STM Check In 9/12

AdorkablePixie

Alright ladies, what are your nails and fails for this week? Anything new going on with the littles?

Let's hear it!!

AdorkablePixie

Nails: My promotion/raise came through at work! Another nail, we have a wedding to go to this weekend and we were totally just going to take DS along (it's not like I can drink anyway) but DH's mom asked me like three weeks ago if we'd like them to babysit. So we get a date night! Super excited. I have a feeling she may offer to keep him overnight and if she does, I may just say yes. We've never spent the night without him though.

Fails: DS is sick and it makes me sad. I wish I could make him better. He slept good last night though, so hopefully when he wakes up he's feeling mostly better.

DS is so freaking sweet sometimes. I just love him to pieces. He will just randomly come over and hug my leg if my upper body isn't available. At my mom's over the weekend he was laying on my belly and I said, "I love you bud." He goes, "I love you." Hearing him say I love you melts my heart! Every time.

Question: Has anyone thought about or does anyone do gifts from new baby to siblings? I am trying to figure out what baby girl should get DS and I'm not really sure. He's going to be two years and seven months old when she is born. I'm not even sure that he'll get that it's a gift "from her".

ScootsMcG

Nails:  The weather in my area was beautiful this weekend, so we went to a parade and an apple orchard, which was great in itself.  But then, we stopped at a bar and grill in the area that has sand volleyball courts and a tiki bar out back.  We got to sit outside under a tent in beautiful weather, order our food, and the kids played in the sand as no one was actually playing volleyball.  My husband and I had an actual uninterrupted conversation.  Magical:)

Fails:  I've been taking alot of afternoon naps after work and while they're nice, I didn't think they were essential.  Yesterday, my DH was feeling ill, so I thought "oh, I'll be super wife and take them to the library and park and he can sleep in peace and quiet".  After about five minutes at the park I was soooo tired!!!  I made it through the park and library, but it was not pretty and then it was dinner time when we got home.  Rough night!

We don't do gifts to the kids from the new siblings...it's a nice idea, but I feel like my littles wouldn't understand it was from the baby, and my oldest wouldn't believe it was from the baby:).

katy0990

@AdorkablePixie I hope he wakes up feeling better. I agree that hearing them return the love you have felt since birth is so sweet!
@ScootsMcG  You forget How wonderful adult conversation can be when you don’t get to have it very often!

Re: Gifts I do plan on having the baby bring something to DS, mostly because I’m a sap and still have the stroller my brother brought me when he was born. (I was 2 years, 7 months when he was born and I remember certain parts about meeting him). It won’t be anything big, though, especially because baby will most likely come the week after Christmas and DS will be overloaded in gifts already.

AFM: Nail: I joined a MOPS group this week and I loved chatting with the moms. It felt like we clicked, which was so nice and DS had fun with the other kids and didn’t struggle too much with sharing, so I’m calling it a win!

Fail: I have had a hard time being at peace with some ongoing family drama. My mom HATES my dad and his family and wants me to cut them off. I get sick of hearing about it, so I wind up hiding my interactions with them (I see my grandma almost every week) and I am just so sick of all the drama, but I have to be careful not to upset my mom, so I don’t lose my younger siblings again (She basically cut me off from all of them for 6ish years). I’m just so sick of being in this situation and it has been wearing on me a lot.

AdorkablePixie

@ScootsMcG That sounds like a great weekend!! I miss naps. I rarely get to nap and I always feel so tired!

@katy0990 I was thinking small too, like a toy car because he is obsessed with anything that has wheels. lol He may remember meeting baby then! That's good to know. I'm so sorry about the family drama. That's such a shame. I don't know why she hates him, but it's a shame she can't try to just move past it for your sake. You should be able to have a relationship with both parents and both of their families without being made to feel bad.

CecilB93

@AdorkablePixie congrats on the promotion/raise!! Also, hope DS wakes up feeling better. If your MIL offers to keep him overnight, I say go for it! It'll be a while before you and your DH get that chance again honestly.

