April 2019 Moms
kangstadt
member
Things I wish I had known...
kangstadt
member
Alright, second time (and more!) mamas. Let's hear your pregnancy, labor, delivery, postpartum, nursing, and etc advice for any first time mamas that you wish you had been told!
As for me, I wish I had known how much bleeding happens post-delivery. I knew, vaguely, but it was still a shock when I stood up to move to the recovery room and suddenly the floor looked like a horror movie. Also wish I had more knowledge about PPD/PPA. I was in denial that I needed help with my first - with this being my second pregnancy, I'm going to be much more vocal and proactive with my DH's help to keep an eye out for signs.
As for me, I wish I had known how much bleeding happens post-delivery. I knew, vaguely, but it was still a shock when I stood up to move to the recovery room and suddenly the floor looked like a horror movie. Also wish I had more knowledge about PPD/PPA. I was in denial that I needed help with my first - with this being my second pregnancy, I'm going to be much more vocal and proactive with my DH's help to keep an eye out for signs.
Re: Things I wish I had known...
In regards to pregnancy, I wish I had told my boss earlier because I was so sick. I had to go in and do a lot of overtime during my 1st trimester and I wouldn’t have had to do that and push through the sickness if I had just told him.
I was totally naive and unprepared mentally for a newborn and breastfeeding. I just thought it would be easy and natural. I thought my LO would sleep and I’d get so much done over my leave. Sure newborns sleep 20 hours a day but it was mostly on you. The sleep deprivation really messed with me. I wish I had bought a swing too. We got a mamaroo and she hated it. When I went back to work daycare told me she loved the swing and it helped her nap. A lot of my friends swear by a rock n play so we’ll be buying both this time around.
I also didn’t realize how much breastfeeding hurts and I didn’t know I had inverted nipples which made things harder. Luckily everything worked out but it was sheer determination on my part and a lot of crying. It was hit or miss with the lactation consultants I saw. But I don’t agree with their advice to not give a paci, DD needed it because otherwise she’d comfort suck on me for hours.
I was was also lucky to have mom come stay with us after birth. We were in the hospital from Sunday to Thursday and DH only had 1 week vacation. She was the one who forced me to get into the car to go to the DR office so I could get treated for my PPA.
Also so I wish I knew that I didn’t need all that baby crap. I had so much stuff that just cluttered my house and wasted my money. You just need the essentials at first
Everyone has an asshole and an opinion. Just remember that this is YOUR pregnancy and YOUR baby. You can choice to home birth with a midwife or have all the medical interventions. You can breastfeed. ... or NOT! It’s all okay. What is right for one person is wrong for another. Don’t get defensive when people are critical (they will be). I’m also a tough love kinda gal.
Also, remember, this shit is hard. You are growing a human FROM SCRATCH!!! They are your responsibility every second of every day. This will remain true for the next 18 years. Give yourself grace to be a human and screw up once in awhile.
RE appt 12/2015
CD3 labs normal | HSG 1/8/16 clear | H's SA excellent
Dx: Unexplained Infertility
February 2016, cycle 16 - cycle #1 with Letrozole 5mg + TI | Progesterone=20.6
BFP 2/24/16 - EDD 11/7/16
It's a girl!
Isla Quinn born 10/29/16 at 38w5d via C/S
--------
TFAS March 2018
RE consultation 8/2/18
Suprise! BFP 8/8/18 natural cycle | EDD 4/19/19
It's a girl!
Afton Noelle born 4/10/19 at 38w5d via natural VBAC
@gollygeeitsamy I had inverted nipples too, and my son had a severe tongue tie. Nursing was agony!!!! I had no idea how hard it was going to be. I’m glad I stuck with it, since eventually it did work for us. But damn, so many ppl make nursing sound like this idyllic bonding. I thought it was just misery for the first 4 months.
I wish I would have known not to be so stressed about breastfeeding. It's such a wonderful thing but I put so much pressure on myself. My son had a rough start so I had to do both formula & BF. Which is great because we just need them to be fed!
Find your mom voice that sticks up for your child because you are going to have to use it a lot. I'm a people pleaser so it was tough but you are your child's advocate! They need you to speak up and you know best.
Mother's intuition is real thing! Follow your gut.
As tough as it is, and I'm still learning, just keep things simple. There are so many things out there to stress about. Don't have expectations with most things. Things will always go not according to plan but it's beautiful anyways.
Also glad we packed the bag early, but would have been nice to have had a pump already. Had to run to the store after he was transferred to another hospital. Didn't think we'd need 1 so soon... being in the nicu wasnt something I'd think would ever happen.... hope for the best, prepare for the worst i guess!
