasonal part of Alaska for work). We make enough to pay our bills. I don't need the grabby gifty stuff, I just want the love for my babe. 
    Panaceia
  • I don’t want one.  I’m more of a guy friend kind of girl and have few girlfriends close-by. And frankly, I’ve loathed all of the baby showers I’ve been to.  I’m not in to the silly games or finger sandwiches or the awkwardness of opening presents in front of everyone.  Not my scene at all.  I had a wedding shower because my aunt really wanted to throw one and went totally non-traditional.  We had it in my backyard, men, women, beer, wine, liquor, and I smoked a couple Boston butts for everyone and didn’t open presents.  I had a great time and thought it was perfect, but I’m pretty sure my aunt was horrified with how it turned out.  I don’t really see doing the same thing for a baby shower, though I wouldn’t mind the gifts.
    Panaceia
  • I'm so surprised by how many of you don't want a shower!! This is my third in three years and we are likely going to be team green so I don't think anyone will throw us one but we had a shower the first time around and a little sprinkle with just family the second time and I think they are so fun! Not even the gifts but just being with your friends and family to celebrate your little one! I love going to other people's showers too. 
  • ccmama3 said:
    I'm so surprised by how many of you don't want a shower!! This is my third in three years and we are likely going to be team green so I don't think anyone will throw us one but we had a shower the first time around and a little sprinkle with just family the second time and I think they are so fun! Not even the gifts but just being with your friends and family to celebrate your little one! I love going to other people's showers too. 
    We are the majority of the commenters, but in my experience, MOST of the pregnant women I know wanted and had traditional showers. All women, baby shower games, light sandwiches, the whole kit and caboodle. I didn't want one - I just am really uncomfortable with attention - so we had the nontraditional get-together, but I do have to admit, it was really nice to celebrate the baby with others. So many people gave thoughtful gifts or made sweet comments or wrote our little girl notes, it was touching. And now that I'm a mom, I'm unduly happy for other expecting first time moms too, so I get now why people pushed to throw us a celebration, even if I felt I wasn't that close to them.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    ccmama3Panaceia
  • edited December 7
    I definitely don't want a "traditional" shower. Puts me too much at the center of attention. A cookout/BBQ with friends and family, boys and girls, kids running around, plus awesome yummy goodies would be perfect. 

    ETS: I can be an attention whore, no doubt. But it has to be in a situation where I feel comfortable and confident. A baby shower with only girls, few close friends, very little family, stupid games, and shit would make me want to hide in a corner and start signing dirty songs or talking about my sex life. 
    Panaceiacindler
  • I'm so glad there are so many people who also hate this idea! I'm hoping my sister gets pregnant too and we can combine our family and both our husband's family, I would prefer my husband there than just some girls thing. I'm not a girly person and hate being center of attention.

    If she doesn't tho I think I'd just skip it all together my family would understand because they know who I am and that I'm shy and hate that stuff. I think my husband can deal with his and explain it.

    Only issue is we eloped also, we had no one at our wedding but witnesses so I'm not sure if anyone holds resentment about that and this will just add to the pile .I don't want to seem like an anti social bitch but I kind of am :)
    Panaceia
  • @jaymiss You'll be fine:) SO and I never even bothered getting married...so when we told his mom we were expecting her first question was "when are you getting married". Ha. I also chose not to baptize DD. So we've got lots of side eye from older family members about our choices.

    I will say that as much as I didn't want a shower (and actually turned SO's sister down when she offered to throw me one) I did love having a family get together once DD was a few months old. And despite being told not to bring any gifts, everyone brought something. If your family gives you a hard time about not wanting a shower then you can always tell them they can host a family get together next year;)
  • @indulgentgypsy I think you and my little sister might actually be the same person:)
    indulgentgypsy
  • I don't have a ton of friends to start with and haven't really made any where we live now. Anyone who attended a shower would have to travel several hours and I just don't if I'm comfortable with that. If someone offers, I won't turn them down, but I don't expect anything. I'm also not comfortable excluding DH. IMO it's his baby too and he's entitled to all the same attention, congratulations, etc. that I am.
    Panaceiaindulgentgypsy
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