Child Care Options

skilouise

I thought it might be helpful to start a discussion about child care options. We're starting this process now, and probably should have started sooner as wait lists in our area can be a nightmare. As a FTM, the whole process of deciding on childcare seems overwhelming.

STM+, can you chime in on:

What childcare options have you used? A daycare? In home? A nanny or nanny share?

Why did you decide on the option you chose?

What are the important things to look for or questions to ask a prospective daycare/ nanny?

What are some red flags to watch out for that might not be obvious for a FTM?

Any other advice for FTMs going through this process? 

kns1988

What childcare options have you used? A daycare? In home? A nanny or nanny share? I was on maternity leave for 3 months, and then for 3 months DH took a few days and we had a nanny from care.com for 2 days. We really liked her. She was a sweet Mennonite woman. Once DS was a little more mobile, DH couldn't watch him and WFH anymore, so we put him into a childcare center. We really like the place we chose.

The tentative plan for #2 is to have a 5 day a week nanny during the summer camp season, but to keep DS in daycare 2 days a week. Then after the camp season, put both into 5 day a week daycare. We'll see how much that'll cost!

Why did you decide on the option you chose? I wasn't ready to put him in a center before he had a few rounds of shots, so that's why we did a nanny until 6 months. I like the stability that a center provides. I know I pay the same amount every week, and I can take him there every day as long as he's not sick. No worries about people calling out sick or going on vacation. It costs $800 a month (central PA).

What are the important things to look for or questions to ask a prospective daycare/ nanny? It was important to us that they would follow safe sleep guidelines, require vaccinations, and that they were ok with giving my pumped breastmilk. The daycare unfortunately wouldn't do cloth diapers, so that was a trade off. 

What are some red flags to watch out for that might not be obvious for a FTM? Check out ratings if you're going with a center. My state has a rating system through the government called Keystone Stars. Also, make sure vaccinations are required. 

Any other advice for FTMs going through this process? Keep in mind that if you use a daycare center, it can be 6-12 months to get a spot! I put it off to the last minute, and got really, really lucky that a spot opened up.

nononorman

What childcare options have you used? A daycare? In home? A nanny or nanny share? 
     We use a daycare center 5 days a week while we work and we have a babysitter from Care that covers date nights, movies, etc. 

Why did you decide on the option you chose? It was the most practical given our jobs. We dont have flexible hours and we work in all weather and with limited holidays. We needed somewhere that I could pick up DD later (til 6:30) if needed. If I’m traveling it’s a stretch for my husband to even make that time. So the operating hours were important. And the price obviously was important too. A nanny here would be about $15/hr for what I was able to see... pretty hefty and less dependable. Our daycare costs $208/wk. 

What are the important things to look for or questions to ask a prospective daycare/ nanny? I think the daycares have a FEEL about them... we saw one that was too dark/cramped/dirty and knew we didn’t want that no matter how good the care was, but I was also hesitant to go with a big sterile chain type place. We do pretty run of the mill practices (pumped milk, disposable diapers, follow the AAP recommendations on everything) so most centers do all of that too. 

What are some red flags to watch out for that might not be obvious for a FTM? One thing that did bother me about our daycare is the food schedule. It wasn’t the timing but more the types of food they offer to hit the “requirements” ie Pizza is a carb, dairy, AND VEGETABLE. They serve sloppy joes and say it is protein and vegetables. And then there’s the damn snack schedule which legit has them feeding 6-9 mo olds OREOS and POTATO CHIPS. I had to see that in advance and give them a monthly revised schedule so she doesn’t get those things (i pack lunch or snacks those days). Also I think most state regulations require that they throw away any unused breast milk from a bottle that has been offered to a baby, whereas I think the BM rules say you can feed that to the baby same day. So I would lose my shit if they offered her a bottle and she refused, then they tossed it. So I had to have a special note on file for them to save any unused Milk. 

Any other advice for FTMs going through this process? Agree w @kns1988 get in EARLY. I signed up 9 months in advance and was on the waitlist. I was turned away by one place because as of January 2017 they had no openings for the rest of 2017.  

kaf1788

Great idea for a thread! We're starting this process too.

