I have no problem with someone coming in here saying hey I’m having a home birth. You do you. I just have issues with people stating "facts" without being ready to back them up.
And not for nothing, if I post a fact that is actually untrue, I would want someone to call me out on it. What if I was misinformed? If my OB said something dangerously incompetent to me (for example), I would appreciate the safety net of having you guys go ‘wait what??’. Same if someone here was excited about their home birth for their VBAC with multiples where they totes found a midwife who was down for it. People can make their own choices, but if I see someone post something dangerous and untrue, I feel obligated to point it out.
Also, erasing negative birth outcomes from the conversation is frankly offensive. It is a part of the spectrum of experiences- a painful and horrific one, yes- but it’s both foolish and inconsiderate of others’ experiences to ignore them. Let it give you perspective on the birth process- a c-section is not the end of the world.
Yea, sorry not sorry, but I will not "respect" someone claiming something so bold with absolutely zero evidence and just keep scrolling. If you're going to post something as fact, I have every right to ask for citations, and it's not rude of me to do so.
I agree with PP that this was very tame too. No one attacked her.
The sky is actually purple and green ya'll, don't ask me to prove it.
Where I live, Ontario, midwifery is high regulated and covered by the province the same way an OB or family physician with obstetrics training would be. I asked my sister, who is an OB-GYN in the USA, what she recommended for me personally and her vote was for a midwife in a hospital setting. Her reasoning was that in her professional opinion, the biggest factor in the safety and health of the baby and me wasn't the professional delivering the baby, it was the hospital setting. And for me, she knows I am a very relational, emotional person and thought that a midwife would have more time and better capacity to have the relationship I was looking for with my provider, while an OB or family physician wouldn't. Her exact words "You want the person delivering your baby to be your friend, and OBs don't have no time for that."
I asked my family physician (who was my provider until switching to my midwife) what she thought about OB versus midwife versus family physician and home versus hospitals and her exact words were "I want to be clear that this is your choice and what I am offering is my opinion, but if I could recommend one thing it would be to deliver at a hospital. I could care less who gets the baby out of you but deliver at a hospital."
So I am going for hospital birth with a midwife (not a judgement of those who are choosing home and to be clear both sister and doctor offered their opinions).
In terms of the details of the plan...thus far my midwife and I have been talking about birth the way I used to talk about races when I was a more competitive athlete. There is my "A" birth, where conditions are perfect and everything goes according to plan - pain medication free, able to move around a lot, make good use of the birthing tub in the hospital, delayed cord clamping. Then there is plan "B", where things aren't 100% perfect but still good, then plan "C", "D" all the way down the line.
What I like about the care model up here is even if my care has to be transferred to an OB because my pregnancy becomes high risk or there are complications during delivery, my midwife will still be by my side during delivery, to advocate and care for me (so like plan "E" LOL). Plus they provide 6 weeks of postpartum care including home visits!
Well thank you all for your opinions, I apologize if anybody thought I was violating anything or causing too much drama. My post was coming from a place of disappointment that there's yet another thread of random people coming on to say they think homebirth is synonymous with death. I've done my research and I know what's right for me, but it is hard being in the minority and seeing that kind thing posted so often. Especially without a trigger warning. Homebirth doesn't always equal ignorance. All of the likeminded mothers in my community are well aware of the risks of not being in a hospital. We understand. We just don't agree that hospitals are right for everybody. There is a difference. I'm happy to be here, and I think this is a great group, I just wish I was able to interact in a simple birth plan/randoms thread without having to wade through unasked for opinions on how homebirth kills people..
@kaleesi93 I don’t think anyone said that homebirth = death. It happens in hospitals all the time too. It’s an awful realty of labor and any doctor or midwife who isn’t aware or hasn’t mentioned it or planned for the possibility is a someone you should run away from. I would assume you have done your homework regarding a homebirth, especially because it probably takes a lot more planning (I am guessing since again it’s not something I would choose). If that’s your informed choice of how you want to give birth I wish you the best. No one was saying it’s a wrong choice, just possibly wrong for them. No one said do not do this it’s bad. I get that you are In the minority here and feel attacked but no one is attacking you or your choices. Only bad facts.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
I don't think there is a right/wrong choice in regards to OB/midwives. It depends on your level of comfort. When I was pregnant with my first, I called the OBGYN office my mom used and asked to be placed with a physician who had openings. I got so very lucky I got paired with my OB. He is calm, realistic, factual and a very caring person. He found DD heart condition and treated me in calm manner. Even when an emergency c-section almost happened at 27 weeks, he was doing rounds at the hospital, dropped everything to come in case I needed him. I realize I may be in the minority to have found a male OB who I really like, but I did. DH really likes him as well. My "quick" appointments are never quick. I'm always there for at least 30 minutes as he asks me many questions every time. I know about his children and the sports they play, his family, etc. Granted, I don't know the details of his life, but he doesn't know ours either. But to say that all OB's are quick and don't necessarily "care" about their patients is false. It's about how both of you build relationships. *shrug* and *steps off soapbox*
@mrstmoose I hope my post didn't come across as implying OBs don't care, that wasn't my intention. I have seen my sister in action where she works and am always blown away by how my sometimes direct to the point of being harsh sister can be so warm and caring with her patients. She is very quick, but that is because she works in a large public hospital that is underfunded and overbooked.
