TTCAL Week of 6/18

catlady2015

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What superpower would you like to have? 

catlady2015

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are going OK, work has been really busy which is helping. Struggled a lot this weekend, we had planned to tell the parents pre-loss they would be grandparents yesterday (this would have been #1 for DH's parents) and it really hit me when I talked to my dad yesterday that I didn't get to do that. Also, if we're unsuccessful this time, I'm effectively benched for travel until the end of July b/c DH will be gone during FW. I can't go with him because I need to save my PTO.  

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope. 

GTKY: What superpower would you like to have? I'd like super strength. I'd like to be able to lift super heavy weights and have it have no impact on my joints. 

jrm_14

@catlady2015 “Should-be” milestones are so difficult to manage on top of the actual loss milestones. I hope you were able to sit with that & know those emotions are all valid. Not being able to take off due to lack of PTO sucks- I’m in the same boat

eleven_

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 3 first tri losses this year

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I've been on the fence between natural m/c and D&C. I've decided to go with a D&C (thank you @zamora_spin ) and am trying to get it scheduled for Wednesday. Trying to work with the insurance companies to figure out which anesthesiologist takes my insurance. It's really the last thing I want to be doing right now. I feel like I've been pretty numb toward all of this. I don't think it's fully set in yet that LO is really gone. 

@catlady2015 I'm sorry you had a rough weekend. I really, really hope you guys are successful this cycle so that you don't have to be benched next month. I think that being benched is really hard after a loss because you don't get to feel like you are doing something to help ease the pain. You are just kind of stuck. If you are on the bench though, I will be here to keep it warm

ETA: Fixed tag

jrm_14

@eleven_ Finding an anesthesiologist that takes your insurance is the very last thing you want to be doing. At the same time, it may also help provide a task that is able to bbe checked off, something you have control over at a time you don’t have control over so many other things. Please take care of yourself, dear friend. 

catlady2015

@jrm_14 - I'm sorry you're in the same boat! I've been able to do a lot of diverting since we're closing on the house next month and I'm sure I prattled on more about that than I needed to, but it kept me from focusing on that. Being able to try this month has really kind of helped. DH and I had a good talk last night and it really helped get some feelings out. Thankfully we didn't have anything specifically tied to Father's Day for the announcement, so I can keep it stashed for someday.  

@eleven_ - I'm glad you're doing the D&C! I'm sure you're numb and I can't imagine having to make those arrangements right now. I hope you're able to find someone in-network quickly and get this taken care of. Such big hugs to you, friend. 

holly321

@eleven_ I am heartbroken to see you back here and am sorry for your loss.  I have never had a natural miscarriage, but I tried with the last and after 2 weeks, I could not handle it anymore, so I definitely think that a D&C is a good idea.  I hope you find an anesthesiologist, and I am sorry you have to deal with that.  *Hugs*

TJtheGoat

@eleven I’m sorry to see you here again. I hope you are able to get the D&C scheduled and everything goes smoothly. I’ll be thinking of you. 

@catlady2015  Sorry that Fathers Day was so tough. I’m glad that you’ve had some other things to keep you busy. What day do you close? We just got our keys on Friday and it’s been a great distraction. 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
1 CP in April

Status: I think... I’m in TWW. Hoping for crosshairs tomorrow. 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
I will agree with everyone else that Fathers Day was tougher than expected. Especially since none of the family knows that we were trying or had a loss, so I have to pretend that I don’t care. Otherwise, we are super busy with the house so I’ve hardly had time to obsess. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? None

GTKY: What superpower would you like to have? Super strength would be great in my line of work, but I’ll go with be able to stop time. I could get so much done and I could sleep in the pauses. 

kgg2241

@eleven_ again, I am so sorry to see you here. My Dr. didn't really give me much of a chance to decide between a D&C or not, but I am glad I did. Big hugs. 

@catlady2015 I agree. Fathers Day was so tough. Hopefully, this cycle goes okay and you don't need to be benched for the next one. I'm pulling for you. 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. I feel like I am probably jumping back into the boards too soon, but I need something to occupy my mind besides Google. We went in after some very light bleeding on Friday and found our LO's heart wasn't beating at 11 weeks. My Dr. had an opening that day and got me in that same afternoon for a D&C.

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm struggling with friends and family. My best girlfriends came over last night and I just felt awkward. What do you say? I felt like I couldn't be a sobbing mess, so then I went the other way and was kind of cold. I didn't really feel like telling them every detail of what happened, so it was just weird. They all have babies and even though they want to relate, they can't. I feel like a jerk, but I just don't want to talk to anyone right now (except people on the internet who don't know me lol).  

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Waiting for genetic testing results to come back. I have a mosaic for Turners Syndrome so they want to make sure it didn't have anything to do with the loss before we start trying again. 

