PGAL check in 8/30

ladystout08

How's everyone doing? 
When's your next appointment?
R/R/Q?

tosh24

Really, really struggling with my anxiety and PTSD this week. It's been pretty bad. I am worried about my susceptibility to PPA and PPD with all the emotional struggles I've been having so far this pregnancy. I think there's a pretty good chance that I'm going to have to be medicated postpartum. I should likely be medicated now but I'm trying to limit what I take since I already take more meds than I want to just to function because of my migraines and IBS.

I have a placenta doppler to check bloodflow on Tuesday and then a regular OB appointment on Wednesday. Hope I get a good tech and she lets me catch a glimpse of baby during the placenta check.

I am really, really bummed to miss my annual family reunion this weekend. I still have not told my family I'm pregnant for various reasons, including my anxiety, so I obviously can't attend. It's been one of my favourite days of the year since I was a kid and I love seeing really extended family that I may only see this one time a year. I'm hoping once I hit 3rd tri I'll feel comfortable enough to announce, so I just have to figure out how to avoid everyone until then which is going to be really difficult (esp. with my bday in a few weeks)....

wkuandrea

aww @tosh24 I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with it. If I wasn't already taking meds for my anxiety I'd be a basket case. I take a lot of meds for other medical issues too (including IBD) so I understand wanting to minimize... but sometimes taking care of your stress is super important for your health and baby's. Maybe talk to your Dr about it. We switched to a lower dose of Zoloft as it's been studied longer, and they feel more comfortable with it being "safer" than other SSRI's. Sending you good vibes around anxiety and family stuff. 

Like a lot of us, I'm still having a hard time with accepting it's all real. I haven't felt baby movements yet (and it could be because I've been having a Crohn's flareup for a week). I definitely look pregnant, but it still feels so surreal. *TW* I had a loss from placental abruption at 20 wks in a prior pregnancy, and while I'm in a different place medically and emotionally, I still can't help worrying as I approach that time in this pregnancy. *end TW* I know the day will come when I wish the baby would just stop kicking me, but at the moment, I'd really like to have the reassurance!

ladystout08

@tosh24 I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I know you want to limit meds but are you seeing a therapist/counselor? @wkuandrea the milestones from previous losses are so nerve wracking, I hope they fly by quickly and I hope you feel the baby soon! 

AFM: I'm mostly ok. I have an appointment in a few days which of course means my anxiety is beginning to ramp up. I'm starting to feel a little bit of movement but nothing all that reassuring. I mostly feel her rolling around and it sort of tickles. 

julesf817

I’m doing ok. My 20 week scan wasn’t the “everything looks great” type appointment that I’d hoped. I posted in the thread about it, but I have a cord anomaly, a single artery umbilical cord. So basically higher risk for still birth, risk the baby may not grow properly. Everything else looked great and the doctor reassured me that it’s “common.” 1 out of a 100 doesn’t feel common to me, but ok. I have to go in every four weeks for an ultrasound to make sure he’s continuing to grow properly.

I’m feeling a lot of movement, which is very reassuring, but without knowing how much he’s growing these four week stretches are going to feel long. Trying to take it one day at a time.

on top of that my grandmother has been in and out of the hospital because of her heart. She’s 89. she’s always been so spry and healthy I am just not ready to lose her. Especially since I lost my dog in October, baby in December and grandpa in April. That’s about enough. The doctors think part of her problem is stemming from the stress/grief after losing my grandpa. 

So basically I’m just skating along trying to act like everything is cool but I’m stressed. Going to the cape this weekend with my family which I hope will be relaxing but knowing my mom will just be more stress. Good times. 

julesf817

@tosh24 sorry you have to miss the reunion. I hope you feel ready in the third tri so you don’t have to stress about hiding it!

@wkuandrea I hope that baby gets to kicking soon. 

ladystout08

@tosh24 I'm sorry you're missing your reunion. I hope your anxiety eases soon. 
@julesf817 I'm sorry about the cord issue. 4 weeks in between ultrasounds sounds agonizing. I'll be thinking of you. 

