Intro

eleven_

I have had a rough couple of weeks. We went to my 6 week u/s appointment with our RE and found an empty sac. RE told us that he was pretty positive it was a blighted ovum, but I should come in a week to make sure. I came back at 7 weeks and sac now had a yolk sac and fetal pole. HB was only 40 and they told us it wasn’t looking good for LO, but not to give up hope. Last Friday we had another u/s and HB was gone. Now I need to decide between a natural m/c or D&C. I have gone back and forth all week and am still not really sure what I want to do. The RE suggested I come back in for one more u/s this week before I make a decision.

This is our third loss. My spirit feels pretty broken at the moment. I’m still trying to work through all these emotions. All I know is that I’m not emotionally ready to try again right away.

prpl11butterfly

@eleven_ I am so heartbroken to see you posting here. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I really don't know what else to say. Sending you loys of creepy internet hugs.

catlady2015

@eleven_ - noooo! I am so so sorry to see you here. Please take all the time you need. We're here for you if/when you want to talk! Big hugs. 

zamoraspin

@eleven_ I'm so sorry to see this update from you. I was really hoping the Friday u/s would bring positive news. 

Only you can decide what is right between mc'ing naturally and D&C. The downsides I see with mc'ing naturally are that you won't know when the bleeding and cramping will be bad (and it can be pretty painful), there is a chance of retained tissue, plus you will not probably not be able to do testing on the embryo. The downside of a D&C is that with any surgery there is risk and it can be expensive depending on how your insurance covers it. 

I have had two D&C's, both with the idea of testing the embryo to find a reason for the loss. The first one was a blighted ovum and there wasn't enough to amplify the DNA, so we got no answers. That was really hard on me. However, I am now very glad that we did do the D&C on this fourth loss because we finally got some kind of answer and it has given me a surprising amount of peace to know that the baby whose heartbeat we saw had T22. We also learned the sex, and just knowing that little bit of information is so precious to me.

Genetic abnormalities account for about 70% of all miscarriages, as high as 80% for those of us over 35. Even knowing that all along I worried that it was some other problem, like my immune system, and now knowing this last one really was due to a genetic issue we could not have prevented has made me more confident to move forward with our next steps.

It is very understandable to not be ready to move forward or know if you want to try again right now. If there is any chance you might in the future, you might consider asking to do the testing. Admittedly it might not give an answer, or you might not like the answer, and only you know whether it would be healing for you to know, but my experience has been that I am very glad that I do know. 

lin0442

@eleven_ Oh no, I’m so so sorry to see you here. I’m sorry for your loss and that you had to deal with the sadness and uncertainty of limbo. We’ll be here for you.

Mack2342

@eleven_ I’m so sorry for your losses.  Only you can know what is best for you.  I have had 3 losses and chose to have a d & c with each one.  For me I wanted it to be over so I could try to move forward emotionally and I also knew I wanted to try again.  I didn’t want the possibility of a natural MC to linger on for possible weeks.  With my last one I said I was done.  I was 42.  We did genetic testing and while I waited for results the urge to try again crept back in and by the time RE called with results I was pretty certain we would try again.  He gave me results and it confirmed genetic but due to two sperm fertilizing egg so that gave me continued hope to try again.  I wish you a speedy recovery in whatever you decide.  We are here when and if you need us. 

coco2787

You've been in my thoughts @eleven_  

Kath525

I am so very sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need and if you do decide to try again we'll be with you every step of the way. 

olivemomma

Hi @eleven_. I’m so sorry to see you are also over here from January 19. I was just lurking (think I’m going to intro here soon) but want to share my experience with you. After back to back losses I’ve done both a D&C and used cytotec to miscarry at home. I didn’t find either to be particularly painful or the recovery hard. I think overall I preferred the D&C just because there was no waiting game and they were sure to get everything. There is always a chance if you decide the other route you could end up needing surgery anyway. However, it most definitely was pricey. I wish you all the best no matter what you decide and hope your heart begins the healing process soon!

eleven_

Thanks for the advice @zamora_spin @mack2342 and @olivemomma . I really appreciate it. I scheduled the D&C for Wednesday. The thought of going in and having to be put under scares me, but it does sound like the better option so that I can start to put all of this behind me.

@olivemomma Please intro here and stick around. I was so sad when you had to leave January. It would be so nice to post with you again 

bakerstreetboys

@eleven_ Oh no, I am so, so sorry to see you here.  Too many ladies that should be gone are back.  I see that you have already scheduled your D&C, so hopefully they are able to give you some answers.  That's the route I took with our second loss, simply because I didn't want to risk not passing everything.  Sending you all the creepy internet hugs and wishing you a speedy recovery.

char245

@eleven_ I so sorry for your loss, I’m sending you positive thoughts for Wednesday. We are all here for you!

cassafrass15

@eleven_ I am so incredibly sorry to see you here. After 4 NMCs and 1 D&C myself, I don’t think you’ll regret the D&C. I hope it goes smoothly, and I hope you'll take all the time you need to heal and grieve. You are not alone.

prpl11butterfly

@Eleven_ I hope your D&C goes smoothly. I opted for that during mine and do not regret my decision at all. It was the only thing I could make a decision on and I really needed that. 

lelkcot

I am so very sorry for your loss. Hope the d&c goes smoothly tomorrow, you’ll be in my thoughts.

sagems10

I am so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you've had a tough time lately. I miscarried on my own with no warning so I didn't have to make that decision. Sounds like you already made the decision that feels right! I hope your procedure and recovery goes smoothly