Intro- (TW-LC mentioned)

justsuzie

Hi all!  I was on here for half of 2016 and most of of 2017.  I experienced a cornual ectopic pregnancy the first time we conceived which was very traumatic because I had to get 5 shots of methotrexate because the location of the embryo was in the corner of my uterus in a very dangerous location which couldn't be resolved with surgery.  I suffered major PTSD from the experience and had to get on anxiety meds.  I got pregnant again in the beginning of 2017 which ended in a CP.  Two months later I got pregnant again and had a MMC which we found out about at the 10 week appointment which was resolved with a D&C.  Three months later I got pregnant with our little rainbow.  I suffered extreme anxiety throughout the pregnancy because I had random bleeds throughout and was convinced things would go badly because of my history. I had a horrific 42 hour delivery where LO wasn't breathing when I delivered and had aspirated on meconium. I ended up with severe postpartum anxiety and OCD with intrusive thoughts following our daughter's birth. I also was diagnosed with D-MER which is a physiological disorder related to milk letdown. 

But after all of that we are going to try for another rainbow.   We are going to start now because it took three loses before we were able to have a successful pregnancy and I am already 38.  I received so much support and understanding on this board the first time around that I couldn't imagine doing this again without this board.  I don't have a period back yet so who knows how I will track anything.  I am excited and petrified at the same time. I hope to get to know all you strong ladies in the process but do hope none of us are here too long!

char245

@justsuzie welcome and I’m very sorry for your losses. I believe we were actually on a bump group together at one point. I hope you find the support you need here and that your stay is not very long! 

justsuzie

@char245 Yes, I remember your screen name but it stinks that we are here.  I was hesitant to even post an intro because I am terrified of starting this process again.

char245

@justsuzie I completely understand, sometimes just being on here is too much. However, sometimes just having others who understand is also exactly what we need! 

dpjennifer

Welcome back. Sorry for the rough delivery, I hope everything is ok with LO now! I've missed your snark and buffy GIFs!

Mack2342

Welcome back.  Unfortunately a few of us are still here. I hope your daughter is doing well now.  Hopefully things will go easy this go around. 

justsuzie

I’ve been keeping tabs on you! Sorry you got your hand slapped. I didn’t even think you were that snarky. 

justsuzie

Daughter is wonderful now. Rough go of things because of the delivery. She was stuck for close to 8 hours. So now we are a frequent patient of the chiropractor. I’ve been rooting for you and sorry that you’re still here. 🙁

lokibear89

Welcome back I think you were on my first BMB (May 2018). Hope this time is a lot easier for you.

mwmiller4

@justsuzie I understand 100% about your feelings on trying again. I’m so sorry for your losses and hope it will be much easier this time around 

justsuzie

lokibear89 said:

Welcome back I think you were on my first BMB (May 2018). Hope this time is a lot easier for you.

It makes me sad that a lot of us share old bmbs. I remember your screename 😢

40momma

Welcome back. You are one strong and determined woman. I've always wondered how you were doing as you had the same EDD as my first (ended in mc). After all the stress you went through with your rainbow I'm so thrilled that you were able to come out on the other side. It gives me hope. Sadly I'm still here and getting older every month but hopefully we can both graduate from this board soon enough. 

justsuzie

40momma said:

Welcome back. You are one strong and determined woman. I've always wondered how you were doing as you had the same EDD as my first (ended in mc). After all the stress you went through with your rainbow I'm so thrilled that you were able to come out on the other side. It gives me hope. Sadly I'm still here and getting older every month but hopefully we can both graduate from this board soon enough. 

So sorry you are still here.  I know, as every day goes by I get a little more nervous.  I don't even believe "whatever was meant to be" anymore.  But, it did happen for me, so there is hope. Let's get the eff out of here soon!