BitterBetty12

@tosh24 I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. I absolutely understand not wanting to be medicated during pregnancy, but I hope you keep it in the back of your mind in case things get even worse. My OB told me that even though there are super small risks, being medicated during really decreases your chances of having a relapse of PPA or PPD once baby comes. And honestly my experience with this pregnancy has already been SO different than it was with DD1 because of having my anxiety under control. I was in a constant state of fear and over analyzed everything last time. And while I have my moments now - I’m able to rationalize through them and not obsess over the things that concern me. Big hugs!

@ladystout08 those pre appointment jitters are the worst. They got better for me once I was feeling baby move a lot because I at least knew we would hear a heartbeat on the Doppler!

@wkuandrea I hope you start to feel movement soon to ease your mind!

@julesf817 I know I posted this in another thread already but I’ve had a couple of close friends from the bump with SUA who have super healthy children now. I won’t lie and say they didn’t stress out every time they had a growth scan and worry if baby was dropping in percentiles. Because they did. But the most likely outcome is that peanut will continue to grow on their own curve and come out nice and healthy!

AFM I’m just worrying about possibly having GD. I have to go for the 3 hour because I failed my early 1 hour by 4 points. And on top of the fact that I’m alreasy high risk from being overweight and having BP issues last time, I don’t want to add one more thing to that list. I also feel guilty because I am heavier this time and I put myself into that high risk category by getting pregnant at this higher weight.

LCRbelle

@tosh24 I’m so sorry you’ve been suffering so much with anxiety! Mine comes in waves but when I’m in the midst of it it’s so hard to not let it consume me.  You’re not alone!

@wkuandrea I would be having the same feelings as you as you approach that same time frame in this pregnancy.  Hope you start feeling regular kicks soon and can relax some as you get further along. Some days I’m still in so much shock that I’m actually pregnant it feels so unreal! 

@julesf817 I’m so sorry you didn’t get the best news.  Having to wait four weeks to be checked again I’m sure is torture! I will be thinking of you and hoping the time passes quickly for you. 

@BitterBetty12 I’m sorry! That sucks.  Hopefully you pass without any issues. 

I’m doing ok right now.  Had some intense anxiety about a week and a half ago which kept causing me to have random panic/dizzy spells.  My doctor saw me a week early and checked everything out which helped a little and then our anatomy scan was Friday and everything looks good which also helps! When I start feeling to positive about things is when I get my bad anxiety so hoping I can keep all of that at bay! I’ve been feeling tiny kicks but other than that and a growing belly I still am in denial! I don’t know when it will actually feel real.  

ladystout08

I have an appointment tomorrow so of course I had a weird pregnancy dream last night. I went to my regular OB appointment and they sent me to the hospital where I delivered DS and I had no idea why. Relax brain, relax. Jeez. 

tosh24

Thanks, guys I know most of it is in my head and it just seems to get really overwhelming every now and then and then it kind of settles until the next round. We went out of town for an extended long weekend and it was really nice and relaxing. Occupied my mind by finishing an entire novel which I haven't done in a long time. I have felt much better the last couple of days.

@ladystout08 I'm sorry - those dreams are so jarring. I also tend to get them more frequently before an appointment so I'm guessing it's just the brain processing some appointment anxiety. Hope everything goes well tomorrow!

kns1988

@tosh24 I'm sorry that you're having so much anxiety. I went on Zoloft for PPA/PPD after DS was born, and I'm still on it. It's making a world of difference for this pregnancy. I'm glad that you'll be on the lookout for PPA/PPD after the baby is born because I waited too long to treat myself, and it was hellish. 

@julesf817 I'm sorry to hear that you have so much on your plate. I hope that your ultrasounds go smoothly and that your grandma bounces back quickly.

I'm feeling very good with this pregnancy. I felt baby's movements earlier this time around, and we had a good anatomy scan today. I'm a little worried about flying at 25 weeks pregnant because my mind goes to all of the What If scenarios of something happening when I'm away from home and away from DH, but I don't want to let it get to me enough to make me cancel my trip. I've really been looking forward to my weekend away with my May 2017 Bumpies. 