@ScootsMcG oh so jealous about the apple orchard!! We probably won't do anything like that this year, but I plan to in the future! Hope DH is feeling better this morning! And that you get your nap in today! Lol

@katy9990 so sorry about the family drama. It's horrible that your mom makes you feel that way, and seemingly pulls your siblings into it, too? Idk the why behind it all obviously, but you should be allowed to have a relationship with your dad without her input, you're a grown woman! My mom hates my biological father (not "dad", long story) and when he came back into my life around age 17, she wasn't thrilled but told me it was my decision. There was definitely some tension anytime he came up in conversation, but she understood that it was my choice. I really wish your mom could understand that and learn to look the other way and keep her mouth shut.

ScootsMcG

@katy0990 I'm so sorry for the family drama.  I have divorced parents and feel like I'm always in the middle and I have a whole lotta soapboxes:).  Whatever the reason, that is not fair for her to put you in the middle.  That's your dad, and it's your right to have a relationship with him and his family.  That is also terribly manipulative to use your siblings as a tool to control you.  I am really sorry....I've been dealing with it for the past 15 years and have personally decided I am sick of it.   I don't know if you would find it helpful, but I've been working through the book The Long Way Home, by Gary Neuman.  The goal of the book is for you to be able to have a healthy, productive life regardless of your parents behaviors and choices (it's written as a book for adult children of divorce especially).  Supposedly, by the end I will also be able to have a more honest and improved (for me at least) relationship with my parents too.   There's a lot of journaling and I'm still at the beginning, but already it's helped me to see how their behavior even before the divorce has shaped my own and the obstacles I have put up to my being honest with myself.  He says it's OK to judge your parents actions, without judging your parents as people...which has been helpful to me too.  Sorry, I'll stop now...can you tell I've had things on my mind recently?:)!!!

PensiveCrayon

Nail: Finally reached my limit and did another round of CIO with my son (20 mos) last night. He's been sleeping crappily on and off since he got a cold about 2 weeks ago, so I wasn't sure if it was due to that or the 18-month regression that we seem to have tiptoed past. He's pretty consistently a couple months behind on his milestones, so if it is the regression, it's right on time. I have a feeling that this one is related to the fact that he keeps throwing his lovies out of the crib and I've been going in there to replace them, either before he goes to sleep or after he's down. I think he's made the connection that if he throws them out, he gets to see Mom.

In any case, he cried for 10 minutes before getting the picture and going back to sleep. Hence the nail status! I always forget how easy he is sleep train and end up making a big thing of dreading it, when in reality it doesn't take much to get him back on track. Crossing my fingers that the lesson sticks tonight.

Fail: Discovered poop in his diaper this morning. Ooooops. Hopefully that wasn't the reason for the wakeup. (He doesn't typically GAF if he's sitting on a poop though, so who knows.)

Etc: He's just been slaying me as of late. I taught him the "please" sign as per his speech therapist, and now he does it all the freaking time, and it's so cute. Yesterday I told him it was time for a shower (which he goes BONKERS for) and he was like, "please! please!" before tottering off in the direction of the bedroom. He's obsessed with putting lids on things and helps me throw trash in the can when I ask him to. He's started using the word "no" a lot more, which is so new that it's still really cute to hear. Etcetera. 

runrinserepeat

We won’t do gifts. Besides the fact that it’s going to be just weeks from Christmas and they’ll have enough coming then, I just don’t really see the point. 

Nail: had an open house with DDs teacher last week, and she went on about how great DD is, and what a great reader she is. 