I also got to experience care with the OB my family physician would have referred me to if that had been my choice when I had to have emergency surgery on my ovaries at nine weeks at the hospital where he works. He was absolutely lovely, although it took forever to get anything done with him because he was so busy.
The "so has dying for hundreds of years" comment was what stung.. I have no bone to pick with any OBs, or anybody that chooses to give birth in a hospital! The only times I've stayed in a hospital was when something was terribly wrong.. so in my mind they're a place to go to save your life, but they aren't where I'm comfortable. I think maybe because I lived in a culture where having as many kids as you possibly can is the norm, I probably don't think about proactively checking in just in case.. Just like I wouldn't live at a hospital so I never get in a car accident etc.. But most people have a very different outlook and I respect anybody who does what's best for theirself and their babies. Also, I do think maybe Molecularmolly phrased her statement a bit off.. I took it to mean not all OBs are in the delivery room for every second of a normal birth.. That's why asking for citations ruffled my feathers. I didn't think you -all- had created a topic to rag on homebirthers. It was mostly one comment and a misunderstanding about OBs on the floor at all times. Coupled with a few other debates/death comments on a few other threads.. anyways I hope this is the last hormonal outburst you're subjected to!
Both studied the mortality of neonates of planned home births and planned hospital births. The second adjusted their data set to include only low risk pregnancies so as to be as comparable to home birthers as possible. You do you, Dragon Mom. Statically significant data doesn't lie.
@becky012016 statistically significant data may not lie, but it also may not paint a complete picture. The study authors themselves note that birth certificate data has notorious problems, that they cannot break it down between planned birth centers and planned home births, and that, perhaps most importantly, midwife licensure in the US (and Oregon) has inconsistent standards. It is incredibly important to know the difference in outcomes between CNMs, CPMs, and lay midwives. Their study doesn’t even exclude lay midwives, since licensure (as CNM/CPM) wasn’t required until two years after the data set ends.
Eta: re study 2, which is the only one I have time to read right now.
@lyse01 planned homebirths end in neonate fatality 2x as often as planned hospital births. The first compares CNMs in a hospital setting vs any midwife (CNM to lay midwife) in a home setting. The total number of deaths is tiny which is a great thing. But when shit goes wrong for planned homebirths, the consequences are worse than a midwife in a hospital. I just think pregnant ladies need to look long and hard at the location of their planned births and how quickly they'll have access to life saving measures. The whole push for homebirths in recent years comes from a place of privilege. People are taking for granted what science has done for babies and moms in our lifetimes.
My experience of unmediated birth at a birth center can argue for or against a hospital setting depending on the person. I will share it with you ladies be kind please:
****Trigger warning very detailed, fear of child loss, and graphic****
My husband and I compromised and chose a midwifery style practice
(here’s some background you can skip if you like:
********with well qualified midwives and an OB GYN (she has 20+ yrs hospital experience and retains hospital privileges) the practice was strategically located across the street from one of the best children’s hospitals in the country and down the street from a well respected hospital with a wonderful L&D wing! We were lucky to be in a major city with so many wonderful options so near by!
I went into labor with my first at 4am the day before he was due. It was early labor and it took me 2 hours to realize that’s what it was and not just indigestion. I knew I was in it for the long hall so I followed the advice from my birth classs (Bradley method btw). I went back to bed and by God’s grace went to sleep from 6-9am and woke up starving, I had a hearty breakfast and went about my day, around 4pm my body started cleaning out (TMI here but diarrhea). And I had to start using some of the imagery techniques I had learned.
By 6 pm I was alternating throwing up between my contractions and urgently using my he bathroom. Did I have the flu?
