Sleep deprivation is SO real and SO hard. Co-sleeping can be done safely. I struggled with and felt so much guilt that my DD wouldn't sleep anywhere but on me or my husband because all the books and recommendations say use a crib or bassinet (insert other gear..) in the same room like it's no big deal. You are not a failure if baby screams whenever you sit him/her down anywhere... I felt guilty falling asleep in bed in the middle of the night while breastfeeding. I finally researched co-sleeping and how to do so safely.... that gave me peace of mind and everyone finally started getting sleep. Do what works for you and your family!!
Also, the hormone crash after birth is intense, for several weeks or longer. I had chills that left me shivering uncontrollably and balling my eyes out on the couch because I was covered with 3 blankets and still couldn't get warm. All normal!
@purelex I remember something similar to this...being freezing and not being able to get warm but I attributed that to coming down with mastitis. Was that actually hormones?? I would hate to repeat that experience.
@ftm_jen and @ginny_203 my SIL sent us a copy of BabyWise. I’ve started to read it. I find it a bit contradicting/confusing at times but I’m a FTM so it may make sense once I am “living” it. She said it helped her. I lurked the boards to see if there were other reviews on TB on it and most were not favorable on the methods recommended as well as on the author/supporters of the book/methods. Right now, I’m all for knowing as much as we can and whatever works as long as it’s not detrimental to my baby’s health and me and my DH’s sanity is what will work for our family. I think we are going to try the methods in the book (but I’ll see what DH thinks after he reads it), and I’m sure Murphy’s Law will prevail.
I wasn’t a fan of Babywise. I believe it’s the book that has a Wake, Eat, Play, Sleep Schedule. In theory it sounds great. It’s been awhile since I’ve read the book, but if I recall correctly it schedules babys naps for something like 1-1.5. I found this unrealistic because babies are not robots and will nap for various lengths. If my baby ends up doing a short 30 minute cat nap (which cat naps are pretty common among newborns) when he wakes up its too soon to eat (which throws the schedule off), and then the stretch of time before his/her next nap, becomes too long.
For us just following age appropriate wake times/following sleep cues was much easier. We were still on a schedule, but it was slightly flexible and usually only varied by 30minutes or so.
I think its its still worth a read, since you never know how your baby will respond, but I do remember being disappointed and frustrated when my baby would not get on the schedule.
So the “no bottles in the dishwasher” thing over on the bottles thread reminded me of this funny thing I read a while back that is so, so true of the contradictory info moms hear from experts, books, doctors, friends and family members. I’ll copy/paste:
"You shouldn’t sleep train at all, before a year, before 6 months, or before 4 months, but if you wait too late, your baby will never be able to sleep without you. College-aged children never need to be nursed, rocked, helped to sleep, so don’t worry about any bad habits. Nursing, rocking, singing, swaddling, etc to sleep are all bad habits and should be stopped immediately. Naps should only be taken in the bed, never in a swing, car seat, stroller, or when worn. Letting them sleep in the car seat or swing will damage their skulls. If your baby has trouble falling asleep in the bed, put them in a swing, car seat, stroller, or wear them. Use the crib only for sleep and keep it free of distractions. If the baby is having trouble adjusting to the crib, have them play in it first. If the baby wakes up at night and wants to play, put fun toys in the crib to distract them.Put the baby in a nursery, bed in your room, in your bed. Co-sleeping is the best way to get sleep, except that it can kill your baby, so never, ever do it. If your baby doesn't die, you will need to bed-share until college. Keep the room warm, but not too warm. Swaddle the baby tightly, but not too tightly. Put them on their backs to sleep, but don't let them be on their backs too long or they will be developmentally delayed. Give them a pacifier to reduce SIDS. Be careful about pacifiers because they can cause nursing problems and stop your baby from sleeping soundly. If your baby sleeps too soundly, they’ll die of SIDS. Don’t let your baby sleep too long, except when they’ve been napping too much, then you should wake them. Never wake a sleeping baby. Any baby problem can be solved by putting them to bed earlier, even if they are waking up too early. If your