@midway_mouse 100% The only reason my dad doesn’t like him is because I’m the one supporting us financially. It makes me mad because I know that if the roles were reversed, my dad would be unbothered. I like it this way though. I love working and I would never be happy with the type of relationship my dad wants for me. There are other ways to support the person you love that don’t include money. I need emotional support and safety and to be with someone who is genuine and kind. I could care less about money, I make plenty on my own. I honestly wouldn’t even be staying with my parents if my mom hadn’t asked me to. Now i’m Struggling to find an apartment on a timeline because I don’t want to have this baby with my dad around judging us 24/7.
@lilpotatomama omg. That soup looks so good! I’ve never had it with avacado on top and now i’m not sure how I never thought of it!
Guys, I went back to the BOTB board to view the WRW thread...it had reached 10 pages! I was still reading and the thread got shut down/deleted by admin but I’m surprised the user wasn’t banned. Makes me super grateful for a group that has been very civil when it comes to different/controversial topics. We may not agree on everything but we can have an adult discussion.
I hate to be a downer when there are so many positive posts, but I need a place to emotionally unload...
I've been having a really rough few weeks. My mom has (basically) been diagnosed with early Alzheimer's and it seems to have come on suddenly. On Thanksgiving she didn't recognize any of her kids or grandkids. The next day she did, but her cognition/memory has been getting worse in the last few years. I always thought it would be my mom taking care of my dad as they got older (he has Parkinsons). On top of not being able to eat very healthy lately because my appetite is atrocious, I'm not able to workout very often because I feel like garbage and I'm not mentally in a good place. It's all rolling into one giant ball of depression and I can see it happening and still don't know how to fix it. I can't fix my mom or dad. I can't stop thinking about how this second babe might never have good memories of his grandparents because by that point (4 or 5 years down the road) they might be in a nursing home or not be coherent. I'm mad that I haven't been working out much, since I know it improves my mental health, and I feel like I'm using this pregnancy as an excuse to lie around and be lazy but I really don't want to lose all of my fitness. I'm just struggling mentally right now with everything kind of building up into a pile of shittiness.
Sorry again for being such a downer. Maybe I need to bring back the mental health check-in thread....
@kangstadt I’m sorry. That would be really tough. Go easy on yourself for awhile while you’re dealing with stuff. I think a mental health thread is always a good idea.
@kangstadt I don't know if you've mentioned this before but do you have a therapist or somebody you can talk to? In regards to parents maybe get your siblings together and start a conversation on future care, who can/will do what, get together some information on possible time lines (i'm not super familiar with Parkinson's and what the care entails) of what the future could hold, talk to their doctors, etc. Maybe being proactive can help you feel more in control and less like things are spiraling?
All i can offer is hugs in regards to your kids not knowing their grandparents. I'm so sorry you are going through this. None of that is easy and if you have anyone you can all in for some help now is probably the time to use it even though that can be hard. No one will hold needing some help right now against you.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@MRDCle@sheepshepherdess thanks, y’all! It was pretty easy, aside from having to chop an onion and some jalapeño. I had cooked, shredded chicken in my fridge already so I just used that, and it saved me a lot of time! @ysotte DO IT! Avocado is the BEST in tortilla soup, it never feels complete without it for me.
@kangstadt don’t feel badly at all for venting. That’s what this board is here for! I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve got so much on your plate. That’s hard to deal with, pregnant or not. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you even manage to fit one workout in a week, see that as a huge victory instead of thinking about the ones that you missed. Pregnancy is hard, having aging parents is hard. You’re a rockstar no matter what!
@thatbaintforbetty, we have started the conversation with all of the siblings, that's been rough too. I have 7 siblings, so of course they all have their own opinions.... My parents also only just made a will this year (they're in their 70s) and finally agreed to some legal stuff regarding their house and putting it in our names. Since I live close, I've been going to appointments with my mom. It's just hard to handle seeing her confusion progress. I don't have a therapist, and options in the area are limited - I've looked into it in the past and went to one whom I didn't connect with. Not sure if there are any others locally that would accept my insurance or not.
Thanks again ladies. Obviously I've been leaning on DH and my best friend a lot lately, but I feel like they need a break from me sometimes. It's difficult to admit I need help when I'm the type of person who tries to take care of everybody else. I've been trying to be conscious about not taking on anything extra right now and giving myself some time at home.