GTKY: What superpower would you like to have? Right now I think the ability to be invisible. 

prpl11butterfly

@krissy2241so sorry for your loss. I fully understand how it's hard to be with people right now. I'm on 3rd legit cycle after and sometimes don't want to be around anyone because I feel so awful. It will get better. Take all the time you need.

mschanandlerbong1214

@krissy2241 I am so so so sorry for your loss. Don’t feel like you need to be around people. I went invisible for a good 2-3 weeks after mine last loss except for my immediate family and my therapist. I just needed the time. To grieve and to process. Sending you all the love, thoughts and prayers

kgg2241

@prpl11butterfly and @mschanandlerbong1214 Thank you so much. I think I just need some words of understanding that it is okay to be alone. I appreciate the thoughtfulness and nice words. 

kindbytealikat

@krissy2241 You need time to process things, you are not a jerk. I shut people out for weeks. Sometimes that’s just what you need 

eleven_

@krissy2241 It's okay to be selfish right now. If taking a step back from your friends is what you need to heal, then do so 
unapologetically  

kgg2241

@kindbytealikat thank you. 

@eleven_ thank you! I hope you were able to get scheduled okay. Ill be thinking of you tomorrow. ♥️

dpjennifer

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Back after a brief hiatus. 4 MC. Unexplained RPL.

Status: ? I think I'm a few days after O. Like CD 23 or something.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Had my regionals skating competition over the weekend and placed in all 3 of my events, so that was awesome. However, having super amounts of drama with work, which is making me frustrated. We took this cycle off of TTCAL, which I wasn't thrilled about and DH is in the dog-house over. 

GTKY: What superpower would you like to have? I want to be able to fly!!!!

eleven_ Good luck with your D&C if you do have it today. Take it easy on yourself. Hopefully you'll be able to mourn after the procedure. I know that 'limbo' time between when they tell you you will have a MC, but before the MC actually happens, can be hard to wrap your head around what is happening.

mschanandlerbong1214

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. I think I did this last week but I can’t remember. We’ve been TTC since 4/17. We’ve had 3 losses (6/17, 9/17, and 2/18). Dx’d with PCOS 10/17. Currently undergoing initial fertility testing. 

Status: CD 22 but I have no idea otherwise. 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Just stressing over my testing. Im getting a lot of numbers thrown at me and idk what they all mean. Any book recos on this stuff would be greatly appreciated. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Had progesterone serum testing on Monday but apparently my levels were low for where I am in my cycle so I’m doing a redraw tomorrow morning.

GTKY: What superpower would you like to have? I think flying. Or maybe reading minds. I’m kinda nosy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

kgg2241

@mschanandlerbong1214 I hated going through those initial tests. It felt like I had hope and then it was crushed when I found out I actually didn't ovulate. Did you take any ovulation-stimulating medication or were they testing on your natural cycle? They might have tested too early, so it is good they are testing again tomorrow. I've wondered a few times if I actually did ovulate, but it was later than the standard day 21 draw so my Dr. assumes I didn't. 

Also ditto readings minds. That would definitely be what I'd choose. 

mschanandlerbong1214

@krissy2241 testing my natural cycle now. I’m biting my nails waiting for the answers. I still have to get a saline infused ultrasound done before my final follow up to get the results of everything but they can’t do that til after the start of a new cycle. Every part of me is hoping I don’t need the ultrasound but I’m also a bit cynical so I figure it’ll happen. 

nmbrcrnchr1

@eleven_ words cannot express how sad I am to see this post from you. I’m so sorry, it’s just not fair. And then to have to deal with insurance crap on top of it  
@catlady2015 sorry for the rough weekend and the potential benching, the bench sucks!
@krissy2241 I’m sorry you find yourself here. I didn’t tell our friends until just recently bc I didn’t want the awkwardness, I will say it’s easier when people know bc they don’t ask questions but it’s so hard to tell people sometimes. 
@dpjennifer what kind of skating do you do? Sorry for a doghoused DH....I think we’ve prob all been there with that lol

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. EP found at 7 weeks in late Feb 2018

Status: benched til August (although FW is estimated to be the last week of July so I think that will work

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Work sucks, per usual. I’m glad we aren’t trying, bc I’m so stressed from work I’m sure we wouldn’t be successful. I’m having a hard conversation with my boss next week that will either help things or I’ll be looking for a new job, either way something has to change!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

GTKY: What superpower would you like to have? Hmmm...time travel. I would have loved to visit or live in the “old days”

dpjennifer

nmbrcrnchr1 I do artistic roller skating... figures and dance. DH in dog house is norm. LOL! Although, job front is looking better and a huge move may be in our near future, so maybe he's out of the doghouse? 