Around 8 we rode down to my birth center to be checked = only 1 cm dilated! We went home but by 11 pm I couldn’t stand it and we went down to my birth center for the night. I had my husband call and wake up my mom and she met us there. I coutinued to labor with my mom and husband for the next 3 or so hours. I had been vomiting and using the toilet for almost 8 hours. My midwife had been checking on me and baby and thus far both safe and healthy but I couldn’t continue this way...
I took oral disintegrating zofran which allowed me to take fluids and small amount of nutrition by mouth and stopped the vomiting. ( I wish had agreed to take it sooner, I was really suffering and unable to rest between contractions). My labor had been progressing and intensifying steadily. (Of note I had back labor which probably contributed to all the toilet time). But then my labor coping techniques started to fail me I couldn’t think well enough to move through the imagery and simple breath awareness was impossible. And on top of that my husbands male voice became the most annoying thing I had ever heard.
My mother started guiding me through some Lamaze breathing she had used in the 70’s and 80’s and for me at that time it worked!! (Bradley teaches that there is some risk of hyperventilating with certain breathing techniques and advises against them since they are often done wrong). But It worked and I was grateful!!! I labored in a timeless place for what must have been the next 4.5 hours.
Then I was in a state where I couldn’t talk, move or do anything but the same breathing my mom and I had been at for hours, and I remember thinking dear God I can’t do this anymore, please let this end or let me have a break. My contractions were one on top of the other and less than 6 seconds apart. ( I was in transition) and then the AM midwife floated into the room like mornings light and slowly and gently warmed the room with her loving presence. Her name is Mary ( she has 11 children of her own, and I’m catholic so this name has special meaning for me).)
****** IF you skipped pick up here: I had been in active labor since about 4-5pm the day before and mostly progressed with an unmediated labor assisted by husband mother and midwives. It’s about 7:45 am on my due date.
She (my midwife) suggested I labor in an a symmetric position and while I was doing that she also recognized that I was probably having pushing contractions (I hadn’t recognized this myself because I had spent all labor feeling the urge to poop anyway -thank you back labor). She could see I was very uncomfortable moved me into the huge spa size tub. Oh sweet relief, for the first time in hours I felt I could handle the pain. She fed me thin sliced strawberries in the tub and encouraged me, “the sugar will give you and baby the strength you need, eat for your baby”. She checked me 10cm!!! “Why don’t you try pushing with your next few contractions.” More relief the contractions don’t seem to hurt while I was pushing. (Up to this point thing are going pretty well for an non-medicated birth). But inspite of pushing I was not really making much progress with baby’s decent, so I get out of the tub -perhaps a different position would help, I am starting to get in position to use a birthing stool while my midwife monitors me and baby through a few contractions. He’s not doing well all of a sudden there is fetal distress, she asks me to get on the bed on hands and knees and out comes a bunch of medical equipment and her assistant. My husband is shown how to hold an oxygen mask over my face (he’s a dentist so he’s not unfamiliar with medical). But baby’s heart rate is still getting worse. I hear my midwife order the assistant to call 911 and send an ambulance, she asks me to turn over but I can’t really hear her (must have been high from the oxygen IDK). She yells at me “(my name) you get on your back right now!!” I flipped over like super woman. “I am going to give you an episiotomy now” sharp pain cut through me, then again. (you normally don’t feel an episiotomy because you are crowning, I was not and there was no time for local anesthesia). My mom cranked back one leg my husband the other, midwife ordered me to push, don’t wait for a contraction! Push and don’t stop!!!! The assistant looks me in the eye right as I’m getting tired and says you push that baby out right now and for a split second I am the most terrified I’ve ever been in my entire life, I start to think what if CA—-. I do not allow myself to finish the thought. My midwife’s hands are inside guiding the baby as much as they can. I dig deep and push with all my might (mind you I never stopped pushing) and by God’s grace, my son was born. I screamed his name hoping he would answer me to tell me he was alive. And my midwife layef his perfect little body on my stomach, he was alive but needed to be rubbed down head to toe to get him started. I have never been so relieved in all my life!!!! His cord had prolapse while I was pushing and changing position didn’t alleviate it... from the time he was first in distress to the time he was born it took less than 5min it felt like an eternity!!!
Had I been at the hospital I probably would have had an IV, perhaps my amniotic fluid would have been higher since more fluids could have been replaced while I was vomiting, it’s possible that could have prevented the cord prolapse. Or not. I could have had a C-section instead of worrying if I could push him out in time. I could have had forceps or a vacuum extraction which could have helped but also carried a risk of injury to my son. I’ll never know for sure.