baby wakes up too early, put them to bed later or cut out a nap. Don’t let them nap after 5 p.m. Sleep begets sleep, so try to get your child to sleep as much as possible. Put the baby to bed awake but drowsy. Don't wake the baby if it fell asleep while nursing. You should start a routine and keep track of everything. Don’t watch the clock. Put them on a schedule. Scheduling will make your life impossible because they will constantly be thrown off of it and you will become a prisoner in your home. Using the "Cry It Out" method (CIO) will make them think they’ve been abandoned and will be eaten by a lion shortly. It also causes brain damage. Not getting enough sleep will cause behavior and mental problems, so be sure to put them to sleep by any means necessary, especially CIO, which is the most effective form. CIO is cruel beyond belief and the only thing that truly works because parents are a distraction. Formula and solid foods will help the baby sleep longer. Solid foods shouldn’t be given at night because they might wake the baby. Don't stop the baby from nursing when asleep. Be wary of night feeds. If you respond too quickly with food or comfort, your baby is manipulating you. Babies can’t manipulate. Babies older than six months can manipulate.Sleep when the baby sleeps. Clean when the baby cleans. Don’t worry. Stress causes your baby stress and a stressed baby won't sleep."
The point is, you’ll never be perfect or get it just right, and you have to find what works for your family through trial and error usually.
@lifesabeach85 i have that exact same advice on a repurposed organic barn wood sign handpainted by a tibetan monk hanging in my living room. it’s right above a sign that says “don’t worry, you’re screwing up your child just right.”
Speaking of Baby Wise, I'm pretty sure that's the book/schedule my sister followed and she warned me not to follow it to a T because for the first few years of her boys' lives, they demanded something to drink literally as soon as they woke up. They couldn't function without it after being raised on the "wake, eat" schedule.
Someone posted this today and I loved it so much i wanted to share. This is regarding the struggles of stay at home moms, and working moms. As someone who has worked and now is staying at home, I can relate to so much of this.
I wish I had known how much love you would feel for this tiny human and how you may have unexpected moments where you are overwhelmed with love for them. And on the flip side, how you might experience love a little differently for your kids and that's okay.
The other part, and I know it's cliché, but I wish I had known how true the statements "the days are long by the years are short" and "it goes so fast" are. For me, this translates into wishing I had taken more videos of the mundane things like how they play with toys, eat, etc. I wish I could film every car conversation my three year old and I have.
Someone posted this today and I loved it so much i wanted to share. This is regarding the struggles of stay at home moms, and working moms. As someone who has worked and now is staying at home, I can relate to so much of this.
I wish I had known how much love you would feel for this tiny human and how you may have unexpected moments where you are overwhelmed with love for them. And on the flip side, how you might experience love a little differently for your kids and that's okay.
The other part, and I know it's cliché, but I wish I had known how true the statements "the days are long by the years are short" and "it goes so fast" are. For me, this translates into wishing I had taken more videos of the mundane things like how they play with toys, eat, etc. I wish I could film every car conversation my three year old and I have.
YES. I look at my 8 year old and it was just yesterday that he was a newborn. It goes by too fast.
@lifesabeach85 Yes! It was a type of thirst I've never experienced. Like give me water now or I'm going to die right here! The cramps during the first few days/weeks of breastfeeding were weird too. Intense cramps any time I'd start breastfeeding.
Re: I wish I had known that!
Also, the hormone crash after birth is intense, for several weeks or longer. I had chills that left me shivering uncontrollably and balling my eyes out on the couch because I was covered with 3 blankets and still couldn't get warm. All normal!
For us just following age appropriate wake times/following sleep cues was much easier. We were still on a schedule, but it was slightly flexible and usually only varied by 30minutes or so.
I think its its still worth a read, since you never know how your baby will respond, but I do remember being disappointed and frustrated when my baby would not get on the schedule.
