It's been a year... *wave* TW

BenJay

I lost track of the board last year - I got a new job last December, and we took a break from "trying". I was emotionally exhausted from it all. It was putting a strain on our relationship. I felt like that wasn't a great attitude to share with you all. I feel like I'm in a better place, and I'm looking for advice.

TW - Pregnancy mentioned

My sister-in-law, the one that I complained about all the time, she's pregnant. They are due in March, so she's going through some stuff now, wrestling with gestational diabetes and other complications of her PCOS, etc. I am slightly worried about how my husband will feel, since it's his younger brother having his first child. I had to hear about her diabetes for the first 10 minutes of Thanksgiving dinner. And they've been kind of touchy about being included in family get-togethers and I've been so frustrated with their self-centered approach. Instead of saying "pick a date, we'll see if we feel well enough to go", it's been "well, we're pregnant and we'll have to see how that fits with our schedule". Nope, the brunch I wanted to host for Grandma will NOT be scheduled around you. 

Add to this, I've recently gotten closer with my family, and I found out a week ago through 23AndMe that I have surprise cousins! (My uncle sowed some wild oats as a young man.)  So, I have definitely been thinking about kids and how they may or may not fit into my life. 

I am approaching 36 next month, and never imagined that I would be having these kinds of thoughts. I figured I would be done with kids by 35. I am really torn, and the problem is my husband was absolutely fine with all the testing, hormones and appointments that I went through to attempt to get pregnant but has no desire to do IVF and little interest in fostering or adoption. It seems most likely that it's his low motility but I can't completely be sure that there's not something off with me. 

Glad to be back.

sincethelastday

@BenJay - welcome back! I’ve only been on this board since Sept, so I know we haven’t spoken before, but hope you find the same support and comradeship as before! 

That majorly sucks about your SIL! I have a SIL who I can’t really stand and I can’t imagine what I’m going to be feeling when she gets pregnant one day. How is the rest of your family with her? Do they contribute to her self-centredness or are just as frustrated with her as you? 

Sounds like you’re at quite the crossroads with how to proceed forward with having kids. Would you want to do a treatment that isn’t as invasive as IVF? (Sorry, not sure what type of treatment you were doing before). Do you think YH would be open to that? I hope you find some clarity and support as you go through this time of decision making! Hope to hear from you some more during the weekly check-ins! 

ChristenMA83

@benjay welcome back, I think I remember you from this time last year when I was just rejoining the board.  

BenJay

@sincethelastday - My SIL seems more reasonable, it's my husband's brother, father-to-be, that is insufferable. He's always been a challenging personality, since he was little, so I think my in laws are used to it and it's better than it ever was.

I'm more outspoken these days, so I am sure that I am just making things a bit worse.  

This time around, it's different. I recently told my parents and my brother about our infertility. It's like a huge burden has been lifted off of me. I was tired of having to not talk about something that was such a huge part of my life.

As for what to do next, I am really puzzled. DH doesn't seem like he can decide on what the next step he's willing to take. I am not super excited about doing more treatment, but he is not open at this time to adoption. I am just not sure how to get us on the same page.

Previously, we did 3 IUIs and they recommended that we look into IVF. DH's low motility seemed like their biggest concern, as I checked out on all their other diagnostics (except for never having a positive opk. That's a mystery).

Glad to be here. Your support really means a lot. 

BenJay

@ChristenMA83 - I remember you! *wave*  Hope to catch up with how things are going for you soon.

sincethelastday

@BenJay - sounds like quite an overwhelming time! However, that’s great to hear that telling your family about IF has been a relief to you and has lifted that burden - I always think how crazy it is that such a huge part of our lives can be hidden from those closest to us. I hope you and YH receive more clarity during these next few days and weeks! 

PoeMasque

@BenJay seeing this thread late, but definitively remember you! Also, I can totally relate. My husband was (and still is) not on board with adoption, but was also dragging his feet with IVF. I didn’t want to push him into it, but I also didn’t want more time to drag on (I was 36, almost 37). After hearing too many “be patient, it will happen”s from him I broke down and just sobbed one night. I told him I wanted to do IVF, he immediately said yes. He was 100% on board. I’m not a crier at all, so I think he realized how important it was to me and was fully supportive. 

Also - we have friends like your in laws. It’s infuriating. We don’t go out of our way to include them and never let plans hinge on their attendance anymore. No idea how you can do that when it’s family though ugh.