Just plain Infertility

megz-not-so-fertile-myrtle

I’m new here. I’m ready to vent. Ready to talk to people who get it, and ready to just plan talk about infertility. Not “what are you going to do about it?” Not “what’s next”...just what this is. It’s been over 2 years of trying.
It stared with only telling a couple of friends we were trying. We waited a long time to start and wanted to suprise our family. I was 30 and he was 28.
After an unsuccessfully year 1 we broke it to our family. We decided to go to my parents to tell them first. I had been teased for years by my parents about “when are we getting grand babies?”
We were at their house and going to wait till after dinner but my dad made a crack about grandkids and I said “well actually, that’s why we are here”. I broke down to my parents. I was ashamed and embarrassed even though I knew that was wrong. They felt awful. They had no clue.
Of course, they were so supportive but my dad tiptoed around me for the next 3 months because he felt so bad.
His parents took it in stride and I held my composure as my husband explained what was going on. We asked that they not share anything on social media or tell everyone they know. I didn’t mind people knowing but I didn’t want it defining me or people feeling sorry for me. However I get a lot of comfort from other women who share their struggles on FB and respect their courage. 
We started to diagnose. We thought it was just me because of painful periods that would almost make me pass out. Of course hubby got tested first and we found out he had a really low count. Everyone was shocked. We are a healthy couple.. how could this happen?
At a year and a half of TTC we tried IUI. I didn’t want to turn to medical intervention but who does? Our family was so excited, chomping at the bit to hear news. Well aunt flow came a day early. My sister called that morning and I could tell she was poking for answers. She tried to ask if it was just spotted trying to hold out hope but I knew there was no baby. I called my parents who answered the phone with anticipation. I told them I didn’t have good news. I felt like I let everyone down... 
of course by this time I had seen plenty of other people’s pregnancy announcements, news stories about crap parents who don’t deserve kids.. I would just tell myself that’s their story, it has nothing to do with me and my body. I didn’t let myself get jealous of their ability to have babies.
Month after month of disappointment and periods so painful I finally decided to have the surgery to find out if I had endometriosis. No endo but I have a bum tube.  I remember waking up from surgery and seeing my big “tough guy” husband with a look of fear and sadness on his face when he had to give me the news.
Honestly I felt greatful to find out I had one good one. In a way, I also felt my husband didn’t have to feel alone either.  Have I forgotten to mention his feeling of guilt?!? I could now say it was both of us and he didn’t have to feel so bad. Not that I ever wanted him to. I found a strange comfort that we were truly in this together. 
At year two when aunt flow arrived I found myself being done caring. No more fertility Apps, no more vitamins, no more sex on a schedule and no my crying when I get my period. It’s been 3 months of feeling that way. 
I know I said no “what’s next” but I’ll share. I want to adopt from the foster care system. Hubby wants IVF. I’m willing to try but really don’t want the meds, the weight gain, or the disappointment. I feel negative about it and guilty.. have I said i have some anxiety issues and a terrible guilt complex lol. 
I want to give it a try for him but we are on the same page. If it does not work after 2 trys we go to foster care. 
Yes I have seen the movie Instant Family. I loved it. I have wanted this for a long time so no.. my feelings were not inspired by the film.

anyway.. if you read all of this, Thank you. Truly, thank you for listening.
Say hi. Let me know you are out there. I could use a conversation from a woman who truly gets it. 

Holls214

Your story sounds a lot like mine... we went through 4 years of trying which included meds, timed intercourse, 7 IUI etc. We finally decided to take the leap to IVF and that was what finally worked for us... Thinking of you. IVF for me at least wasn’t too terribly bad. Best of luck to you in your journey. 

mbradfo2

I have a similar story as well. We started trying when I was 29 and he was 28 after about 6 years of marriage (yeah, we got married pretty young haha). I thought it was going to happen maybe not right away, but certainly within a year. That's what the statistics say, right? Well, aunt flo arrived on schedule every month and I started to become very depressed over it. I tried acupuncture, yoga, diet changes, etc.  Like you, by year 2 or 3, I had sort stopped hoping. My mom basically had to drag me into the RE's office to consult on fertility. We did 3 IUIs, meds, TI...another 2 years and nothing except a surprise BFP that resulted in an early M/C.

IVF was our "last shot" and I had decided that if it didn't work, we would just have to rework our plans for the future. It did work for us though, to my surprise. IVF was a lengthy process full of emotional ups and downs, but in the end, it was worth it.  I actually also lost weight during IVF because my clinic focuses on diet changes in addition to the meds/etc. And the meds aren't too bad. Really, the grueling aspect of IVF is more psychological because you're basically steeped in infertility treatments almost non-stop for several months depending on your protocol. It can be very draining and tiring. I know by the time my embryo transfer came around, I was absolutely -done-.  Luckily the embryo had a different idea   6 years later, I can look back on the whole journey from TTC naturally to IVF with a bit more clarity and understanding. And in a way, appreciation as I met so many amazing people along the way.

You've found an awesome community of ladies here. If you ever need to rant, rave or just want support, always reach out.

megz-not-so-fertile-myrtle

Thank you ladies!!! It really means a lot to hear your stories with ivf.