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TTCAL w/o 9/24

meatballs37meatballs37 member
in Trying to Get Pregnant

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What is your most treasured item? (Besides family members or pets) and why? 

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Re: TTCAL w/o 9/24

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    meatballs37meatballs37 member
    @zamora_spin I am SO happy to hear that you have more follies than they said you might produce. And I will be praying your ER goes smoothly on Wednesday and the discomfort is very minimal. I don’t know a ton about IVF, but how long after the ER do they do the transfer? Is it the same cycle? I am sure it just seems crazy fast to you this time around since it’s been years of waiting for you guys (or maybe that’s just my own thoughts). I giggled at your right ovary comment. 

    I also really love your remembrance necklace. It’s perfect. I really want to get a mint and birch one made with all of my kids names on it, but I keep holding out that we will have a rainbow baby name to add to it. I like the birthstone idea you did with their EDD. It hits me right in the chest when I see how many birthstones you carry with you. 

    What you said about not sharing your IVF and RPL totally makes sense to me. TTC is such a personal and private thing. Especially when it doesn’t come easy for many of us. I think if I had had my early loss before I lost my sons, I wouldn’t have told many people either for that very same reason. 
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    zamoraspinzamoraspin member
    @meatballs37 Thank you! When I ordered my necklace I contacted the seller and asked if I could add to it later. I was told yes, I would have to send it to them and pay for an additional stone but it can be done. I honestly don't know whether I'd add to it, for example, if we finally do have a live birth, but I wanted the option to do it if I want. 

    On timeline - the short version is in my case is it will be a while before we do a transfer, probably some time in November because we're planning to freeze all and also do an ERA test next cycle instead of a transfer. Longer version in spoiler.

    Used to be most IVF cycles involved a so-called "fresh transfer" of a day 3 or day 5 embryo (or embryos, in the early days they'd just put a bunch of embryos in and see what happened). In other words the drs would do the ER and then the patient would add progesterone supplementation (either suppository or via PIO), and then they would transfer embryo(s) back in during that same cycle. As the process for freezing and thawing of embryos has improved (now a good lab will lose 1% or less of the embryos it handles to freezing and thawing) studies have seen somewhat of a bump to doing "freeze all" cycles where they freeze everything, the woman starts a new cycle, and then they prep her for transfer and transfer a frozen embryo. The thought is a woman's body has just been so much with an ER that giving it a chance to "calm down" is beneficial. Fresh transfers are still done depending on the patient's profile - for example a young patient with an unexplained dx might be a good candidate for fresh transfer. 

    In our particular case we are doing a freeze-all cycle. Right before freeze the embryologist will do a biopsy on every embryo that makes it to blastocyst (usually happens day 5-7). The samples will be tested using PGS which is a general genetic screen to see which embryos are euploid/have the correct number of chromosomes. In our case the only reason to do IVF is for this genetic testing. It's still kind of controversial in some circles -  people misunderstand what it really entails, and there's some anecdotal evidence that sometimes an embryo can come back as abnormal/aneuploid and self-correct later (very rare, but allegedly it happens). But for someone like me the chance to transfer what the best science available says is a healthy embryo is what we are hoping works. 

    In addition to doing a freeze-all, and also the couple of weeks of waiting for the PGS results, we have tentatively decided to do an entire cycle the only point of which is to do an ERA - basically a biopsy that helps my RE determine when my uterus is receptive to an embryo. 7 out of 10 women will be receptive after a certain number of hours of progesterone exposure (equivalent to five days), but 3 out of 10 women will be pre or post receptive, or that's what I've read anyway. My RE usually only recommends the ERA test where a patient has already had a failed transfer, but in my case she is offering to do it before we transfer any embryos.

    I've thought a lot about it and I think it's the right choice for us to do the extra test. Although we have a bunch of follicles going we are going to lose some at every step - not all will be mature, not all will fertilize, not all will make it to blastocyst stage, not all of the once that make it will be PGS normal. Given my age and history my RE has told me to expect one PGS normal embryo from this cycle. Of course we hope to get more but we could even get zero and have to cycle all over. If we transfer our one good embryo, or transfer one of only a couple good embryos, and the transfer fails we would have to do the ERA, and face the possibility that the failure was preventable if we'd done the ERA first. 

