please flame me

momofolivia

OK I am going to 'fess up.  I STILL dreamfeed DD.  I nurse her at 7pm just before bed, then I dreamfeed her right before I go to bed around 10-10:30pm.  Then she wakes at 3am for feeding and then 7am for the day.

Now for my excuse: If I don't, then she will wake up around 11 or 12 and I am so deeply asleep I struggle to wake up.  Then she will wake at 5:30 for her feeding and then we have to wake her at 7am to get up.  It makes me so much more tired the next morning since it is a struggle to get back to sleep after 5:30am.

Sooooo....it is completely selfish that i do this.  anyone else still dreamfeed?  Should I bite the bullet and stop and see if that will help get her off of nightfeedings?  please flame me for still dreamfeeding my 13 month old.

ginanjason

Wow I couldn't imagine still doing that to DD.  If it were me I'd have to bite the bullet and get her off...but I'm also expecting another one, so there would be no way that I'd be nursing 2 babies to sleep at night.

soontobecapek

not terrible, my confession... I feed DS off the floor...When I give him his banana cookies, puffs, or teddy grahams I usually put a hanful on the floor for him....

MrsAmers

If you aren't unhappy, then what difference does it make?  You aren't being selfish, you are doing what is best in your situation.  Even babies who cosleep and allowed to nurse on demand all night will eventually stop waking up to nurse overnight on their own without training.  The only downside to self-weaning from overnight feedings is that you don't know when it will stop.  It could be 9 months, 12 months, 15 months, 18 months or 2 years.  But pretty much every child I've read about (here and on Ask Moxie) has stopped regularly waking overnight to nurse by their second birthday.

I let DD self-wean.  She stopped regularly waking to nurse around 11 months.  But she would want to nurse overnight when her molars and incisors were coming in.  The last time we ever nursed overnight was around 17 months, I think.   Now she just cosleeps if teething or something disrupts her sleep, and we're all back to sleep within minutes.

IMO, you don't need to change anything unless the situation is making you, your DH or your child unhappy. 

berry25

You need to stop.  I'm telling this b/c you asked me to flame.  ;-)  Your 13 month old is old enough to get her nutrients during the day and needs to learn to sleep through the night.  You're going to have to end this eventually, and I think 13 months is plenty old enough.  Plus, you deserve your sleep!

IAM4UK

Only because I see this getting worse, think about when she is 2 and you are still feeding in the middle of the night. She wakes up, gets out of bed, comes into your room to wake you up from your deep sleep because she is hungry. Or wakes up, goes to the fridge to eat something in the middle of the night.

She needs to learn now to STTN so this isn't a trend as she gets older.

PaigeC1981

I'm not going to flame you.  I will admit that I am jealous though. 

pea-kay

i won't flame you, because i don't know much about BFed babies. since my boys were all FF, they stopped eating in the middle of the night at 7 months. (and that was later than they needed to, really, but they'd gotten into the habit of their 4 am bottle.)

but wow, don't you want to sleep? and i'm genuinely curious, but shouldn't she be able to go through the whole night without eating? it's a hard habit to break, i know that! but i would guess it's only going to get harder. for YOUR sanity, i'd try to drop both nighttime feedings.

jessicada76

soontobecapek:

not terrible, my confession... I feed DS off the floor...When I give him his banana cookies, puffs, or teddy grahams I usually put a hanful on the floor for him....

I couldn't do that!  Our dog would eat it first!  She even steals things out of Paige's hands or off her tray - so now we have to cage her while Paige eats!  UGH!  But I do confess that we feed Paige dinner more at the couch then in her highchair at the table!

 MOO - I just think you need to break the night time feedings!  If you want to do it right before you go to bed I guess that is still fine but I think the middle of the night one needs to go out the window!  Although my friends 2 year old still gets us 7 times a night!!!!!!!  So I guess you are lucky!

Sept17.05Bride

Wow, I can't even remember the last time I had to wake up in the middle of the night to nurse DS.  DS has always been a great sleeper though and started STTN really early on.  I won't flame you because everyone's situation is different. 

AndysKandi

Ugh you're the worst mom EVER.

Not really serious of course!

Though, IMO yes you should "bite the bullet" and stop. You deserve sleep, and she is plenty old enough to get used to having no night feedings. Will you just keep on going until she is 10 years old, or what? I just mean, you gotta stop sometime, and there's no time like the present. So they say. But of course, that is just my opinion and it doesn't matter what I or anyone else things - you need to do what works for you.

dnagal

You asked for a flame, but before I deliver it-let me tell you that everyone does what they need to to get by, and what works for them and their families, and their sleep preservation needs!  Way to go for making it this far in the first place-you're doing a great job mom!

