Fighting with Partner

LifeofLauren2

Anyone else? 

When I was pregnant with our two year old I moved out like 3 times. Since then we've bought a house and gotten married. Well, I'm almost 10 weeks and our daughter is sick. I've been doing everything by myself with her this weekend. She was literally throwing up in the living room and he left the house without saying anything. I honestly want to go stay with my mom for a couple of days. I know that accomplishes nothing though because I've done it in the past. Nothing changes. We talk. He says he will help out more. He does for a couple of days and then back to normal.

Has anyone done marriage counseling? I feel like during pregnancy my emotions are times ten. But, today, I know I'm not over reacting. We fight so much when I'm pregnant and I know he just thinks it's because I'm pregnant but really it's because I can't keep my anger in check when I'm pregnant because it's so amplified.

kangstadt

I haven't done marriage counseling personally, but I would recommend it.  It sounds like you guys need that third party outside perspective to help out.

My patience is definitely very short when I'm pregnant and feeling crummy, and I know I've fallen behind on my normal cleaning and help around the house, but luckily my DH has been (mostly) understanding.  Communication and empathy are important factors in any partnership, if you're struggling either to express yourself without resorting to anger or he's just not seeming to hear you, a counselor might help be that missing link.

mrstmoose

I highly recommend marriage counseling. I haven’t had to go but I am a social worker and recommend it! 

Yes, emotions are running high when you’re pregnant but no one deserves to be walked out on with a barfing kid. 

ixa5003

Pregnancy can increase emotional experiences which is what you are picking up on about yourself but it sounds like your partner also has some discomfort which they are not communicating to you. I think it would be worth it to at least have a discussion to see what they are running from or what about you being pregnant is leading them to check out. 

thatbaintforbetty

I’m going to be blunt. 

He needs to get his shit together. That behavior is NOT okay and not okay to teach your kids. 

Yes, you need counseling. STAT.

I am an angry crabby ball of hormones and hate when pregnant. But I don’t do it on purpose and my DH knows that. You cannot fully help that you are extra emotional and hormonal and while I try to admit when I’m that way, sometimes I don’t see it, however my husband wouldn’t hold something I cannot control against me. 

alexisjoy430

I would definitely recommend marriage counseling. My husband and I were rocky before we found out I was pregnant. One of the first things I said when I showed him the positive pregnancy test was “we have to get our shit together”. We have been doing counseling for close to a month and a half. I have to say it has really helped us. We aren’t perfect (nor is any couple) but we are getting better at learning what we need if we are going to make it. I hope everything works out for you guys! It’s scary to be going through this and having such heavy, crappy feelings. 

Piccola1988

Sorry to hear you're going through that!  I also haven't been to marriage counseling, but I think it's a great idea.  We have talked about it before and would be open to it if we needed to go.  I agree with many of the other mamas have said - yes, our hormones are amplified, sure, we may be a little "crazy," but that doesn't excuse behavior like leaving you with a sick kid.  

I know sometimes when you're fighting with your partner it can feel really isolating and like nobody else is going through what you are - probably because oftentimes people are so concerned with image that they aren't willing to let others know that they are struggling.  All (or at least most) of us fight.  We 100% do in my house.  When we first found out I was pregnant I was really hormonal and trying to keep it together, but we had a whole month of visitors staying in our house (all H's friends and family) and I was for sure starting to unravel.  H blew up on me the very last night our very last guest was with us and, maybe it was a little blunt, but I flat out told him he was being weak and to man up.  He stopped fighting me tooth and nail and we've actually been pretty good since then.  Regardless of who's right or wrong (although in your case it sounds like your H is wrong TBH), in a relationship there will be times when one partner has to help hold the other up - you're pregnant and you need support, so if it takes a little counseling to get your husband to see that, it's a small price to pay.

FWIW, I never advocate leaving unless absolutely necessary, and I always recommend trying to work it out before bed that night.  I know "don't go to bed angry" is like the oldest advice in the book, but I still think it's good stuff.

suchagoodone

I definitely recommend marriage counseling! DH and I (mostly him haha) were not the best communicators at first and after one particularly hurtful event, he sought counseling for himself and then I came on board for a few months. It was the best thing that has happened to us. Even if your husband isn’t on board with it, I recommend finding a relationship therapist for yourself  and they will most likely have the tools to bring DH into the mix. 
Also - shop for the right person. If the first therapist you see doesn’t feel right, find a new one. Best of luck!

LifeofLauren2

Thank you ladies! I'm going to call a few people (and my insurance) today! 

saraleigh2

Pregnancy, childbirth and the first 6-24 mo after are HARD on any relationship!!!!! I haven’t done Marriage counseling but my midwife practice and 12week birth class spent a lot of time counseling us as an expecting couple, and and getting our fears and expectations of each other out on the table. We would not have survived if we hadn’t had this support!!! It is absolutely invaluable and I highly encouraged any and all things that support you, your pregnancy, marriage, and your growing family. 

(Btw STM here this was from my first pregnancy)