@megpants209 I would start looking into resources to find a nanny now. Are there local nanny placement agencies, local moms Facebook groups that could be a good resource, etc. In my area it seems like nannies can be hired a few months in advance, but not much earlier. Daycares on the other hand often have long wait lists.
@megpants209 it seems the larger the city, the more likelihood there are waiting lists for daycare. If you live in what is considered a large city, probably around mid 2nd trimester ask about daycares in your area. If you don't live in a large city, you could probably wait longer.
@megpants209 I would definitely start now. When our first was born we lived just outside DC and most daycares had wait lists by the time we hit 20 weeks. I'm sure a nanny wouldn't have that same issue, but you'll want to take your time interviewing and asking around. We also did part time care for DS and it was SO hard to find someone who would keep him for just a few days a week. We ended up having luck with an in-home provider who happened to have one baby who needed opposite days than we did (we were MWF, other baby was TTh) so together they filled her week!
Start looking now - With DD in 2014, we got the last spot 6 months ahead of time. With DS in 2016, we got the last spot when I was 12 weeks pregnant. This time, we got on the list at 8 weeks. Childcare is INSANE in the greater Seattle area. Some waitlists are years long. Nannys can be easier to find on shorter notice, but cost substantially more - here you're looking at a minimum of $20/hr, but usually more like $25-30/hr.
@kayjay44 yeah they’re quite a bit more here too but definitely our preference at least for the first couple of years. There’s a service here that does screening/matching so I’ll plan to fill out the app this week
Oh it’s why I’ll only be working 2 days per week... between the nanny rate and agency fee we’re looking at $25/hr plus annual fees. I would love to do a nanny share but I don’t have anyone else interested.
For daycare though we’d have to pay for days and hours we won’t use so there’s that tradeoff.
@megpants209 so there are days I work less hours or have a random day off. That is used for grocery shopping, errands, doctor appointments, cleaning the house. When you have an infant, not so big a deal. But your infant transitions to a crawling/walking baby, doing those activities with them becomes far more complicated.
Hey all. I’m not sure if there is a separate thread that will be developed for this question later on, but I figured I would start here. I’m a FTM and have been trying to decide between breastfeeding or bottle feeding. I have been getting a lot of pressure from my family and I’d love to hear your opinions because I know the choice will ultimately be mine. I would greatly appreciate any and all feedback from your experiences, etc. Thank you in advance : )
@dogmom1118 I think it’s totally your preference and what you’re comfortable with! For me, I really wanted to try to breastfeed. It was SO HARD but luckily my practice automatically set up an appointment with a lactation consultant when my son was 3 days old. I really struggled, but after 2 or 3 meetings with her in the span of a few weeks I got the hang of it. I struggled mightily with pumping though. My body just didn’t respond well to the pump, and my workplace wasn’t supportive of it at all. So we switched to formula when DS was 4 months old. He’s a totally happy, healthy, smart 18 month old now, so I don’t regret it. I will tell you that formula is expensive AF (if that’s what you mean by bottle feeding), but it was worth it to save me from feeling guilty/like my body wasn’t working! I think if you give yourself permission to do whatever works, you’ll know what’s best when baby gets here.
@dogmom1118 don’t feel like you have to make a decision now. I didn’t decide until DD was born, BF came really easily so it seemed like the right thing for us. I was surprised at how much pressure I got from family to bottle feed. People will always have opinions and judgements about your choices, just do what is right for you and your baby. In the end, fed is best so whatever you choose is what is “right.”
@dogmom1118 I did formula starting at two weeks. The first week of my son’s life, he was in the NICU, so we didn’t have the traditional breastfeeding bonding experience and instead I was asked to pump. When he was sent home with me, I struggled so much getting the hang of breastfeeding. So that’s why I started formula. We did experiment with a few types and brands. I do have a favorite brand and type that I will use again.
@conchispita I’m glad to hear someone’s else’s family is a little judgy about breastfeeding. My middle sister was the first to try breastfeeding and she got SO MUCH judgement from our fam. So weird to me.
@dogmom1118 I planned on doing both, when my daughter cams breastfeeding was just so easy and convenient I stuck with it. I did pump so that my husband could take some of the night shift
I had no idea people even judged for breastfeeding! Do they know how mammals work? What a crazy world we live in.
Has anyone tried working shifts instead of doing daycare? Is it doable, or will you just die from exhaustion. H has an evening/night job (4 days a week) while I work 7am-3am (5 days a week, but I might try to do part time if they'll allow me). If we do daycare we're essentially working in order to pay for daycare, which I'm not into.
DS born 2/18/2019 DD born 4/1/2023 Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
@megpants209 I got it from both my parents, my in-laws, and sometimes even DH. If you stick to your guns they leave you alone after a while, or you just get desensitized
@grebretso my H and I work opposite schedules! I work 7:30a-3:30p and he works 4:15p-10:30/11:30p, depending on the night. It’s not fun, but my entire salary would go to daycare otherwise. I think you get used to whatever sleep schedule you need. I will say though, DH used to work 4:30p-2:30a and it was BRUTAL. He never slept, and he’s someone who needs very little sleep.