BUT-it will be better for both of you if you stop-she'll learn to sleep through the night and not seek food or mommy comfort.  She's getting enough nutrition during the day.  If you are in doubt about this, add more solid food snacks to her diet during the day.   

maddie80

I don't think it's terrible, and I was BFing DS through the night until just a couple of weeks ago too.

But - that being said, uninterrupted sleep is better for little ones and adults alike.    It helps their brains process what they've learned that day and be fresher the next day.  

And, one of the major reasons I worked to get DS nightweaned is that I didn't want all that milk causing cavities in his baby teeth at night.  Unless you're brushing your DC's teeth after the dreamfeed, imagine all that milk sugar just eating away at his little teeth! (Not guilting you out, but you asked for flames!  )

jeffs_baker

I don't dreamfeed because dd never did this... she just woke up. So, instead, I still feed dd 3+ times a night. I am exhausted and don't know how to function anymore, but refuse to let dd cio. I am jealous of you, no flames from me!

 

momofolivia

ahhh... tough love - i need it!

we were going to try to eliminate the nightwakings last week when DH was off of work, but DD was sick, and I didn't feel right letting her get that upset (Dh would hold her until it was time to eat, increasing that time more each night).

Luckily DD doesn't have any teeth - only two front little nubs.  She's a late bloomer and only about 17 pounds, so I tend to think about her terms of her weight - which is average for a 6 or 7 months old.  But I know even that age doesn't need to wake up either. 

 Ok keep 'em coming.  I need it!!

Sarah&JoeinSC

If it works for you that's great.  Stopping the nightfeedings was hell for us and we were still giving bottles after 12 months in the night.  I was desperate for some sleep by that point, but it was also because I was pregnant.  I never could figure out how to dreamfeed.

Eddy1

I would honestly stop. She doesn't need to eat at night, especially now that she is over one year. But only you can make that decision. All children are different but jack eats dinner at 5 pm, gets a sippy of milk at 6 pm and then sleeps 7 pm - 7 am without eating.

mrshutch

I can't flame you b/c you were really supportive for me yesterday.

But I'm someone who needs her sleep. So personally, I would cut her off, but if it's not bothering you or cauing real problems, then take your time. 

nsc91706

Like pp said....you need to do what works for you and your family, but the fact that you're asking for "flames" seems to indicate to me that you might not be totally comfortable with keeping to your same routine....

First of all...congratulations for BFing this long!  I did it until DD was 12 months and then we were both ready to be done...so I know what you've gone through to get to this point!

Secondly..this is not really a flame, but, you all need your sleep!  I think someone else mentioned it, but it is very important for little ones to get large blocks of uninterrupted sleep and it's also very important for you as well!  Physically and emotionally your DD is at the age where she should be able to go all night with no feedings.  At 12 months we did CIO with DD, because I was getting to the point where I could not function at work anymore (granted DD was only getting up once in the middle of the night).  I was dead set against CIO at first, but I will tell you what...for us, it was incredibly easy!!  It only took 3 nights before DD got it!  And she never cried to the point where she was getting hysterical or really upset..I think it was way harder for us then it was for her!  Like you said, DDs schedule will probably be off for the first few days, but it will straighten itself out pretty quickly I think!

Regardless of what you decide to do, I hope everything works out the way YOU want it to!

ecoppins

I'm saying the same thing as the pp. IF it doesn't bother you, why try to stop what works. However, sleep is important for both of you and if you feel that these?waking?are?interrupting?that you might want to think about other actions.

When I weaned dd, I gave her an extra large milk bottle at night before bed. It works wells. She doesn't get up in the middle of the night (unless she's teething). We also don't usually give her anything in the night if she does wake. I rock her or sing to her, or cuddle her until she is sleepy again and put her back in her box. ?

candm

I still do it and don't feel the slightest bad about it. Nor do I feel the slightest need to stop any time soon.

And I'll add, there are many "expert" opinions that disagree with PPs positions on continuous, uninterrupted sleep at this age. Many experts see no harm in night nursing at this age. Like everything, there are numerous opinions and you just need to find what works for you and your family.

KristinKD

berry25:

Your 13 month old is old enough to get her nutrients during the day and needs to learn to sleep through the night.  You're going to have to end this eventually, and I think 13 months is plenty old enough.  Plus, you deserve your sleep!

I completely agree with this. If you don't try to end it now, you could be setting yourself for an even more difficult battle as your DD gets older. If you think of it as teaching her how to sleep on her own, it may be easier to put an end to it.

That said, I admit that I sometimes still nurse DD when she wakes up at night. I had to do CIO at 10 months to get her to STTN, but she still wakes up once or twice at night when she's teething. She never dreamfeeds, though.

