Mental Health Check-in (7.16 - 7.23)

kayjay44

I mentioned starting a mental health check-in a few weeks ago and since it's been coming up lately, I figured I'd start one now - I'll do it weekly on Mondays!

jessier19

Thanks for starting this! I’ve been struggling a lot with depression since this pregnancy came on. Weirdly, my anxiety that I normally struggle with faded around the same time. I’m wondering if that could be the hormones too. Honestly though, I’d rather have the anxiety than the depression at this point. 

megpants209

What a FANTASTIC idea. Thank you for this.

kayjay44

I’m struggling mostly just due to lack of sleep and feeling so crappy. I know I have to wait out first tri, but between work, having small kids and being pregnant, is really straining right now which isn’t good for my mental health. 

antera23

Thank you so much for starting this @kayjay44!! 

Im managing to hold in my anxiety but that mostly means not being excited to be pregnant. It’s almost like I have disconnected because I don’t want to get too attached for the fear of losing the baby. I’m just holding out for my appointment in 2 weeks. 

megpants209

@kayjay44 the lack of sleep makes it all so much worse. And you have some really crazy long work hours. Are you able to rest up during the weekend at all? 

kayjay44

@megpants209 - I was some, but feel like it wasn’t enough. I really need my coworker to come back from vacation (her second 3 week vacation in a year). She’s taken about two months of time off in just a year, which is ridiculous and I’m sick of carrying her when she likely makes twice as much as I do. 

megpants209

@kayjay44 that’s some SERIOUS bullshit and the stress is definitely not something you need right now. When does she come back?

kayjay44

Next Tuesday, @megpants209. She was supposed to come back Monday, but she's saying she'll be "too jet lagged". DH used to travel to Europe and back every two weeks (2 weeks there, 2 weeks here) and did that for a year, so that's bullshit.

etnyah

@kayjay44 Ugh at "too jet lagged". You don't really get jet lagged traveling west. I do it at least once a year and at worst you just become an extreme morning person for a couple days. Besides, if you're worried about being jet lagged you should book your return ticket for a Friday or Saturday so you have a day to rest. Not that hard! 

(Edit: Got my directions mixed up, whoops)

BourbonBiscuits

You’re the best for starting this @kayjay44

My prenatal depression is kicking me in the butt right now. I didn’t have this with DS, so I wasn’t really sure what was going on. I don’t feel that sense of accomplishment with I achieve a goal, I don’t enjoy my favorite things, I just kind of float through the days. When I talked to my doctor Friday she said we should keep an eye on it - I go back Thursday and think I’m going to ask for some help. I can’t go through another 7 months of feeling numb like this. 

The anxiety is omnipresent for me, but the vivid dreams make it much easier for my brain to come up with things to be anxious about. I can mostly talk myself down from anxiety though after like 15 years of therapy

kayjay44

I'm glad to hear you're getting help! 

okayestmom12

@antera23 - I get that 100%. I had a *TW* missed m/c back in 2011 and even with 2 successful pregnancies, I’m still pretty disconnected with this pregnancy. Hugs. 

megpants209

That disconnected feeling is the hardest one for me. And the ensuing guilt as a result. Someone told me congratulations and I almost winced because I don’t feel that sense of excitement. 

etnyah

I'm terrified of my US tomorrow now. All weekend I've been imagining going in and getting a bad outcome, but I don't think I'll be happy even if there is a good outcome. I've been going through insurance stuff and trying to figure out which tests to take, which of course makes me convinced something is wrong with the baby even if it's viable. I hate that I'm such a negative person. Mental health-wise I'm not depressed, but this is taking a toll and my anxiety is through the roof. I feel like I'm in constant limbo. At least when the US is over I'll know more either way. 

BourbonBiscuits

@grebretso what time is your ultrasound tomorrow? I’ll be thinking about you ❤️

etnyah

Thanks @BourbonBiscuits! It's at 9am (PST), I'm so glad it's first thing in the morning! 

