Oooops

KristoKekerooni

KristoKekerooni

Let's pretend I didn't post this... 
But really, beware of the threads you open. 

prpl11butterfly

Yep, skipped right on past the OP to the QFP. 

meggyme

meggyme

Gah! Everytime I click to see what someone else posted that picture loads faster and faster!!! I can't scroll past it in time...

lovesclimbing

*lurker*

Is that a first? Pretty sure I've never seen that anywhere on these boards before! I am SO glad I was busy and didn't log on until after the thread was closed and the picture removed. 

And who doesn't know that that even if something actually is IB, it looks the same as any other spotting? It's not like your blood magically changes color or something whether it's period, IB or anything else. 

KristoKekerooni

@lovesclimbing , Not true. IB turns neon green. That's why the questions are so dumb. 
Haha. But no, we have had it before, but typically they get closed faster. Even completely deleted. 

keikilove

Honestly, I’m new to this app and the responses to newbies’ questions are quite harsh at times. I am not one to EVER post anything bodily-function related, but there are plenty of other pregnancy apps out there where this is the norm. It’s quite possible that these other newbies are operating under the assumption that a standard has been set for all these type apps. *Not everyone reads the rules.*

I, for one, AM a rule reader and I’m STILL confused as to what thread I can mention I have children, or which thread I risk having my head bitten off for sharing that I ‘selfishly’ want another child even though I ‘greedily’ already have a toddler. Honestly, many of the responses I’ve seen the last few days of joining the app do seem overly rude and bitter to the OPs who post the rule-breaking questions. Perhaps the majority of the group is just over it, but the responses I’ve seen don’t give a warm feeling of gushing support and empowerment. They often come across as bullying & therefore make me highly cautious about posting anything at all. I have a very thick skin & it still makes me pause before posting, or wondering how someone might twist my post into something else entirely. 

And last—we are all either mothers or preparing to become mothers. The sight of blood or any other bodily function may not be the most pleasant thing ever— but is it really that bad? Just par for the motherhood course we all are on if you think about it...

jrm_14

keikilove said:

Honestly, I’m new to this app and the responses to newbies’ questions are quite harsh at times. I am not one to EVER post anything bodily-function related, but there are plenty of other pregnancy apps out there where this is the norm. It’s quite possible that these other newbies are operating under the assumption that a standard has been set for all these type apps. *Not everyone reads the rules.*

I, for one, AM a rule reader and I’m STILL confused as to what thread I can mention I have children, or which thread I risk having my head bitten off for sharing that I ‘selfishly’ want another child even though I ‘greedily’ already have a toddler. Honestly, many of the responses I’ve seen the last few days of joining the app do seem overly rude and bitter to the OPs who post the rule-breaking questions. Perhaps the majority of the group is just over it, but the responses I’ve seen don’t give a warm feeling of gushing support and empowerment. They often come across as bullying & therefore make me highly cautious about posting anything at all. I have a very thick skin & it still makes me pause before posting, or wondering how someone might twist my post into something else entirely. 

And last—we are all either mothers or preparing to become mothers. The sight of blood or any other bodily function may not be the most pleasant thing ever— but is it really that bad? Just par for the motherhood course we all are on if you think about it...

meggyme

If if you don’t like how we play, then go find another sandbox. The answer to all your concerns is to lurk. Read without posting, learn the acronymns, understand the culture.

We jump on driveby’s because they don’t want to join our community, they want us to be google. Some driveby’s have gone on to apologize for their mistake and join in on our dailies (which is the correct response).

There is tons of support in our community, but you have to give support to receive support. It shouldn’t just be expected because we all want to be mothers and any support that’s given in that situation isn’t genuine.

And I also refuse to encourage someone that thinks posting their toilet paper on the internet is appropriate, no matter how many times I’ve looked at my own.

[Deleted User]

***wonders aloud***

Did she really just try to WK the bloody toilet paper chick?

<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/60/8c5ie4j2srim.gif" alt="">

izza2

*lurker*

keikilove said:

Blah blah blah deleted.

