U/O Thursday (6/14)

mytrueloves

cjx95

I hate wording on baby clothes like "daddy says I can't date until I'm 30" or "mommy's handsome man" why can't baby clothes just have cute patterns and colors instead of wording. Honestly I hate wording on clothes in general. 
*as I wear a shirt with words*

pajamstagrams

@mamabearcj don't think you're alone in that UO...there are some pretty tacky ones at BBB. Barfffff

mytrueloves

@mamabearcj

Tacky and sexist wording on baby clothes is gross. But I will say the clothes that were emblazoned with "I love my Mommy" were really helpful for me when in the thick of postpartum depression. And DF geeked out over a bib that said "I love my Daddy" the other day and it was adorable.

sliztee

+1 for writing.

In addition to the clothing, I also detest wall decals with inscriptions like, "Live. Laugh. Love." or some shit. Flame on, bitches!

mytrueloves

I think everyone's tired of "live. laugh. love." at this point

Lisa3379

@sliztee I’m with you so hard on that one. I think stuff like that is super cheesy. 

sliztee

Yeah, but that was just an example @mytrueloves. I don't like any wall decals of quotes or whatever.

kiwi2628

@sliztee I am with you on that. Anything that is writing on an 'old' piece of wood that you put on your wall or sit on your mantle is stupid IMO (with the exception of holiday decor that says stuff like 'Ho Ho Ho'...I effing LOVE holiday decor).

My UO is that the idea of 'taking back' a word is dumb and confusing to me. I think that if a word is offensive for someone outside that particular group to use (ie. the r-word, the n-word, the f-word - for gay people not fuck, fuck is a great word, lol). Like, I don't want to call anyone those words at all, but its confusing to me, especially in black culture (as thats the most prevalent use), how its ok for people in that particular group to use the word since they are 'owning' it, but when other people say it, its offensive. If its offensive, it should just be offensive. Like, I get it, you are taking it back and owning it as your own group word, but I still think its dumb and somewhat counter productive. I also think about it in terms of teaching my future kids - thats a not nice word, dont say it, but here it is all over music and media from other people...

knottieamusements

I’m not big on much of anything inspirational, although occasionally I find something that resonates.  Honestly, a lot of it feels like it says “it’s your fault you are having a shitty day because you aren’t trying hard enough/ don’t believe in some deity (Midwest living is the bestest!)/ whatever.”

Also - While I don’t mind “Mommy loves me/ I love Daddy” kind of stuff, I find a lot of it cloying and/or projecting adult values on young kids.  

Finally- why the hell do some little girl outfits have cold shoulder cut-outs, spaghetti straps, etc?   Can’t we at least wait until they are teenagers before seeing them in cringe worthy fashions?

krzyriver

@kiwi2628 As a latina and a bisexual, I often use the hateful words that people call me. I don't teach them to my children and I wish they would go away. But when you spend your whole life being called a sp** or a dy**, using them makes it hurt less. Yes, I'd still be pissed if you called me that, but it hurts less. It's a defense mechanism. And I don't know that it's something someone can understand unless they've spent their entire life being harassed and abused because of who they are. Just my two cents...

chopchop25

Hahah @kiwi2628 flame away! Our nursery signs are all made out of old pieces of wood No shame, I love them!
Pics of 'em in spoiler

chopchop25

Also agreed on the clothing with text and overused phrase (even if some our on our signs.) Waiting for someone to pop in and share that they have a 'live, laugh, love' tattoo

SawyerRichardson

Yes to everything already mentioned! Especially onesies that say "Cute like Mommy" or anything like that. 
I also hate any kind of home decor with words or phrases on them. They drive me crazy because I feel the need to read them every time I see it so I'm reading this same sign over and over 100x a day.

kiwi2628

@krzyriver I do understand the sentiment, I guess I just want them to be offensive because then you know who is an asshole easier. I remember being a kid and my nannies listened to a lot of popular music. One of them was listening to some rap song (I don't even remember, this was early to mid 90s) and she played it a lot. One day I was singing it because, you know, kids are parrots, and I sang the song which had copious n-words in it. My mom heard and was like 'YOU CANT SAY THAT OMG STOP' and as a 6 or 7 year old I could not wrap my brain around why other people could but I couldnt. It just, to me made more sense to treat it like other bad words...people in general shouldnt say them. Like, in my 6 year old brain I was like 'so I cant say this word and it makes me a bad person, but a black person can and its ok? I thought everyone was equal!'

But I also come from a mindset of super liberal bubble where people actually don't use derogatory words and they are all considered rude/bad/offensive, so maybe thats just me living in The Shire

chopchop25

Ohh, adding to the clothes... I absolutely hate the 'My First ____' crap. What is the point of buying something that serves the purpose of ONE single moment?