BourbonBiscuits

@grebretso oh that’s good! Hopefully you can get some rest tonight

etnyah

@BourbonBiscuits God I hope so. I spent all last night blowing my nose, I better get some damn sleep.

antera23

@okayestmom12 thank you so much. It means so much to me to have someone understand how I’m feeling. I don’t feel like I have very many people to talk to about this specific topic. 

@megpants209 I’m sorry you’re feeling the same way as me but it also helps me to hear others feel the same. 

I hope the 1st trimester starts flying by for us. Hopefully that will help.  

kayjay44

@grebretso - I'm an insanely anxious person who catastrophizes everything. I feel that way every time I go to an appointment. Medication and CBT help, but only so much. It blows. Having a doppler at home helps me, but I wouldn't recommend using one before 10 weeks if you've never used one before.

etnyah

@kayjay44 Yeah I won't get a doppler. I feel like the stress of not hearing the hb would be way worse than the reassurance of hearing it, and with a tilted uterus and all that crap chances are I won't hear anything until way into the second trimester anyway.

I don't usually think the worst in most situations, but with this pregnancy I definitely am. I'm used to being able to find answers and solutions and this time I can't, and it's making me feel incredibly helpless. Not not mention the spotting I had on and off for weeks, even though I haven't spotted for nine days now (knock on wood), I still feel like it's a bad sign. Ugh. Why is this so hard! 

Erinm278

I’ve always struggled with anxiety but having a complicated pregnancy makes me much more anxious than normal. 

becks_726

I don't usually struggle with anxiety but since that BFP it's been mild at best. Some days I have chest pains from it... And I've had a few days where I've just felt depressed. Like having a tough time getting up and doing anything. Weekend seem to be worse so I think I need to plan more activities, even if I really just want to lie around. It's been very hard to reconcile with my happiness. 

I'm glad we can chat about this but it's a bit shocking to see how common it is. 

lzzfrancisco

@antera23 and @megpants209 I'm totally in the same boat. The guilt from not connecting sucks, so does the guilt of not being honest about how I feel. But I just dont want to talk about it either, (meaning family and friends, I know I need to talk to my OB). Plus I feel like a liar for not announcing my pregnancy, yet. Ugh

megpants209

@lzzfrancisco I will say once I started talking about how I was feeling, even just to my husband, I felt like a weight was lifted.

On a a separate note... I was doing better... until we had a hospice vet come in and basically tell us our kitty is most likely at her end and is in the weeks-to-a-couple-months max place. Now I’m back to the nonstop crying...

cassafrass15

Hey ladies, I haven’t participated very much thus far and thought I would jump in here if you don’t mind. I haven’t been able to bring myself to be very involved in the group due, in large part, to my crippling anxiety. *TW* I’ve had 5 total miscarriages, 4 in the last 1 1/2 years. *End TW* As a result, my normal day-to-day anxiety has been much worse. Like, hearing a repeated loud noise that I can’t control (AC, clicking ceiling fan) makes me want to crawl out of my own skin. And even after each ultrasound shows a heartbeat and progress as it should be, I cannot allow myself to get my
hopes up. I’m thrilled, and I am happy, but mostly I’m just shocked and on the edge of my seat wondering if the other shoe will drop. Anyway, I’m glad I can talk about it here because no one understands IRL. Thanks for starting this thread, @kayjay44. Great idea.

antera23

@lzzfrancisco I’m sorry you’re in the same boat as us. It’s not a fun place to be. I’m keeping you in my thoughts. 

@megpants209 thanks for saying that. I guess I should talk about it. Hopefully it will make me feel better. Participating in this thread has already helped. 