@kangstadt I’m so sorry you’re dealing with so much right now. I second the recommendation to do some searching around for a therapist if you’re able, especially if you feel like depression is starting to overwhelm you. The more stressed and depressed you get, the harder it will be to do the work and find someone to help. Self care is SO hard. It’s not bubble baths and wine like it looks on instagram. It’s getting therapy, forgiving yourself for not being super woman (who could really find time to work out on top of everything you’re dealing with? No one!), and allowing yourself to have sad feelings, because life just isn’t happy all the time. Venting here is always ok. You’re facing sad and hard circumstances. I really hope you can find a good therapist, and continue getting the support you need from the people who love you. I also want to offer what I hope is maybe some comfort? My sisters are much younger than I, and they don’t have many memories of our grandparents (and none of our grandparents pre-dimentia and pre-Parkinson’s). But what they do have is older sisters who love them and do things with them. If you’re one of 7, your kids will have so many aunts and uncles, and that’s pretty special too. It may be different, and there’s nothing that can make you feel okay about your parents being so ill, but hopefully at least in that one respect you can feel some comfort - it sounds like your kids will have MANY loving adults in their lives. ❤️
@ysotte Good luck with the apartment search! We're also looking for housing right now and it can be so stressful. Not to mention how stressful parents can be. I've lived with mine some as an adult, and while there were good aspects to it, on the whole, everyone is much happier when that's not the case.
@kangstadt Sounds super tough, and very reasonable that it's been hard on you. Maybe an intermediate step to finding a therapist - reconnect with some old friends and go for walks talking with them on the phone? It's a different kind of support, but I find it's been helpful for me recently when I'm emotionally venting on the same people all the time. Also talking to people that are from different stages of my life (high school, college, old coworkers, etc) helps remind me about how my life has changed and gives me perspective about how hard transitions pass. Bonus, hearing what your friends are up to and realizing that you still like them. And a walk isn't quite a workout, but it's better than sitting on the couch being sad.
@kangstadt Sometimes people experience what is called antipcatory grief, which basically means going through the grieving process before a loss. It often happens when there is an illness. It can few like depression and/or add to an already depressed mood. As others have said, therapy can be so helpful! I had my paternal grandma & maternal grandpa until the age of 5, when my grandpa died. My grandma was around until I was in my 30’s. My family always included the deceased in conversation and traditions. In some ways, I feel like I got to know my maternal grandma through her recipes that my mom would cook. My mom would then share a story about her. With my grandpa, my mom would tell his favorite jokes and quote some of his sayings. Even today, as I had a very difficult time conceiving, my parents share stories and advice they remember from their parents. I feel so connected even though I never really knew them.
@kangstadt - all the love in the world. Will probably send you a PM today about last night’s dementia experience and Parkinson’s, and start up that mental health thread (or revive it?) so I have somewhere good to put my mental health triage advice.
@kangstadt I’m so sorry. My great grandmother had Alzheimer’s and it was really hard. Don’t concern yourself about being a downer. I feel like part of the point of this is to have a place to be able to talk and have support from others.
I'm trying to be kind to myself, but it's hard when eating right and working out are two of my biggest methods for controlling my depression. I'm meeting a friend for breakfast tomorrow, no kids, so hopefully that helps to have an ear to bend.
My MIL is so passive aggressive. She sends us weekly baby gifts & addresses it “baby ___(insert H’s last name). When we married, we each kept our own last names and told her the baby would be hyphenated. She has made multiple remarks about how I should have changed my name. She pulls this stuff all of the time & is generally unpleasant to me. Ugh......
My kid is home sick with a stomach bug. He started vomiting in the car on the way, ironically, to a well check. I'm still sick with a NEW cold (I've been sick with colds for literally 2 months straight). And I've got 2 major deadlines today. I feel like we just cannot catch a break recently.
@midway_mouse that is soooo obnoxious. Some of my husband's relatives pull that BS on me too since I didn't change my last name, and my MIL generally avoids the issue altogether. I don't know what she would have done if we had hyphenated our son. We just gave him my husbands last name, which is quite long. But baby #2s middle name will be my last name... we haven't told her. It will be interesting to see how she reacts. She probably won't be very happy.