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    holly321holly321 member

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

    Mmc 2/12 mmc/malignant molar pregnancy  8/17

    Status: tww

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

    I have my hopes insanely high this cycle, which is only going to be crushing if things don’t work out.  Otherwise, everyone seems to be annoying me lately, with causally mentioning other people’s pregnancies and such.  

    Any testing coming up/any recent results?

    Hpt tomorrow 

    GTKY: What is your most treasured item? (Besides family members or pets) and why? 

    Probably my grandmothers engagement ring.  I am one of 8 grandchildren and she chose to give it to me, the youngest.  So clearly I  was her favorite.  :D 

    @meatballs37 I wish you strength during the up coming weeks.  I can’t not imagine how painful it will be to reach all these anniversaries and milestones.  I will be thinking of you and your sweet Shepherd and Abraham.  

    Your engagement story is so beautiful.  

    @coco2787 I am so sorry you are benched this cycle.  I hope you can get the surgery soon.  How long after it until you can try?

    @zamora_spin that sounds like awesome news about the follicles, I hope everything goes well tomorrow!


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    antera23antera23 member
    The app stopped letting me at people. 

    @prpl11butterfly ugh, social media is the worst when you’re dealing with pregnancy loss. The unexpected announcements are like a knife to the heart. I’m sorry my friend. 

    @kbrown2385 I’m so sorry for your loss :(

    @zamora_spin it sounds really uncomfortable to feel your follicles! Lots of props for that right ovary! I love your necklace. It is beautiful and meaningful.

     @holly321 I think you were definitely the favorite! ;) 


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    meatballs37meatballs37 member
    @antera23 I really struggle too with the pregnant people around me. It’s awful. It also seems to be the season in our life where everyone we know is getting pregnant or having babies, which sucks for those of us who are struggling. :( big hugs your way, at least you know here we all feel the exact same way. 
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    kbrown2385kbrown2385 member
    @zamora_spin I think I recognize you from one of my previous bmb’s. Thank you for sharing all that info on ivf. I had no idea an ERA was possible. Good luck with your ER today! Fingers crossed for lots of mature eggs! 
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    meatballs37meatballs37 member
    @zamora_spin I finally was able to read your spoiler this morning. I find it all extremely overwhelming and I’m not even going through it. Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me. It makes sense now why more follicles equals a better chance. For what it’s worth, I think you are making really smart decisions. And I have a lot of faith your patience will pay off. Good luck this week! Will be thinking of you! 
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    ruby696ruby696 member
    @dpjennifer I feel you on the never-ending cycle of try/give up. Every damn cycle/loss. I think I'm pretty close to giving up though. I honestly don't know how much more my heart can take and I was recently scouted for what looks like a very lucrative job offer. It means more time/travel, but would be great for the income for my family. If I take it, I feel like I would need take stop TTC for at least a year and I'm already 37, sooo... Lots to think about. Part of me likes the idea of just getting back to living without obsessing over TTC. The other part if me worries that I'll have regrets.
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    meatballs37meatballs37 member
    @klmcguire Maybe you could tell your friend, “I am very excited for you that you are pregnant. But we have really been struggling to get pregnant, and given our recent losses, it’s a hard subject for me in this moment.”  I am not sure if you are the praying type, but maybe even reverse some of the updates she is giving you and ask for her to pray for your struggle right now. And then move the topic of conversation onto something else. “Did you see the new “whatever new movie” is coming out? We should go!” That way it doesn’t leave it in an awkward hanging pause, but she still gets that her constant pregnancy chatter hurts you. 


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    dpjenniferdpjennifer member
    ruby696 Yeah, I'm about done on this road... I can't take much more. I really need to put this part of my life behind me and move on. It's just sad to think about all the time, emotions, money, grief, etc. spent to still have empty arms and give up. And I also think about things like... that family bible, and the crib quilt I embroidered, etc..... and what in the world am I going to do with such significant, private items.
    klmcguire Sorry, always frustrating when the "I don't want kids/not interested in having them anytime soon" person has an 'ooops.' 