One additional question I'm curious about. I was talking to a friend of mine with a newborn and she mentioned she would be putting her baby in a center with a specific infant room so she wouldn't get sick as often as at a home daycare with all ages combined.  I had never heard/thought of that before and I'm not sure if the logic holds but I do know my 11 month old niece is at an at home daycare and has been sick constantly since she started.

Any thoughts on this from STMs? Has anyone had experience with both and noticed any noticeable differences in how often their babies are sick?

nononorman

@kaf1788 only experience with infant room daycare but she’s been sick- congested runny nose - for 8 months straight (she went in at 3 mo and she’s 11 mo now lol). Our doctor said it’s normal for daycare babies to be sick 20 out of every 30 days for the first year but then after that it allegedly really drops off. They had a lot of sicknesses go around even just in the infant room- HFM, flu, impetigo etc- we fortunately never got any of those just general sickness. 

texasmommie

I was actually blessed that my mom watched our DD. If she wasn't available, I think I would hire a nanny that could come to our home to watch her, or find a reputable in-home day care service. I live in Texas, and those are pretty common. Of course you want one that is licensed with the state, because they have strict guidelines to follow and auditors come out often (unannounced) to check on things. The in-home daycare have less children and more one-on-one time, than a larger day care facility. This cuts down on sickness a little as well. This is just my opinion. Any place you decide to choose, you should check out a few times unannounced, just so you can see how it is ran on a daily basis. Good luck in your findings. I know it can be a nerve-racking to leave your infant with people you don't really know. 

ladystout08

What childcare options have you used? A daycare? In home? A nanny or nanny share? 
We've always used a daycare center. 

Why did you decide on the option you chose?
Honestly the first time, it was what we could afford. We'll likely go the same route this time because it's so great for their socialization. We may consider a nanny at first if we're still wait listed for our daycare center. 

What are the important things to look for or questions to ask a prospective daycare/ nanny?
How they handle breast milk/what their rules are. All daycares should have their latest state inspections on record, you can access them online usually through the state website. This is public info they should not tell you they haven't had one/don't have a copy. Go interview and visit and spend time their. Our first daycare won me over because they told me I could stop in and nurse DS whenever I wanted and I was always welcome. Also, check out their vaccination rules. 

What are some red flags to watch out for that might not be obvious for a FTM?
Vacation days. Some places don't give you any and some do. Know their policy for that and when your kid is sick. Also ask about teacher turn over rates. Our second daycare that DS is at now has a super high turnover rate and I didn't realize that until he was already there. Oh and check their holiday schedule and compare it to yours! Our first center was open for the minor holidays like MLK day but our current one is closed for all of them. 

Any other advice for FTMs going through this process? 
This is the nerd in me but I made an excel spreadsheet. I listed the center, how far it was from work and home, weekly cost, any discounts (we're mil. so a few places offered them), hours of operation, a link to their last inspection, etc. 

kns1988

kaf1788, my baby got sick all of the time in the infant room, but I liked knowing that he was with kids in his same developmental stage. Toddlers can be rough, and I was just more comfortable having him in a room with other babies. There were only 4 to a room. 

skilouise

This has been really helpful! Thanks to everyone who offered advice! 

Another question: I toured a local daycare yesterday that has great reviews. In the 18-28 month room, there was a little boy off crying to himself for the entire ~10 minutes we were in that room. I asked if he was in time out or something. The director responded no, time out wasn't developmentally appropriate at that age (really?).  She said the boy had just started on Monday and was having trouble adjusting to the change. 

