July 2018 Moms

Re: Monday BF 6/11

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  • @wildtot have you ever laid out your expectations for your H flat out? (You WILL help me get DS ready for the sitters, you WILL help me with DS when you get home from work if you want me to make dinner... etc.) I feel like my H needs that kind of clarification sometimes. The threat of me losing my mind is punishment enough for him lol. 

    That said im sorry he’s being a D. Bending over is so hard right now. And having to do it over and over again to get out the door is like torture. I can’t breathe which gives me a headache and then I’m grouchy cuz my head is pounding. Good thing kids are so resilient. Your DS won’t remember this one day that you had a tough time. I hope it gets better for you!
  • @wildtot hugs! 
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  • @hillbillywife thanks, we have routines, but one little change always leads to him thinking he has fewer responsibilities. I tell him what I need and it just seems to go in one ear and out the other until I am really pissed. He just called because i texted him I am lost my shit and he's tell me not calm down to now worry about the little things like the house. THIS PLACE IS A MESS!!!! It's not all about DS or the mess, I am just so freaking tired of being the one who cares enough to do things and plans things. I know DS won't remember, but his sad face is enough to make me feel like crap the rest of the day. I just want to curl up in to a dark closet and cry. 
  • @wildtot it’s hard when things that are important to you aren’t important to H or vice versa. It’s hard to make it known how important it is too without losing your crap lol. Give yourselve some time to feel pissed and sad about things so that you can have a better day later! Make it up to DS tonight with lots of snuggles and something special. 
  • nimmlenimmle member
    @wildtot I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's hard to have a man child around. My H does the same things telling me to not worry and it will get done, but it's hard to believe when the mess is everywhere and they are obviously doing something unimportant. I get needing downtime, but just putting in a couple hours of housework will make a world of difference. 
  • @wildtot Lately, my husband has been insisting that buying and planting an excessive amount of bushes around our house is more important than the day-to-day chores that need to be accomplished every evening. He WAS helping me to get these things done while I gave DS a bath and put him to bed but not recently. This weekend I got overwhelmed/frustrated with the amount of times I had to bend over to pick up toys out of the floor so I took our Swiffer and pushed all of DS's toys into one big pile on the floor and left them there for DH to pick up. I think he got the hint.

    I hope your DH steps it up soon. We don't have much longer to go....get it together boys!
  • @wildtot +1 for loosing patience with a toddler because of other things going on. DS gets whiny and militant when I ask him to do things and after about the fourth time in a row this behavior a yell at him. Then I feel horrible. Men just seem to be okay with the mom being the default parent. I have fussed at DH several times that he will do 3 hours of child care a weekend day while I do the other 10. Moms just end up being warn out and loose it. I am sure you are doing all that you can and your DS won’t remember these few moments. 
  • @foxbaby2016 I’ve seriously thought if just get the broom and sweeping the toys too. Somehow he doesn’t mind seeing me crawling on all 4s collecting toys while DS thinks I’m a horse ride. H is more concerned with his new wood work hobby. So he obviously has the time to spare.
  • @wildtot literally the worst thing ever when you're stressed over the house/things getting done is for your H to say "Don't stress over this, it'll get done." Cus ya know, the magical house keeping fairy is going to come wave their wand and suddenly  your house will be in order. No, actually, it'll get done because you'll end up doing it while your H sits on his ass playing on his phone or whatever. Or  I guess in your case, watching wood working videos. UGH. I feel for you. Honestly I stress way more over the house and feel way more anxious on days I work from home. Not that that makes me want to come into the office anymore since commuting sucks  the life out of me these days. Andplusalso I currently hate almost everyone I work with and can't stand being around them.

    As for my bitchfest, today I feel like I need to lock myself in a dark room and do nothing but sleep. The exhaustion is just unreal right now. IDK if it's mental, physical, or both. But I am having a tough time dealing with adulting today. Unfortunately I need to save what little PTO I have left for my maternity leave, plus this is one of our busiest weeks of the year at work, so I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. BUT if I hear one more freaking complaint from my boss about her headache and how tired she is (I now have come to the conclusion that either she is drinking too much on her nightly dates with random men, OR she's going through menopause), or if I get anymore push back from this particular "support staff" person (sorry I don't know what else to call her in terms of a title, since she doesn't do shit) when I ask her to SUPPORT me, I am going to snap. 
  • @wildtot sorry he is being a giant baby and not helping at all. I agree another talk about expectations needs to happen, especially because right now more than ever you are not super mobile and are not feeling good. Time to step up and keep the hobbies on the back burner until you guys have some sort of routine with the 2 kiddos. Hugs!
  • @wildtot I hear ya on the DH doing nothing. THere is nothing more infuriating than hearing, "It's not that big of a deal, who cares." When the house is a mess. What I am saying is, "It is important to ME. PLEASE help by vacuuming the dog hair from the dogs YOU wanted, or at least play with your son while I clean."