I was reading the results of our ultrasound last night and DH was super confused. He looked at the data got even more confused and was like please tell me you can understand any of this. Lol. Also I would guess this one will probably be a peanut just like DD based on the data.
I find it odd that while I was bleeding they couldn’t figure out any cause but the 20 week findings says there is clearly evidence I had a SCH. I guess it’s nice to know now what was going on but I wish they could have figured it out then. Unexplained is never fun to hear in terms of health and medicine.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@kangstadt I hope your breakfast with a friend (and kid free to boot!) helps you out today. You're going through a lot and should not be hard on yourself for experiencing it.
@midway_mouse Not cool of MIL! I don't know why people have to do things like that. My MIL is similar. She does what she thinks we should do even if we tell her that's not what we're doing. We'll tell her "We're not doing it that way" and I always get a "Oh, but I would" back. Great.
@professormama sorry to hear about your little one! You deserve a break!
I could not get out of bed this morning. I texted our dayhome lady and work today that I was going to be late. I am so burnt out. They fired the other legal assistant and didn't find a replacement so I've been doing twice the work (and in areas that I don't know enough about) plus that fight with H, Chanukkah starts in a couple days, it's craft sale season and I am just tired! I was late about 45 minutes and I've been working through my lunches so I'm considering them lucky.
Me: 31 H: 36 L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@kangstadt I'm sorry you're dealing with so much right now with your parents, but echoing others that this is what we're all here for I hope the kid-free breakfast is a good break, you deserve it.
@midway_mouse I can't stand people like that, it's just so petty and silly. I wonder how she'd feel if you were that disrespectful to her.
@midway_mouse, that's definitely frustrating. We hyphenated DS's last name (before we were married) and after we got married both of us hyphenated our last names to match. DH's family still sends mail to "the DH's-last-name Family" even though I use our hyphenated last name in all letters and we announced ourselves that way at our wedding this year.
@thatbaintforbetty, agree about the unexplained results being stressful. I feel like at times doctors don't really have answers and are just making their best guess.
@mermaidca, I feel you. I slept in until almost ten and still don't really want to do anything. It's usually my day off today, but I have to go in to cover tonight and I'm just not feeling it.
Thanks @sheknows6. I hope so too. I can barely handle my 4yo today, I just want a break and time to myself.
A random funny moment from today: Baby girl started kicking a TON, and DH hasn’t gotten to feel it yet. I grabbed his hand and put it on my belly. She kicked his hand three times! He smiled super big and then said “wow, she’s really in there!” 😑 like where did he think she’s been this whole time?
@lilpotatomama, with my first, I felt bonded right away when I found out I was pregnant and DH didn't really understand. Once DS was born, DH totally got it. I think the whole concept is much more abstract for them since it's not in their bodies.
@kangstadt I definitely think so! He’s been excited since the beginning, though not quite on the same level as me, but it’s really getting real for him now. I had been trying to explain what movement feels like and now he describes it as my stomach vibrating. Makes no sense to me, but whatever makes him feel connected 🤷🏻♀️
So awhile back some of us were talking about looking for prenatal yoga videos to do. I’ve started a YouTube playlists. So far it’s only five videos but I plan to add more as I try them. If anyone has any suggestions of videos I can add, let me know! I’ve actually only done 3/5 (bedtime, morning, and slow flow) but the other two looked good. Here’s the link if anyone is interested. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPZsguwQh0KFB4NQIwgNUYiugEIFAVDkN
@HGRich I really like the Sara Beth prenatal videos as well! Definitely wanted to recommend them here, thanks for doing so. I think she’s got a nice calm voice and there’s not too much “bonding with baby time” in her sequences. I wouldn’t say that they are super beginner-friendly, though.
The other ones I’ve tried were the free videos that came with Amazon prime. All generally pretty mediocre in my opinion.
@mesweettea I would agree. She has one beginner video I’ll add to the list that might be nice. The overly cheesy baby bonding time is annoying to me too; I tried another video and it was a little too cloying so I didn’t add it. Lol.
We’ve either been out of town or sick basically every weekend for the last 2 months (except the weekend we hosted my son’s birthday party). Our house was basically filthy. We both literally spent the entire day today cleaning. I feel like I climbed Mt Everest, but my house looks and smells decent! Victory is mine!