Obviously, I have no idea what the teachers did to help the boy before or after I was in the classroom. It just seemed odd to me that no one went to talk to the boy for at least the ten minutes I was there. Is that something to be concerned about?  Or am I just overthinking because my pregnancy hormones were shouting "someone take care of the crying baby!"?

kns1988

@AshVA, I wouldn't have been happy to see that, especially when you expect them to be on their best behavior while giving a tour. I'd find somewhere else. The thought of my baby crying and no one comforting him is a hard pass from me. 

ladystout08

@AshVA I agree with @kns1988 I would not have liked that. I think I actually asked about their CIO stance when I went to places. 

nononorman

@AshVA I think that’s kinda tough. On one hand there’s only so much they can do if he has separation anxiety but on the other you’d like to see them comforting him. I know at my daycare I see kids crying all. the. time. Who aren’t being consoled. I guess at home I would go to the kid and comfort but in reality there may be nothing they can do. Imagine your child is fed and cleaned and just wants to cry because you walked out of the room? That happens to me every day. She’s a manipulative little thing. My guess is the daycare probably doesn’t  have the numbers to devote full time attention like that and maybe they have some experience that it’s actually worse to treat separation anxiety with coddling? I’ll say my daughter cried a good amount the first week and has been fine ever since. Idk what the ratios are where you live or at that center but here it’s 12:2 max which is a hell of a lot of kids to service. I swear they barely have time to run through the necessities with the schedule they keep - each kid needs to be changed every two hours, Fed every two hours, etc. Maybe a smaller center or in home would make you feel better? For me, the dependability, cost, location, hours, etc of a daycare were best and I was willing to take a chance on the kind of kid I would have and the level of attention she needs. If she was more needy we probably would have switched. Now I just need to cross my fingers that she stops biting kids so we don’t get kicked out! 

Kabazaba

12:2 seems like a crazy high infant ratio! In my state, it's 1:3, and you can't have a class larger than 2:6 (for infants, of course ratios change as they get older). DH and I have been looking at a daycare center, because I don't know anyone personally who does a home daycare, and don't feel comfortable sending my kid to a home daycare I'm unfamiliar with in their first year (given the increased likelihood of SIDS and abuse). We may reconsider in the future, cause I think there are in general many positives of home daycares (mixed age groups for example), but it's just not something I feel good about for the first year. DH and I are getting on the waitlist for our two favorite daycare centers, and plan to start Apr 1. I am cringing at how much it'll be ($2500/month), but hey, that's something we knew when we signed up for this.

The daycare that is my top choice has rooms for infants, mobile tots, 3/4, up to pre-K. They have enrichment activity (more and more preschool curriculum as the kids age), but even infants have plenty of toys, books, and go outside each day. While we were there on our tour, one infant class was outside the entire time. They even have an infant-specific "playground" where the ground was almost bouncy astroturf, and had things for the babies to lay/crawl/pull themselves up on. I really liked seeing how well they were taken care of, and that they weren't going to be stuck in a crib crying all day. Though I'm sure they'll be doing that some.

saltedcaramel518

We use an in home daycare for DS. 

Our main reasons for choosing in-home were cost and the fact that I went to an in-home daycare when I was a kid. The lady that kept me ended up being like another grandmother to me. She came to my high school graduation and wedding. I’ve always heard of high turnover in daycares, and I liked the idea of there being someone constant to watch DS. 

It’s also a huge bonus that the daycare is the next street over from ours in our subdivision. If any of you can work that out, take advantage; it’s awesome. 

I interviewed another in-home provider that I didn’t like. Red flags: her husband was there, and he didn’t introduce himself. She told me that her H worked night shift and that he was home most of the day, but he stayed in the room with their 11 month old and they both slept most of the day. Uhh.. most 11 month olds don’t sleep all day. She also didn’t give a straight answer when I asked if she had cribs or play pens for the babies to sleep in. 

The lady we use came to me via a recommendation, and I talked to more references after I interviewed her. She’s been keeping kids for 40 years, and everyone spoke highly of her. 

Advice? Trust your gut. You’ll sense of a place is sketchy.  Also, learn to be okay with the fact that you’re not going to control every second of your LO’s day if you send them to daycare. 

libertymomrn

What childcare options have you used? A daycare? In home? A nanny or nanny share? 

I have used an in-home nanny, home-based daycare/babysitter, and daycare facilities. They all have pros and cons.

In-home nannies are expensive and we found it hard to find one who would be able to consistently care for our children long-term. I loved the one we had, but she went back to college.  

Then we had an amazing women who did in-home daycare who truly loved the kids, and her adult daughter taught preschool and included the 4 year olds in the daycare with her pre-school. My son (now 10) was 4 at the time, so that was great. Until she retired.