    My BF is insurance. We have cards for prescriptions and copays that haven't worked until this month. We would just buy prescriptions out of pocket and they would send us reimbursement checks. Then the checks stopped coming, so DH talked to HR and they said we HAD to use cards now and if we didn't then we had to submit a claim for reimbursement online. So I did that. I got one reimbursement check last week, and then two DENIALS today. For the same prescription. In the same amount. From the same doctor and pharmacy. I'm now on hold with insurance to figure out why, but they seem to think one magically went to the right department and the other two went to the wrong one. I hate insurance.
  • @zande2016 ugh I’m sorry work is still being a pain especially with your “support person”. I’m with you at the major eye rolls with other complaining about a headache or other things like back pain. 
    I’m seriously on the verge of buying paper plates for myself and having H deal with dishes when he needs them or even spending unnecessary money on someone to clean and pull the weeds that H keeps saying he’ll do. I’m a fighting back mood and not good. Luckily I only have one meeting today and it’s with my boss. 
  • @wildtot you just reminded me when I asked my husband to clean out my car last weekend (he was supposed to do it as part of my mother's day present, and then never did...), he did a horrible job and left behind a bunch of stuff, but one of the things I noticed was a huge pack of paper plates in my trunk that had previously been buried under a bunch of other junk. I think I will retrieve those later and start doing the same! 
  • My BF today is my grocery store that decided today was a good day to start charging $1 to borrow a cart. When I am 35w pregnant, hauling two not quite 21m olds plus my reusable bins into the store. I had to carry one kid plus baskets in one hand, and let the other one walk in the busy parking lot while I kept a death grip on his hand, all the way into the store to the service desk to get a loonie because I didn’t have one in my wallet. Then we had to go back out to the carts at the front of the store to actually get a cart. Thankfully they gave me a reusable keychain that will let me access the carts without cash in the future but it was not an easy or fun start to grocery shopping today!
    run along Pond...2015/12/10

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  • @comealongponds what the?? charging for carts now? I can understand charging for bags bug carts? Thats just ridiculous! What hassel for sure with kiddos!
  • +1 for insurance issues. I don't have a BF yet, but that could easily be one, we got a bill from the dermatologist when all my husband did was an ANNUAL CHECKUP that is supposed to be covered!! Already told DH to deal with it, but it's been sitting there...

    @comealongponds OMG that is the same system they have in Italy. I would love to have it here actually just because people around my area are THE WORST when it comes to returning carts. They just leave them in random places in the parking lots. But I can see how much of a pain it is with kids.
  • wildtot said:
    @comealongponds what the?? charging for carts now? I can understand charging for bags bug carts? Thats just ridiculous! What hassel for sure with kiddos!
    Yeah they used to do it a long time ago, but they had stopped but I guess too many people were stealing or not returning carts so they started again. You get your money back when you return the cart but it was not how I wanted to start my day. I was so sweaty and gross by the time I got everything collected and settled I wanted to go sit in the dairy case for a while to cool off lol
    run along Pond...2015/12/10

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  • @rachelsogo wow yeah they are cutting it close! Babies are on their own schedules don’t they know by now. Are you depending on them for support or just saddened by the lack of their efforts to potentially not be there for the birth? It’s hurtful regardless especially being the first in the family. My mil has made no official plans to come out to visit. It’s all just “well maybe” and it’s upset H a bit. 
  •    SITB for some reason...

    @rachelsogo my ILs flew to Florida the day before my twins were born. DH warned them that there was always a chance the boys would come early but they went anyways. They spent a crazy amount on last minute flights home the very next day when DH called them and told them my water had broken! People don’t seem to understand that a due date is really just a best estimate. Yes most babies will come pretty close to their due date, but there are always the outliers that come early!
    run along Pond...2015/12/10

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  • @wildtot A little bit of both really...mostly hurt by their lack of efforts for not wanting to be close and near in case she does come early. I don't think they know that babies are on their own schedule since this is their first grand baby...and my step-sisters kids were both scheduled c-sections so no surprises were there.

    @comealongponds Both parents are saying oh it won't be hard to hop on an earlier flight to get home sooner if needed...which I guess is true but it's still really bugging me.


    TTC History:
    Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010.
    TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
    BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
    TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
    Due date was Nov 2020
    DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
    TTC: March 2021
    IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
    IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP.  MC Jan 2022
    IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
    IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
    AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.



  • @rachelsogo I understand that its frustrating because you thought they'd be more excited to be around for the birth BUT maybe you'll discover its a blessing in disguise and you'll really love not having to entertain everyone at once if she comes early! They'll just file in as they return from vacay! 
  • @SmashJam exactly what my H said! 
    TTC History:
    Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010.
    TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
    BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
    TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
    Due date was Nov 2020
    DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
    TTC: March 2021
    IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
    IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP.  MC Jan 2022
    IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
    IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
    AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.



  • SmashJam said:
    @rachelsogo I understand that its frustrating because you thought they'd be more excited to be around for the birth BUT maybe you'll discover its a blessing in disguise and you'll really love not having to entertain everyone at once if she comes early! They'll just file in as they return from vacay! 