All I’m sure of was that God was with me, I knew the risks and I accepted them. My ‘natural birth’ wasn’t without trauma.
Me personally I would do it again, and my second baby will be born at this same birth center. But I can equally see another woman being committed to a hospital after an experience like this.
My God be with you ladies and I wish you each every blessing on your birth!!!!
@saraleigh2 Thank you for your story!! I am also choosing to have my baby at a birthing center with qualified, experienced midwives. And my birthing center is also very close to a hospital, God forbid something should happen and I would need to be transferred. For me, it's a good medium between a hospital and home birth. Minimal intervention and med free if possible (though they do offer nitrous oxide - which I might consider!).
Just joining in to share my experience/plan for this birth. My first baby was born in the hospital, I had made a birth plan for my ideal medication free birth, and I think it really helped me to have taken the time to think about my preferences in advance of the labor. I remember the nurse kind of dismissing the plan when I shared it with her, and her asking what I would do if I changed my mind, wanted medicine etc. that was helpful too though! To acknowledge the scenarios that might arise and be ready to consider how to ask for something different than Plan A.
The hospital did convince me to use pitocin since my water broke without labor beginning within 24 hours, but I followed my plan aside from that, and while laboring I felt like a really active participant in bringing my son into the world. I know there is a famous amnesia that women get; forgetting the pain, but my memory was that while labor was so hard, it also was so exhilarating. And the reward of meeting your baby at the end is the biggest payoff imaginable.
I also remember reading in a book that it helps not to fight the contractions but instead to embrace them and use them to open up, and found that idea stayed with me in a helpful way during the labor; I would notice as a contraction started that I was dreading it/wanting to run away from it. But then mentally turned that around and instead tried to ride it and make it work for me. I had my mom and husband in the room and they really helped too, just by believing in me and supporting me throughout.
This time around I’m planning to have my baby in a birth center ten mins from home with midwives. There is also a hospital a block away as a back up. I’m pretty sure they don’t have laughing gas, although that is one intervention I might have considered in my plan. They use it in Scotland (at least used to) and I remember my grandmother who had eight children telling me ‘it just took the edge off the pain’.
On birth plan v wishes; I’m a planner in life and plan at work a ton. So it felt good to me to call it a plan. But whenever I make any plan I know it’s like a draft roadmap- so many things can come up along the way, changing my route. I still feel more confident knowing when I set out on my journey that I know one way (ideal way) I can get to my destination. And then I do think staying flexible is important.
Becky012016 I do not believe that the push for homebirths comes from a place or privilege, nor does it come from lack of understanding what hospitals/science do. I come from a background in the medical field. I personally have researched hours upon hours about birth, labor, statistics, etc and I choose to birth my baby at home based on that research. Not every one agrees with my choice and not everyone has to, but the fear mongering for women who choose to have their babies non-medicated at home or in a birth center needs to stop. Birth can be a beautiful experience when it's allowed to be. No matter what setting it occurs in.
Personally, my in-hospital birth was a terrible experience for me and left me traumatized for months post partum and unable to fully bond with my newborn. I don't expect all women to understand that, but it's my personal experience. When interventions are used unnecessarily it can really cause birth to take a nasty turn for the worse. Granted, there are instances where interventions are necessary and save lives, I am in no way, shape, or form discounting that. But if a mother is low risk, healthy baby and pregnancy, and wants to deliver peacefully at home where they are most comfortable, then let us do so without pushing fear down our throats. I'm choosing to birth without fear and trust in my body and my baby, biologically I am designed to give birth to my babies.
Home births are becoming more prevalent sure, but they are also extremely rare compared to in hospital births and therefore numbers are skewed when it comes to those studies that are being thrown out there. Again, everyone is entitled to birth how/when/where they choose to and lets all just agree to disagree and you do you. Let's just all hope for good outcomes and happy healthy babies. Period.
I may be one of the few that my birth plan went exactly as planned. I had an unmedicated water birth at a hospital. I dont think there's any way to fully prepare for that much pain, but I had it set in my head that I was going to go unmedicated unless our health was compromised in some way. I plan on having the same "plan" this time, but I will be at a different hospital so I wont be able to birth in the tub. Even though the pain is crazy intense, I enjoyed being able to feel everything and I felt in control.