Fail: trying to think of something, but they’ve been pretty good this week. Knock on wood. 

katy0990

@CecilB93 Thank you! I wish she could be more accepting. Like you were married to the man for 20 years and had 5 kids with him. I think you can be at the same hospital or birthday party for a few hours!
@ScootsMcG Thabks for commiserating with me. I’m sorry you are dealing with a similar situation. I would love to know more about the book and if it helps you. I read “toxic parents” and it was helpful for the times when there is a major confrontation/ blow up situation, but I feel like I’m looking for son to help me with the everyday, since I don’t forsee the situation changing.
@PensiveCrayon I’m glad it worked that quickly! Fx it sticks!

AdorkablePixie

@PensiveCrayon I remember when DS first started to say no. It was adorable and he wasn't even really sure what he was saying. Now he says no and he means it... it's not cute now. LOL It is so nice when they know some signs and can use them to communicate.

ScootsMcG

@katy0990 Thanks:)  I'll remember and let you know.  I always think it helps to know there are other women and men grappling with our same situation.  I got my sister to start the book too and we've already had some good conversations/realizations.  I wanted it for the everyday too...I often feel like I get hit with "it" out of nowhere and then I have a whole day or two where I'm not the wife/mom/woman I want to be because I'm trying to deal with my feelings and how to walk the tightrope between my parents.  I know there's nothing I can do to change them if they don't want to change, but I am sick of it effecting my life and my families life in a negative way.

Jens_Hoes

I feel you all on the toxic parent relationships.  My parents have been divorced since I was 2 and I really struggled with my relationship with my father.  My mother despises him but supports me having a relationship with him if that's what I want.  We really turned a corner in our relationship when I sent him a Happy Father's Day email two or so years ago and he admitted that I was a great person and that he was a shitty father and had nothing to do with my success in life, as a person, and owed a great deal to my mother.  DH hates him, even though I'm cordial with him, and so we decide to just not talk about it. But I feel you all.

@PensiveCrayon 10 minutes is nothing!!! I read that and my jaw almost dropped! I hate sleep training but I love the results.  I am dreading doing it for this child, and praying I might not have to lol

No gifts for us either.  DD is 15 months old and won't understand the concept of the baby let alone a gift.

Nail: Similar to Pensive, I've been pushing the "please" and "help" signs, and DD used it for the first time last night! She was whining to get up on the couch and I said say Please, and she sort of brushed her hand on her chest.  While it wasn't 100% accurate, it sure counts!

Fails: She has been so whiny.  She can't do the things she wants, or fully express herself so she whines. And sometimes throws tantrums.  I can't wait until she has more ability to communicate with us.

Her 15 month appt is tomorrow, and I'm slightly nervous as to how she'll be after her shots, but I'm super excited to see how tall and heavy she is!

temmetime

@katy0990 I'm so sorry you're being put through that stress and drama. You seem to have a great head on your shoulders & handle it well. I hope it calms down soon & you can keep a peaceful relationship with your family separately.

@AdorkablePixie we aren't going to do a gift as DS will be allllmost 2. We're not even sure if we'll have him come to the hospital yet, that'll depend on how long of a stay we have & how bad the flu season is. DS loves things like suckers, so if anything we'll give him a treat or something small to help the association be positive and smooth.

@runrinserepeat yay about DD! It's a wonderful feeling to have other's notice your child's accomplishments & brag on them

Nails: I think I mentioned this last week, but I just can't get over DS putting himself to bed. He is all of the sudden recognizing when he's tired (we are religious with routine, so it's predictable) and asking for night night. Last night he literally ran to his room & tried calling into his crib. DH was home with him on Monday & couldn't keep him up for my lunch break because he was begging for his nap. WTH when did my son become a unicorn? I'll never complain about it & it absolutely melts my heart. I told DH if we figure out how to get our kids to put themselves to bed we might have the ultimate parenting hack  

Fails: weight gain is upping like crazy lately. I know it I shouldn't let it bother me, but I'm so hungry all the time & it has been hard to continuously make good eating decisions. 