If you are nursing or pumping you will smell like sour milk all the time
A few days after having baby you will get Dolly Parton boobs and your husband will be excited, but they will hurt so bad you will murder him if he touches them
You will be excited to sleep on your belly again but will wake up soaking wet bc it squeezed all the milk out
I wish I had known that the idea that breastfeeding helps you lose weight is not true for everyone
I wish I would have bought a home Doppler, I totally want one this time around
Unfortunately an induction is medically necessary for me but I wish I had down ahead of time that I wouldn't be allowed to walk around or try other positions. I'd like to do more research this time and see if I still can
I never knew how absolutely and completely in love I would fall with my newborn. That moment they come into the world, regardless of how they get there, is like nothing you'll ever experience. I think DH and I both cried holding him for the first time. I cannot wait to meet this little peanut.
I also wish I would have known about the rock hard milk boobs that pour out milk like a busted fire hydrant and the insane bleeding that lasts for weeks after delivery.
I REALLY wish someone would have told me how freaking heavy those car seats are. I used to watch veteran moms carrying those seats around like nothing, but it was so hard for me to get used carrying it. Especially after just having a csection.
I'll add... Nursng strikes are normal and they don't mean there's something wrong with your supply or that your baby is self weaning. Mine had major nursing strikes when he was 5 months old and I thought I'd need to go to exclusively pumping. But I did research and worked through it and ended up nursing till my son was 21 months. I'm grateful I worked through the strikes. But it was super stressful and I wish I had been more prepared that just because you have a great supply doesn't mean breastfeeding will go smoothly all the time. (Oh and what @booksandlace said about not everyone loses weight while breastfeeding)
There will be things you never thought you'd do that you end up doing and things you absolutely thought you would do that you don't. It's ok to change your mind and no "expert" is with you in the room at 3am after endless sleepless nights. Do what you gotta do to survive. Your baby will be juuusssst fine
Now... Here are some things I did that I'm glad I did...
One of my best friends gave me the best advice as a new mom "when you need to, treat your first like he/she's your second" - with more than one, there are times that one has to wait to be tended to because you're dealing with the other one. They have to just deal. So when you need that shower or need to make yourself lunch or need to just do something for you, do it. Treat your baby like he/she is your second and let them cry, pout, whatever while you tend to something else for a minute. They will be ok.
Don't let other "experts" (family, daycare, etc) tell you how you should do things. Do you. And their source of knowledge may be outdated. The beauty of having your own kid is you being able to raise them however you want. Don't be afraid to be THAT parent with daycare if you want to insist on how something is done. But at the same time... Pick your battles so that you can maintain the good relationship with them. And learn how to be firm but level headed - sometimes hard to do when someone is being annoying about your kid.
Have a birth plan but be open to it changing. I did but had to throw it out the window two weeks before my due date when it became clear I needed to have a C-section. I went with the flow and while I was disappointed I focused on the main goal - having a healthy birth. Having that attitude served me well.
And probably most importantly - communicate with your co-parent if you have one. If you're building resentment about something they are doing - or more likely - NOT doing. Say something and don't expect them to read your mind or meet your expectations just because you think they should know what they are. If you want more help, ask for it. And ask for it in a way you'd want to be asked. You don't have to be supermom and asking for help is a good thing. Your co-parent won't "get it" sometimes and tatll annoy the $!&@ out of you. Tall to them... Kindly and fairly. Help them get it.
I also wish I had known more about formula. I wanted to try breastfeeding first, and then move to formula if I needed to, but we didn’t have any on hand at home. The first night home, my son wouldn’t latch and screamed the entire night (that’s not an exaggeration). At his appointment the next day he had lost 12% of his birth weight and was so dehydrated and jaundiced that his eyeballs were yellow. The doctor gave him 2 oz of formula and he slept for the first time in 20 hours! I was able to breastfeed for a year, but we needed the supplemental formula at first. This time we will have them on hand.
He was losing weight because my body just wasn't making enough milk. No matter how much water I drank or different foods or supplements I added. No matter how much I pumped. My supply did not increase.
During one low point I read something that just hit me and made me feel much better...I live in the US where formula is easily purchased. My son wasn't going to starve because we had other options. So as shitty as I felt that nursing didn't work out for us, I considered myself lucky because he could still eat and thrive and wasn't fully dependent on me (thank god).
1. Birthplans. I commend you if you’re the person who writes multiple page birth plans but please don’t get all wrapped around an axel in doing it a certain way. In the end the plan is to give birth in the way that is most healthy to you and baby. Plan and research every possibility because you NEVER know what will happen.