@cveliquette, I think that's why my first labor was so scary for me, I was hooked up to the monitor and stuck on the bed and didn't feel in control of anything. I'm a type A personality, so it was hard realizing I didn't have any control. I'm hoping this time to go without an epidural and hopefully labor on my own terms a bit more. Glad to hear you had a positive experience!
I've always thought I'd prefer to have an epidural-free birth, but honestly I'm so scared now! I'll definitely be having the baby in a hospital but with a midwife. I'm assuming we'll talk about my birth plan soon. Maybe she can give me some advice.
@saraleigh2 wow thank you for your story and for including such a considerate trigger warning, I really appreciated that! You're super brave!!
@cveliquette I can definitely understand wanting to be more in control.. I can't even do numbing at the dentist to get a tooth pulled, and imagining myself getting an epidural and being numb is the worst nightmare for me!
To each their own, we all know what we need to get that oxytocin flowing!
I've always thought I'd prefer to have an epidural-free birth, but honestly I'm so scared now! I'll definitely be having the baby in a hospital but with a midwife. I'm assuming we'll talk about my birth plan soon. Maybe she can give me some advice.
You can almost decide on an epidural as far as the end of transition. My friend ended up needing one and baby had even started showing, just learn about the risks and benefits of both and in the moment you will have the right knowledge to feel good about your decision.
I’m an FTM and I appreciate that people want facts and citations. I’m an extremely research driven person, and I like to see all sides. No one’s making personal insults or flat-out judging life choices here, so I don’t see the issue.
DH and I hired a doula, and I'll be giving birth in a hospital. The hospital's "birthing center" is natural-birth friendly with labor tubs, wireless monitoring so you can change positions and walk around, etc.
My plan is to have an unmedicated, intervention-free birth but I'm realistic enough to know that anything could happen. Between my doula and DH, I think I'll have enough of a voice to make my wishes heard but will of course do anything to ensure a safe delivery for the baby and myself.
As a FTM I'm completely and totally overwhelmed by all of the delivery options! That being said, I know that I'm going to be delivering in a hospital and as of Saturday- I hired an amazing doula! I feel 100% better about my hospital delivery knowing that I have someone who is specifically there to advocate for my wishes and support me and DH through the labor process. The best part is- even knowing my wish is to go as natural/unmedicated as possible, my doula is totally supportive of whatever choices I make, including meds if that's what I end up wanting. My doula has recommended the following books:
Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth
Orgasmic Birth:Your Guide to a safe, satisfying and pleasurable birth experience
My friend gave me Ina May Gaskin's book Spiritual Midwifery. Its quite funny to read with all the 70's era hippy lingo. But the stories are so inspiring. Feeling a lot of hope and excitement that we get to do this amazing thing soon!
@laurainoakland yes, yes, yes to that book and Ina May Gaskin. I like her guide to childbirth better though, think it’s a big reason I was able to go wothout meds all 3 time. I read it in every pregnancy. And I’m not hippie-ish at all—I’m a healthcare attorney, but I love Ina May.
I delivered DD at a birthing center next to a hospital. I LOVED my birth experience with her and I know I’m so lucky. I’m planning to do the same—epidural, but no induction or any other interference as far as it can be helped. I plan to prepare myself for the possibility of a csec but am not interested in one. I tore like CRAZY with DD (as in, 12 weeks of pelvic floor physical therapy after) so I’m going to beg for an episiotomy if it looks like it would save my hoo ha.
I do plan to brush up on laboring options and techniques in case the epidural doesn’t work or something. I think it’s realistic to prepare for that possibility and trust that I can do it without.
Otherwise the birthing center already does what I want: slightly delayed cord cutting, letting me see my placenta, a mirror to watch, and immediate skin to skin and latch.
Re: Birth Plan Thoughts
Also, erasing negative birth outcomes from the conversation is frankly offensive. It is a part of the spectrum of experiences- a painful and horrific one, yes- but it’s both foolish and inconsiderate of others’ experiences to ignore them. Let it give you perspective on the birth process- a c-section is not the end of the world.
Yea, sorry not sorry, but I will not "respect" someone claiming something so bold with absolutely zero evidence and just keep scrolling. If you're going to post something as fact, I have every right to ask for citations, and it's not rude of me to do so.
I agree with PP that this was very tame too. No one attacked her.
The sky is actually purple and green ya'll, don't ask me to prove it.