KristinKD

momofolivia:

She's a late bloomer and only about 17 pounds, so I tend to think about her terms of her weight - which is average for a 6 or 7 months old.  But I know even that age doesn't need to wake up either.

Oh, and my DD is small too -- she was 17 lbs. at 12 months too. That's why I waited until 10 months to do CIO, because it wasn't until then that I felt comfortable ending her nighttime feedings.

musicteacher225@yahoo.com

Yeah, I still do this too.  It's completely selfish why I do it.  I just need to get some sleep sometime in the night.   

musicteacher225@yahoo.com

MrsAmers:

If you aren't unhappy, then what difference does it make?  You aren't being selfish, you are doing what is best in your situation.  Even babies who cosleep and allowed to nurse on demand all night will eventually stop waking up to nurse overnight on their own without training.  The only downside to self-weaning from overnight feedings is that you don't know when it will stop.  It could be 9 months, 12 months, 15 months, 18 months or 2 years.  But pretty much every child I've read about (here and on Ask Moxie) has stopped regularly waking overnight to nurse by their second birthday.

I let DD self-wean.  She stopped regularly waking to nurse around 11 months.  But she would want to nurse overnight when her molars and incisors were coming in.  The last time we ever nursed overnight was around 17 months, I think.   Now she just cosleeps if teething or something disrupts her sleep, and we're all back to sleep within minutes.

IMO, you don't need to change anything unless the situation is making you, your DH or your child unhappy. 

 

Mrs. Amers, your story makes me feel so much better.  Thank you for the insight!!

Pesky

No flames but a warning -- my sister did this with my nephew.  In goes my nephew at 15 mos to the dentist (big sister was going for the first time so he went too) -- kid had 7-8 cavities and needed 4 crowns!!!!!  Granted, poor genes were a contributing factor but the other big one the dentist pointed out were the night BFing sessions my sister did.  He told her the salivary glands shut down and so there is nothing to wash the milk sugar off the teeth.  So they rot.  Needless to say, my sister was fervently wishing she had put up with the pain and agony of weaning him from night feedings a lot sooner so he didn't have to be put under for such extensive dental work as a toddler. 

LoveEeyore

No flame, but at 12 months pedi nicely nudged me to cut out night time nursings b/c of teeth, and I was terrified, and mad, but I did it cold turkey, and it was easy for DD- I couldn't believe it.  And BEGAN sleeping through the night at 12 months 2 weeks because of it.  I could cry from happiness b/c I get to sleep through the night AND kick myself for not trying sooner.  If I weren't pregnant at the time, though, I'd have blown Dr. off... so I actually don't know what my point is besides good luck!

candm

PPs' comments about tooth decay had me worrying. I'd heard this before and my worries were assuaged, but I couldn't remember why so I wanted to do some more research. Here's a link from kellymom citing studies that conclude breastmilk may actually prevent tooth decay. According to this article, there is no proven correlation between tooth decay and night nursing:

https://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/tooth-decay.html

jeffs_baker

candm:

PPs' comments about tooth decay had me worrying. I'd heard this before and my worries were assuaged, but I couldn't remember why so I wanted to do some more research. Here's a link from kellymom citing studies that conclude breastmilk may actually prevent tooth decay. According to this article, there is no proven correlation between tooth decay and night nursing:

https://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/tooth-decay.html

THANK YOU for posting this!!! I was just about to cry and tell dh we needed to night-wean dd.

 

HawaiiBrideGrm

jeffs_baker:

candm:

PPs' comments about tooth decay had me worrying. I'd heard this before and my worries were assuaged, but I couldn't remember why so I wanted to do some more research. Here's a link from kellymom citing studies that conclude breastmilk may actually prevent tooth decay. According to this article, there is no proven correlation between tooth decay and night nursing:

https://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/tooth-decay.html

THANK YOU for posting this!!! I was just about to cry and tell dh we needed to night-wean dd.

 

Yes, above is true. BFing does NOT promote tooth decay. In fact (funny/strange fact) if the mom chews gum containing Xylitol as it's sweetner (i.e. Trident is one; Xylitol is a natural sweetner from the birch tree), the BF child will have protection against cavities while BFing (even teeth that have not yet erupted). Obviously I had this worry, too, and did some research. Now I just sit back, BF DD to sleep at night and before naps, and chew my Trident LOL. Hey, why the hell not? LOL!

However, DD does not wake to feed at night any longer. She stopped her nighttime feedings at around 3 mos, but DD was very large for her age (97th% ht & wt). No flames from me... I have no interest to see flames again for a looooong while LOL!

Pesky

Turns out there is that the combo of night BFing with bad genes makes for cavities, so not enough to cause ceasing of night-feedings unless you have poor genes or signs of tooth decay.

https://www.askdrsears.com/faq/bf3.asp