March 2019 Moms
Options

Unwanted Advice, Touching, ect.

As some of us are starting to show and news about our pregnancies is becoming public knowledge, I was curious how STM have dealt with the uninvited "portion" of pregnancy. For FTM's any plan on how you will deal with this?

Daisypath Anniversary tickers
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie - YeTq
«1

Re: Unwanted Advice, Touching, ect.

  • Options
    @peacebubblebaby ha! I like it. If it was weird to touch the belly without a baby, it's still weird when there is one. I'm not even showing and I had a belly touch from a family member and my mother-in-law immediately said 'Don't touch her belly!'. It's so great that my closest family listens to and supports my needs and wishes.
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    @peacebubblebaby that is hilarious and I might have to do that. This pregnancy we are in the Virginia, so we’ll see how many little Southern grandmas get handsy. It wasn’t really a problem last time in California.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • Options
    I must have resting bitch face, because nobody dared to touch my belly last time! :D 

    I did have a neighbor (man in 50s) ask me if our pregnancy was planned. I didn't know how to answer, and three years later, I still don't know if there is an appropriate answer to such an inappropriate question. 

  • Options
    @lindseyb918 I had a friend ask me that last time. No, we’re two 29 year olds with good jobs, a stable home life that have been together for 6 years that just couldn’t figure out that pesky birth control thing... At work the other day a coworker said “you know what causes that, right?” This is my second kid and I have a 2year old, it’s not like I’m singlehandedly trying to repopulate the world here.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • Options
    FTM here and I’m pretty worried about this. I’m generally non confrontational, but I also am awkward enough when I don’t have people randomly touching me. My cousin told me if it’s a stranger to tell them I’m not pregnant and enjoy their discomfort. I love the idea, but doubt I could pull it off in practice. But I’m a bit overweight so im sure I still have a ways to go before I look actually pregnant vs. just large. 
  • Options
    FTM here, definitely not afraid to get fiesty. Nothing about me growing a human makes it alright for strangers to touch me. Friends and family won't bother me, but random weirdos out in the world, beware. My bump is my body, not a petting zoo.
  • Options
    I guess I have RBF because I didn’t have any strangers touch my belly with DS (got plenty of unsolicited advice, but mostly well meaning). Did have a male coworker touch my belly once and it made me a bit uncomfortable. But that was it that I can remember. So basically saying look unwelcoming and you should be good!  ;):D
  • Options
    I am fully on the RBF train! No unwanted touching for me (knock on wood). I like the idea of touching tummies back if it does happen though. 
    I also work in a male dominant workplace and 99% of their wives were SAHMs and this is where most of my “unwanted pregnancy BS” came in. Lots of comments about staying home after I had the baby, doubting I would come back to work, plenty of over-shares about their wives’ labor experiences, and comments about the booby fairy visiting me. Ridiculous. 
    As far as how to deal with it, probably depends on who it is and if you care about the relationship at all. For the SES who repeatedly questioned if I would come back I was pretty nice but for the annoying aholes I didn’t care about you can believe I let the sass fly. 
    Me: 30 DH: 31
    Married: 2012
    BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 <3 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
  • Options
    @mamakate1616 omg i can't believe people would ever say that. wow.
    i didn't have issues first pregnancy, granted, i was on bedrest for half of it. i'm generally pretty blunt/ mean. and i like to keep a good distance between me and others when i talk. i would freak out if someone touched me. even a friendly shoulder pat makes me angry...
    as far as comments go, i'm never sure what i'll say. it'll depend on my mood. i have a friend at work who had her #4, all IVF babies, and people would ask her if it was an accident. ummm....
  • Options
    Ugh why do people think it’s okay to ask how a baby got made? You would never ask a non-pregnant stranger/coworker how their sex life is! This one makes me so mad. Being pregnant is not some kind of invitation to invade one’s privacy! 

    I am also in the personal space + RBF camp, and while I did receive an uncomfortable amount of attention and advice, I never got unwanted touching. I honestly pity the person who tries it. I am not a touchy person and it would not go over well at all. 
  • Options
    I’m weird, most questions/advice don’t bother me. The only thing that bothers me is if someone comments on my size. I’m 5’0” and baby can only go outward so by the end I’m a whale. I get it, I’m a bigger girl. I don’t need reminded. Any other topic about my pregnancy and I will gladly be an open book. You want to know personal details, i’ll Give you person details you may not have wished to have known.