I finally finally found the rest of my maternity clothes. And there was actually more then I thought! Probably enough to get me through the rest off this pregnancy.
It only took digging through 2 closets and our outside storage that was covered in spider webs. But I did it!
I didnt really want want to buy more and the number of items from my regular wardrobe that still work is fast dwindling.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@thatbaintforbetty that's awesome! I'm jealous. I have yet to get any maternity clothes except 2 pairs of jeans. I wear scrubs to work so that hasn't been a problem.....although it's getting very close to being one! I've had no luck in stores so I'm biting the bullet and ordering some clothes off Amazon. Fingers crossed they work or its sweatshirts for awhile longer!
I decided to try an activity advent calendar this year instead of a toy one for DS (utilizing the box from his Lego one last year, I was worried he would be expecting Legos and be disappointed, haha), and I've been pleasantly surprised with how excited he is for it already! We went to a model train museum today and he loved it. It makes me glad, the hardest part of the holidays for me is how materialistic they've become, and I want to recapture that childhood magic and share it with my kid without relying on "things," so much. Hopefully his excitement continues!
@kangstadt we do a chocolate advent .calendar and that's a huge hit too. When I was growing up it was always Hershey kisses in the boxes, then a plastic baby Jesus on Christmas day. Kids don't need anything fancy, it's just the fun of counting down through the season
Re: Randoms W/o 11/26
@lilpotatomama omg. That soup looks so good! I’ve never had it with avacado on top and now i’m not sure how I never thought of it!
I've been having a really rough few weeks. My mom has (basically) been diagnosed with early Alzheimer's and it seems to have come on suddenly. On Thanksgiving she didn't recognize any of her kids or grandkids. The next day she did, but her cognition/memory has been getting worse in the last few years. I always thought it would be my mom taking care of my dad as they got older (he has Parkinsons). On top of not being able to eat very healthy lately because my appetite is atrocious, I'm not able to workout very often because I feel like garbage and I'm not mentally in a good place. It's all rolling into one giant ball of depression and I can see it happening and still don't know how to fix it. I can't fix my mom or dad. I can't stop thinking about how this second babe might never have good memories of his grandparents because by that point (4 or 5 years down the road) they might be in a nursing home or not be coherent. I'm mad that I haven't been working out much, since I know it improves my mental health, and I feel like I'm using this pregnancy as an excuse to lie around and be lazy but I really don't want to lose all of my fitness. I'm just struggling mentally right now with everything kind of building up into a pile of shittiness.
Sorry again for being such a downer. Maybe I need to bring back the mental health check-in thread....
All i can offer is hugs in regards to your kids not knowing their grandparents. I'm so sorry you are going through this. None of that is easy and if you have anyone you can all in for some help now is probably the time to use it even though that can be hard. No one will hold needing some help right now against you.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@ysotte DO IT! Avocado is the BEST in tortilla soup, it never feels complete without it for me.
@kangstadt don’t feel badly at all for venting. That’s what this board is here for! I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve got so much on your plate. That’s hard to deal with, pregnant or not. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you even manage to fit one workout in a week, see that as a huge victory instead of thinking about the ones that you missed. Pregnancy is hard, having aging parents is hard. You’re a rockstar no matter what!
@thatbaintforbetty, we have started the conversation with all of the siblings, that's been rough too. I have 7 siblings, so of course they all have their own opinions.... My parents also only just made a will this year (they're in their 70s) and finally agreed to some legal stuff regarding their house and putting it in our names. Since I live close, I've been going to appointments with my mom. It's just hard to handle seeing her confusion progress. I don't have a therapist, and options in the area are limited - I've looked into it in the past and went to one whom I didn't connect with. Not sure if there are any others locally that would accept my insurance or not.
Thanks again ladies. Obviously I've been leaning on DH and my best friend a lot lately, but I feel like they need a break from me sometimes. It's difficult to admit I need help when I'm the type of person who tries to take care of everybody else. I've been trying to be conscious about not taking on anything extra right now and giving myself some time at home.
I also want to offer what I hope is maybe some comfort? My sisters are much younger than I, and they don’t have many memories of our grandparents (and none of our grandparents pre-dimentia and pre-Parkinson’s). But what they do have is older sisters who love them and do things with them. If you’re one of 7, your kids will have so many aunts and uncles, and that’s pretty special too. It may be different, and there’s nothing that can make you feel okay about your parents being so ill, but hopefully at least in that one respect you can feel some comfort - it sounds like your kids will have MANY loving adults in their lives. ❤️
@kangstadt Sounds super tough, and very reasonable that it's been hard on you.
