hello new to this board. I jumped over here after having a MMC and D&C on July 6. This is my second back to back miscarriage after a totally normal 1st pregnancy. I had a MC at 6 weeks at the beginning of May and then immediately got pregnant again without having a cycle. Everything was looking okay with this baby (had a heartbeat, good growth) and then at 9 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. It has been devastating. I’m 38 going on 39 and I know this can become more common. We really want a second child but the heartbreak and anxiety has been a lot. How did you know you were ready to try again and how do you manage the anxiety of worrying about another miscarriage?
Re: When did you feel ready to try again?
Basically... your choices are to either keep trying and figure out how to deal with the anxiety and emotions the best you can... or decide to live one and done and try to find happiness with your only living child and in other areas of your life... and remember, you don't HAVE to decide right now. You can sit on the bench for months before you make a 'final' decision. And, even after you make that 'final' decision, you can still change your mind months later again.
But at the end of the day, the only way to end up pregnant and bring home a rainbow baby is to face that fear and sadness and work through it. That path is so individual to the couple, I would hate to give a time frame for you. I wouldn’t encourage you to wait for everything to ‘feel better’, unfortunately, but to wait until you feel like you want to move forward again.
Anyway, welcome to the board- I’m sorry you are here but I hope you stick around awhile. I’m New again too after being gone 2 years.
Sometimes I just want to have that tantrum and say “this is so unfair!”
I had a MMC in Dec ‘14 (with 2 D&Cs because of a “sticky spot” on my uterus), a CP, and then DD in Feb ‘16. I had another MMC (after SGA, low heart rate and finally no heartbeat 2 weeks later) in March. A failed round of cytotec and a D&C at the end of March. We’re trying again now and hoping that I haven’t gotten scar tissue from the 3 D&Cs. I’m not sure what we’ll do if I do have scar tissue. I’m 37, too. While this past MMC was easier because we have DD, it was emotionally exhausting and demoralizing—I knew it was going to end that way on Feb 19th. I’m not sure I’ll ever be 100% ready and I’m pretty sure we’re done after this try. But who knows. I swore that if I had another miscarriage, we’d be done and that changed with this loss...
Also - feel like all the ladies on here are incredibly brave.
I think for me what made me ready was moving through the grieving process. I named the baby, I talked about it with anyone who would listen, i didn’t bury my feelings, I wrote a letter to the baby, I posted on Instagram with a memorial to my baby, I got out and did things with friends when I was ready. and I took almost two weeks off work. I faced my feelings, I was gentle with myself, and I let those feelings move through me and out of me. That’s what helped me and it might not help someone else. I think you have to listen to your feelings and try different things.
@purplegirl4 we will listen whenever you want to talk *hugs*
But I did name my baby. I have a journal that I was keeping, and I bought a Christmas ornament that says "Playing in Heaven".
With this experience, the one thing that keeps my mind blown is how many there are of us and how rarely this topic is talked about openly. I don't know what solution there is to that because I have a hard time being vocal about it myself. I do know that this loss has changed me forever.
I hope you find comfort and support here.
1 LC, girl 5 years old
TTC #2 Summer 2017
BFP 1/5/2018, MC (D & E) 2/23/2018
TTCAL May 2018
BFP 9/20/2018, MC (D & E) 11/16/2018
@rds51510 your feelings are totally valid. Please talk about your baby all you want here. I feel like talking about losing a child helps you heal. As a society we talk about losing family members but for some reason we don’t talk about losing babies after a certain point. I’m glad you have something tangible to remind you of the baby you lost.
@rds51510 I was surprised too by how many women have been through this. You never hear about it until someone close to them miscarries.
This board has definitely helped. I really appreciate you ladies. I hope the best for all of us emotionally and mentally. I hope we all get our Rainbow babies as well. I just hope my joy and excitement outweighs my fearfulness next time.
I dont feel anxiousness about testing like before. Sometimes I feel scared, and sometimes I have a feeling of neutrality if that makes sense.
Let me know now how it goes. I’m 10dpo and I’m waiting until Saturday to test. I also don’t feel a great number of symptoms. I’m weepy, irritable, and I have lots of cravings. So that could go either way lol.