@jmesue1030 if you’re not ready to tell them then try to order a drink that could easily be disguised like a clear cocktail and then “go to the bathroom” but find your waitress or bartender to tell them to fix you a club soda in cocktail glass with lime. We actually went to beerfest the other weekend with a bunch of friends. I totally faked drinking and would switch glasses with hubs secretly. I don’t think any of them caught on.
@kangstadt thank you! It’s a tough situation but I’m leaning towards telling them— I’m a terrible liar and I just know as soon as I order water at a brewery they’re gonna know— and will probably ask! I trust them to keep it to themselves and you’re right, they will be excited that we told them in person. Just gotta get my husband on board with this plan now!!
So here’s a ransoms rant. My in laws are straight up racist. Lots of code language like calling people “thugs,” and saying ppl should get out of the country if they don’t like something. But all this is online. In person they know that my husband and I would be mad and basically stop talking to them. Recently, again online, my MIL basically said that I deserved to be called a c*nt for my political opinions. I’m pretty much completely done with them and would be happy to cut off that relationship completely. But they love my son to death (and obviously their own son too). My husband feels caught in the middle and like they’re not going to change, so there is no point in confronting them. Plus he’s not on Facebook so he doesn’t see their behavior the way I do. Basically there’s no winning.
@professormama, that absolutely blows. I definitely agree that you don't need that kind of negativity in your life, but it's tough when they're such close family. Is there any way you can block them on Facebook or limit time spent around them while still giving them opportunities to see their grandson?
Has anyone confronted them about their behavior? I agree it probably won't cause them to change it, unless they're completely oblivious to how they sound and act online. Older generations always seem to be very "blunt," when using online communications, but obviously calling people racial terms is an entirely different matter. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
@kangstadt I could definitely block them on Facebook, which would at least mean I didn’t have to watch their racist behavior. But I’d still know that they’re real live racists and I’m letting them spend time with my baby(s). Ugh. I want to confront them, but my husbands family is super passive aggressive and never ever confronts anyone about anything. My husband is really uncomfortable with the idea of calling them out and doesn’t see the point. I’d rather have the fight. Actually, I’d really rather just not talk to them anymore. If they ever say anything in front of my baby... that’s freaking it. I already got pissed once because my MIL said something about not wanting my son to be a “sissy” right in front of him! Unbelievable!!!
@professormama, ugh, yeah, I would definitely turn into a mama bear if that were the case. I have a hard enough time not saying anything when my FIL says something like "boys don't cry." He's not intentionally undermining my parenting style, he's just from a different era. I usually attempt to avoid as many family gatherings on that side as possible.
Is it worth it to have the fight or stop talking to them? You don't want to create a grudge between you and your SO, but I totally feel you about not letting them influence your kiddos.
@professormama I wouldn't be able to deal with my in-laws or even my own family acting that way. I would be completely upfront and tell them that they are entitled to their opinions (even if you/I feel that they are appalling and disgusting) but if they voice those opinions in any way around my child then they won't be spending time with my child. I would also be blocking them from facebook, that way at least you won't have your blood boiling every time you log in and see something like that.
@professormama This is an unpopular opinion for sure and doesn’t address the deeper problem of your inlaws being inherently gross people, but I left Facebook entirely about two years ago and it was one of the best decisions I’ve made for my mental and social health. My family is similarly racist and if they want to spout that nonsense and vitriol, they have to do it in person. They have enough shame to calm it down IRL. Blocking them (and telling them why) would probably accomplish the same thing.
Other than that I’d limit contact and tell them why. Granted I don’t live near my problem family members so I have a lack of proximity in my favor, but it’s liberating and people like that freeze when challenged. Your inlaws are on a permanent IV drip of hatred born from irrationality and ignorance and it must be exhausting.
Re: Randoms w/o 8/6
Recently, again online, my MIL basically said that I deserved to be called a c*nt for my political opinions.
I’m pretty much completely done with them and would be happy to cut off that relationship completely. But they love my son to death (and obviously their own son too). My husband feels caught in the middle and like they’re not going to change, so there is no point in confronting them. Plus he’s not on Facebook so he doesn’t see their behavior the way I do.
Basically there’s no winning.
Has anyone confronted them about their behavior? I agree it probably won't cause them to change it, unless they're completely oblivious to how they sound and act online. Older generations always seem to be very "blunt," when using online communications, but obviously calling people racial terms is an entirely different matter. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
Is it worth it to have the fight or stop talking to them? You don't want to create a grudge between you and your SO, but I totally feel you about not letting them influence your kiddos.
Other than that I’d limit contact and tell them why. Granted I don’t live near my problem family members so I have a lack of proximity in my favor, but it’s liberating and people like that freeze when challenged. Your inlaws are on a permanent IV drip of hatred born from irrationality and ignorance and it must be exhausting.
Edit: You could always respond to the c*nt post you mentioned with this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WSC25Li4E88