DunkinDecaf

@kiwi2628 so, I’m not black so this isn’t my experience I’m sharing, but with the n word in particular, it’s been explained to me that many people feel it loses its venom when it’s being said by another black person. It’s only when it’s being said by other races and particularly white people that it feels hateful, because historically that’s who infused the word with hate to begin with. Of course not all black people feel that way so I definitely understand thinking the word should be avoided entirely. That explanation really resonated with me though because it’s basically the way I feel about the word cunt. My head snaps right around if I hear that word being spoken by a man, but if it’s a woman speaking I usually think it’s an okay (if obviously crass) thing to say as long as you’re among friends.

bel194

Ditto to the words on clothes. I'm also not a fan of character clothes and bedroom stuff (like spongebob, Disney princesses, paw patrol, etc). I still let DD wear the stuff now that she's at an age where she has an opinion on what she wears but it's definitely not my first choice for children's clothing. 

krzyriver

@kiwi2628 If we lived in a world where everyone was actually treated equally, 6 year old you would’ve been absolutely right. Unfortunately we don’t. 

knottieamusements

kiwi2628 said:

My UO is that the idea of 'taking back' a word is dumb and confusing to me. 

I understand why it is weird and confusing to you and a lot of people- especially, since, as you said, it is okay for some people to use those words within a particular group, but not other people who are outside that group to use them.  

However, I also understand why we work to reclaim words.  Blast’s guncle is gay.  This is something that I would not have been able to say 30 years ago, because the word itself was an insult.  Now it is the word that is socially acceptable.  

For myself, when I was in high school, I got into a verbal altercation with another girl and she called me a “witch”.  I called her out on it for not using the insult that she meant, which was “bitch”.  She claimed she was trying to be polite; but to me, who at the time was pretty openly exploring Witchcraft and Paganism as a religious path, the word she chose was deeply hurtful, and the fact that she thought choosing a “more polite” word might be less rude was condescendingly insane.  Either way- she was being a rude asshole and you don’t win arguments by calling people names.

To this day, that incident has had lifetime repercussions- specifically, that when someone calls me a bitch, I know I won.   Yep- fucked up, but that is how I feel.  

That said, while my partners are encouraged to call me a bitch when warranted, other words are specifically off limits, such as slut and whore.  But I understand that other women are empowered by those words in similar ways to how I feel about bitch.  

chyvie

@chopchop25 I'm guilty of buying a my first Canada day onesie that was on sale last weekend! We love celebrating Canada day and go all out making all the Canadian foods up at the cottage dressing in Canada outfit. So to have our boy in that outfit will be perfect! Flame away! 

krzyriver

@kiwi2628 Also, and please don't take this the wrong way, but you're use of the phrase "I want them to be offensive" kind of rubs me the wrong way. The use of these words doesn't have anything to do with you, it has to do with us. We're the ones who have been called these hateful names, often our whole lives. I understand that it's hard to understand if you haven't lived it, and the fact that not all minorities agree on this subject makes it more difficult, but like knottie said, if I find power in it, that's what matters. If someone else doesn't, then they shouldn't use it. It's a personal decision.

krzyriver

@kiwi2628 Also also... I love you and I hope you don't mind that I jumped on your UO!! Lol. Not trying to beat you over the head or sound like a beotch.

HoosOnFirst

Meanwhile yes it’s easy to point out a racist if they use derogatory terms, but subtle racism is just as harmful. People who don’t use those words but coded language instead. So at the end of the day, slurs don’t single handedly identify racist people anyway. 

Also im a big fan of the c word but i know that’s a UO. My brother is gay and I know reclaiming gay slurs is pretty divisive on their community. 

sammierose464

I enjoy signs with quotes. There's 3 in the room I'm in right now. Lol. But they all have meaning. One is about adventure, which is kind of DHs and my "theme", one is 1st Corinthians 13:13 which holds a ton of meaning (I also have a tattoo symbolizing it), and the other is about dancing in the rain. 

I am picky about clothing with words. I like some but not all. Definitely don't like ones that are only meant for one occasion. 

I don't mind if you're using the word cunt to talk about my vagina, but I do when you're calling me one. I was taught that as long as you're using the word in it's true meaning (like bitch for a dog) it's not bad (or as bad). However, there are some words that will never cross my lips (like the n-word or f-word mentioned). 

jynjer4

I got a onesie that says  I Boobies (some pro BF thing) and I’m pretty sure every time DH dresses this kid he will end up wearing it. 

kiwi2628

@krzyriver et. al. not offended at all! I fully admit I come from a bubble, and even though I travel a lot and moved away from my bubble for 4 years (to Ohio of all places), I have mostly been in a very liberal bubble where people are super open of all walks of life and people simply don't use terms like that. Like, when I say that my experience with those words is all from media, I am not kidding. I have literally never heard anyone IRL called or use the n-word (either used in an offensive or non-offensive way), or a dy** or a sp*** or a f******. Like, never. I think about my HS and it was ridiculously open...like a bunch of the more popular kids were openly bi or homosexual. The grade below us the most popular kid/homecoming king had a form of dwarfism. People were always so friendly with the students we had with down syndrome. Like, it was some after school special kind of HS, lol. Having dialogue with people who have experienced such things is always a welcome learning experience, and its interesting to understand where the taking it back movement came from, even if I personally think it makes it more confusing.

sammierose464

I may have gotten G a onsie with a motorcycle that says "proof Daddy doesn't always ride". I figured it was better than the one that said "proof Daddy doesn't shoot blanks" which was more a joke about his V reversal.

purplegoldfish2

@sammierose464 The f word actually started out meaning cigarette.  It was in something we were reading in high school and the teacher had to explain it to us because there were a lot of confused kids in the class and a few jerks that just started giggling about it. I still wouldn’t use it, but it went along with your “used in its true meaning” comment.

sammierose464

@purplegoldfish2 I had forgotten about that! 

knottieamusements

kiwi2628 said:

I have literally never heard anyone IRL called or use the n-word (either used in an offensive or non-offensive way), or a dy** or a sp*** or a f******. Like, never. I think about my HS and it was ridiculously open...like a bunch of the more popular kids were openly bi or homosexual.