Jens_Hoes

@temmetime last night DD wanted nothing to do with our bedtime routine.  She grabbed goodnight moon and only let me read half way, then our other bedtime book I only got three pages in before she got off my lap and grabbed her sleep sack and handed it to me lol

AdorkablePixie

@temmetime That is fantastic!! DS won't put himself to bed but he knows when he is tired and will ask to go night night. I love that he doesn't usually fight us when it's time for bed.

runrinserepeat

@temmetime our son has always been fine putting himself to sleep if he knows he's tired. It's a blessing, but also sometimes a curse. I remember visiting a friend once, and he was just over it. He went to her son's room and cried at his crib until I put him in it, and he slept there the rest of the visit, LOL. The biggest problem we have is that eventually, you want to wean them off of naps so they sleep better at night. Well, DS isn't down with that plan, and it's really hard to keep a kid from napping when he's bound and determined to! 

Bedtimes at our house have been gloriously short this week, and thank God for that. I fell asleep around 7:00 last night - I don't have the energy to worry about putting anyone else to sleep. 

temmetime

@Jens_Hoes we keep our routine extremely short; brush his teeth and he either watches a video on our phones (he's currently obsessed) or reads a book and heads to bed. Sometimes it's just the teeth brushing.

@runrinserepeat Shhhh I don't want to believe there's a downside to this  

PensiveCrayon

My kid doesn't put himself to sleep yet (if only!), but recently if I ask him if he's tired he rubs his eyes. So...maybe we're getting there? Haha. The only problem is that he'll rub his eyes no matter when you ask him!

@Jens_Hoes Soooo much yes to hating sleep training but loving the results. I swore up and down before my son was born that I would never CIO with him, but come 4 months I couldn't take it anymore. Thankfully he's always been really quick to catch on to sleep training -- the first night he cried for 20 minutes (while I cried next to him with my hand on him...it was an entirely accidental thing because H was out of town for the week and I couldn't deal anymore) and then was done for the night. The next night he slept 12 hours straight (after a bit of crying to go down, of course). I was worried when I woke up that he was dead! In any case, I'm also hoping for a unicorn who won't need sleep training. But I think my approach to cries will be a bit different this time around, just as a STM.

snugglyduckling25

@AdorkablePixie when DS1 became a big brother for the first time he was almost exactly the same age. We gave him a lego dupalo set. He could then play with that at the hospital and it was easy enough to bring home.  

@katy0990 I'm so sorry about your situation with your parents. That's not fair for you. 

@PensiveCrayon that is definitely a sleep training win!

Fail: Monday morning DS1 (9) woke up and was in a panic that he couldn't find the work he was supposed to turn in and this was the second time so he would lose recess. I talked to him about ways to prevent this in the future and told him to talk to the teacher when he got to school about what he could do. I so badly just wanted to fix it for him, even though I know he has to figure this out himself. I went to work and came up with reasons that I'm failing as a mom right now and how this was all my fault and cried. (Logic was not winning over these emotions).
Nail: I ended up sending an email to the teacher just to see how his mood was because he was so upset. His teacher sent back an email saying he was in a great mood and went on about how great of a student and person he was and how much he loves having him in his class. Cue more tears from this pregnant, emotional mom. 

Jens_Hoes

@snugglyduckling25
you made a good choice in not doing it for him! he needs to learn how to be organized and responsible (and not like my DH who always had his mother do everything for him).

ScootsMcG

@snugglyduckling25 I know it didn't feel like it, but your whole post was a nail:).  You helped your son learn to solve his own problems and experience natural consequences.  He's on his way to being a capable adult!  Nice work mama.

rosebud332

@PensiveCrayon We are going through the exact same thing. DD has realized that if she throws all of her stuff out we will come in and give it back. Problem is that she absolutely will not sleep without her binky so we do have to go in and give it to her or she’ll just scream. Forever. I’m thinking this means that we have to bite the bullet and get rid of it very soon. I don’t want to do it in the middle of the night when she throws it so I’m just going to have to suck it up soon and start cold turkey at nap. Ugh.

