Feel free to vent/ share how you are feeling!
I know it's normal to feel angry, frustrated, hopeless and... A multitude of other possible emotions.
I am lucky that I have several supportive people in my life (including DH). But I'm starting to feel guilty that I am over burdening them with my issues.
My most recent loss was in April, at 10w 2d. It was quite traumatic, emotionally and physically. (Severe post partum hemmorage, life threatening, long recovery). We were very open about the loss, in hopes that we could do our part to help destigmatize MC, educate people, and maybe help another person who suffers a loss to know they aren't alone.
We were lucky to have immense support, and eventually, for a while, I was doing somewhat better. (Stopped crying every day, wasn't thinking about it 100% of the time etc).
But now, as my due date approaches, I find I am regressing. I'm consumed by it again. Crying randomly.
And EVERYONE else seems to be pregnant. Today, I saw a nurse who was probably 7 months along, and I strongly felt like I want to crawl into a bunker and hide, until I get to have my own baby.
I had 2 friends I was pregnant with. Their babies will be coming any day now. I'm happy for them, but it's also killing me.
And every time I have a patient who is high and drunk, and pregnant, I want to punch them. In the face. With a chair.
Oh, also, my boss told me the other day that it's been long enough and I "have to get over it". (I had explained that my former EDD was coming up and that's why we wanted it off work).
I'm TRYING to focus on other things, and enjoy life. But I seem to be obsessed with this. I LOVE Halloween, but I'm not even looking forward to it this year. And Christmas this year is a wash, since we work all the holidays. So it feels like there is nothing to look forward to I guess.
It's kinda like the world is happening around me, and I am watching it go by whiled I'm consumed by this one topic of thought.
I hope once this EDD passes, I can start to heal again. But there seem to be triggers everywhere. And it's brutal.
Anyway, feel free to share your vent!