January 2018 Moms

Why my SO is.... 6/6

Why my SO is thoughtful (or thoughtless)! What has your SO been doing recently that's making your last few weeks easier (or more difficult!). It's a choose your own adventure kind of day. If your SO is being awesome, tell us! If you want to punch them, let it out! 

Re: Why my SO is.... 6/6

  • I always liked this board. I figured I’d bring it back. 

    I hate to start so negative, but I’m at the point where I just don’t know what to do anymore. 

    My SO works full time and I’m a SAHM (which I’m totally thankful for). But, when he gets home, he’s instantly playing video games. I know he wants to unwind when he gets off from a long day of work, I understand completely, but what I stress about is, just spending time with “US” as a family. Let’s all lay in bed and watch a movie together.. anything. 
    I feel like I have to beg him for his attention, and it’s  not just for me. Even the times when he takes our LO off my hands for a moment, he doesn’t give him the undivided attention like I do. He’ll lay him down next to him so he can play. If I say something, his response is “he’s okay” and my thought is “ so you’re only going to give him attention when he’s not okay?? I’m losing my mind, honestly. I just don’t know what else to say or do in order to get my point across. 
  • egirl1025egirl1025 member
    edited June 2018
    @jcbh2018 I hate to give your SO an out, but they are not wired the same way mom's are.  We had a major hormonal shift and mental shift to make us respond and protect our LOs.  My husband is notorious for this as well, but it is not an everyday occurrence.  It was also something that got better as my oldest got more interactive.  Now at two they go for walks, play outside, and even play with the youngest together.  On the bad days, he will lay on the floor and play his games with the older one watching and the little one on the floor next to them.  

    I think maybe having a heart to heart conversation with him about how you are feeling is in order and what you need.  Your little one goes to bed pretty early so maybe he can hold off on games until after he is asleep.  I have learned to be lenient with some of the stuff that my husband for differently than me. As long as they are safe, I had to let them get to know each other in their own way.  
  • Loading the player...
  • @egirl1025
    I totally agree with you. I’m not trying to portray him as a “bad” Dad. He’s wonderful to me and his son, I just feel like we sometimes come second. Thanks for your words of encouragement. 
  • I agree with @egirl1025 completely! Men don't think the same way moms do. They are more reactive than proactive when it comes to baby's needs.  I went through a little of this with my husband when DD1 was a baby. Having a talk about how I was feeling and why I was upset helped tremendously....and time. As DD1 got older and  more interactive, it was easier for my husband  to "play" with her. It's like they don't really know what to do with little ones when they're really small, other than the basics, i.e. feeding, changing, etc. Sometimes it just takes a little reminding that LO is actually a little person that gets bored and wants attention like everyone else, lol.
  • @Micromom
    I totally agree and I have spoken to him (on numerous occasions) about how it’s more than just holding him, it’s talking and dangling something for him to grab. Anything. When he comes home he asks to play video games, and I always say yes.
     I just don’t want to be the nagging type, but I always finish that yes by saying “please, make a night for us, or for me.” No offense to my son, but I talk to a brick wall everyday. Some type of adult conversation would be so nice. He always responds with an “okay” but his response always sounds like a chore. I just hate feeling last on his priority list. Anyways. Thanks for the advice. I do hope things will get better. I just feel so alone when my life is filled with more people. 
  • lmmjdlmmjd member
    @jcbh2018
    I am a day late and a dollar short. I havent posted in a million years, butttttt while I get that men are hardwired differently, that doesn't mean he gets to just do whatever he wants and not make time for your relationship and your child. Could you plan a date night since he apparently isn't going to do it on his own? I know it isn't as fun when we plan them, but at least you'd be going on one.
  • @lmmjd
    Exactly! I have suggested a date night. He said it sounds good, but as of now we don’t have the funds. He made a bad work decision last month and we’ve been paying for it ever since. As of now, I just ask for his time when he gets off work, but nothing has changed. 
  • I have the same issue with the video games. SO plays almost every other night. In his defense, he always asks if I am okay before he goes to play. And when I'm about to lose it I ask him to help me and he always does. I learned with our first baby that I have to speak up and tell him that I need help. I do get aggravated though that he has time to play games lol. I have a long list of things to get done every night and he has all this free time. I haven't read a book in months but he's able to play a game. 
  • @Kalee29
    Exactly. In his defense, yes, he does ask if it’s okay, which I respond yes, just because I don’t want to be the SO who never lets him do anything, I just wish that he would take the initiative to understand that I might want to be hands free for a moment and maybe have some quality time together. Even yesterday, my LO had his 4 month appointment and I knew that he could be cranky from the shots. When we got home, he took a shower and we did tummy time and I would have to feed him after. He asked if he could play game, and I said yes just because of those facts. He played for five hours straight. His only day off that week, and a specific day off to help me and once again, I was alone. A part of me wished he just went to work. I hate sounding selfish, but it was our day to spend together. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"