zamoraspin

@catlady2015 I'm sorry this past weekend was a hard reminder for you. 
@eleven_ You've been on my mind and I hope the D&C went smoothly yesterday. Glad I could help provide some perspectives on the decision. 
@TJtheGoat I'm sorry father's day was tough on you.
@TJtheGoat @krissy2241 I have found that sharing our struggles has made my load a lot lighter - it is really hard at first, and sometimes even family are not the right people to share with, but overall the responses I've gotten from people are full of compassion and it has helped me process our losses to talk about it. Not trying to push you to share with any particular people, you should only do it when/if you are ready, but you shouldn't have to suffer in silence. 
@dpjennifer Congrats on doing so well at your events! That is so cool. I'm sorry you didn't get to ttc. 
@mschanandlerbong1214 So idk exactly what testing you're doing but if it's an RPL type panel most of what you're going to see is that you are either in normal range or not. For example, lupus anticoag, TSH, etc, if they are in the normal range just don't worry about it. Things like AMH, FSH, and your antral follicle count (AFC) are going to tell a bit of a story about your ovarian reserve. Usually those all need to be interpreted together. Estrodial and Prolactin can also be part of the picture. You'll get numbers on those but will likely need your dr to help interpret. Unfortunately the one test that is just not possible to do is egg quality. Age is usually the best indicator of egg quality, but sometimes younger women can have egg quality issues. Good luck with it, I hope you are able to learn something from testing. 
@nmbrcrnchr1 I'm sorry for the work stress and hope you can find a way to resolve it soon. 

Sorry if I missed anyone!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Four mc's, most recent loss ended in a D&C on May 29. As hard as it was to see the HB one week and have it gone the next, we finally got some kind of answer. We lost our fourth baby due to Trisomy 22. I think I've mentioned this on TTCAL board but not sure if I did here yet. It has actually been very relieving to know why we lost our baby. We will never know 100% what went wrong with the three prior losses but it's likely it was also due to random genetic issues due to egg quality. 

Status: CD 20 something, WTO.  My cycle has been extra BSC but I think I'm figuring it out now. We have decided to move to IVF with PGS so we are TTA. 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I am getting frustrated waiting for my RE's office to tell me what testing I need done/redone to try to qualify for their guarantee program. I told the financial lady on Monday that's what we want to do and I still haven't heard from the nurses. I know that's only a few days but usually my RE's office is fast and it sounded like we could maybe get into their August cycle if we moved fast enough. I just want a timeline, even if it's a few months out, so we can make plans. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? *Possible TW for HPT results - I'm still waiting for my hCG to resolve - Took an HPT this morning and still have a vvfl on Wondfo so may be a little while longer before I O. Will have another beta next week but I expect it will be zero by then. 

GTKY: What superpower would you like to have? Telekinesis would be cool. 

eleven_

D&C went as smoothly as it could go yesterday. I got home around 2pm and slept until 6pm and then had a little dinner and went back to sleep until this morning. I still feel really out of it. My husband works in a laboratory so we get all of our testing done for free. I had to take the POC to the lab with me this morning to get all the chromosome testing done. I have felt so numb during this whole thing, but when I had to hand over all the tissue I felt so sad.... like this is all truly over and I'm just this empty shell. 

eleven_

@dpjennifer So happy to have you back, friend. You were missed around here. And congrats on placing in all 3 of your events!
@nmbrcrnchr1 I’m so happy you are almost off the bench! I think I will be able to try again in August as well  I’m so sorry your work life is still so stressful. You need an all-expense paid vacation from them. Good luck with your conversation with your boss. Hopefully they will ease up on you!
@zamora_spin I’m so sorry your RE office isn’t calling you back. I find it so tiring and stressful when I have to wait for phone calls and updates. I’m so happy that you were able to get answers from this loss. Hearing about how comforting it was for you really pushed me to get this testing done for myself.

kindbytealikat

This 2 TTCAL threads this week has me confused. I’ve been reading this thread but posted in the other one so I should probably post here.

@catlady1215 Father’s Day was rough for me as well. Holidays, even Hallmark ones, can royally suck

@eleven_ I hope your D&C went well, I attempted natural with my first and it did not go well, so I opted for DC second time 

catlady2015

@eleven_ - thinking of you, friend. I'm so sorry. I hope chromosome testing is able to find something. 

mschanandlerbong1214

@zamora_spin thank you for that info! I feel like I’m flying blind here and that really helped. 

mschanandlerbong1214

@eleven_ keeping you in my T&Ps. I’m so sorry. 

TJtheGoat

@zamora_spin thank you. I have told a couple of my close friends and my sister, but no one on his side. They are kind of traditional, so we are scared to let them know we are trying lol. I’m glad you were able to get an answer about your loss and I hope that having PGS as the plan brings you some peace about it. 

@eleven_ I’m so sorry about this morning. Having to walk your sample over must have been super hard. You are so strong! I hope you’re able to take some time for yourself and allow yourself to heal.