Need some support ***TW AHEAD***

kosmo86

So this is a long story and I am not sure the best place to post it. I have been pretty quiet on here the last 10 days.

First...two fridays ago I started spotted and went to the doctor. We did a quick ultrasound (doc did the ultrasound not a tech) and didn't see a baby (would have been 7w). We assumed a misscarriage and got my blood drawn sat and monday. I had previously been having HORRIBLE morning sickness. 

Yesterday (monday) I had my follow up and we did a quick ultrasound and saw a BABY! measuring 8w2d (right on schedule I was 8w3d) and we saw a fluttering heartbeat. I am so confused right now. 

On top of the good news we also got some worrisome news. 

My HCG levels are way too high-- first draw was 309000, 2nd was 301000. Numbers this high can point to twins (we saw only 1) or a partial molar pregnancy (chromosomal abnormalities) or could be totally fine.  I think my numbers have dropped significantly since I have almost no symptoms like I was having, not sure if thats good or bad. She also saw some fuzziness on the ultrasound that she wasn't sure what it was. 

So now I have to wait until Oct 1st to go to a real indepth ultrasound to see if there is a real baby in there and possibly get some extra fetal testing. 

Anyone had high HCG and turned out fine? Right now I am kind of just pretending I am still not pregnant and be cautiously optimistic. I had a hard time in the week between appts bc I assumed that I was miscarrying. I even had a glass of sangria bc I was SOOO sure. Now to see the baby measuring on time with a heartbeat but think there could be something wrong. I am just not sure how to process this. 

lyse01

I have nothing helpful to offer but hugs. That must be such a mindfuck.

kaitykins

One glass shouldn’t do terrible damage. Women go entire pregnancies no idea they are pregnant and drink and eat everything. A consistent habit of alchohol is especially bad for baby, but one shouldn’t cause terrible things. 

kaitykins

Maybe someday your kid will
walk into a wall and you can claim that one drink as the fault. 

mermaidca

I'm sorry @kosmo86 I have no good advice or experience but offering my thoughts with you!  That definitely must be nerve wracking.  I hope you get your answer soon.

blueberrymomma

@kosmo86 I’m so sorry you’re going through such a stressful ordeal. Sending good vibes that you get some good news (and answers) soon!

MRDCle

I have no advice but lots of internet hugs.  Don't worry a bit about the sangria - one glass won't make a difference.  Please keep us updated.

sheknows6

@kosmo86 I would not worry about the glass of sangria- with damage early on it's an all or nothing approach, and highly, highly unlikely that one exposure is enough to tip the scales out of your favor.

As for everything else, huge hugs, and I'm so sorry you're having to endure this uncertainty. I don't have any advice, just support.

roo1381

I wish i could offer advice but instead, like everyone else so far,  I'm just sending you creepy internet hugs and prayers!

loveanddatadriven

@kosmo86 Aww, that sounds so tough! And to have to wait on top of all the stress! Hang in there, lady. I'm crossing my fingers for you and hopeful everything is fine for your appointment Oct 1. If it's the high tech ultrasound place holding you up from your answers and not your or the baby's schedule, I've had success with moving appointments up by offering to wait in the waiting room for last minute cancellations. Thank you for sharing with us.

wildcosmiclove

Oh man, how stressful. I agree that the drink is probably fine. I don't have any wonderful advice for you, but I really hope  everything turns out fine.

kaleesi93

Like pps I have no advice, but I have seen discussions/support for this topic over on the fertilityfriend community. I'm really sorry you're going through this. 

candicek15

I’m so sorry you’re in limbo. That feeling is the worst. I hope that time passes quickly and you can figure out what’s really going on in there. Fingers crossed for the best possible outcome. Hugs. 

aqualicious

kbirchtree said:

Maybe someday your kid will
walk into a wall and you can claim that one drink as the fault. 

This was a shitty thing to say.  

OP, sorry you’re going through this.  I have no advice or words of wisdom, so I’ll echo the others and say I’m hoping for the best for you. 

mamakat0105

I’m so sorry you’re in this limbo. Waiting can be so hard, especially when you have no clue what the future holds. My only advice is to not google too much, it will drive you crazy and you don’t have any control in the outcome. Sending lots of creepy hugs and calming thoughts your way. 

kangstadt

Same as others, no real advice, but sending good thoughts your way.    I hope everything turns out okay, that has to be so difficult going through such conflicting news and emotions.  Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

snowhite12

@kosmo86 hugs! one of my friends didn't find out she was having twins until her 20 week anatomy scan. I'm not sure about her HCG levels, but she did have severe MS.

mrstmoose

@kosmo86 I'm sorry you're going through this. All the hugs. Please keep us updated.

@kbirchtree I ditto what @aqualicious said. Honestly, you owe @kosmo86 an apology. 

kosmo86

Thanks for all of the support!

Its such a huge mind f**k. hoping to get through the next 8 days and have some good news. 

kaitykins

@kosmo86 and others. 

Sorry, I think my filter is struggling a bit with this first trimester exhaustion. I have some impulse control issues and usually re-read what I write to make sure it’s what I meant and don’t think I managed that time. 

I think i  meant to suggest that kosmo86 has a lot to worry about but the one drink isn’t something to worry about. That it will be ok. Sorry if I sounded/was rude or crass or
insensitive.

 Also had lots of troubles with the bump app signing me out yesterday and I could see anything anyone said until today. 

TheSouffleGirl

@kosmo86: I am so sorry you are going through this! I have no experience with high HCG, but I did have two weeks where I was in limbo in a previous pregnancy. What helped me most was sticking to my basic routine but not hesitating to hunker down or give myself a break (eat takeout, shamelessly do something to distract) if I found myself going to a bad place. Lots of prayer, too. And my husband read me to sleep every night so I wouldn't like awake thinking.

And one more vote for not worrying about the sangria. The last study I read (one that was pushing back on Expecting Better and urging more caution) still said there is no measurable increase in 1st trimester miscarriage risk until you "go" from 0-1 to 1-2 drinks per week (then minimal).