Friend's Miscarriage

sarahsaurus-2

Hi everyone,

I myself am pregnant and due around the end of january/start of February, and I also have a friend who was pregnant and due 2 months after me with her 2nd. It's been really fun being able to talk to her and share our experiences, and looking forward to both having new babies around the same time.

Yesterday I found out that shes had a miscarriage, and it really got me bummed out. I know it took her a while to get pregnant this time, and she was really excited to have another child. Does anyone have any advice for what I can say or do for her in this situation? I also feel a little worried that my own pregnancy might keep reminding her of what she lost..

ladystout08

Just be there for her. Everyone grieves in their own way. Let her know you're there if she wants to talk/cry/vent, tell her how sorry you are and give her space. 

PolarBear517

I had a similar situation when I was pregnant with my first... my best friend was due a few days before me.. the day of my first appointment/ultrasound she found out she had miscarried. In her case, it was an accidental third pregnancy that she very much wanted but her husband did not want- so she felt she had lost the chance at a third child forever. I also worried that my pregnancy would remind her of her loss.

I am not sure if I handled things the 'correct' way, but I mostly tried to avoid any discussion of my pregnancy unless she brought it up. I offered support for her loss, but I did feel that she was not interested in having many discussions. I tried to let her set the topic/depth of any grief or pregnancy discussions. Everybody grieves differently.

CEBB11

I had a similar situation- my best friend announced she was pregnant and a few months later, I got pregnant as well. Before I could tell he my news, she called to tell me that she lost the baby at 20 weeks. I wanted to be supportive and sensitive and was terrified to tell her. She's an amazing person and she was very happy for us, but I struggled with finding the right tone to discuss going forward. I finally just asked her for some direction and she told me she'd really appreciate talking about it the way we talk about other things. With jokes and straight discussion. She said acting any other way would make it weird and she just wanted to feel normal. That might not be for everyone, but it worked for her and taught me a huge lesson that everyone grieves differently and sometimes, you just need to ask. 

immaagain

I was the friend in this case a few months back. Just try to be sensitive and don’t avoid the topic. Also avoid complaining at all about symptoms.