DD born: 3/31/19
Where I live, Ontario, midwifery is high regulated and covered by the province the same way an OB or family physician with obstetrics training would be. I asked my sister, who is an OB-GYN in the USA, what she recommended for me personally and her vote was for a midwife in a hospital setting. Her reasoning was that in her professional opinion, the biggest factor in the safety and health of the baby and me wasn't the professional delivering the baby, it was the hospital setting. And for me, she knows I am a very relational, emotional person and thought that a midwife would have more time and better capacity to have the relationship I was looking for with my provider, while an OB or family physician wouldn't. Her exact words "You want the person delivering your baby to be your friend, and OBs don't have no time for that."
I asked my family physician (who was my provider until switching to my midwife) what she thought about OB versus midwife versus family physician and home versus hospitals and her exact words were "I want to be clear that this is your choice and what I am offering is my opinion, but if I could recommend one thing it would be to deliver at a hospital. I could care less who gets the baby out of you but deliver at a hospital."
So I am going for hospital birth with a midwife (not a judgement of those who are choosing home and to be clear both sister and doctor offered their opinions).
In terms of the details of the plan...thus far my midwife and I have been talking about birth the way I used to talk about races when I was a more competitive athlete. There is my "A" birth, where conditions are perfect and everything goes according to plan - pain medication free, able to move around a lot, make good use of the birthing tub in the hospital, delayed cord clamping. Then there is plan "B", where things aren't 100% perfect but still good, then plan "C", "D" all the way down the line.
What I like about the care model up here is even if my care has to be transferred to an OB because my pregnancy becomes high risk or there are complications during delivery, my midwife will still be by my side during delivery, to advocate and care for me (so like plan "E" LOL). Plus they provide 6 weeks of postpartum care including home visits!
I've done my research and I know what's right for me, but it is hard being in the minority and seeing that kind thing posted so often. Especially without a trigger warning.
Homebirth doesn't always equal ignorance. All of the likeminded mothers in my community are well aware of the risks of not being in a hospital. We understand. We just don't agree that hospitals are right for everybody. There is a difference. I'm happy to be here, and I think this is a great group, I just wish I was able to interact in a simple birth plan/randoms thread without having to wade through unasked for opinions on how homebirth kills people..
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
I don't think there is a right/wrong choice in regards to OB/midwives. It depends on your level of comfort. When I was pregnant with my first, I called the OBGYN office my mom used and asked to be placed with a physician who had openings. I got so very lucky I got paired with my OB. He is calm, realistic, factual and a very caring person. He found DD heart condition and treated me in calm manner. Even when an emergency c-section almost happened at 27 weeks, he was doing rounds at the hospital, dropped everything to come in case I needed him. I realize I may be in the minority to have found a male OB who I really like, but I did. DH really likes him as well. My "quick" appointments are never quick. I'm always there for at least 30 minutes as he asks me many questions every time. I know about his children and the sports they play, his family, etc. Granted, I don't know the details of his life, but he doesn't know ours either. But to say that all OB's are quick and don't necessarily "care" about their patients is false. It's about how both of you build relationships. *shrug* and *steps off soapbox*
I also got to experience care with the OB my family physician would have referred me to if that had been my choice when I had to have emergency surgery on my ovaries at nine weeks at the hospital where he works. He was absolutely lovely, although it took forever to get anything done with him because he was so busy.
The only times I've stayed in a hospital was when something was terribly wrong.. so in my mind they're a place to go to save your life, but they aren't where I'm comfortable.
I think maybe because I lived in a culture where having as many kids as you possibly can is the norm, I probably don't think about proactively checking in just in case..
Just like I wouldn't live at a hospital so I never get in a car accident etc..
But most people have a very different outlook and I respect anybody who does what's best for theirself and their babies.
Also, I do think maybe Molecularmolly phrased her statement a bit off.. I took it to mean not all OBs are in the delivery room for every second of a normal birth..
That's why asking for citations ruffled my feathers.
I didn't think you -all- had created a topic to rag on homebirthers. It was mostly one comment and a misunderstanding about OBs on the floor at all times. Coupled with a few other debates/death comments on a few other threads.. anyways I hope this is the last hormonal outburst you're subjected to!
https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMsa1501738?query=featured_home
Both studied the mortality of neonates of planned home births and planned hospital births. The second adjusted their data set to include only low risk pregnancies so as to be as comparable to home birthers as possible. You do you, Dragon Mom. Statically significant data doesn't lie.
Eta: re study 2, which is the only one I have time to read right now.