@katy0990 I’m sorry your mom is being so controlling about your family relationships. It really isn’t right for her to use your siblings against you and I’m sure she knows that’s her best ammunition. DH’s mom can be very dramatic and there has been a lot of family issues surrounding her, but similarly we need to stay in touch because his brother is special needs and will be under our care eventually. Not that I want to cut her off or anything, but I think she knows she has that as leverage sort of. Anyway it’s just so hard to navigate and I’m sorry you’re continuing to deal with it.

Fails: My daughter is insane today. I don’t know what her problem is. She has been screaming all day and I just have no idea why. I’m trying hard to be patient. She’s getting Tylenol at nap and she needs to sleep for like 4 hours so I can recover. Please send...I don’t know. A toddler whisperer?

Nails: DH and I got a babysitter to go look at houses yesterday because getting dd in and out of the car 5 times didn’t seem like the best idea. Is it bad that that’s the closest we’ve had to a date night in months? It was fun even though most of the houses were shit. I like hanging out with him.

snugglyduckling25

@Jens_Hoes and @ScootsMcG Thank you! Logically I really did know that I was helping him to learn to be a responsible adult, which is the end goal in this parenting game. But man it hurts to see your kid upset and know you can't (and shouldn't) do anything about it. Plus, it's probably better to figure this out now than when grades don't really count towards anything. 

AdorkablePixie

@snugglyduckling25 Aww. Hopefully this incident will help him learn to keep better track of his homework assignments. Think of it as a learning experience for him!

hoosiermama-2

Nails: DH had his FMLA meeting today. He'll use 15 sick days (he has 100+.. nail!) to get him to winter break, and he'll have 2 weeks of winter break. Sucks that our country doesn't support our educators as parents, but glad he's had his official meeting and will be good to go as soon as he/they find a qualified sub. Also grateful that he's been able to hoard so many sick days - yay health! 

Fail: We took DD to the Children's Museum Saturday. And of course, Monday she had a fever. She has never broken 100 since she was born, so the last few days have been not fun. It sucks to see her like this... she's normally the happiest, most active girl and all she's wanted to do is lay in bed and on the couch. Idk how many times I've watched Coco since Monday. No fever when I left the house this morning, but she was still lethargic. Sitter texted me around 10:30 and said it'd gone up to 99 point something.  
Also, failed my 3-hour glucose test. 

MAN. 

AdorkablePixie

@hoosiermama-2 I am sorry DD got sick. It really sucks when our babies are sick! I'm also sorry you failed your 3 hour glucose test. Ugh! Does that mean they start you on medicine or do they do further testing?

rosebud332

@snugglyduckling25 That e-mail from his teacher shows you’re obviously doing an amazing job!!

katy0990

Thank you everyone for all of the support with my family situation. Some days are just more overwhelming than others and as we approach this baby’s birth and as my son gets older and more aware, some days it is just really sad to me that the relationship is what it is.
 
@snugglyduckling25 As an elementary school teacher, you absolutely did the right thing. For me, one of the most frustrating situations with parents, was when they did not allow their child to face the consequences and bailed them out. You are a great mom!

Re: Kids putting themselves to sleep 
 I am so jealous of those of you whose kids wind down when they’re tired. My son gets more hyper than more tired he gets. We put him in bed every night about 7:30 and he plays in his bed until any time between 8:30 and 10. I’m hoping this LO actually likes sleep!

Jens_Hoes

@katy0990 until 10?!?! how old is he again? on the days hes up later can you tell in his behavior the next day?

katy0990

@jens_hoes He will be 2.5 tomorrow. Sometimes, but not always. Last night he was still in there talking at 9:45, but he has been very pleasant today. The problem becomes that when he is over tired, he refuses his nap and will literally stay in his bed having gymnastics practice for 2 hours and then is cranky in the evening. It’s so odd. His ENT has thrown the idea of sleep apnea out there and I’m anxious to talk to his ped about it here in 2 weeks. Regardless of what time he goes to sleep, he is calling for my between 6:30 and 7:30 in the morning!

katy0990

 I was looking on Pinterest and one of the suggestions for an older sibling gift Is a toy camera. I really like that idea because it would give him something to play with at the hospital and we could see things from his perspective, plus my son loves to pretend to tale pics.