And last—we are all either mothers or preparing to become mothers. The sight of blood or any other bodily function may not be the most pleasant thing ever— but is it really that bad? Just par for the motherhood course we all are on if you think about it...

I'm a mom to a SK, aunt to a dozen other kids, sister to 4 brothers, was a CNA for 8 years, and I'm now a nurse. Oh, and I babysat throughout middle/high school and college.

That does not in any way shape or form mean I want to see someone's vagina blood that they decided to share online.

Random person's vagina blood =/= bloody knees, period talks, sexual health discussions, and vomit.

Last I knew I wouldn't be looking at a random person's vagina blood as a result of being a parent.

KristoKekerooni

@kekilove

Look, chick, just because you can't seem to figure out what you are allowed to do and not do, doesn't mean we still won't hold you-and everyone else- to the standard. Negligence is not an excuse. If you can't figure it out, or if TP girl can't, lurk longer. Why do we have to be the ones to be gracious and understanding? Eff that.
I've been TTC for 49 damn cycles. I've miscarried 5 times.
I'm pretty sure I am damn ready to be a mother. Just because I don't want to see someone else's dirty TP, doesn't mean I wouldn't be well-equipped to be a good mom. To even allude to that lie is just plain ugly.
Step off your high horse. 

catlady2015

@KristoKekerooni, girl, love you! 

lin0442

@KristoKekerooni Agreed.

Also, I find that this board, while harsh in its responses, chills out pretty immediately if someone goes ‘Oh, I see what the mistake was. Sorry, my bad.’

@keikilove And yes, you should be trying to figure out which threads allow you to talk about existing kids. Frankly, for people who are struggling to have their first, they are fighting a different and dare I say worse fight than trying to have a second (or third etc.) and you *should* make the effort to be sensitive to that. Maybe your family feels incomplete and that is upsetting to you, but theirs is lacking even the one child that you clearly treasure. They have to listen to people IRL talk about (and complain about) their kids- let them have their space because I promise you they are burnt out on hearing it.

I should have a 16mo old and/or be 4 months pregnant now but I don’t and I’m not. Instead I’m recovering from my second surgery. I don’t feel up to looking at some fly-by tp and hear them lament to me about how *hard* this is for them when they don’t care what I or other women on this board have been through in the slightest.

dpjennifer

keikilove A good rule is, if you can't figure out when to or NOT to mention live children, the answer should always be to NOT mention them. Always good to err on the safe side of these things. 

keikilove

@lin0442 I completely understand your point and am sorry for your challenges. What no one here is aware of is the depth of anyone else’s story. I myself was unable to get pregnant for 17 years. Finally got a very bad sickness that knocked me on my behind and made me unable to work for months, I was glued to my couch, couldn’t walk, couldn’t think straight. Turns out it was a long-standing illness that had gone undiagnosed throughout adulthood. After six months of treatment that made me sick like chemo, I was finally better and the biggest miracle: I was able to conceive.  

My point is that we really don’t know what anyone is going through. What is called a Drive-by could be someone who’s lurked for months—or not—and is finally ready to interact w the group. There are tons of rules here. Sometimes when introducing oneself you can mention your family, sometimes you can’t, amongst tons of other rules. Even after the rule-breaker apologizes for their mistake they are ridiculed, just like this secondary post about that offending picture. I am surprised by the harshness and group mentality of a place that is supposed to be welcoming to all on the journey. I’ve been a part of other groups online and never seen anything like this.

Someone told me to find my own sandbox & another said to get off my high horse. “You can’t sit with us.” “You don’t belong because you don’t think like us.” I’m just pointing out my observations as a newbie who has joined other apps before & not seen these types of “Ooooh, there’s a rule breaker?! Let me add my wicked comment or mean girl meme to teach her a lesson!” I have been disapponted by the bad behavior.  I would encourage us to be better & move away from such an unwelcoming gang mentality. 

meggyme

keikilove said:

@lin0442 I completely understand your point and am sorry for your challenges. What no one here is aware of is the depth of anyone else’s story. I myself was unable to get pregnant for 17 years. Finally got a very bad sickness that knocked me on my behind and made me unable to work for months, I was glued to my couch, couldn’t walk, couldn’t think straight. Turns out it was a long-standing illness that had gone undiagnosed throughout adulthood. After six months of treatment that made me sick like chemo, I was finally better and the biggest miracle: I was able to conceive.  