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)

    RE #3: More testing 2023. 
    Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
    Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
    Lupron Depo March 2024.  Benched 3 months.  Hopefully FET after that.

    #BitterHagPartyOf1

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    applegirl19applegirl19 member

    I am new here. I was on the boards years ago but back again. I’ve had 5 total losses. Miscarriage (3/2009), miscarriage (11/2012), missed miscarriage (2/2013) miscarriage (10/2013), miscarriage(9/2018). 

    Status: unknown, currently into the start of my next cycle but seeing a RE Friday. So planning to try again this cycle if cleared Friday. Currently CD 1. 

    Well I am on my second marriage and want a baby with him. It’s my first loss with him. **TW I have two children from my previous spouse** end 

    I got referred immediately to the RE with my loss history and now my age (36). 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Appointment Friday. I’ve been to a RE before with a diagnosis of unexplained reoccurring pregnancy loss 

    GTKY: What is your most treasured item? (Besides family members or pets) and why?

    My wedding video. I love watching that day over and over again 

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    kindbytealikatkindbytealikat member
    @meatballs37 I’m so sorry, anniversary’s are so very hard. Be easy in yourself and do something to treat yourself 
    @nomangos23 Don’t feel guilty for how you feel. I think it’s normal. Being sad for yourself doesn’t make you less happy for her but it makes feeling and expressing it that much harder. I’ve been dealing with this myself recently.
    @ruby696 I’m so sorry you find yourself back here :( so many hugs
    @prpl11butterfly ouch 3 announcements in a week :(
    @kbrown2385 I’m sorry you’re going through this again
    @zamora_spin  FX for you!! Also I love the necklace 
    @dpjennifer I love that momento

     
    Me: 35 DH: 47

    HX
    DSS: 20
    DSD: 17
    DS: 4(Nov'14)
    MMC:8/17
    MMC: 1/18
    BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19

    Tickers
    BabyGaga
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker


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    kindbytealikatkindbytealikat member
    Sorry been MIA I have family in town until Saturday and they’ve been keeping me super busy.

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 

    2 first Tri losses 8/17, 1/18

    Status: TWW

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Pretty good this week. Last week was rough because it FW and DH was having issues and so timing sucked. I was pissed, upset and just sad that this may never happen for us. But I feel I’ve dealt better this week with it.

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope 

    GTKY: What is your most treasured item? (Besides family members or pets) and why? I have a couple. I have a heart shaped locket I bought when my grandma died. I bought it with the money she left me, and she didn’t have much so making sure she left stuff for kids is really special. My e-ring belonged to DHs great grandma. Also my remembrance necklace for my losses

    Me: 35 DH: 47

    HX
    DSS: 20
    DSD: 17
    DS: 4(Nov'14)
    MMC:8/17
    MMC: 1/18
    BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19

    Tickers
    BabyGaga
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker


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    antera23antera23 member
    @meatballs37 Thank you. I really appreciate when you take the time to respond to me. You are so kind and you always make me feel better. Thank you :smile:
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    antera23antera23 member
    @klmcguire I know how you feel. Its an awful feeling. Big hugs to you.
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    coco2787coco2787 member
    edited September 2018
    Sorry to take so long to respond this week, having a hard time focusing.  

    Sending you lots of love @meatballs37 my heart hurts so much for you.  We'll be here for you as you go through these incredibly difficult anniversaries.  Deciding to close the door on TTC is such a hard decision, and as hard as TTC is, I think being able to make the decision to be done is even harder, but I absolutely understand your need for some closure and peace.  I so so hope that you get your rainbow baby though <3

    It's so hard to feel happy for others when your heart is hurting so much @nomangos23, I completely understand.  My SIL and I had a loss around the same time and she's pregnant now and it hurts SO much to even acknowledge her pregnancy and it just sucks to feel that way.  I honestly get those feelings even when someone from this group moves on.  Just remember you are allowed to feel however you need to feel and to give yourself as much space as you need.  Lots of hugs to you.