    Ugh SITB!
    Very true! It may be a blessing. Aside from my mom who is coming from Italy and just had to plan months in advance, I've had the opposite problem with the in laws. They are in Texas and they have been changing their dates a few times and also mean of transportation and they have been eager to be here asap - whereas I told them not to bother until July 4th. I want a few days alone with my mom and I think 3 days before the due date is plenty of time to have 3 additional people around - even though only my mom is staying at our place.

    TBH I've been very blunt with my in laws about the fact that they will mostly do grocery shopping, buy diapers, buy take out food, and possibly do laundry and dishes! They are ok with that so I am hoping no one expects me to be a hostess...DH is taking 2.5 weeks off so he can also "entertain" if needed. I doubt they will stay longer than 2 weeks but they have not decided and that annoys me a bit. Oh well!
  • @rachelsogo ETA: I also understand how you may feel a bit hurt considering it is a big deal and they are being all relaxed about it...rest assure they will have a fire under their butts to find a flight in case they have to be around sooner! Thankfully labor can last a while so I'm sure you guys will be just fine:)
  • @rachelsogo My dad and two of my brothers are leaving town 2 weeks before my due date for a long out of state backpacking trip. They also invited me on their trip, naturally I declined as I didn't think 38 weeks pregnant was a good idea to be stomping around in the wilderness. So of course they said to wait until they got back to have the baby. Because that's totally how it all works. My attitude is a little like yours, that baby will come early just to spite them.
  • @wildtot I’m sorry about your H being a man child! 
    @rachelsogo totally understand why you might not be feeling great about your family! I would want them to be more supportive and interested in being around as well. 
    Sorry to everyone else dealing with insurance issues! 

    my BF is target. I registered at target and we received 12 gift cards this weekend at our baby shower that we wanted to use towards our registry completion discount. The discount can only be used once and when we tried completing our order online, you can only use 4 gift cards at a time. I then went in store today to try and have the gift cards combined only to be told their system couldn’t do it. I called customer service and was told that not all locations can combine the gift card but they weren’t sure which locations. When i asked to speak to a supervisor they said they couldn’t transfer me and then proceeded to give me a number that they said was for the specialist but ended up being another number for guest relations. So when I called the second time to see which locations can combine gift cards they put me on hold for 30 min then hung up. I’m so frustrated! And since then the glider I wanted to order that has been in my cart, has sold out. 

    I reached out to them via online chat and they don’t have answers either and are supposedly going to get back to me. I wouldn’t have registered at target if I knew how complicated this would be. Ugh! 
  • amdftwamdftw member
    edited June 2018
    @rachelsogo I don't blame you for being hurt!  I have a somewhat similar scenario going on with my in laws... this is my second, but anyway, my brother in law & his wife live out of state.  They wanted to come visit at the end of this month for my MIL's birthday, but my MIL suggested they come later when the baby's born so they can meet him.  That's fine, so she's telling us about it and mentions "last week of July".  And I suggest that if the intention is to come meet the baby, they should probably plan for early August so we'll know for sure he'll be here (I went 8 days late with my first).  But did that happen?  Nope.  So I feel like I have this weird pressure where baby needs to be born while BIL is in town.  I'm due the 24th and they're leaving to back to where they live on the 31st.
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  • @amdftw oof that does seem like some kind of pressure to have the babe when they are there! 

    I wish there was a way to ask our babes when they plan on coming so we can make arrangements. Send them a google invite and have them add us to their calendars 
    TTC History:
    Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010.
    TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
    BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
    TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
    Due date was Nov 2020
    DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
    TTC: March 2021
    IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
    IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP.  MC Jan 2022
    IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
    IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
    AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.



  • @rachelsogo I’m sorry you feel like they’re not making it seem like they’re excited or that baby is a priority. However I agree with @SmashJam. My mom lives out of state (across the country actually) and I would much rather her be around after the baby is born instead of before/during. And while this might seem not so awesome and I’m sure all of your family is beyond thrilled to have your baby join the family, it’s still YOUR big thing. Nobody will be quite as excited as you are (again not that they’re not so super excited). You might not go early and it’ll be NBD. 

    @amdftw that’s kind of happening to me too. My mom is scheduled to return home from her trip to see the baby when I’m 41 weeks exactly. My first didn’t come till 41+1 and my second at 40+6. I’m stressing because my H isn’t taking any time off work other than when I’m in the hospital. FX we can both get them out before our visitors leave. 
  • finally caught up - what a freaking week
    @wildtot +1 sorry your H is being a manchild
    @rachelsogo I'm sorry you are hurt, but as a STM +1 that the just family time right when first baby is born is super special and it is nice to not having family waiting in the wings/waiting room to rush in and pop that new family bubble.  
    krystlerr that is super frustrating - have you tried complaining on social media and tagging Target? that seems to be the only way to get attention sometimes these day.

    My belated BF from Monday was the orthopod - while I'm super appreciative they got me in next day for an appointment, they ran over an HOUR behind for less than 8 min with the doctor.  I'm hoping he reviewed my scans and such before he came in the room, because I haven't seen him in a year and he didn't bring them up while sitting with me, but he did seem to remember me.  I have patience at the OBGYN and PED because emergency visits happen...but an orthopod that has a separate ortho urgent care window (he does not work the urgent care, but it is different wing of same "practice")
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