****Trigger warning very detailed, fear of child loss, and graphic****
My husband and I compromised and chose a midwifery style practice
(here’s some background you can skip if you like:
********with well qualified midwives and an OB GYN (she has 20+ yrs hospital experience and retains hospital privileges) the practice was strategically located across the street from one of the best children’s hospitals in the country and down the street from a well respected hospital with a wonderful L&D wing! We were lucky to be in a major city with so many wonderful options so near by!
I went into labor with my first at 4am the day before he was due. It was early labor and it took me 2 hours to realize that’s what it was and not just indigestion. I knew I was in it for the long hall so I followed the advice from my birth classs (Bradley method btw). I went back to bed and by God’s grace went to sleep from 6-9am and woke up starving, I had a hearty breakfast and went about my day, around 4pm my body started cleaning out (TMI here but diarrhea). And I had to start using some of the imagery techniques I had learned.
By 6 pm I was alternating throwing up between my contractions and urgently using my he bathroom. Did I have the flu?
Around 8 we rode down to my birth center to be checked = only 1 cm dilated! We went home but by 11 pm I couldn’t stand it and we went down to my birth center for the night. I had my husband call and wake up my mom and she met us there. I coutinued to labor with my mom and husband for the next 3 or so hours. I had been vomiting and using the toilet for almost 8 hours. My midwife had been checking on me and baby and thus far both safe and healthy but I couldn’t continue this way...
I took oral disintegrating zofran which allowed me to take fluids and small amount of nutrition by mouth and stopped the vomiting. ( I wish had agreed to take it sooner, I was really suffering and unable to rest between contractions). My labor had been progressing and intensifying steadily. (Of note I had back labor which probably contributed to all the toilet time). But then my labor coping techniques started to fail me I couldn’t think well enough to move through the imagery and simple breath awareness was impossible. And on top of that my husbands male voice became the most annoying thing I had ever heard.
My mother started guiding me through some Lamaze breathing she had used in the 70’s and 80’s and for me at that time it worked!! (Bradley teaches that there is some risk of hyperventilating with certain breathing techniques and advises against them since they are often done wrong). But It worked and I was grateful!!! I labored in a timeless place for what must have been the next 4.5 hours.
Then I was in a state where I couldn’t talk, move or do anything but the same breathing my mom and I had been at for hours, and I remember thinking dear God I can’t do this anymore, please let this end or let me have a break. My contractions were one on top of the other and less than 6 seconds apart. ( I was in transition) and then the AM midwife floated into the room like mornings light and slowly and gently warmed the room with her loving presence. Her name is Mary ( she has 11 children of her own, and I’m catholic so this name has special meaning for me).)
****** IF you skipped pick up here: I had been in active labor since about 4-5pm the day before and mostly progressed with an unmediated labor assisted by husband mother and midwives. It’s about 7:45 am on my due date.
She (my midwife) suggested I labor in an a symmetric position and while I was doing that she also recognized that I was probably having pushing contractions (I hadn’t recognized this myself because I had spent all labor feeling the urge to poop anyway -thank you back labor). She could see I was very uncomfortable moved me into the huge spa size tub. Oh sweet relief, for the first time in hours I felt I could handle the pain. She fed me thin sliced strawberries in the tub and encouraged me, “the sugar will give you and baby the strength you need, eat for your baby”. She checked me 10cm!!! “Why don’t you try pushing with your next few contractions.” More relief the contractions don’t seem to hurt while I was pushing. (Up to this point thing are going pretty well for an non-medicated birth). But inspite of pushing I was not really making much progress with baby’s decent, so I get out of the tub -perhaps a different position would help, I am starting to get in position to use a birthing stool while my midwife monitors me and baby through a few contractions. He’s not doing well all of a sudden there is fetal distress, she asks me to get on the bed on hands and knees and out comes a bunch of medical equipment and her assistant. My husband is shown how to hold an oxygen mask over my face (he’s a dentist so he’s not unfamiliar with medical). But baby’s heart rate is still getting worse. I hear my midwife order the assistant to call 911 and send an ambulance, she asks me to turn over but I can’t really hear her (must have been high from the oxygen IDK). She yells at me “(my name) you get on your back right now!!” I flipped over like super woman. “I am going to give you an episiotomy now” sharp pain cut through me, then again. (you normally don’t feel an episiotomy because you are crowning, I was not and there was no time for local anesthesia). My mom cranked back one leg my husband the other, midwife ordered me to push, don’t wait for a contraction! Push and don’t stop!!!! The assistant looks me in the eye right as I’m getting tired and says you push that baby out right now and for a split second I am the most terrified I’ve ever been in my entire life, I start to think what if CA—-. I do not allow myself to finish the thought. My midwife’s hands are inside guiding the baby as much as they can. I dig deep and push with all my might (mind you I never stopped pushing) and by God’s grace, my son was born. I screamed his name hoping he would answer me to tell me he was alive. And my midwife layef his perfect little body on my stomach, he was alive but needed to be rubbed down head to toe to get him started. I have never been so relieved in all my life!!!! His cord had prolapse while I was pushing and changing position didn’t alleviate it... from the time he was first in distress to the time he was born it took less than 5min it felt like an eternity!!!