    Oh @ruby696 I'm so incredibly sorry.  I know you weren't optimistic about this pregnancy but that doesn't make it hurt any less, it's so hard not to be a little bit hopeful.  Ugh, I hate so much that this keeps happening to so many of us :heartbreak:

    I'm sorry about the hard day @prpl11butterfly.  Seeing announcements is so damn hard.

    I'm so sorry for all of your losses @kbrown2385.  I hope that all of the testing can give you some answers.

    @zamora_spin I'm guessing you've had your ER by now, I hope everything went great!

    @holly321 FX for you this cycle!

    @antera23 ugh, the people that are so casual about getting pregnant are the worst.  It's hard not to get angry at how unfair it is.

    @klmcguire does your friend know about your losses?  I think meatballs suggestion was good, it can be awkward but we also have to protect our own mental health.  My friends know about my losses and still bring up topics that are really triggering for me, I think people really just don't understand until they've experienced it.  
     
    @dpjennifer I'm glad your coworker told you the news in a sensitive way, that kind of thing doesn't seem to happen very often.

    @knottie058fcd828121c5cf welcome to the group, but I'm sorry you have to be here.  Just an FYI your default username makes it hard for us to remember you or tag you, if you plan to stay please change your name so we can get to know you better :) 

    @kindbytealikat sorry that timing sucked this month.  Have you thought more about how to talk to your H about pursuing fertility testing?
    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
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    klmcguireklmcguire member
    @coco2787 Yes she knows about them. I agree that I should say something like @meatballs37 mentioned, but its just so hard because I would be very happy or her. She only has a couple of weeks left before she moves 4 hours away from me, so I basically am sucking it up and enjoying living a mile from her for this next month. 

    I just am glad to have a place to vent here. Thanks for all of yalls advice and support.


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    c1kc1kpol1cn1kc1kc1kpol1cn1k member
    @zamora_spin wow that's a lovely and special necklace. How did you guys decide to go with the EDD and not the loss date?

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.I am also new here, I had a MMC at 8wks (The whole time i thought it was a BO until a recent visit with Dr)

    Status: Currently going through my first loss, waiting for everything to finish

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? This week has been hard, I thought I had a blighted ovum last week and came to terms with that when the MC started. Now on Monday my Dr said that ultimately there was a little baby in there who just didn't make it past 5/6 weeks so a MMC. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? I am now waiting for everything settle and I need to go for full blood work and US follow-up most likely on monday. 

    GTKY: What is your most treasured item? (Besides family members or pets) and why? I don't really treasure items, more like memories and experiences. But I treasure a heart shaped necklace my husband gave to me while we were still dating long ago.

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    kindbytealikatkindbytealikat member
    @cikcikpolicnik I am so sorry for your loss. 
    Me: 35 DH: 47

    HX
    DSS: 20
    DSD: 17
    DS: 4(Nov'14)
    MMC:8/17
    MMC: 1/18
    BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19

    Tickers
    BabyGaga
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker


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    antera23antera23 member
    @cikcikpolicnik welcome. I’m so sorry you’re here. Be kind to yourself while you’re going through this loss. Right now you’re in the thick of it and it is so so hard. Many hugs to you my friend. 
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    kbrown2385kbrown2385 member
    @coco2787 good luck! I’ll be thinking of you today! 

    @zamora_spin 10 sounds like a great number! Hoping lots make it to blast for you! What makes them think they shouldnt do the ERA now? 
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    meatballs37meatballs37 member
    @coco2787 hope everything went smoothly!
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    meatballs37meatballs37 member
    Ugh! You need a foley in until monday. Boo...those things are the worst. I am glad the rest of your uterus looks good and that they don't think it will affect future fertility. I also hope the meds work to build up your lining this next cycle so you can close the chapter on this nightmare step. You have already been through so much.
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    antera23antera23 member
    @coco2787 I’m so glad everything went well! 
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