2. If you’re having a vaginal birth ask your nurses, doula or midwife to massage you so you don’t tear. I didn’t ask but had a wonderful nurse who worked the tissue and I delivered a 9.5 lb baby with a head in the 99th percentile with 0 tearing.
3. Don’t bother registering for clothes. People buy them no matter what.
4. The skin on your stomach is not going to be pretty post delivery. Mine looked like a deflated balloon. I cried. But it goes back.
5. Don’t get too many bottles or pacifiers pre-baby. You don’t know what they will prefer and it could be a waste of money.
Good luck mamas!
Oh and @jessicaschafer8 mentioned your stomach will go back. Well... Sometimes i won't. Your body might never be the same. But it's done something absolutely incredible. Honor it. Give yourself some grace that after growing and nourishing and keeping a human alive in and out of you, your body will have some battle wounds. You do your best to be healthy ... But it's ok if your body is never the same. You're still beautiful.
Also regarding not being a hero, it's alright to have physical limits. As you get more and more pregnant, there are going to be certain things you're just not able to do, and that's ok. It's so easy to get frustrated when it takes you an hour to load the dishwasher or you can't bend at the right angle to put on a fitted sheet, but just let it go - soon enough you'll be much more capable again. I was always trying to keep pace with my non-pregnant self and that's just not an option.
Take pictures with you in them! That's when you're pregnant and after the baby comes. Yes, you're going to look like crap sometimes (most of the time once the baby comes), but even if you don't share them with anyone, at least you have pictures with your baby for your own memories.
Lastly, experiment with different swaddles and sleep sacks because they may help you get a good night's sleep. Completely swaddled like a burrito is not the only option. My son hated his arms pinned down, but also wouldn't sleep when he wasn't being held because he was looking for comfort. Months later, on a whim, I tried an arms up swaddle (which I hadn't even known existed) and we got about 2 months of decent sleep...until he started rolling over, but hey, we take what we can get.
- get the registry done early because, really, you don’t know when the baby is coming and if it comes early, you have much bigger things to worry about than the registry. At the same time, people want to buy when the baby is born, not when the baby gets home, so it’s way better to just have a link to point them to.
- even when you have them and have put good thought into why you want a particular brand of something, registries are ignored by many people (ahem, MIL who doesn’t understand Amazon).
- seriously consider a chest freezer for pumped milk storage and freezer meals. I was blessed with an abundant milk supply and at one point had maxed out the space they had for me at the hospital AND virtually the entire home freezer. I would have really liked space for some pre-made casseroles, lasagnas, stews, soups, bags o’ veggies to dump on a sheet pan and bake, etc.
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
* how much sleep you're not going to get. My DD didn't STTN until she was 9 months old.
* definitely get the registry done as soon as you can.
* only make freezer meals that you know your family will eat. I made a bunch that we had never eaten and we didn't touch them until DD was like 5 months old.
Most importantly: Let people help you once LO is here. You're going to be exhausted, emotional and overwhelmed. Having family or friends to bring food, clean your house, do laundry or just hold the tiny human so you can sleep and take a hot shower is sooooo worth it. I was eternally grateful for my mom and MIL because they helped out so much.
- I echo PPD is real. I didn't have it with my first, but I was a mess with my second. And I didn't know what was happening. Seek help right away.
- For my first pregnancy, I was induced and didn't deliver until 36 hours later. I was on meds so long (pitocin, epidural and a "kicker" for my hot spot) that I did not realize I would have a detox after I delivered. In the recovery room, I full on had the shakes, crying tantrums, etc. It was scary. It was my body coming down from the drugs. I certainly wish someone told me about that.
- I also agreed with be prepared for anything when it comes to delivery. I had an emergency c-section with my second because she flipped breech. I was not mentally prepared for surgery nor was I prepared at home for the recovery. I had all the things I needed to recover from a vaginal delivery, but nothing for a c-section. Best to be prepared for both.
- Take everything you can get your hands on from the hospital!
- You do not need a lot of gadgets when you first bring home your baby. They are a waste of space and money.
- Listen to your gut and speak up when people are doing things to your baby that you disagree with. They aren't with you at 3am when that kid is up crying.
- Schedules are your friend. Babies and kids need them. I was a total drill sargent about schedules with my kids and they were both sleeping through the night about a month in.
- As a follow-up to that, it is okay to let your baby cry a bit. If you can't get to them immediately because you are attending to yourself or another kid, it's okay.
DD #1 born 6/12/14
DD #2 born 10/31/16
She just stood there and waited for the crazy to abate. Then, helped me get out of bed to pee.