At that point, my kids had been on a waiting list for a very nice and reputable daycare center nearby, so I called and they were not quite up on the list yet. I found a different in-home daycare that I did not end up liking. I know my kids weren’t abused there or anything, but the woman who ran it took the max number of kids legally allowed and she always seemed overwhelmed, tired, and stressed out. She also had a food policy I disagreed with because she would limit the kids’ portion sizes and not give second even if they’d eaten everything and were still hungry. We moved my kids to the awesome daycare center as soon as their names came upon the list. The daycare center was great and offered our choice of an extra class for each child, because they also ran an “arts academy” upstairs. We got to choose from tumbling, dance, or an array of musical instruments. They also provided preschool and did fun field trips for the school age kids in the summer. I would have left my kids there, but then we had baby number 3. 

In my state, daycare centers are allowed to have up to 4 infants per care provider. IMO, that’s too much, even for the best daycare teacher. I took a 12 week maternity leave and then had my baby at the daycare center for one week. She was unhappy and became withdrawn. They have cameras constantly in the room that I could look up (with a security code) anytime. I know the girl was doing her best, but IMO infants need to be held more than she was possibly able to do with 4 infants. 

I ended up finding an an amazing local babysitter and we moved my baby there. I interviewed 12 people before I found someone I felt good about. My baby is 3 and is still there. She loves her babysitter and her babysitter loves her. 

Why did you decide on the option you chose?

I decided on the option I did now because I wanted my infant to have more one-on-one attention. I may transfer her to our previous daycare center once she’s 4 because she’ll get preschool and dance class there, and she loves to dance. 

I will have our current babysitter watch our new baby for sure, though. I like that our current sitter will only take one infant at a time, and won’t watch more than 4-6 kids total (depending on their ages and temperaments.) I like that she is flexible with drop-off and pick-up times. I like that she’s been able to take my older daughter to and from dance lessons when she’s had them on the days I work.I like that you can tell she genuinely loves the kids she watches and wants what is best for them.

What are the important things to look for or questions to ask a prospective daycare/ nanny?

How many kids do they care for? What ages? How many infants per caregiver? Why did they choose to watch children for a job? What are their behavior expectations and what are their discipline methods and philosophies?

What are some red flags to watch out for that might not be obvious for a FTM?
 
Play areas that are TOO clean and organized and kids under their care who are TOO quiet and “well-behaved.”

Any other advice for FTMs going through this process? 

There’s not so much one type of childcare that’s the best; it’s really more about the actual person or people watching your children, and if they meet the needs of your child and family at this particular time. There are bad and good in every category. For my older kids, I’ve preferred a great daycare center. For my babies, I prefer a nanny, or our current baby-sitter who watches a limited number of kids in her own home.

Mandamay1414

What childcare options have you used? A daycare? In home? A nanny or nanny share? 
We've used two different centers and briefly used a nanny while on a wait list for the center that we wanted after we moved.

Why did you decide on the option you chose?
Honestly, the biggest thing for us was the reliability of a center. You don't have to worry about your nanny or in-home provider getting sick or going on vacation. We both start work very early, so we found that centers tended to be the places that would take kids at like 6 AM. Centers were also more affordable for us. Also, I like that centers tend to have a bit more of a structured curriculum. My daughter had a tough time adjusting to her new center as a 13 month old (lots of crying for about 3 weeks), but after that initial adjustment period, she thrived there. I think the structure helped with that. 

What are the important things to look for or questions to ask a prospective daycare/ nanny?
Vaccination requirements, how they handle sickness, how they handle food allergies/dietary restrictions. We are just switching DD to a new center that is much closer to our house, and I asked how many times they closed due to weather in the past year - we both work at hospitals and are expected to be at work regardless of blizzards, etc, so knowing that the center rarely closes due to weather was important for us. Also, ask if they give you a discounted rate or weeks that you are on vacation/kid is sick. My first daycare in Boston didn't, but the one we were just at charged you only 50/wk if your kid was out the entire week. That was super nice. I also if you end up looking for care once your kid is older, I recommend taking them with you to tour places. When we were touring new centers just last month, DD seemed much more comfortable (running off to play, I had to drag her out of there) at a center that seemed a bit more chaotic to me. The super structured one she wouldn't even let me put her down. Also look at how often the kids transition "rooms". If your kid has a tough time with transitions, a center that switches rooms every 6 months vs every year might not be the best choice.  

