Holidays and IF

somewhereinnyc

anyone else a little stressed about the holidays coming up and dealing w infertility around family? How are you guys dealing? Our first IVF cycle is in January on top of the holiday/ family stress. I am the only 1 in my generation of cousins and siblings who has not procreated. Haven’t told them much as they like to gossip. One of my aunts keeps sending me pics of everyone’s babies.. I wish I could respond genuinely positively but I guess I’m jaded at this point. 

crookshanks10

@somewhereinnyc ME! You definitely aren’t alone. Our families don’t know we’re TTC and there’s 1 baby and EVERYONE obsesses over him the WHOLE time for family events. This season I’m just going to try to enjoy the holidays and tell myself I’m doing all I can to get a BFP. IVF in January is so exciting!! Once the holidays calm down you’ll have an even more exciting event! 

somewhereinnyc

@crookshanks10 thanks for joining me in my self pity party lol! Glad to know others are feeling the same. There are now SIX babies 3 and under In my family that will be at our thxgiving. I did do something naughty and selfish: hubby and I are spending Xmas by ourselves in the Caribbean. Figured being a ball of stress before IVF is no good! ;-)

crookshanks10

@somewhereinnyc That’s SUCH a good idea!! You can get some good relaxation in before things get busy (:

anared

@somewhereinnyc I am totally with you on this. I had a CP last month with the only normal embryo I had. I haven’t told any family about it or even that I had done IVF. I have gone to all the baby showers and baptisms and was ok, I guess because there are so many people I can kind of get lost in the crowd. However, the holidays have me full of anxiety as well- smaller groups and about five newborns and some pregnant cousins- there is nowhere to escape. Vacation for Xmas, before IVF is a great idea! 

somewhereinnyc

@anared that really sucks about the CP. any chance to re-test the abnormal embryos or not worth it? You’re a tough cookie for being ok through baby showers and baptisms..

anared

@somewhereinnyc I have two low level mosaics frozen. As of now they won't transfer them, but one seems more promising than the other. I guess I will find out more at my follow up next week and try to figure out when to do IVF # 2. I live in NYC also. Is your clinic in Manhattan or outside the city? 

somewhereinnyc

@anared I feel like IVF is way more of a business than I originally realized. Seems like everything they do is in favor of more cycles whenever possible without regard to patient autonomy in the grey areas $$$ I’ll be doing my ivf at Cornell. Which clinic are you at if you don’t mind me asking?

mbradfo2

I had a MMC November 2016 and basically skipped the holidays. I remember sitting in the office at my parents' house, crying, while everyone else gathered around the table, my niece bouncing around, my sister pregnant with her second. It was just too hard. I had my husband take me home before dinner was even served. I don't even remember that Christmas. I just felt incredibly alone and depressed. 

The problem with IF is that the moments you don't expect really get you -- last summer before my transfer, I had lunch with my parents and aunt + uncle....and found out that my cousin was expecting their first from the chatter. No one had told me about it before and I just frozen because I didn't know how to react in the moment, my heart was hurting so much. My mom later apologized to me because she hadn't known that I didn't know and I told her that I really need to be told in advance about these things because I need to get used to the idea in my mind so I don't get upset over it.  Ruined lunch and the rest of my day

anared

@somewhereinnyc I agree with you, they definitely treat it as a business, and it is so disheartening. I had quite a bit of issues with communication and transparency. We looked at Cornell but they didn't take my insurance. So, we have been going to Northwell. 

dreamunoz

I experienced two chemical pregnancies from ivf, sept and oct. i have one embryo left and the next transfer will likely be in Jan as the doctor wants to complete some additional testing before my last embryo is transferred. I was so looking forward to announcing that we were expecting when with the family at Christmas, however this is not in the cards for me. I am so sad and honestly not looking forward to the holidays at all which is usually an exciting season for me. I am trying to stay positive and think this will give me a chance to enjoy my holidays and partake in holiday wine and cocktails but the truth is I wanted so badly to be pregnant, sick, and uncomfortable over the holidays and mad i couldn’t enjoy a cocktail. Infertility sucks!

rmmgr

You are definitely not alone. I also am the last one of my many cousins and in-laws to be childless and I'm older than most of them! My SIL just had her second and the last thing I want to do is visit them for the holidays. I feel guilty but I just can't be around babies right now. Just had a CP as well, and can't start FET until January so it's just months of holidays and babies everywhere. 
Some people get mad and think I'm being rude and selfish and resentful. It's not that I'm not happy for everyone else, it's just that I feel that I am missing out and can't participate without a child of my own and it hurts too much. 

megz-not-so-fertile-myrtle

Omg!! I feel you. My mother-in-law knows our situation and I’m pretty sure the rest of the family has found out thru her.. whatever. The other day during a big family Thanksgiving dinner everyone is talking about babies and she blurts out how there are 2 babies up for adoption in the area and if she was younger she would take them. It was her passive aggressive way of telling me I should be looking in to adopting one of them. My husband already told them a few weeks prior we had a different plan right now.
 2 years of TTC. One failed IUI. Due to issues with both DH and I we are turning to IVF this spring. Not against adopting but will adopt an older child thru foster care if we can not have our own. 

amurray523

I know the feeling! I am the oldest of six kids and my younger sister had the first grand baby last year and my brother has a baby girl on the way. It has been very trying for me to be happy for them and stay positive because I want it so badly for myself. I also had this subconscious fear that my parents would not be as excited for my baby as they are for the first grand baby, I want it to be special for me too. I have struggled with sharing with family and friends about our journey because I did not want to disappoint them if it failed. We are scheduled for our first IVF in January. I had 5 IUIs in the past that all were negative so I am ready and willing to go the next step in our journey to get our own miracle. I have been taking one moment at a time and have really only shared with those I trust and know will be supportive and will be praying for us. That is the most important part to know that you have friends and family who support you. My experience has been positive so far and I have been very blessed to be able to just cry or express myself to a friend. If you don’t have someone you can do this with, I would recommend finding someone because you will need it )

lcthomps

@crookshanks10 same here with one toddler in the family that everyone is crazy for! He really is great and I love him but it doesn’t make it easier when you do despatetly want your own. I have tried to be very forthcoming with both our families about our IF struggles but DH family doesn’t seem to understand that “it took awhile for me to get pregnant” and IF are two different things.