You’d be surprised how convenient a boob can be when your body/baby cooperate. I made it about 5 months before my work schedule and poor response to the pump killed my supply. Lactation consultant on day 3 was a game changer.
I got pressure from MIL and my mom to bottlefeed. I BF DD for 11 months and DS for 10 months. With DD, the first few weeks were hard. With DS, it was a breeze.
My biggest advice is you have to do what’s right for BOTH of you - if it stops working, it’s ok to switch.
I breastfed DD for 15 months. Best parenting decision I've made. It was really hard, and I definitely had to fight for it the first six weeks. We developed a good relationship with a lactation consultant, and got active with my local le leche league for help and support. I'm lazy and habitually unprepared for life, so rarely washing bottles and always have a meal ready for my impatient infant was a God send. I was always thrilled that it helped with weight loss, and I suspect it helped me avoid PPD. I agree with being open minded, but I'd is stro suggest learning about breastfeeding a brand new baby before birth so you feel prepared in the hospital. They can be fairly pushy with formula some places .
Thanks @BourbonBiscuits! Yeah, H works 4:45pm-10/11pm ish, so it sounds like we're pretty much on the same schedule. I'm glad it's doable! 4:30-2:30 sounds like a nightmare!
DS born 2/18/2019 DD born 4/1/2023 Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
I know a few of couples who work in shifts to avoid childcare. I know one of the important things for them is making sure they still have couple time - more so than couples who don’t do shift work since you don’t get evenings together regularly.
@kayjay44 That's a good point. We're so used to it now though, we've worked shifts for two and a half years already. Before that we were long distance Seattle - Oslo/Glasgow for two and a half years, so we know we can deal with time apart! Neither of us work weekends, and we can always dump the baby with the in-laws if we need proper couple time, so I think we'll be fine.
DS born 2/18/2019 DD born 4/1/2023 Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
@dogmom1118 I would encourage first time moms to try breastfeeding for the following reasons 1.It is less expensive, and can actually be free. 2. Breastmilk is good stuff. (Antibodies, immunity...it adapts to meet your baby’s needs at any given time. 3. It can be convenient, once you get the hang of it- if breastfeeding is working well. 4. Feel good hormones. Not necessarily for everyone. But oxytocin is oh so lovely and CAN help keep postpartum depression at bay. Many circumstances may change how breastfeeding feels to you. When you say bottle feeding, do you mean formula feeding, or pumping your milk into bottles. Pumping is unbelievably difficult. Women who exclusively pump deserve to be bowed down to.
@lzzfrancisco I was so lucky to give birth at a hospital that discourages formula. (It was lucky for me, but I’d imagine feeling hurt and judged if I chose not to breastfeed). I had no intentions of breastfeeding. Figured I’d give it a shot. It became engrained in my parenting style and I nursed my first 21 months. My second is almost 19 months and still nurses. Like you, the always having a meal prepared was fantastic. And the hormone maintence was well appreciated too.
@ThePax89 My hospital was great, but there was one older nurse that was so concerned I was starving my 8.5 pound baby, she wouldnt stop making me "attempt to latch" every 15 freaking minutes or suggest "just an ounce or two of formula" until baby finally spit up colustrum. FYI FTM's - those premade bottles the hospital gives you are 2 ounces, thats more than double the size of a newborns stomach for the first 3ish days!!
You can plan all you want but baby is driving the bus! My plan was to BF. DD1, was born with a fistula in her trachea (TEF) so when I nursed her it went to her lungs. She was iv fed until after surgery on day 5. I pumped until day 7 or 8 when I could try nursing again. My supply took a big hit but I nursed her until 9 months, pumped during the day at work and we supplemented with some formula in bottles to stretch out the milk. My point, it wasn't the plan but it worked and whatever you decide baby will be fine!
Goes for a lot of things. The more open minded you are about birth, nursing and parenting the less you’ll beat yourself up about things not going as planned.
@megpants209 I'm a believer and that saying is my life right now! We planned for no more kids, vasectomy was scheduled, DH gets cancer and we find out I'm pregnant.
Goes for a lot of things. The more open minded you are about birth, nursing and parenting the less you’ll beat yourself up about things not going a planned.
This. I was a lurker on the boards when DD was born, and so many moms were beating themselves up because they didn't get the natural birth they had planned for, or they couldn't EBF for whatever reason. The goal should be a healthy baby, everything else will fall into place the way it should (which is usually not the way we plan it).
Goes for a lot of things. The more open minded you are about birth, nursing and parenting the less you’ll beat yourself up about things not going a planned.
This. I was a lurker on the boards when DD was born, and so many moms were beating themselves up because they didn't get the natural birth they had planned for, or they couldn't EBF for whatever reason. The goal should be a healthy baby, everything else will fall into place the way it should (which is usually not the way we plan it).