What are some red flags to watch out for that might not be obvious for a FTM?
Hmm... I think if the directors of the center are difficult to contact when you are trying to enroll.. If they don't really make an effort to call you back if the process of trying to recruit new parents, I don't imagine they will be very reachable once they are getting your money. 

Any other advice for FTMs going through this process? 
I know that some others were mentioning that you were bothered by the crying children... It's totally heartbreaking, but your kid will cry (maybe not an infant, but as they get older they will). My daughter had a very rough time transitioning and I expect that she did a lot of crying in the first few weeks. Don't get discouraged. DD still cries when I drop her off, but I've watched her walk over to her "spot" to calm down after I drop her off. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better, but I really think that the separation anxiety has offered her an opportunity to learn to manage "unpleasant" feelings. If you are super concerned, ask the teachers/caregivers how long it takes them to calm down, etc. Also communicate with the caregivers! I loved DD's last teachers because they would ask me how I handled certain things at home and would try to do the same. I also asked them about the schedule/meltdown management strategies they used so I could try to keep a similar schedule at home. 

libertymomrn

A lot of people have mentioned asking about their vaccination requirements. I’m not sure that will tell you the information you actually want to know. In my state, vaccinations are “required” for any licensed day care or a school, but there are exemptions you can get, and they are also required to accept you with an exemption form in lieu of vaccination records. And they can’t disclose the number of kids who have exemptions, either. So, in my state, at least, every daycare center will say they require vaccinations, but every daycare center is also required to accept exemption forms, as well.

kmos816

We put DD in a large center when she was an infant, it was ok and was convenient because of the hours but we weren’t that happy with it because we felt like she wasn’t getting enough attention and it always seemed so hectic and felt she was constantly over stimilulatee. We finally switched her at 9 months to a small church daycare with just 10 kids and felt it was a much better fit for her. I wished we would have gone to the smaller daycare right way! (Though there probably wasn’t a spot at the time). We chose centers versus at home because we liked the hours at both and felt more comfortable at a center, though we ended up liking the small center better for her at that age.

When she was almost 3 we moved across town and moved her to a Montessori/pre school/daycare - at that point in her age we felt she needed a bit more structure than we were getting at the small church daycare. It has really worked out well for her.

With DD having been to 3 daycares already, my advice would be to go with what feels like the best fit for you- knowing you could always change later once you know better how it all works! Kids are really pretty adaptable and DD switched schools pretty seamlessly.

As far as red flags- again just go with your gut and what’s important to you. Look at the food choices as well- it was important to us to have healthy options for our DD and all centers required us to bring in our own food which we liked because it gives us more control over her meals- but talking to other parents they like the convenience of having food brought in.

For baby #2 I think we will get a nanny or nanny share for a few months (mostly the summer); and then in the fall once DD goes to kindergarten put baby#2 in a smaller center like we had for DD.

Hope this all made sense!!

kb354

Also FTM and starting to look at daycare options.  For our area (Maryland) standard daycare is pricey (I've been quoted $2000-2200/ month), but I can't get comfortable with in home daycare centers.  Would love the nanny option, but way out of budget.  We've also found most places are booked until January, so it seems like 6+ months ahead is needed, depending where you live.   After calling around,  some places include diapers and snacks,  and some don't.  Interested to hear what everyone else is finding as you go through the process. 

AliKay20

@kb354 and anyone else in the area @mrsmang

Check out DC Urban Mom forum for nanny/daycare search!! 

We were living in DC while doing daycare research and visited some daycare centers that have several locations in the area. Some are better than others in terms of staffing but we did tour one place where I was in a room full of babies not older than 12 months and saw a baby fall while he was playing with a walker. He couldn’t get up and the daycare staff was sitting back against the wall on his phone so he was still not made aware of what just happened. I gave the tour staff heads up that baby just fell and she quickly went over to him to sit him up. It felt off seeing the staff so disengaged where it’s tolerated that they be on their phones.

