March 2019 Moms
treetop19
member
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** TW*** Goodbye all - late loss
treetop19
member
I'm just writing one last time here to say goodbye. For some backstory - a couple weeks ago I received the results of my NIPT - I learned I was having a boy, but also that the boy had a high risk of down syndrome. I agonized on my decision, as my DH was adamant that he did not want to raise a child with down syndrome, and I myself was on the fence. After much painful deliberation, I knew I could not terminate the pregnancy - however, I was still torn between adoption and keeping the baby. This past week or so I was leaning towards keeping the baby because of some of the new info I learned and talking with another mom who has 2 special needs sons. After meeting with a genetic counselor, I had a glimmer of hope, too, however small - she said the positive predictive value of the NIPT in my case was 90%, so, there was a 10% chance the baby could be ok. I was on an emotional rollercoaster knowing, but not knowing, the outcome and not really knowing what my decision would ultimately be if the outcome was down's.
Today (at 16 weeks) I was scheduled for an amnio to confirm the NIPT - but it turned out to be unnecessary. The ultrasound tech who was examining me before the amnio found no cardiac activity. Baby passed anywhere from a week ago to a few days ago, there is no way to know for sure when it happened because he may have been growth restricted due to downs. At my last appointment I heard his heartbeat so he was fine then.
I am heartbroken of course that I will not be joining you all in welcoming a March baby, but looking to the future where DH and I will try again. I am scared as I am now facing either a D&C or delivering - I'm still waiting to hear back from the OB about my options and I will decide from there.
Thank you all and I wish you happy, healthy pregnancies.
Today (at 16 weeks) I was scheduled for an amnio to confirm the NIPT - but it turned out to be unnecessary. The ultrasound tech who was examining me before the amnio found no cardiac activity. Baby passed anywhere from a week ago to a few days ago, there is no way to know for sure when it happened because he may have been growth restricted due to downs. At my last appointment I heard his heartbeat so he was fine then.
I am heartbroken of course that I will not be joining you all in welcoming a March baby, but looking to the future where DH and I will try again. I am scared as I am now facing either a D&C or delivering - I'm still waiting to hear back from the OB about my options and I will decide from there.
Thank you all and I wish you happy, healthy pregnancies.
Re: ** TW*** Goodbye all - late loss
Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016.
Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
They will be forever missed.
June 2016 - CP
2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
IVF w/ PGS - January 2018
FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
ERA Cycle May / June 2018
ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP
U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
EDD March 28, 2019
Baby Girl born 3/26/19
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016
Married: 2016
BFP #1 4/23/18, blighted ovum 5/29/18
BFP#2 7/14/18, DS 4/5/19
Take time through this grief process, healing will come in time but you'll always bear a scar. As someone who has also had a late loss, I can only imagine the pain and confusion you are feeling. When you feel strong enough, please reach out to someone who you can trust to walk this journey with you. Your feelings are valid, whatever they are, but it will be helpful to reach out and not go through this alone. I will keep you and all loss moms/families in my prayers. I pray that you will have the support you need when you are ready.