Had I been at the hospital I probably would have had an IV, perhaps my amniotic fluid would have been higher since more fluids could have been replaced while I was vomiting, it’s possible that could have prevented the cord prolapse. Or not. I could have had a C-section instead of worrying if I could push him out in time. I could have had forceps or a vacuum extraction which could have helped but also carried a risk of injury to my son. I’ll never know for sure.
All I’m sure of was that God was with me, I knew the risks and I accepted them. My ‘natural birth’ wasn’t without trauma.
Me personally I would do it again, and my second baby will be born at this same birth center. But I can equally see another woman being committed to a hospital after an experience like this.
My God be with you ladies and I wish you each every blessing on your birth!!!!
The hospital did convince me to use pitocin since my water broke without labor beginning within 24 hours, but I followed my plan aside from that, and while laboring I felt like a really active participant in bringing my son into the world. I know there is a famous amnesia that women get; forgetting the pain, but my memory was that while labor was so hard, it also was so exhilarating. And the reward of meeting your baby at the end is the biggest payoff imaginable.
I also remember reading in a book that it helps not to fight the contractions but instead to embrace them and use them to open up, and found that idea stayed with me in a helpful way during the labor; I would notice as a contraction started that I was dreading it/wanting to run away from it. But then mentally turned that around and instead tried to ride it and make it work for me. I had my mom and husband in the room and they really helped too, just by believing in me and supporting me throughout.
This time around I’m planning to have my baby in a birth center ten mins from
home with midwives. There is also a hospital a block away as a back up. I’m pretty sure they don’t have laughing gas, although that is one intervention I might have considered in my plan. They use it in Scotland (at least used to) and I remember my grandmother who had eight children telling me ‘it just took the edge off the pain’.
On birth plan v wishes; I’m a planner in life and plan at work a ton. So it felt good to me to call it a plan. But whenever I make any plan I know it’s like a draft roadmap- so many things can come up along the way, changing my route. I still feel more confident knowing when I set out on my journey that I know one way (ideal way) I can get to my destination. And then I do think staying flexible is important.
Personally, my in-hospital birth was a terrible experience for me and left me traumatized for months post partum and unable to fully bond with my newborn. I don't expect all women to understand that, but it's my personal experience. When interventions are used unnecessarily it can really cause birth to take a nasty turn for the worse. Granted, there are instances where interventions are necessary and save lives, I am in no way, shape, or form discounting that. But if a mother is low risk, healthy baby and pregnancy, and wants to deliver peacefully at home where they are most comfortable, then let us do so without pushing fear down our throats. I'm choosing to birth without fear and trust in my body and my baby, biologically I am designed to give birth to my babies.
Home births are becoming more prevalent sure, but they are also extremely rare compared to in hospital births and therefore numbers are skewed when it comes to those studies that are being thrown out there. Again, everyone is entitled to birth how/when/where they choose to and lets all just agree to disagree and you do you. Let's just all hope for good outcomes and happy healthy babies. Period.
@cveliquette I can definitely understand wanting to be more in control.. I can't even do numbing at the dentist to get a tooth pulled, and imagining myself getting an epidural and being numb is the worst nightmare for me!
To each their own, we all know what we need to get that oxytocin flowing!
My plan is to have an unmedicated, intervention-free birth but I'm realistic enough to know that anything could happen. Between my doula and DH, I think I'll have enough of a voice to make my wishes heard but will of course do anything to ensure a safe delivery for the baby and myself.
My doula has recommended the following books:
Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth
Orgasmic Birth:Your Guide to a safe, satisfying and pleasurable birth experience
I do plan to brush up on laboring options and techniques in case the epidural doesn’t work or something. I think it’s realistic to prepare for that possibility and trust that I can do it without.
Otherwise the birthing center already does what I want: slightly delayed cord cutting, letting me see my placenta, a mirror to watch, and immediate skin to skin and latch.