Maybe an intermediate step to finding a therapist - reconnect with some old friends and go for walks talking with them on the phone? It's a different kind of support, but I find it's been helpful for me recently when I'm emotionally venting on the same people all the time. Also talking to people that are from different stages of my life (high school, college, old coworkers, etc) helps remind me about how my life has changed and gives me perspective about how hard transitions pass. Bonus, hearing what your friends are up to and realizing that you still like them. And a walk isn't quite a workout, but it's better than sitting on the couch being sad.
I had my paternal grandma & maternal grandpa until the age of 5, when my grandpa died. My grandma was around until I was in my 30’s. My family always included the deceased in conversation and traditions. In some ways, I feel like I got to know my maternal grandma through her recipes that my mom would cook. My mom would then share a story about her. With my grandpa, my mom would tell his favorite jokes and quote some of his sayings. Even today, as I had a very difficult time conceiving, my parents share stories and advice they remember from their parents. I feel so connected even though I never really knew them.
I'm trying to be kind to myself, but it's hard when eating right and working out are two of my biggest methods for controlling my depression. I'm meeting a friend for breakfast tomorrow, no kids, so hopefully that helps to have an ear to bend.
edited to to adjust for grammar
@midway_mouse that is soooo obnoxious. Some of my husband's relatives pull that BS on me too since I didn't change my last name, and my MIL generally avoids the issue altogether. I don't know what she would have done if we had hyphenated our son. We just gave him my husbands last name, which is quite long. But baby #2s middle name will be my last name... we haven't told her. It will be interesting to see how she reacts. She probably won't be very happy.
I find it odd that while I was bleeding they couldn’t figure out any cause but the 20 week findings says there is clearly evidence I had a SCH. I guess it’s nice to know now what was going on but I wish they could have figured it out then. Unexplained is never fun to hear in terms of health and medicine.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@midway_mouse Not cool of MIL! I don't know why people have to do things like that. My MIL is similar. She does what she thinks we should do even if we tell her that's not what we're doing. We'll tell her "We're not doing it that way" and I always get a "Oh, but I would" back. Great.
@professormama sorry to hear about your little one! You deserve a break!
I could not get out of bed this morning. I texted our dayhome lady and work today that I was going to be late. I am so burnt out. They fired the other legal assistant and didn't find a replacement so I've been doing twice the work (and in areas that I don't know enough about) plus that fight with H, Chanukkah starts in a couple days, it's craft sale season and I am just tired! I was late about 45 minutes and I've been working through my lunches so I'm considering them lucky.
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@kangstadt I'm sorry you're dealing with so much right now with your parents, but echoing others that this is what we're all here for
I hope the kid-free breakfast is a good break, you deserve it.
@midway_mouse I can't stand people like that, it's just so petty and silly. I wonder how she'd feel if you were that disrespectful to her.
@professormama feel better soon!
DD born: 3/31/19
I hope you both feel better soon @professormama!
@thatbaintforbetty, agree about the unexplained results being stressful. I feel like at times doctors don't really have answers and are just making their best guess.
@mermaidca, I feel you. I slept in until almost ten and still don't really want to do anything. It's usually my day off today, but I have to go in to cover tonight and I'm just not feeling it.
Thanks @sheknows6. I hope so too. I can barely handle my 4yo today, I just want a break and time to myself.
Baby girl started kicking a TON, and DH hasn’t gotten to feel it yet. I grabbed his hand and put it on my belly. She kicked his hand three times! He smiled super big and then said “wow, she’s really in there!” 😑 like where did he think she’s been this whole time?
Here’s the link if anyone is interested.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPZsguwQh0KFB4NQIwgNUYiugEIFAVDkN
The other ones I’ve tried were the free videos that came with Amazon prime. All generally pretty mediocre in my opinion.
Heres a couple burp rags I made 🙃
It only took digging through 2 closets and our outside storage that was covered in spider webs. But I did it!
I didnt really want want to buy more and the number of items from my regular wardrobe that still work is fast dwindling.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019