Paternity test after baby

brookelynn6617

When i had my younger son i remember my, then boyfriend, had a paper to sign determining paternity that he signed but how do you go about getting a paternity test in the hospital? How long does that usually take? Does the baby get the moms last name until then or does the baby end up having both? 

*Back story*
My ex and i have been on and off since January, we were together a year and a half before i left him. He is very mentally and physically abusive and very manipulative. 

About two weeks after we decided to call it quits for good because things just aren't working, i found out i was pregnant. 
Initially he was somewhat happy about the baby but has openly denied the baby to his family and friends. 

He is a really paranoid person and even accused me of cheating and being with other men when i was pregnant with our first son. And since we havent been living together since January its clearly upped his craziness. 

Unless i conceived this baby by myself(which would be ideal at this point) this is undoubtedly his child. 

Ive tried working on our relationship several times since i needed to leave because it wasnt safe for me to stay living with him, but things havent changed and he's proven to me over and over he will still treat me the same. 
 
So I've decided to keep him out of the pregnancy completely at this point. Not away from our other son but hes not a very involved dad anyways, sees him a few hours a week at best and only if im there for the visit. But helps me with all his needs financially.

I love him dearly and i honestly think he needs to be medicated for his crazy behaviour. I was willing to help him get the help he needs but he just isnt ready to do that yet. 

But bottom line, im done letting him control me and making this pregnancy even harder on me than it already is. I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts but i dont want him around calling me names constantly especially while im in labor/recovering.

My family is really supportive and helpful. I know ill be okay and the baby will be loved. i guess just not knowing how everything goes down once the baby is born is making me anxious. 

JUDGE AWAY.   

dragonette505

Not here to judge... my question would be... do you really want to prove his paternity? In other words, from your story, I'd kind of go along with him not being the dad and you having had an immaculate conception. If you prove his paternity he may come back in at any point wanting rights. If he is not the dad then he doesn't need to come and mess up your labor and delivery. Perhaps later at some point if he gets consistent help then you might consider doing a paternity test? Just my 2 cents

brookelynn6617

I dont plan to tell him when im in labor just after the baby is born so he can visit him in the nursery (not in my hospital room) if he chooses too and get the test done. I would like his help financially with this baby as well. Im really not worried about him going after me for rights and things of that nature because he really isn't interested in being a parent at this point. He will likely just see the baby in passing. He wouldn't want to see him for an extended period of time (2-4 hours maybe) til hes much older. But id like for them to have the same last name since they are siblings and i dont want him to be treated differently by him or his family, not that he will see any of them much anyways. 

I guess im just scared it will cause issues with him for the future emotionally and not feelings good enough really.  

dragonette505

I hear you... you gotta do what you think is best for your fam. You can probably ask your OB how it might be arranged after delivery... likely they can even do a rush (but would need a sample from dad too) 
My guess is if you need to list a last name you can probably still elect to used dads name (I'm not sure on this one, you'd need to check on that)
I do hope it all works out... sucks you have to worry about this right now.

lurvleybunchococonuts

*lurking from Nov '18* 
My only word of advise is don't assume anything.  You can't 100% assume dad won't be interested in his parental rights or not want much to do with baby.  You might very well be correct, but if he decides to exercise those right, he's allowed to.  Agree with @dragonette505 that your OB might have some advise on how that all works for setting it up after delivery.  

ETA: changed wording

Kabazaba

You can give your kid your or his last name, with or without a paternity test, with or without his consent. So, do what you think is best. If you want your children to share their father's last name, give him dad's last name. If you want your second son to have your last name, give him your last name. Paternity can be acknowledged by him, or not. This of course varies by state but in Virginia anyway (where I practice), you can request he pay child support and the burden would be on HIM to request a paternity test and have that taken care of as part of that case. Of course, if you weren't filing anything formal and just making a financial arrangement with him, then you and he can decide how to deal with the paternity question between yourselves. Good luck!

brookelynn6617

lurvleybunchococonuts said:.

*lurking from Nov '18* 
My only word of advise is don't assume anything.  You can't 100% assume dad won't be interested in his parental rights or not want much to do with baby.  You might very well be correct, but if he decides to exercise those right, he's allowed to.  Agree with @dragonette505 that your OB might have some advise on how that all works for setting it up after delivery.  

ETA: changed wordin

I would love for him to exercise his parenting rights. Id love to see him be a dad and coparent with me. They both deserve to have an active father in their lives and id never try to keep him from doing that. 

dragonette505

Kabazaba said:

You can give your kid your or his last name, with or without a paternity test, with or without his consent. So, do what you think is best. If you want your children to share their father's last name, give him dad's last name. If you want your second son to have your last name, give him your last name. Paternity can be acknowledged by him, or not. This of course varies by state but in Virginia anyway (where I practice), you can request he pay child support and the burden would be on HIM to request a paternity test and have that taken care of as part of that case. Of course, if you weren't filing anything formal and just making a financial arrangement with him, then you and he can decide how to deal with the paternity question between yourselves. Good luck!

I thought that was the case re: last name... mommas choice

kns1988

brookelynn6617 said:

lurvleybunchococonuts said:.

*lurking from Nov '18* 
My only word of advise is don't assume anything.  You can't 100% assume dad won't be interested in his parental rights or not want much to do with baby.  You might very well be correct, but if he decides to exercise those right, he's allowed to.  Agree with @dragonette505 that your OB might have some advise on how that all works for setting it up after delivery.  

ETA: changed wordin

I would love for him to exercise his parenting rights. Id love to see him be a dad and coparent with me. They both deserve to have an active father in their lives and id never try to keep him from doing that. 

You said he's physically and emotionally abusive, so he may exercise his parental rights just to spite you. He could argue for full custody or joint custody down the road. I would try to get some expert help on what to do in this situation. I understand that you want his help financially, but he sounds like a scary individual to remain involved with. 

drabong88

I agree with @kns1988. Not judging you for wanting him to be involved but as you said his behaviour is a little mentally unstable at times and should just be sure that it's in the best interest for both you and your kids to have him in your life.