Just curious- have you spent much time in spaces where people who identify as those groups find safe?  For example, there is a difference between going to a liberal high school and being part of the LGBTQIA club at that school.  People often understand almost instinctively that even if they are known to not be part of the dominant majority, acting in accordance with those norms is smart.

knottieamusements

Relatedly, one of my concerns about raising tiny human is that I listen to quite a bit of hip-hop and R&B.  How do I explain that just because tiny human heard some lyrics on the stereo, that doesn’t mean xe can repeat them. 

I dread having to get radio edits of my music- especially since I hate radio edits.  

kiwi2628

@knottieamusements I guess that is going to be hard to answer considering the definition of a space is very...subjective. For example, a lot of people consider NYC a very safe space for LGBTQA compared to a lot of southern cities, but other people may not consider it a safe space when compared to a specific LGBTQA event. KWIM? If you mean going to individual LGBTQA clubs, yes, I did that a few times in HS, but I am also 13 years out of HS, so it depends on where in the real world you consider a safe space, or more specifically, where the person considers a safe space. I would say, generally, I have been in many safe and 'non safe' areas.

knottieamusements

@kiwi2628 - That is a very fair point, and I’m not even going to try to split hairs on what might may make a club a safe space versus not a safe space (especially since everyone’s definitions differ).  

I do find it interesting that even with that, you have never heard a word that most people might consider derogatory used as an endearment in those places.  But I honestly can’t argue your experience.  

cjx95

@knottieamusements when I was much younger my dad would listen to hard rock and though not always derogatory there were a lot of swear words. My parents explained that we were allowed to sing along but couldn't say those words outside of the song and why they were unkind words to say. 

knottieamusements

@mamabearcj - That is an excellent way to explain it.  Thank you!

purplegoldfish2

@knottieamusements “Sometimes people say things that are not appropriate for us to repeat.” I’ve used that for things my kids hear out and even some things that have come out of my own mouth, such as the time I slammed my hand really hard on the washing machine in the basement and screamed f*** not realizing it was loud enough for the kids to hear it from their rooms on the second floor. They’ve also overheard Game of Thrones when we thought they were sleeping but they weren’t (found that out when one of them was humming the theme song, oops! Fortunately they didn’t repeat anything, so maybe they couldn’t hear the dialog, only the song). Hermione calls somebody an idiot in the first HP movie and it’s rated PG, so it isn’t even always adult stuff that they just happen to overhear.  

ETA: if I think they are old enough to understand what I am saying, I will try to explain why for some of it (in an age appropriate way), like f*** is not a nice word and nobody should say it but sometimes grown-ups do anyway; idiot isn’t a nice thing to call somebody and takes drops out of their buckets (buckets are explained in “How full is your bucket? For kids”. It’s a great book that encourages kids to fill buckets (be nice, helpful, polite etc.) instead of emptying them (rude, start fights with siblings, saying mean things, etc.)

kiwi2628

@knottieamusements I have heard lots of other things (specifically in the gay community) such as twink, queen etc... but those have never been controversial as terms in any of the circles I have seen like the word f***** has been, so perhaps the controversy (as PP have said, many people in the community find it offensive and will not use it/dont like it) keeps people from using it as to not offend others, at least within the circles that my friends run/have run in. 

krzyriver

@kiwi2628 That’s awesome that your high school was like that. I’m quite jealous. E’s school is like that and, you know, I’ve noticed that he and his friends do not use racial or homophobic slurs. Perhaps because they are growing up in a different world than I did, a more accepting one.... even if we do have a long way to go. Hopefully someday those words will die out and hopefully my kids won’t have to call each other that to build their armor up. 

mytrueloves

App is being wonky so forgive me for not tagging who originally said this bit the f word has been around since long before cigarettes were even invented. Originally the f word was used to describe specific bundles of sticks and twigs that were used to burn people at the stake. Gay people, pagans, societal outcasts. That's why the word is so imbued with hate.

knottieamusements

@kiwi2628 - twink and queen are actually reclaimed words, like gay and queer.  They may not be controversial now, but they absolutely were 30 years ago.  Also, as with the n-word, I would never use them for someone unless maybe I was a close friend and had permission.  

And, yeah, even within relevant communities, people find certain words hard.  I had someone introduce himself as “Danny the —“ (it rhymed) last fall.  His friends are comfortable with the moniker (or maybe just how he uses to protect himself), but there is no way I could imagine anyone referring to him as such even within the trans community.