"You shouldn’t sleep train at all, before a year, before 6 months, or before 4 months, but if you wait too late, your baby will never be able to sleep without you. College-aged children never need to be nursed, rocked, helped to sleep, so don’t worry about any bad habits. Nursing, rocking, singing, swaddling, etc to sleep are all bad habits and should be stopped immediately. Naps should only be taken in the bed, never in a swing, car seat, stroller, or when worn. Letting them sleep in the car seat or swing will damage their skulls. If your baby has trouble falling asleep in the bed, put them in a swing, car seat, stroller, or wear them. Use the crib only for sleep and keep it free of distractions. If the baby is having trouble adjusting to the crib, have them play in it first. If the baby wakes up at night and wants to play, put fun toys in the crib to distract them.Put the baby in a nursery, bed in your room, in your bed. Co-sleeping is the best way to get sleep, except that it can kill your baby, so never, ever do it. If your baby doesn't die, you will need to bed-share until college. Keep the room warm, but not too warm. Swaddle the baby tightly, but not too tightly. Put them on their backs to sleep, but don't let them be on their backs too long or they will be developmentally delayed. Give them a pacifier to reduce SIDS. Be careful about pacifiers because they can cause nursing problems and stop your baby from sleeping soundly. If your baby sleeps too soundly, they’ll die of SIDS. Don’t let your baby sleep too long, except when they’ve been napping too much, then you should wake them. Never wake a sleeping baby. Any baby problem can be solved by putting them to bed earlier, even if they are waking up too early. If your baby wakes up too early, put them to bed later or cut out a nap. Don’t let them nap after 5 p.m. Sleep begets sleep, so try to get your child to sleep as much as possible. Put the baby to bed awake but drowsy. Don't wake the baby if it fell asleep while nursing. You should start a routine and keep track of everything. Don’t watch the clock. Put them on a schedule. Scheduling will make your life impossible because they will constantly be thrown off of it and you will become a prisoner in your home. Using the "Cry It Out" method (CIO) will make them think they’ve been abandoned and will be eaten by a lion shortly. It also causes brain damage. Not getting enough sleep will cause behavior and mental problems, so be sure to put them to sleep by any means necessary, especially CIO, which is the most effective form. CIO is cruel beyond belief and the only thing that truly works because parents are a distraction. Formula and solid foods will help the baby sleep longer. Solid foods shouldn’t be given at night because they might wake the baby. Don't stop the baby from nursing when asleep. Be wary of night feeds. If you respond too quickly with food or comfort, your baby is manipulating you. Babies can’t manipulate. Babies older than six months can manipulate.Sleep when the baby sleeps. Clean when the baby cleans. Don’t worry. Stress causes your baby stress and a stressed baby won't sleep."
The point is, you’ll never be perfect or get it just right, and you have to find what works for your family through trial and error usually.
Two Furbabies: Mika (american eskimo) and Gypsy (wire-haired terrier, dachshund mix)
Twins: Kaiden and Zara born 10/2018 conceived after 6 years of infertility via a medicated IUI
That reminded me of the below parenting advice.
Speaking of Baby Wise, I'm pretty sure that's the book/schedule my sister followed and she warned me not to follow it to a T because for the first few years of her boys' lives, they demanded something to drink literally as soon as they woke up. They couldn't function without it after being raised on the "wake, eat" schedule.
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
https://madison.citymomsblog.com/can-honest-sometimes-get-jealous/
The other part, and I know it's cliché, but I wish I had known how true the statements "the days are long by the years are short" and "it goes so fast" are. For me, this translates into wishing I had taken more videos of the mundane things like how they play with toys, eat, etc. I wish I could film every car conversation my three year old and I have.
I wish I had known how thirsty breastfeeding would make me! Seriously could not get enough water!!!
The cramps during the first few days/weeks of breastfeeding were weird too. Intense cramps any time I'd start breastfeeding.
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018