Seeking Advice After More Disappointing News

erwahler

Hi all - my husband and I completed our first round of IVF in June, PGS tested all 7 embryos that made it to Day 5, and 2 came back normal and high-grade.  We did our first FET on 8/20, and today we got a BFN.  We have unexplained infertility and our RE advised our chances of pregnancy with IVF were 70%+.

Eventually we would love to have at least 2 children but obviously are focused on getting to one for now.  I am 35, and we are paying OOP but I have enough stim meds left from the first round that we would have enough for another if we did another cycle of IVF.  We have one more high-grade embryo left, but am weighing going onto another transfer (which we will pay around $4k OOP to do) vs. paying for another full round of IVF now to try and bank embryos.  

Has anyone else found themselves in a similar scenario?  If so could you share your thought process and what you weighed in coming to a decision?  I find it's really hard to think of someone in our day-to-day lives to help us think through some of these big fertility questions, so thank you all for being here!

Momifbysea

Hi- first of all I am so sorry for your loss with your first FET. I was reading what you wrote and we are in the exact same place with having had 2 PGS normal embryos to start with  (well, except for the fact I turn 44 next week, ha!). I have details in my signature. But anyway, I am prepping for our second FET in September so my decision was obviously to exhaust these embryos first because it’s unlikeky we will do more rounds due to no insurance coverage. It seems like you have time to try one more FET first and then do more IVF later, because you are a lot younger. But then again, only you can know what decision is right for you. I guess my point is that I wouldn’t let fear of a short timeline push you immediately into another round just yet. But if you know you want at least two children then maybe having all the stimming /retrieval part over with first makes sense? I wish you the best with whatever you and your partner decide! The OOP aspect is tough- I wish all insurance covered IVF!

northbeach3

I’m not in your situation but I’d probably do another IVF cycle if you have meds left over and you want the option to have more embryos as possible siblings.

My understanding is that the meds  will expire/lose their effectiveness if you’d possibly be waiting to cycle until after (hopefully) getting pregnant using your last embryo. 

This advise is is purely practical and does not take into account OOP costs. Best of luck!

funkykey

First, I'm sorry for your failed FET. That sucks. Even when you know there is a 30% chance that it won't work out, it still SUCKS.

I agree with PP. I would do another round and bank embryos now, if you can swing it. It's not going to get any easier 2 years from now. 

We are also unexplained. I'm 34 and did my first IVF round around my 33rd birthday, so we didn't do the PGS testing. We've since had 3 failed transfers with embryos from that round.

I guess subconsciously, even though it was a little greedy, before we did the FETs, I'd been so hoping to have 3 children. I'd hoped, because we had 4 embryos, that maybe 2 of them would result in live births. When the second transfer failed, on some level, I felt like I had to say goodbye to that dream of a third child. When our third transfer failed, I became afraid that we would never have children, even with the treatments. Anyway, I tell you this because I know how a failed FET can feel like the loss of a dream. It's not just that you're not pregnant (again!) or that you want a baby so badly, it's also that you actually might not, after all this, have the family you hoped & worked for.

We're now undergoing another round of IVF and I am praying for just one PGS normal embryo. We have another embryo on ice, but I'm banking.

Good luck!

erwahler

@funkykey - I am weeping while reading this, you hit the nail on the head.  The scariest part of all is to begin to consider what if it doesn't work at all, ever?  I had made some major strides with shifting my mental state to thinking of all of this as a long journey, but there is no good reason this shouldn't have worked and I am finding that I'm really struggling with this setback.  Thank you for sharing your story and your advice.  I will think of you as you move on to IVF round 2.

funkykey

@erwahler - I have struggled with each and every IF setback. It is cruel, what we are living through. It's also scary. I often tell myself that this is just a long journey, as you've said. I tell myself that we will meet our child and I visualize holding our baby and all of this being worth it. But I've also had to radically adjust my expectations. There will be no big family; the house will never feel that full of children. We will be lucky to have one.

Anyway, good luck to you! 

zamoraspin

@erwahler I'm so sorry for the BFN. It's a very personal decision to try to bank or transfer what you have. If it were me, and we had the meds as well as the resources (financial and emotional) to bank, I'd probably do it. Also, has your RE talked to you about doing an ERA before doing another transfer? It's not universally recommended by RE's but I know my RE recommends an ERA if a patient has a BFN with a PGS normal embryo. The ERA tests to see whether your uterus when an embryo would normally be transferred. According to the literature my RE gave me 3 out of 10 women are not receptive in the expected time frame. If an ERA shows pre or post receptive your RE can adjust the timing of the transfer in the subsequent transfer cycle. 

eta I also wanted to empathize with you and @funkykey about family size and the loss of a dream. We wanted two kids, but now that we've spent 18 months ttc'ing the first, and given that I'm 36, I'm down to hoping we can even have one. 

erwahler

@zamora_spin thank you for sharing.  Another frustrating element is that although I immediately scheduled the follow up appointment with our RE it is about a month out, so we haven't had a chance to discuss an ERA yet.  We will bring it up with her for sure, but either way I think we are currently leaning towards trying to bank and keep the the possibility of having a larger family open.  Thank you again!