    We have two sleeping beauties in heaven.
    Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. 
    Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
    They will be forever missed. <3
       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    My own mother rubbed my belly at 10 weeks after I told her not to. I swatted her hand away and I think she got the point. I had just lost 50 pounds but still have a decent amount of pudge on my belly. I told her she was rubbing KFC and Burger King, not a baby. Maybe I’ll feel different when I can feel kicks from the outside, but for now baby isn’t out of my pelvic bone, so IMO there’s no reason to rub my belly. 
  • Options
    @bdesterhouse I’m so with you. I’m 5ft even... as early as 9 weeks I had two separate people ask me if I was sure it wasnt twins. RUDE. This is my first pregnancy so I have nothing to go off of, but I’m sure at 5ft tall I will be huge during 3rd trimester. Really not looking forward to the additional comments about much size... but trying to mentally prepare myself for them anyway. Sigh. 
  • Options
    My absolute favorite (insert heavy sarcasm) from my last pregnancy was my BEST FRIEND comparing me at 20 weeks to her cousin who was further along than me. "You're huge compared to Laura and she's already 28 weeks".... Fast forward to April 2017 and she was FREAKING HUGE at 20 weeks. But I didn't say anything :wink:
  • Options
    I'm like @bdesterhouse - no much phases or offends me.  I think if a stranger came up and touched my belly I'd be a little weirded out, but it didn't happen at all last pregnancy.  As far as unsolicited advice, you don't know what you don't know.  You might actually be getting good advice that you wouldn't have even thought to ask someone about.  You also might be advised to do something ridiculous or that goes against your beliefs.  I listen to it, thank them and take which pieces of advice I find helpful and leave the rest.
  • Options
    Last pregnancy the most ridiculous thing that happened to me (that I just remembered) was a coworker/ stranger asked me to pee on a pregnancy test so she could prank her husband for April Fool’s Day. I said no. 
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • Options
    @meggyme.... what in the actual F. That is bizarre. 
    Me: 30 DH: 31
    Married: 2012
    BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 <3 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
  • Options
    @meggyme Pregnancy just isn't something to joke around about...WOW.
  • Options
    I’m at STM, and honestly, I’ve had more trouble with strangers touching my baby than my bump. It’s the worst.
  • Options
    Baby touching, now that’s a no go! As for bump feels, it doesn’t really phase me, although I haven’t experienced it yet so maybe I’ll change my mind. 
  • Options
    STM here. No one ever tried to touch me or DS when he was born. I still got annoyed with all the questions though. "How are you feeling?" F$%$ing PREGNANT. 


    SaveSave
  • Options
    @meggyme yeah, I thought it was so weird because we're also married and work and have a house. Like I could understand wondering (in your head) if it was a whoopsie if we weren't married, but a stupid question regardless!

    @swanbrooner YES! So many random people touching his face or asking to hold him. I'm not a germaphobe, just weirded out by a stranger touching my child.
  • Options
    Unwanted advice is easy. "Oh that's interesting." "I'll definitely think about that." "Thanks for the tip." "I didn't know that. Thanks!" Note that all of those are neutral and honest regardless of whether your knee-jerk response is "Oh my word, that's the worst piece of advice ever, NO!" or "That's the best piece of advice I've ever heard!" 

    Touching. I didn't really deal with that. My mom came up and touched my bump while saying something, "I'm the grandma, so I can, right?" It felt a little weird, but not that big of a deal. No strangers, thank goodness! I would back away and give them a weird look. 

    The worst has been since she's been born with some strangers in the store wanting to peek in while she was being worn. Which is just weird! And asking lots of questions which not only holds me up in the store, but I also don't want to give out personal information about my child! I've definitely lied about her name and age to strangers because I didn't have the nerve to flat out say none of your business. 
  • Options
    bdesterhousebdesterhouse member
    edited September 2018
    I don’t think strangers ask names or ages to be rude. Almost everyone loves babies, so I think it’s a natural curiosity to know the baby’s name. I also think our society has developed asking these questions as the polite thing to do as well.

    We have two sleeping beauties in heaven.
    Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. 
    Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
    They will be forever missed. <3
       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options

    Only had a couple unsolicited belly rubs from older people when I was pregnant with my first - mostly because of my profession at the time (reporter) and I dealt with a lot of people, some of whom were older and had no filters.  lol.  I just laughed it off because I didn't want to come across as rude to the public.  Second time around, I didn't have that problem.  All of my family members are a little more reserved so running up and touching my belly never even occurred to them.

    Unsolicited advice I usually just smile and nod, and ignore - though my midwife asked me 'was this pregnancy planned' and it was a little offensive.  I'm not sure if that was asked because of my older age, or the fact that I already have 2 kids, or because the midwife was trying to get to know me, or what - but still awkward.  I just answered yes, it was, and that was that.

    The size thing - that bothers me.  I get pretty big with my pregnancies, and it gets annoying when people 'have' to comment about it - and I've gotten the 'twins' comment too.  At one point I overheard coworkers say 'she's gotten fat.  could she be pregnant? nah, I doubt it.'  (I was pregnant.)  Either way - rude.  Again I don't say much of anything to the commenters, just laugh it off and walk away.  I guess that's just my general way of dealing with all of life's frustrations. 

  • Options
    I don’t think strangers ask names or ages to be rude. Almost everyone loves babies, so I think it’s a natural curiosity to know the baby’s name. I also think our society has developed asking these questions as the polite thing to do as well.
    But these are random strangers stopping me in the middle of the aisle in the grocery store. I'm not talking about people I run into and chat with at the park or church. They don't ask my name. It just seems odd to me that these questions are asked of children/babies when they're not of anyone else. 