DH and I work mainly in northern VA and while the prices are not that much less than DC, I found my in home daycare through that site after countless hours of searching the forums. We toured one other in home daycare and that was a huge no-no! This lady flat out told us that the mom of this kid doesn’t want him to have specific foods but he wants it when other kids eat it so she just gives some to him. WHAT?! Hard. No. 

The current in home daycare is awesome. I wish they had those daycare cams where we can check in on our kids at any time but that’s OK knowing the teachers send a lot of pictures throughout the day! There’s about 12 kids (infant to two year olds) and 3 teachers. They speak to them in Spanish- read books, sing alongs, etc. DD says “agua” for water at all times. They just started learning ABCs and 123s but the other day, I randomly wondered if she knew some Spanish numbers so I said, “*DD NAME* - UNOOOOOO” and she nonchalantly goes “DOSSSSS” lol. Overall, we’re happy w our daycare choice and will be sad next year when we transition her to preschool!

KLS123

Anyone tried or looked into an Au Pair? I have had one co-worker that did it with not a great experience but curious if others have tried it.

Blonde1817

What childcare options have you used? A daycare? In home? A nanny or nanny share?

 We have done 2 different nanny shares (we moved) first one from 3-9 months, second one from 11 months to present (20 months).  Both have been amazing abd i would highly recommend as an affordable option to have more one on one care as well as socialization.  The first one was in our hone with two of our friends babies.  The second one is in the nannys home but mostly they’re always on the go in the jogging stroller to beaches, parks, etc.  Its awesome! And he’s with a 3 and 5 year old mostly so he loves being with the older kids.

Why did you decide on the option you chose?

Cost, wanting him to have one person he can bond with, need for flexible hours. I used to work for daycares and saw some pretty shady stuff hapoen so I dont really trust them.

 What are the important things to look for or questions to ask a prospective daycare/ nanny? What are some red flags to watch out for that might not be obvious for a FTM?

If its a daycare, ask about the consistency of which teachers will be in the room. And how long they’ve worked there.  If theres a lot of turnover its a bad sign.  Also ask about their philosophy and discipline style.  We met with one in home provider we reslly liked, and at the end she said that she follows the babywise method.  We went home and looked it up and it was so not for us.  

 Any other advice for FTMs going through this process?

Start looking now!  And be prepared for a lot of places to be booked up already.  Be open to flexible/nontraditional options.

libertymomrn

Also ask about their philosophy and discipline style.  We met with one in home provider we reslly liked, and at the end she said that she follows the babywise method.  We went home and looked it up and it was so not for us.  

Babywise has been linked to failure-to-thrive, dehydration, malnutrition, and even death in extreme cases. That would definitely be a deal
breaker for me, too!!

lacroixliz

Hi! Question for STM (or maybe other FTM too). We toured our first daycare yesterday (Primrose) and they do not have any cameras in the infant room. A lot of my friends' daycare centers around here (although not very convenient for us) do provide cameras that you can log in to and watch during the day.

Is this a deal breaker? Primrose did seem to have some good reasons they do not do this and we were told this is their national policy. I can see myself getting obsessive watching it during the day at work and probably hindering productivity, but then again you cannot beat that peace of mind. Has anyone used Primrose for infant care? Opinions? 

Primrose here (central Indiana) is $340/ week for infants.

Mandamay1414

@lacroixliz I haven't used Primrose, but DD has been in 3 different daycares and if any of them do have video monitors, I didn't know about them/never looked at them. I think it's a really hard thing either way. On one hand, videos would let you check in on your babe and make sure that they are safe/well cared for. On the other hand, daycare centers are certainly different than you personally taking care of your child. There will be times that they will have to cry for a while because staffing doesn't always allow for a caretaker to rush to a child as soon as they are upset. They also may do things slightly different from your routine at home, etc. I personally feel like watching a camera would stress me out more than ease my mind. For me, I have to trust the research I did prior to enrolling her and rely on her cues/talking to the teachers at pick up and drop off.