Kabazaba

Finally coming back up for air after our (last?) pre-baby adventure, and catching up on how everyone is.

@tosh24 I am so sorry about your bad anxiety and concerns for PPA/PPD. I'm glad you were able to feel some relief during your weekend away, and hope you get more weekends like that. And do stay thoughtful about your decisions regarding therapy, medication, etc.

@wkuandrea I'll be thinking about you the next couple of weeks - it is hard to pass those anniversaries,and I hope we all start getting those regular baby kicks soon!

@julesf817 You are going through more than your fair share. I hope the Cape was relaxing,and, if not, that you are able to find some way to decompress and care for yourself over the next few months.You are allowed to take care of you.

@BitterBetty12 Agh I feel your pain with the GD concern. I am also overweight and have a LOT of family members with diabetes - granted, they all have Type I, not Type II, but still, I am freaking out about it. That said, don't you dare feel guilty for having a kid, no matter your size. You wouldn't judge someone else for wanting or having a child because of their size, so don't judge yourself! Nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy, but I hate it that women feel so much pressure to be a "right" size before getting pregnant, immediately after being pregnant, yadda yadda. I am crossing my fingers for both of us that to avoid GD, and if I get it I will do my best to manage my diet/exercise going forward, but I will try my hardest not to feel guilt for wanting a kid now, and not when I reach some goal weight. :stepping off soap-box now:

AFM, I'm mostly OK. Still having random still-birth dreams or intrusive thoughts once-ish a week? Still mostly not feeling baby move (anterior placenta + overweight). Going for echocardiogram next Monday and just my MIL and I will be there (DH has a big work meeting, and appointment can't be rescheduled). Noticing in general I have more anxiety than usual (heard like 5 ambulances on Sat night around 4am and thought for sure there was a shooting or something horrible - realized the next day it was probably just 1 ambulance echoing off the tall buildings and was in the middle of Atlanta so not surprising there would be an ambulance there on a Sat night). Besides all that I'm just dandy...

kianarain

Sending all my love to everyone in this thread. Though I've been feeling pretty ok, I did start seeing a therapist who specializes in transition to parenthood/loss/PPD and it's been helping me immensely. I can't recommend counseling enough for what we're all going through right now. To each their own, but it feels so good to have someone looking out for me and only me during this time. Also just knowing I have someone on hand that I trust to jump in if I do get PPA/PPD makes me feel a little more prepared.

Like I said, I've been feeling ok on a daily basis but some days when I'm going to the bathroom my heart starts to beat super fast and I'm just expecting to see spotting, which was the beginning of the end last time for me. I really wish I'd stop psyching myself out. Also, we just moved and are finally in a place where we can begin setting up the nursery. Part of me REALLY wants to nest, but part of me thinks it will jinx it in a way. Like buying all her stuff and preparing for her will just hurt even more if things go wrong. I know that's not a healthy place to be, so I think I just need to start the nursery and trust the process. Easier said that done  

ladystout08

Quick and easy check up with the midwife today. LG has a tradition of kicking the Doppler and immediately rolling away from whomever is holding it that has yet to be broken. Can’t believe this pregnancy is basically half over already. I feel a little better but I think the A/S next week will be more reassurance. 

ladystout08

@kianarain I totally get it. I'm glad you're seeing someone through the transition! 

BitterBetty12

@Kabazaba thank you for that reassurance! You are absolutely correct. It’s just so hard not to let the guilt creep in when it’s weight that puts you at risk of having complications. That being said - I was almost just as overweight with DD1, and did not have GD. So I’m hoping this time will be the same. Thinking of you and sending all of the good vibes for the echo on Monday!

@kianarain I am so happy to hear that the therapist is helping you! Sometimes it’s hard to start and then once you do it’s like ‘why did I wait so long’. Sorry you still have lingering anxiety - but I think some level of it will always be normal for loss moms.