This is all so true. With DS all we have to do is listen to him, he’s totally a kid who shows us what he needs and tells us what he wants. But I’m sure our second will be totally different! Every day is an exercise in flexibility and patience (with your kid but mostly yourself)
Yes @conchispitita! I cried for the first 3 days of DD's life because I thought I failed my daughter because she wouldn't latch and eat. Then I got mastitis 2 times, my supply was cut in half. On top of this I had my MIL and mom telling me that breastfeeding is ridiculous and that DD was too big to keep doing it. This time around I am going to be more go with the flow, DD did a mix of breast milk and formula from 6 - 9 months and then formula until 12 months and she is a thriving child. Do NOT let people pressure you and do NOT let yourself put all this pressure on you as to how to best feed YOUR baby. There are so many other things to stress over in life and this is not one of them!
The breastfeeding debate is one that gets me all fired up. Especially when the extremely pro-breastfeeding people come out and try to act like formula is the devil. Breastfeeding is great and there is science behind why it’s technically the “better” (I use this term loosely) choice. I will 100% stand behind the fact that it’s a personal choice and both are the best options. I wasted the first year of my DD’s life worrying about this specific topic and if I could go back in time, I would have switched over a lot sooner than I did because it just wasn’t worth it for her journey. She had problems from the beginning and I let people talk me in to the “keep trying” mentality. My DD suffered and I suffered big time. I can’t get any of that time back with her and I’ve regretted all of that ever since.
I had a totally different approach with my DS. I went into it thinking “of it works, it works, but it’s okay if it doesn’t.” We made it to his first birthday. It was a completely different experience in pretty much all of the ways possible.
I can say that with both journeys, neither kid has suffered or is ahead of the other. It literally doesn’t matter at all after they turn 1. This is one of the “Mommy wars” topics that just make 0 sense to me.
My advice to all FTMs is to try it, but it’s 100% okay if it doesn’t work out and it’s 100% okay if you don’t even want to try. Just make sure the baby is fed. It doesn’t matter at all how you do it.
Also, I will add to this, supplementing is fine too if that's what you want or need to do.
With DD, I sobbed at work when went back to work and she blew through my stash in less than a day and she had to be given formula. With DS, if I was BFing, he got enough to eat but I could never pump enough for him so supplementing was necessary - I was so much less stressed the second time supplementing and didn't feel like I was failing my baby.
If you are considering breastfeeding, I would suggest taking a class and getting information for local support. If you've noticed in the breastfeeding stories above, there are a lot of women that met with lactation consultants after they left the hospital. In my city there is a free clinic a couple a days of week where you just stop by with your baby, no appointments necessary. That clinic definitely is the reason I made it through the very challenging first month. Some pediatrician offices have lactation consultants on staff. Also, when you interview pediatricians make sure you ask about their opinions about breast versus formula. There are differences between a breast and bottle fed baby and you want to make sure your pediatrician is on board with your plans. Again, that just if you are considering it. Formula is great...I honestly wish I had used it. I don't much like breastfeeding...says the mom who is still freaking breastfeeding her 16 month old.
Any people who had GD first pregnancy know when they do the test again in second pregnancy. I had GD with my first and my blood sugars are already going wild
disneybaby84
member
Re: Ask a STM week of August 6
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
For daycare though we’d have to pay for days and hours we won’t use so there’s that tradeoff.
Has anyone tried working shifts instead of doing daycare? Is it doable, or will you just die from exhaustion. H has an evening/night job (4 days a week) while I work 7am-3am (5 days a week, but I might try to do part time if they'll allow me). If we do daycare we're essentially working in order to pay for daycare, which I'm not into.
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
My biggest advice is you have to do what’s right for BOTH of you - if it stops working, it’s ok to switch.
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
I agree with being open minded, but I'd is stro suggest learning about breastfeeding a brand new baby before birth so you feel prepared in the hospital. They can be fairly pushy with formula some places .
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
Many circumstances may change how breastfeeding feels to you. When you say bottle feeding, do you mean formula feeding, or pumping your milk into bottles. Pumping is unbelievably difficult. Women who exclusively pump deserve to be bowed down to.
I had a totally different approach with my DS. I went into it thinking “of it works, it works, but it’s okay if it doesn’t.” We made it to his first birthday. It was a completely different experience in pretty much all of the ways possible.
I can say that with both journeys, neither kid has suffered or is ahead of the other. It literally doesn’t matter at all after they turn 1. This is one of the “Mommy wars” topics that just make 0 sense to me.
My advice to all FTMs is to try it, but it’s 100% okay if it doesn’t work out and it’s 100% okay if you don’t even want to try. Just make sure the baby is fed. It doesn’t matter at all how you do it.
With DD, I sobbed at work when went back to work and she blew through my stash in less than a day and she had to be given formula. With DS, if I was BFing, he got enough to eat but I could never pump enough for him so supplementing was necessary - I was so much less stressed the second time supplementing and didn't feel like I was failing my baby.
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019