    Sometimes, when I see a baby in a store, I'll say something like "oh, how adorable" or something. And I've had people say that to me and I smile and say thank you. It just gets a bit weird when they're asking personal questions, or when they try to touch my baby. I've had that happen, too! 
  • Options
    @bdesterhouse I agree that asking a baby’s name isn’t rude. I think touching is off limits though. Fortunately, I haven’t had that happen too many times and when it has, Ive pulled DS away.
  • Options
    I work one on one with people and last time I worked in non-profit. I had an intake with a client I'd never met before and she kept asking me throughout the entire process if my baby was moving and if she could touch my belly. Hell to the no lady. I just politely said no she's sleeping right now. I don't know that I'll run into that much this time, the client's I work with now have better boundaries. 

    As for unsolicited advice my MIL has tons! She has mentioned a few times how I'll never sleep again, as if I didn't have the worst sleeping baby on the planet last time. I think I'll survive lady, this isn't my first rodeo. I also mentioned over the weekend how we all think it's a girl and her response was "oh is this pregnancy just like that last then?"....yes that totally determines whether baby is girl or boy. This is the lady who told me I couldn't deliver my baby while she was on vacation because she still planned to go within a few weeks of my due date last time. I grin and bear it with her.

    I also got the strangers in the store thing after DD was born. I wore her everywhere and it was always older adults that would come up and try to touch her head or say something about her. I get it, cute baby, but germs please and you are basically touching me if you are that close and her head is nestled on my chest.
    Dx: Non-IR PCOS
    Baby Girl K #1 Born 3/8/14
    Baby Girl K #2 EDD 3/3/19
  • Options
    I get that it can be weird and I don’t want it to seem like I am invalidating your feelings. You are not wrong to feel the way you do.

    I loved my son’s name when he was born (still do) and gladly told anyone who would listen what his name was.

     I’m an over sharer, I’ve gotten better, but I can basically be an open book and that’s probably why it doesn’t bother me. Touching my child is a hard no, unless you’re just wiggling his foot that is in a sock. I didn’t let people touch him anywhere else bc well people could be sick and I don’t know you, stranger danger. But for some reason wiggling his foot slightly to say hi to him never bothered me and that’s what most people did where I live. 

    We have two sleeping beauties in heaven.
    Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. 
    Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
    They will be forever missed. <3
       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    @lucysmom2016 yes!!! Love it!!
    Me: 30 DH: 31
    Married: 2012
    BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 <3 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
  • Options
    For touching, I am pretty direct almost to a fault so I would just say "do not touch me" or "you may not touch me" (if I was feeling nice) if someone tried to go in. It didn't happen often. 

    I was pretty non-confrontational with the unsolicited advice and just smiled and nodded most of the time. 

    For the comments, oh my word. I never, ever told anyone I had twins in there because the first question I always got asked was "are they natural?" or "did you do fertility treatments?".  Ummm, what?   Then when they were born and I obviously had two infants where it was logistically impossible for them not to be twins I got the "are they twins?" and a whole slew of other comments about how thy could tell this one or that one was born first or the oldest because they were bigger. Or if this one was the boy and this one the girl when they both had pink on?  When they got to be a toddler I got snarky when people asked me if they were twins and started to tell people I just found one of them in the parking lot and thought "why not?".  

    I say just roll with whatever makes you feel comfortable and if you want to get snarky, let it fly. 
  • Options
    Probably not when we were younger but people would ask if my brother and I were twins all the time. I'm 2 years older and we don't look more or less alike than any other sibling pair. People must just like asking that question.
  • Options
    I didn't get touched by strangers much that I can remember. My sisters were the only ones who wanted to and that didn't bother me (I was the first of us to have kids so they were curious, I get it). I usually let all the unsolicited advice roll into one ear and out the other (unless it was genuine good advice, but that didn't happen often unless I was at a moms group and that is different). 

    What I hated were the size comments. MH and I are tall, we grow big babies, I showed especially quickly last time (this time too) and I was always getting gasps over the summer when they found out I wasn't due until the fall. "Surely you're going to pop soon, right?" And I'd be months away from being due. (sigh) You people really don't know how offensive you sound, do you? With this being pregnancy #4 I'm just gearing up for the comments to fly this fall and winter.
  • Options
    @Lbloom i really would love to know why people think the size comments are EVER OKAY. i have never said anything like that to someone in my life!!!! and sometimes i have no filter. but certain thinks are just blatantly obvious NO'S. makes me so mad. 
  • Options
    I had a few unwanted touches in the first pregnancy. I didnt think of good way to respond until i was near the end but now im ready with this second. If someone touches me without my permission I plan on saying "you know you're touching my uterus" and just give them the look. 
  • Options
    Ya, @HoneyBear40 I’ve gotten some slightly awkward responses as well, and so far we’ only told family! Several family members responded with (after a very excited initial response) “we were wondering if you were having issues...” I mean, we kind of did, but’s still, really?!?
  • Options
    @lelkcot It makes me wonder if they're just phrases that come full circle? Like maybe someone asked them that at one point so it's ok to ask it forward? Since my first pregnancy I've been slowly building a list of things to never do or say.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"