CecilB93

@hoosiermama-2 dang it!! I'm sorry you failed the 3 hour. If you need to commiserate, have questions, or just wanna bitch about stuff, join us in the Gestational Diabetes thread! @mamajudec2018 @prudence9-2 and myself all got diagnosed super early on, so we can help answer questions or suggest some recipes that work for us, too!

texas_t

@katy0990 I'm so very sorry about your mom. No child (adult children included) should be forced to choose between parents. So many hugs.  Also, my son is so similar to yours. He gets the "pre-sleep crazies" as we call it around here, lol.

@hoosiermama-2 I hope your daughter starts feeling better soon. It's so heartbreaking to see them sick.

Nails: DS has consistently stayed in his bed for a month. I am so thrilled I can hardly stand it!

Fails: I can't remember the last time he got a bath. That being said, I'm giving him one in a minute 

hoosiermama-2

Dang,@katy0990. Sorry to hear about that family drama - I wish I had constructive things to say, but really, I'd just stoke the fire. That sucks so much! 

Also, I've googled it before and I can never remember - what does AFM stand for? It's totally used all the time and I should know, I know. 

@PensiveCrayon CIO solidarity. With DD being sick, I let her sleep in our bed last night (H was kicked out) and laid with her til she fell asleep. Tonight she howled like a banshee and I gave in and sat outside her crib for ~15-20 minutes rubbing her back. Left. She howled for 16 more minutes before was out. UGH! 

@AdorkablePixie I don't know yet. My doc sent me a message through the patient portal saying, "...so we will set you up for diabetes education and have you start monitoring your blood glucoses". But then didn't say when or how they'd set me up?!? I'm going to be super annoyed if I have to hound them for this stuff. 

@CecilB93 I will definitely be popping in on that thread! I need more hours in the day.

Wasn't planning on doing a gift because DD's bday is 11/23 and due date is 12/3... and Christmas just a few weeks later. BUT I love the toy camera idea! Or like a cheap polaroid (do those exist? Or are they all $$$ urban outfitters cameras now? haha) 

PensiveCrayon

@hoosiermama-2 AFM = as for me!

katy0990

@hoosiermama-2
Here is the one I’m looking at
VTech Kidizoom Camera Pix, Blue (Frustration Free Packaging) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FMK17TK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_YxCMBbRZ4NC3M

texas_t

@katy0990 Stealing your camera idea! I love it!

krob

Nails: Almost making it through being a single parent this week. H has been gone since Sunday night and come back tomorrow. DS has thankfully been pretty easy going, which is great because he was more than a handful last weekend. 

Fails: I was doing a really good job of watching what I was eating but lately it’s been a shit show. I didn’t lose all the weight after my son, so I wanted to be careful to not get into a situation that would make post partum hard this time around. Hopefully I can get my act back together soon. 

We wont be doing a gift. DS will only be 22months and has no concept of gifts. And I want to keep that going as long as possible. My goal is like 4 or 5 years old. LOL. I’m sure he will figure it out before then, but still. 

AdorkablePixie

@katy0990 That's a cute idea!

@krob Yay for almost being done being a single parent. Sometimes it's hard to watch what you're eating when pregnant, especially with the cravings and the constant hunger! Some days I am the normal amount of hungry, but days like yesterday I am constantly hungry, even just after eating!

krob

@AdorkablePixie what’s crazy is this pregnancy I’m never hungry. or i should say rarely. it’s more i’m just lazy especially after a day of work and then toddler care, healthy just seems impossible.