My point is that we really don’t know what anyone is going through. What is called a Drive-by could be someone who’s lurked for months—or not—and is finally ready to interact w the group. There are tons of rules here. Sometimes when introducing oneself you can mention your family, sometimes you can’t, amongst tons of other rules. Even after the rule-breaker apologizes for their mistake they are ridiculed, just like this secondary post about that offending picture. I am surprised by the harshness and group mentality of a place that is supposed to be welcoming to all on the journey. I’ve been a part of other groups online and never seen anything like this.

Someone told me to find my own sandbox & another said to get off my high horse. “You can’t sit with us.” “You don’t belong because you don’t think like us.” I’m just pointing out my observations as a newbie who has joined other apps before & not seen these types of “Ooooh, there’s a rule breaker?! Let me add my wicked comment or mean girl meme to teach her a lesson!” I have been disapponted by the bad behavior.  I would encourage us to be better & move away from such an unwelcoming gang mentality. 

QFP

meggyme

@keikilove could we be nicer? Sure, but I also think you are reading malicious intent into some things.

For example, I said “find another sandbox” meaning, there are many other TTC forums and this one happens to be science based and a bit snarky. If you don’t like to get a little snarky when someone posts pictures of their used toilet paper, ask us if they’re pregnant instead of getting a pregnancy test, or wave around an obviously positive pregnancy test then maybe this message board is not for you. No malice, not “get your own sandbox” but maybe this isn’t a good fit.

And as for a group mentality, yes this is a community and when someone comes in and flouts the rules, we are going to enforce them and our way of doing that is the be sarcastic and snarky. TP OP could have googled “implantation bleeding pics” during the 3 days she waited to be able to post but she (ironically) probably didn’t want to look at them. Alternatively, she could have lurked and read the rules in those 3 days and she probably would have rethought her post.

tamalahoops

@keikilove if you're wanting to see more kindness on the board, be the kindness on the board. It takes two seconds to post something kind and supportive to a drive by if thats the vibe you wanna give. I for one have been on this board for 3 years so I no longer have the patience for being treated like google, but if you do, more power to you. No one is stopping you from being kind to drive bys. 

nitnat007

@keikilove I think you missed several points that the ladies were trying to make. One specifically is that we are in fact a community and in being one, we do know each others stories. We are invested in each others journeys and have spent the time to do so. And in doing that, we are protective of our friends from the AW posts that could be potentially hurtful. Will also dish out some snark to those that come in and break the rules, that we ourselves, have taken the time to learn. TP OP (I think that should stick @meggyme) clearly did none of these things. 
And yes, we may be #bitterhagsofthebump but sometimes its the snark that gets us through this very trying journey that we are on, together!

KristoKekerooni

I think the point you are missing, @keikilove , is that this forum is what we make it. We, the people that actively participate, have made it into a place we enjoy. We enjoy community. There are others things we like, but hands down, our number one goal is community. When people like TPOP come in and treat us like google, without giving two shits about us, that's not community. If we allowed her and others to post things like that, our community would disappear, drowning in random one-offs. We THRIVE on helping and loving each other. 

I agree we never know what someone is going through. But that goes both ways. I understand your hurt and frustration. But at the end of the day, my hurt and frustration matters too. We ALL have issues like that. Pain doesn't exempt you from the rules. We all have to abide by them. Period. 

So again, step of your high horse. I am not saying that to be all "you can't sit with us." I don't care where you sit, but if you sit with us, follow the rules. You aren't above the rules, no matter what kind of pain and suffering you have been through. 

Swiftlet

@keikilove I'm relatively new here and I felt intimidated at first. However, by doing my best to follow the rules and participating in the threads, I'm already starting to feel like a part of the community I hope you'll stick around and get to know everyone here!

KristoKekerooni

@Swiftlet , #NewbieGoals If only they were all like you. 

Swiftlet

@KristoKekerooni thank you! And I heartily approve of both gifs