Come vent! — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Come vent!

Feel free to vent/ share how you are feeling!

I know it's normal to feel angry, frustrated, hopeless and... A multitude of other possible emotions.
I am lucky that I have several supportive people in my life (including DH). But I'm starting to feel guilty that I am over burdening them with my issues. 

My most recent loss was in April, at 10w 2d. It was quite traumatic, emotionally and physically. (Severe post partum hemmorage, life threatening, long recovery). We were very open about the loss, in hopes that we could do our part to help destigmatize MC, educate people, and maybe help another person who suffers a loss to know they aren't alone.
We were lucky to have immense support, and eventually, for a while, I was doing somewhat better. (Stopped crying every day, wasn't thinking about it 100% of the time etc).

But now, as my due date approaches, I find I am regressing. I'm consumed by it again. Crying randomly.
And EVERYONE else seems to be pregnant. Today, I saw a nurse who was probably 7 months along, and I strongly felt like I want to crawl into a bunker and hide, until I get to have my own baby.

I had 2 friends I was pregnant with. Their babies will be coming any day now. I'm happy for them, but it's also killing me.

And every time I have a patient who is high and drunk, and pregnant, I want to punch them. In the face. With a chair.

Oh, also, my boss told me the other day that it's been long enough and I "have to get over it". (I had explained that my former EDD was coming up and that's why we wanted it off work).

I'm TRYING to focus on other things, and enjoy life. But I seem to be obsessed with this. I LOVE Halloween, but I'm not even looking forward to it this year. And Christmas this year is a wash, since we work all the holidays. So it feels like there is nothing to look forward to I guess.

It's kinda like the world is happening around me, and I am watching it go by whiled I'm consumed by this one topic of thought.

I hope once this EDD passes, I can start to heal again. But there seem to be triggers everywhere. And it's brutal.

Anyway, feel free to share your vent! 

Re: Come vent!

  • I’m sorry about your upcoming EDD.  Those dates are very hard.   I did the same thing with mine. I stressed started crying was getting angry but I planned something on my EDD and I found that I actually forgot it was that day because I was occupied and then I remembered the next day.  I cried a little but then I was ok.   I felt like the anticipation leading up to date was worse than actual date.  So if you can find something to do that day I think it might help.  Also talking about it helps.  I talked to my DH and best friend a lot leading up to day.  I hope you have better days.   
  • I feel the same way. I am currently going through a miscarriage and everything seems to trigger me. I can’t even watch tv without seeing a pregnant woman and crying. 
  • kris321kris321 member
    First Comment Photogenic
    edited December 2018
    Hi ladies! I am sorry for your losses. I am new to the discussion board. I miscarried at 8 weeks and have my d and e tomorrow. I think I'm in a similar line of work as the original poster. I give anesthesia for a living. Today, while cramping and passing blood clots, waiting for my d and e tomorrow, I got to do 3 c sections and put in an epidural. 

    Update- today I got my d and e and it really wasn't that bad! The cramping from my body trying to miscarry naturally was much worse! The perks of working in the operating room are huge, I got so many hugs, extra blankets, and lots of support from my friends to make a crappy day better! 
  • My experience waiting for my miscarriage to happen naturally was a bit traumatic. I hope we all get better soon. 
  • Hey ladies, I almost started a new discussion but I remembered I'm not alone in this<3 & found this forum. I had a missed miscarriage, which was forced by pill back in mid November. it was THE worst time of my life & as mostly everyone has said, soooo many people were pregnant around me. I was a total depressed mess. To make it worst I even lost my job due to missing work because I bled for over a week (sorry if tmi) I am now in a wreck trying to find the correct legal way to go about this, while my BFF who is exactly as far along as I expected to be has a happy healthy 3rd pregnancy. And my birthday was 3 days ago, when I planned on sharing the news w the world. Recently me & my partner have cried about it which was very comforting to me seeing as how he Never talked about it before.. I had psyched myself into thinking he was happy w the miscarriage (we're not exactly the richest people on earth) but he finally broke down & I've realized he's been holding it in, trying to be strong for me. I really try my hardest not to be jealous and be supportive of my pregnant friends but I couldn't make it to my aunt's gender reveal, another lucky lady on her 4th pregnancy, well into her 30's as well. Mind you I'm 26 and have never been pregnant before my m/c so I had recently started to believe I couldnt have kids. Then as soon as I became content, okay w that, BOOM BFP. Just to have my angel take from me. Everyday I think about what life is supposed to be like & will I ever fully be over this.. even now I'm not sure if I'm psyching myself out because I've had constant stomach pains for the past week & I dont remember my early symptoms.. I put everything as far out of my head as possible becuase I planned on NOT trying for a while to avoid such heartbreak again so soon, but we didnt NOT try if that makes sense, & now im like googling statistics of pregnancies after miscarriage & calculating my ovulation thinking this may be my rainbow baby... well thanks sooo much to poster of this post lol this vent was much needed - all of you are in my thoughts & prayers. please keep me in yours <3
  • I am so sorry for everyone's losses. Sending good vibes and lots of love out there to you.

    I had a MMC in December. Went for our first dating scan and didn't get to see anything which immediately sent us panicking. My midwife called and said they couldnt find a heartbeat and that the baby was only measuring 7 weeks instead of 10. I thought my dates could have been wrong due to a long cycle so we tried to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Did HCG testing which came back normal, but a week later it had fallen by half. Then our genetic testing came back and showed an abnormality. I was schedule for a D&C three days later. Thankfully it happened before Christmas and we were able to have restful holidays. It was tough, especially new years being around lots of kids and other pregnant people, but my husband and I have been well supported. 

    Then last week I got a call that they could find products of conecpetion in the tissue they removed. I needed a follow up ultrasound. I was so angry, I was just really ready to move on and being pulled back in, not having it be over, made me so upset. Then I turned 30 on Tuesday and tried to have a fun time. It immediately became obvious that my friend was pregnant at dinner. It was a shock and kind of threw me for a loop but I just tried to enjoy the evening. 

     Today I had the follow up ultrasound and the doctor scheduled me for an appointment tomorrow. I said "I guess you can't tell me anything more?" And she said "it's not URGENT urgent". I really wish she would have just said no.

    I feel destroyed. It's been so hard to resist the temptation to shut down from everything. I am stuck thinking the worst and panicking, just hoping my midwife will call with more info today. 

    My husband and I are so ready to be parents. I just want my body to heal so we can try again. 
  • Update: the first d&c failed. I am having another one tomorrow. 
  • Sorry you have to have another.  I hope all goes well today and you can start to recover @jandawg
  • Gotta vent...

    My stupid doctor's office put in a QUALITATIVE beta hcg test instead of a quantitative beta test.  How in the F*ck is one supposed to know if the number doubles in 48 hours or not, if they DON'T HAVE THE NUMBER TO START WITH FROM THE FIRST TEST!?!?!?  

    Silver lining side?  The number is between 5 and 25, which is too damned low for where I should be in this PG, so unless there's a miracle in the cards for me, I'm headed for MC #5 so I guess it doesn't really matter what the damned actual number is.  But going again tonight to get stabbed to find out, so I guess I can track it down to 0?

    Seriously over this entire TTCAL thing... this shit is for the birds. God is a cruel asshole and the world is super unfair.

    Love GIF

    Me: 34    DH: 38

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    Married: Nov. 7, 2015
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) 
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    Possibly giving up because I just can't even anymore...

    BFP 1/16/2019  
    HCG blood qualitative test - between 5 and 25... FML...

    fuck my life GIF

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