@cassafrass15 that is incredibly hard. Many hugs to you. I have anxiety about loud noises I can’t control either. I’ve never talked to
anyone who shares that symptom with me. It makes me feel less like a weirdo. 

kayjay44

@cassafrass15 - I have misophonia that is much worse when my anxiety is bad. You’re not alone in that. I spent my whole first pregnancy waiting for the other shoe to drop and it’s no way to live - have you talked to your OB about it?

BourbonBiscuits

@cassafrass15 I have anxiety about repeating noises that I can’t stop! It makes me gag. 

danixbanani24

I’ve struggled with PPD and anxiety since DS was born.  I’ve been going to talk therapy for almost 3 years and I’ve been on Prozac for about a year.  I’m currently off the meds as I wanted to get through the first tri without it.  My anxiety about pregnancy has been pretty ok but my anxiety about my DS is worse!  I don’t know why but I constantly fear something happening to him.  I’m seeing my therapist tonight and plan to talk about it because sometimes the thought just crippled me.

kayjay44

@danixbanani24 - this is why i stayed on Prozac. The risk is actually really low and most of the risk is in third tri and even that is really low, lower if you plan to BF. I was on lexapro with DS and being medicated vs not being medicated is a game changer for me. 

kayjay44

One thing you guys will learn about me - I research everything to death (using primary sources). I stay on Prozac, drink caffeine, drink while BFing, eat lunch meat and sushi, etc. because part of my OCD makes me research everything to calm my anxiety - luckily, it’s mostly a positive obsession. 

danixbanani24

@kayjay44 yeah I feel like I should’ve stayed on it but part of the issue was my OB and my psych disagreed on it.  I said fk it I’ll try to go without and reevaluate in the second tri.  I’m 11w 2d so I’m nearing that point and I think I will go back on it because my thoughts at night are horrible 

BourbonBiscuits

@kayjay44 I knew I liked you - I'm a big researcher too. While it doesn't completely get rid of my anxiety, it does calm it somewhat to know what my options are. 

kayjay44

@danixbanani24 - We're really lucky in Seattle that we have PN/PP psychiatrists - they only see pregnant women and women up to a year PP. They basically get to override the OBs and MWs in the same network, which is awesome.

PurplePoppy424

I love the idea of this thread! I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression for way longer than I’ve had children. Pregnancy and birth have always amplified things. My anxiety has been through the roof this time, especially since this wasn’t planned. I, too, am a researcher. I’m also a major planner that despises surprises. My mind has been all over the place these last few weeks. Especially with everything going lately. It’s one of the reasons I’m currently a SAHM. I physically and emotionally couldn’t handle working at this stage in life. I’m so glad to have this thread. Reading all of these posts have taken away the feeling of being alone. 

cassafrass15

@antera23 @BourbonBiscuits and @kayjay44 Thank you all for making me feel much less bizarre - I thought I was the only one with the noises! 

@kayjay44 I didn’t bring it up during my first OB appointment yesterday because I was a little overwhelmed with all of the information, but I will definitely ask her next time (2weeks).

etnyah

Oh my god you guys. The US was perfect, baby is measuring right on track at 8w6d with a 178 bpm heartbeat. I feel A LOT better now. Currently waiting for my first 1:1 appt, but I am so relieved and I feel like I can breathe properly for the first time since I got my BFP. They didn’t find a reason for my spotting either, which is good because I was worried about an SCH. I mean, I might have had one that resolved itself before today, but either way I don’t have one now.

I’m sure I’ll start worrying again for some reason soon, but for now I’m going to try and relax. Thanks for the support, ladies!

kayjay44

@grebretso - So glad to hear that! You likely just have a friable cervix (which means your cervix bleeds easily which is NBD).

bieberm04

Hello, I am new to this group my 1st daughter is 19 months and I think I am more freaked out the 2nd time around.  I am a OCD planner and we were not planning on having another baby so quickly ( or possibly at all) and i have had a lot of issues I didn't have with my first.  I keep telling myself that woman have babys alot closer in age then I will but im still freaking out and starting to get depressed by it.